01-11-08

"..the bitter taste is cumbersome."

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Item #1 – He might go...he might not go...does it even matter?

The rumors that hit the internet first thing this morning were that Chris Harris had quit TNA and was heading over to WWE. It was only a matter of hours before the shoddy reporting was shot down with the news that Harris' contract, while up very soon, is still ongoing and he had not yet made a decision one way or the other.

Apparently, as of Thursday evening the shoddy reporting site is not only still reporting that he has signed with WWE, but his agent has come to terms with the company to bring him in on a "Booking Contract" instead of the usual "Developmental Contract" designed to help indy guys adapt to the WWE style of wrestling.

Y'know...let's just assume it's true.   I don't care at this point if it's rumor or not, let's just assume it's true for the sake of argument.   I think it's safe to say one thing above all else...

WWE signed the wrong member of AMW.

I mean c'mon people...Chris Harris?   Really?   The most vanilla non-charismatic talent on the TNA roster is now hot WWE property?   Where in the world did they think that Harris would be a good fit on the WWE roster?  

James Storm is the guy that should have been signed.  Storm is not only talented in the ring, as is Harris, but he possesses something that Harris does not: a personality.   Not only that, but he's got charisma outside of his gimmick...he can get people interested in what he does without having to resort to drinking all the time.   While his current gimmick is comedy failure, his bad-ass drinker persona had legs that TNA was happier to cut out from under him so he could do comedy with Eric Young.

Anyway...the point is that Harris was Marty Jannetty to Storm's Shawn Michaels...his Jim Neidhart to Storm's Bret Hart...his Ultimate Warrior to Storm's Sting.

Alright...I even lost myself on those examples.   Still...the point is that James Storm is far and away the most talented member of America's Most Wanted...and while Harris is a good hand, there's a reason he hasn't been able to make it in TNA as a singles wrestler...and it's got nothing to do with being "held back".   He's simply not that good.   He's plain...he's boring...he's vanilla...he's "just another guy".

Harris' best time was when AMW first went through their heel turn.   He had his little fu-manchu mustache and looked & acted the part of a true badass.   Needless to say, that persona didn't transfer to singles stardom.

Whatever.   If he signs, he'll be Chuck Palumbo's tag partner or another stepping stone for Cody Rhodes.   If he stays with TNA, he'll continue to suck.   Either way, people are making a bigger deal about this than it really has any right to be.

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Item #2 – Flair vs. WHO??    

I'm torn.   I mean, I want Flair to retire in the worst possible way...but I remember hearing about this great storyline that Steve Austin came up with and thought it would be brilliant if done properly.   Then when Flair's return took place a few weeks ago, it seemed like that was the direction they were going to take.

It's getting tired already.   Seriously...I yawn as I type this sentence.

Why in the world are they throwing every single TOP star at Flair right now?   Why is he constantly winning by DQ or count-out?   How is this helping anybody??   He's now scheduled to wrestle MVP at the Royal Rumble.   You just know he's going to win by count-out or DQ...so why even do it??   Flair has zero momentum right now and the "retirement" gimmick is dying a quick death.

The original plan was for Flair to have a little bit of a losing streak.   Then he would lose it...freak out...and then promise to retire to the next person he lost to.   He'd start at the bottom and work his way up the ladder again until he got a very important match at WrestleMania...possibly a title shot of some kind.

It ain't lookin' that way right now.   If I were a betting man...and I'm not...I'd dare say that Flair's big WrestleMania opponent will end up being Vince McMahon.  

Now I know there are some out there who think that Flair should put somebody over who is deserving.   That person should be young or, at the very least, on the active roster so that there is some kind of "rub" to go along with it.   I really think that's just the "mark" way of thinking.   

Seriously...why should Flair give "the rub" to somebody?   It's his last match.   What would be more important to him...putting over a future superstar or having a memorable match that had great build-up and heat that he can look back on and say, "That was a great way to go out"?   C'mon...anybody who has read Flair interviews over the past few months knows that he wants something big as his farewell.   He's been only winning by count-out and DQ over the past few weeks so, at this point, it would be no big deal for ANYBODY to beat and pin Flair...there is no "rub" to give because Flair isn't being built-up as anything special.  So for as much as people may hate the thought...Vince McMahon vs. Ric Flair in a retirement match at WrestleMania would sell a lot of PPV's.  

Would there be at least SOME kind of "the rub" from Flair if an actual wrestler was used?   Sure, I guess...I mean, it's Ric Freakin' Flair.   But is it necessary for Flair's last match?   Heck no.   Flair's WrestleMania send-off needs to be one that has people talking leading up to it.   Sure, there have been some names thrown around...Austin, Michaels, Jericho, Orton...but like it or not, nobody can draw interest in even the most ridiculous situations like Vince (i.e. Vince & Shane vs. Shawn & God, McMahon's bastard son, Vince vs. Trump - hair vs. hair), so just think about the interest that a match of this magnitude could generate.

And before people get all up in arms about Flair doing the job to Vince, who says he has to lose the match?   Everybody and their dog have been 100% certain that Flair will lose the match at WrestleMania because they know he's going to retire.   Well...just because Flair gave his little speech about NEVER retiring a few weeks ago, who is to say that he couldn't simply just win the match at Mania and then retire graciously on his own terms after the fact?   Maybe it's just a "Flair retirement" match vs. Vince where Flair wins, but tells the world that being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame the night before has helped him realize that he has had the greatest career of all time and that he wants to go out on his own terms...and winning the match against Vince is icing on the cake.

I dunno...I'm just throwing it out there.   I just don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that Flair's last match will be a loss to some big-name player.   I guess we'll find out in another month or two...but my money is on Vince at this point.

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Item #3 – Let the "Maria in Playboy Anticipation Station" begin right here.

Last week I mentioned how much I was looking forward to not only my lovely Maria baring it all for Playboy, but also Santino's soon-to-be priceless reaction to the news.

Well...WWE has already started the proceedings.   Let it begin...

http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/raw/2008/january8-14/6187730

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Item #4 – ECW is growing on me.

I watched ECW this week and was pleasantly surprised.   I wasn't expecting much...where I've not been watching the past few weeks and all...but I definitely got more than I thought I was going to get out of a little one-hour program.

The "15 Minutes of Fame" tag team match was good...and the draw at the end only went to help push the make-shift, but exciting, team of Jimmy Wang Yang & Shannon Moore.   The storyline with Colin Delaney was silly...but watching him get crushed yet again was fun for me.   I don't expect a 1-2-3 Kid push (no offense, but Delaney isn't anywhere near the worker Sean Waltman was at the time), but watching this guy get f*cked-up on a weekly basis brings me joy.

Then you had a Shelton Benjamin promo that actually helps define a character for the guy.   I mean, he's not relying on his momma to do the talking for him...he's not relying on a great tag team...he's not a pandering babyface...he's being given a legitimate opportunity to do something with his gimmick and his career.   I hate the blond hair, but if he continues to develop the way he has over the past few weeks, I'll give him a pass.   I totally expect a CM Punk/Shelton Benjamin match at WrestleMania for the ECW title.   They've both earned that opportunity, I think.

I could have totally done without the stupid dance-off between Kelly Kelly and Layla...but I understand the idea of debuting a new diva heel.   The only problem is that she's terrible...but I guess that's never stopped WWE before.

And the main event was another solid outing between CM Punk and Chavo Guerrero.   No, these two aren't going to give you a match of the year...but they're certainly capable of giving a solid 3-star television main event when given enough time.   Plus, there's an interesting story being built here.   It's not that Punk is escaping by the hair of his chin (like, say, Flair is right now)...it's just that Punk is that much better than Chavo at this point.   What this does is continue to build interest in their matches because, much like the Punk/Morrison feud, you just never know when Chavo could potentially win that one match.   Anticipation builds heat.   Heat builds interest.   It's a simple formula that seems to be working.

To me, it seems with the low ratings come good television...and that's a good thing.   Yes, they are only getting a 1.2 rating right now...but they are also the most popular weekly show on Sci-Fi so, much like Impact, there's definitely solace to take in that fact.   Plus let's face it...they wouldn't be in this ratings downturn if WWE had actually given a shit about ECW from the get-go.   But whatever...not having WWE Management run the show with an iron fist has given the program some life.  

It ain't the ECW of old , but I'm okay with this new version now.

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Item #5 – Low Ki is back.

Yeah...Senshi is still kickin' around in TNA, but Low Ki made his indy presence known last weekend by making an unscheduled appearance at a Pro Wrestling Guerrilla show in Los Angeles...defeating Bryan Danielson to win the PWG heavyweight title in front of a frenzied crowd.

I'm not the biggest Low Ki fan in the world, but I'd be a fool to not be able to recognize the talent that this man possesses.   And much like many others in TNA, his talent was never utilized to even a portion of what it could have been.

He's still on good terms with TNA, so he'll pop in and out to do contracted appearances as Senshi to collect his paycheck (and why shouldn't he?)...but there's no doubt in my mind that he's 100% happier to be back on his own terms doing what he wants to do.

Just another reason why TNA makes people so frustrated.

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Item #6 – Ashley's back.    

ZAH POLL:   Do you give a shit that Ashley has returned?

o       Yes

o       No

o       Kinda

If you answered "no" to this question, then you would be correct.  

If you answered "kinda", then you need to re-think some things in life.  

If you answered "yes", you are officially nominated to be Loser of the Week.

Seriously...the pierced freak Survivor cast-off really wasn't missed during her time away...at all.   The plans of her becoming a big star with the cross-over appeal never really happened, primarily because she simply has zero charisma or personality that appeals to anybody.

Her "punk" gimmick seems to have been scaled back for more broad appeal...but don't be shocked to see her disappear well before the end of the year.

Don't get me wrong...I'd still totally bang her...I'm just not keen on seeing her stumble her way through a wrestling match.

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Item #7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week's choice is already a multiple-time winner.   I just don't know how much further down she can go.   Just when I think she's reached the bottom of the barrel, another incident happens that makes me roll my eyes, shake my head, and proudly say that ZAH's Loser of the Week is once again...

Britney F*ckin' Spears!!!

Dear god, girl...what is wrong with you?

I was seriously beginning to have some feelings of pity on this girl during her whole "police standoff" from last weekend.   Why?   The rumors came out that she was actually suffering from a mental disorder...that she was bipolar.   Would this explain a lot?   Hell yes.   Apparently, there are some who feel that's why the story was created to begin with.  It's the family's way of trying to protect the fact that their daughter is just one crazy-ass bitch. 

Bipolar or not...she had a standoff with police at her house and was rushed to the hospital as the media went apeshit over the situation.   She was apparently loopy and under the influence of an unknown substance.

But was she?   Toxicology reports said she was clean.

And then...to top it off...the guy she's been seeing offered to sell "intimate pictures" of her to newspapers and magazines for an incredibly large sum.   What's crazy about this is that the guy is actually a member of the paparazzi that was following Britney around.   So she banged the guy...actually let him take pictures of her in "intimate" settings (probably just with a t-shirt on or something...but don't be surprised if she's buck-ass nekkid)...and then people were somehow surprised to hear he was selling these photos.

But it's not done here (although that would be enough).  Apparently, only people outside of Britney's world actually give a shit that this guy is sellin' pics.   Y'see, even though this lucky f*cktard tried to sell sleazy pics of Britney, she still felt the need to take a vacation down in Mexico and brought him along for the ride.  

I know. Insert rolling eyes here.

But there's more!!  Add to all that the video of her throwing a lit cigarette out of her car and onto the ground while the car was being filled-up at a gas station...oh, and later her car got a flat tire so she decided to abandon it in the middle of the street, causing it to be impounded.

Oh...and K-Fed slapped Britney with a restraining order.

Sweet merciful crap...that's all in the span of one week.   Just when you think it's safe, she pulls you back in again.   Congrats, Brit...you're ZAH's Loser of the Week!  It's not even close.

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Great job...thanks for participating!!   Hey...wanna be part of an upcoming column?  This truly is open to everybody!   And yes...I'm talking to YOU!!   Have you ever wanted your opinions to be heard or read by thousands every week?

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No problem.    Seriously...it's not a problem at all.    NOW is the time for you to volunteer.    Really...RIGHT NOW!!    It's a brand new year and I need a brand new list of guest columnists.

You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or look me up on Facebook as ZAH Insanity and letting me know that you'd like to participate (and then join the Insanity Facebook page ).    

So until next week, take care.