ZAH
Shakin' My Head: "The Wrestler" reviewed, steroids in the news again, Austin Aries punches out a fan, Genesis predictions (from a guy who never watches TNA), Kizarny's debut, ROH on HDNet, Loser of the Week, plus much more!!
By ZAH
Jan 9, 2009 - 8:26 AM

01-09-09

“ Let your light shine down... "

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – So I saw “The Wrestler”…

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I gotta say…if you’re looking for a wrestling movie, this may not be for you.   The wrestling could have very easily been boxing or football or baseball or golf.   While it’s a focus of the movie, it’s not the end-all to be-all.

That’s not to say there isn’t a ton of wrestling “stuff” in there, cause there is.   A simple little indie match showcases how to blade (for those not “in the know”).   A hardcore match featuring Necro Butcher in CZW is a major focal point of the movie (and the close-ups are quite graphic).   A Ring of Honor show has Randy “The Ram” Robinson in the main event.  

But that, to me, is really just secondary.   The story is truly about Randy’s search for himself…who he is vs. who he used to be.   Who he wants to be vs. who he has no choice but being.   The struggles of wanting to improve his lot in life vs. the realities of the situation he is in and the choices that he makes.

Mickey Rourke’s performance is exactly what you’ve already heard: Oscar worthy.   I was a bit skeptical at first…I mean, how could his performance live up to all of the hype?   But the thing is that his performance, much like the majority of Heath Ledger’s in “Dark Knight”, is just so played-down that you just can’t help but believe that he IS Randy “The Ram”.   To say that his understated performance was incredible wouldn’t do the performance justice.

Don’t expect him or any of the characters to be over-the-top or larger than life.   That’s the key here: they’re about as real as you can possibly imagine.   Scary real.   You watch Rourke as he sees his place in life and you just feel the reality of his situation and the situation of many others.   And don’t for a second think that this is an unrealistic view of the indie scene…because it’s not (in spite of what JBL may have you believe):

"A lot of people ask me about The Wrestler. I thought it was awesome and extremely well written. This was the business I broke into many years ago. However, that business has changed - and for the better. In the last six months, I have had MRIs, concussion tests, HIV test, trauma test, drug test and even my cholesterol tested - which was the only one I failed. This business in WWE is really a corporate environment these days - it has changed for the better. I am glad for my old days, I wouldn’t change a thing. But the WWE has done so much to clean up the abuse that the business as I knew it was so known for. All that being said, I loved the movie. Even with all the negative stereotypes in the movie, this was a part of what I did to get to WWE and it was fun to watch. A little scary to watch, but fun."

Wait…so the movie doesn’t reflect how the WWE operates today?   Well no sh*t, Sherlock.   But you’re either drinking the WWE kool-aid or you’re simply too out of touch with the realities of the business that you’re involved with if you truly think that this isn’t what life is like for many former wrestling “stars” still plugging away every weekend.

All you have to do is see Jake Roberts drunk at a show or a YouTube video of Greg Valentine showing up at somebody’s backyard thinking it was an actual promotion to see just how far the top performers of yesterday can fall.

Disco Inferno is bouncing at a strip club.   Justin Credible is training to become a chef.   New Jack is doing whatever the f*ck New Jack does for cash. 

The bottom line is that this movie is true to the wrestling indie scene.   Not only that, but it’s true to feelings.   As a father of two, to watch Randy try to reconnect with his daughter was heart-wrenching.   To watch Randy try to become “Robin” and the struggles he has with that was tough to stomach at times.   To watch a former “star” try to relive the past in an attempt to validate his current existence truly is a sight to behold.

And Marisa Tomei?   Holy good goddamn…she rocks the strip club better than 90% of the skanks I’ve seen up close and personal in a strip club.   Absolutely amazing body on that woman, regardless of her age.  But because of her age, it just makes her that much hotter.

The bottom line is that this movie is incredible.   I’ve already got my money set aside to buy the DVD when it comes out.   And if Rourke doesn’t get a nomination for an Academy Award, then there’s something seriously wrong.   He doesn’t need to win…but he absolutely needs to be recognized.

Go see this movie.   I really don’t know if it’s possible that you’ll be disappointed.

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Item # 2 – Whaddya mean steroids are in the news?

Well well well…you go out and enjoy the holidays and then all of a sudden some politician releases information on steroids in wrestling and BOOM~!!   Instant story for the internetz!!

I’m not going to go into depth about what the documents said or the interviews said or the interpretations are.   I went over that in my audio last week at ClubWWI and it’s been beaten to death by guys like Meltzer and Alvarez and the like.

For those not wanting to read too much about it, let me quickly recap:

-         Representative Henry Waxman sent a letter to the director of the president’s Office of National Drug Control Policy, John Walters.

-         Waxman basically said that while both WWE and TNA have attempted to improve their steroid testing programs, both have a very long way to go in order to effectively prevent the use of steroids by professional wrestlers.

-         Between July 1^st 2007 and March 31^st 2008 , there were 505 drug tests taken in WWE.  

-         There were 421 negative tests, 6 suspensions, 3 releases, 7 health warnings, and 41 fines.

-         Of the positive results 73% were for marijuana, 16% for anabolic steroids, and 11% were for stimulants (2 positive tests were for cocaine).

-         With TNA, 60 wrestlers were tested.   Of those 60 (and everybody knew this test was coming), 1 tested positive for propoxyphene, 2 for benzodiazepines, 1 for opiates, 1 for amphetamines, 6 for marijuana, and 15 for steroids.

-         So yes…25% of the TNA roster tested positive for steroids.

Basically, that’s it in a nutshell.  

So now you have to ask yourself if there’s anything even coming out of all this.   Will government care?   Once the media throws the story into the air and the public blows it off, will anybody care enough about this to continue fighting the good fight?  Is industry regulation coming?   Is it a good thing?   Should organizations be worried?

I honestly don’t know.   My gut tells me that because there aren’t any high-profile murders taking place in the wrestling business, along with the documented proof that (primarily) WWE is doing a plausibly decent job at attempting to curb the steroid issue, that this will die down sooner rather than later.

With the economy in the toilet, more unrest in the Middle East , and a new president sitting in the White House…does it make sense that steroids in wrestling receives any focus??   Baseball, hockey, football…they all have drug issues.   Every sport does.   You’ll always have guys finding a way to beat a test…that’s just the bottom line.   But as long as the organization (in this case, WWE and TNA) attempts to keep things clean (or at least provides the appearance that they’re attempting to keep things clean), then the public won’t be in an uproar.

So I truly think this story will die down and go away.   Much like the career of Disco Inferno.

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Item # 3 – Greatest headbutt ever.

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EVER!!!

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Yikes.

Here is the kid's take on the situation:

Everytime I tried to put this up on the ROH site they pulled it down. I was at the show last night and outside of the event I asked Austin where his gf was. He was vvery cocky towards myself and 2 friends. During his match we all gave him heat and as he was walking back to the dressing room and attacked me after I said I wanted to date his gf. I never spit or touched tis guy. I am going to sue ROH and Austin for this incident. You can post this on your site and I will let you know what happens. 

I also left my DVD's inside that i had purchased and they refused to even give them back to my pals. I asked to talk to Silken but he refused to come to the door. I already talked to my lawyer this morning and we are going to do the paper work tomorrow.

Hmmm...so the guy was talking smack about Aries' girlfriend during a wrestling show and...surprisingly...he was punched unprovoked?? Interesting side of the story.

But of course, there are always different sides to every story. Here is a first-hand account of the incident from somebody else who was there:

After a guy in the audience shoved Austin Aries and got DECKED by Austin, his friend started shouting and screaming, and Turner grabbed the guy BY THE NECK and the friend kept screaming in his face, but Turner kept a cool head and kept saying "Calm down! Calm down!" or words to that effect.   He held the guy in place while security came and escorted the guy outta there.

Wait…so the guy actually placed his hands on Aries??   That doesn’t jive with the kid’s story.   He couldn’t have been lying, could he??  Here's another first-hand account:

i was in section c front row, and saw most of what happened, i dont know what aries said or did to that kid, but aries was getting in his face, and the kid pushed him. aries then KNOCKED HIM THE F*CK OUT with 4 left and right hooks. guys from the back then restrained aries and security came over. the kid's friend was irate and was shaking the barricade and yelling at paul turner. when security got the knocked out kid up, he started swinging at the other guy that was yelling. Adam pearce was coming through the curtain, but jimmy jacobs and one of the students were holding him back. 

all i know is that those guys got what they deserved. i've gotten into wrestler's faces before, but i know never to push or chop or punch any of them, because that could happen. i'd never want to be the guy who got legit knockedout infront of 2,500 people.

So he was apparently mouthing off all night long, got personal (I mean seriously…why talk smack about f*cking a dude’s girlfriend?), and then even (reportedly) placed his hands on Aries. 

Does buying a ticket give him the right to spout off whatever he wants?   Does being verbally abused and provoked above and beyond the confines of wrestling give Aries the right to punch the little bastard?   I'd say "no" to both.

However, if he did lay a hand on Aries...regardless of the reason...then Aries had every right, in my opinion, to pound the snot out of the kid.

Hey…it’s a crazy-ass world out there.   There is NO way to know what the kid was capable of doing.   Every old-timer who wrestled in the 70’s and 80’s has a story of being attacked by a fan during the kayfabe era.   Sticks…rocks…knives…I’ve heard some insane stories. Mind you, most of them were probably bullsh*t…but there’s a chunk that were real.

This kid could have had brass knucks…he could have had a blade of some sort…he could have had deli meat.   There’s simply no way to know.   So after provoking the guy, he actually had the nerve to put his hands on him?   Sorry, but that’s just not bright.

You shove a boxer, you’ll get punched.   You shove a hockey player, you’ll get a stick to the head.  You shove Judy Dench at the Academy Awards, you’ll probably get f*cked up.   That’s just the way it is.   Buying a ticket to a sporting event gives you ZERO right to do whatever you want.   They’re there to entertain you…not let you push or shove them.

It's going to be REAL interesting to see where this leads or what happens over the next few weeks. The kid has already posted twice at the DOI website about suing ROH...when he really should just shut the f*ck up and be thankful he only got a black eye.

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Item # 5 – HBK + JBL = Not too shabby.

Okay...I'll be the first to admit...I'm not hating the HBK/JBL storyline as much as I originally thought I would.

Don't get me wrong...I still find the premise laughably bad in that Shawn Michaels somehow lost ALL of his money in the stock market, but the combination is now starting to appeal to me.

I want HBK to turn heel. But if he doesn't, at least entertain me for a few months (leading up to WrestleMania, natch) with having Michaels reluctantly do "heel-ish" things and help JBL do a lot of damage to the babyface roster on RAW.

I don't know why, but the humble HBK and the arrogant JBL is really an entertaining combination for me. I see some fun possibilities down the road for both guys.

Of course, this is all dependent upon just how much WWE ends up f*cking this all up. It's a rare occasion when something starts out with potential only to crash and burn soon after.   But for now, at least, the tension is building nicely.

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Item # 6 – Genesis predictions.

Yeah…there’s actually a TNA pay-per-view this weekend.   Since I haven’t watched TNA in well over a month, I thought there was nobody better to give accurate, bank-on-it predictions that yours truly.   Heh.

Heck…I’ll even use TNA.com’s own descriptions of this amazing star-studded PPV:

MICK FOLEY RETURNS TO THE RING - 6 MAN WAR: Mick Foley, AJ Styles & Brother Devon vs. Legends Champion Booker T, Kevin Nash and "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner.

-           Ummm….what?   THIS is the main event?   Mick Foley returns in a 6-man tag match featuring Kevin Nash and Brother Devon?   Seriously?   Yeah…sign me up for THIS!!  

-           Who in their right mind would really think this is main event material?   Why would I want to spend money on this?   Where the f*ck is Samoa Joe?   Why is Devon even working the main event?  Am I the only one who thinks this match-up absolutely blows??

-           WINNER: Foley will take the pin…giving the heels a nice little victory.

TNA WORLD HEAVWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: "The War Machine" Rhino vs. champion "The Icon" Sting.

-           How in the blue hell did Rhino become top contender to the TNA world title?   Who did he blow backstage in order to receive a PPV title shot??   Did he beat Kurt Angle at the last PPV and force him to retire?   Did he destroy top competition like AJ Styles and Samoa Joe and Booker T on his way to the top?

-           Why isn’t the TNA title match the main event?   Surely this match can’t be any worse than the proposed main event.   Sweet lord.

-           WINNER: Sting isn’t dropping the title to the Man Beast.   C’mon…it just ain’t happenin’.

GRUDGE MATCH - RETURN BOUT: Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle vs. TNA founder Jeff Jarrett.

-           Wait…didn’t we see this a couple of months ago?   That’s okay…they put on a decent match last time, so this should probably be pretty decent, too.

-           Wait…they’re actually promoting Jarrett as being “TNA Founder”?   What, was “Double J” already taken?

-           WINNER: Angle should probably win this.   He probably won’t…but he should.

TNA KNOCKOUT CHAMPIONSHIP - LUMBERJACK MATCH: Christy Hemme vs. champion Awesome Kong.

-           Yawn.

-           All I want to see is Hemme give a fire-crotch guillotine (or whatever the f*ck it’s called) and shake her boobies around.

-           WINNER: Kong, I suppose.   Does anybody really care?

THE FINALS OF THE X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT : One X Division superstar will leave Genesis as the new champion

-           I think I know the two performers in this match (it was revealed last night on Impact…but I don’t watch Impact nor do I write this column on Friday morning…jeesh), and if that’s the case then this match will be the ONLY reason to buy the PPV.  

-           Still, no matter how good this match may be it will only pale in comparison to the sh*t that is the rest of the card.  

-           WINNER: Doesn’t matter.   But I’m hoping Shelley.

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Item # 8 –  Kizarny’s debizut sizucked .

Bwahahahahaha….

I could be wrong here, but I think that the complete and utter lack of any response whatsoever to Kizarny’s debut on Smackdown is probably reminiscent of how 99% of the WWE viewing audience feels about the guy.

And no…I’m not trying to slag the guy.   I know he’s a very talented performer and he’s a student of the game (sorry, Trips)…but from Day One, I’ve been complaining over on my blog about how the numerous STUPID vignettes did absolutely NOTHING to tell anybody whether or not Kizarny was a babyface or a heel.

I mean, all anybody knew about the guy was that he worked in a carnival and talked like an idiot.   Was he a babyface or a heel?   Nobody knew…and thus, nobody cared.

It’s the most basic principle of pro wrestling. You need to “get over”.   And “getting over” isn’t simply about getting wins or cutting promos or having titles or filming numerous vignettes.   At the end of the day, the only thing you need to do in order to “get over” is quite simple:

People need to care.

Whether or not they cheer or they boo, if the crowds don’t care then you’re f*cked.   You either love or hate John Cena…there are very few people who’ll simply say, “Meh…he’s alright, I guess.”   You either hate or love Undertaker.   Paul Burchill?   Meh…he’s alright, I guess.

So while Kizarny may be unique and different and charismatic and talented, if the public doesn’t get a chance to see all of that then they won’t give a sh*t.   And as you could tell from the crickets chirping during Kizarny’s match, people at the Smackdown tapings couldn’t have cared less.

Hell…they were starting to cheer when MVP was about to win.   Then, of course, they fell silent once Kizarny actually won.

Don’t blame the wrestler, blame the promotion.  

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Item # 9 – A television deal for Ring of Honor?

ROH have been in some talks with HDNet for a couple of weeks now about the possibility of getting their product on television.   There have been talks in the past with things apparently getting serious over the holidays when representatives from HDNet attended both the Boxing Day show in Philadelphia and the Final Battle show in Manhatten the next night.

Well, according to last night’s Observer update, HDNet sent ROH a proposal on a one-hour weekly television slot…which would be the first *real* offer for television exposure that the promotion has received since its inception.

It’s being reported that ROH wouldn’t be getting paid for the show, but they would be getting some ad time to advertise their own products, house shows, and PPV’s.   Obviously, they’d also have to upgrade to HD standards.

I’ve been wanting all along for ROH to get some quality television.   Of course, what I’ve really wanted all along is for ROH to get a big money mark behind them so that somebody could truly offer a viable alternative to WWE…not some retread WWE-lite wannabe promotion that’s barely treading water.

Anyway…my fingers are crossed.

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Item # 10 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week’s winner is a multiple-time idiot and absolutely deserving of the crown.   T his time around, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Pacman Jones!!!

So the Dallas Cowboys finally got smart and cut this f*cktard on Wednesday.   After playing well below expectations and dealing with a six-game suspension for (gasp!!) off-field activities, the Cowboys made the first of what is to become MANY moves in their off-season as they try to quickly rebuild for next year.

But that’s not even the best part.   No no no…NOW we’ve got somebody claiming that Pacman Jones threatened to shoot him.  At a strip club.  And not only that, but Pacman supposedly sent a “posse” out of the club to do it for him.   Seriously:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l22h-Sz_7Zw

Now, just because this is a retired cop throwing around the accusation doesn’t make it true.   But still…that’s quite the fun story, isn’t it?   It’s especially nice to throw out given the week he already had.

So congrats go out to “Pac Yer Bags, Man” Jones for becoming ZAH's "Loser of the Week"!!   It's well deserved for a number of reasons.

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So that's it for this week.    I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...           

Got something to say?    You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog The World According to ZAH !    And then there's the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to). Oh...and then join the Insanity Facebook page . 

Whew!    Got all that?    Good.    That's all I got for now, kids.    Until next week...take care.

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