ZAH
Shakin' My Head: Randy Savage rumors, Jeff Hardy's insane push, Beth Phoenix's boring gimmick, April Hunter's retirement blog, possible incest angle in WWE, Loser of the Week, plug much more!
By ZAH
Jan 18, 2008 - 6:01 AM

01-18-08

" You want it all but you can't have it. "

I wanted to have a super-large-sized column for you this week...but it turns out I've actually got a life.   So, unfortunately, you'll have to deal with this better-than-most-sized column.   Don't like it?   Too bad.   Suck it up, princess.

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

***

Item #1 – Could the rumors be true?

According to the latest Wrestling Observer, the Sting and Randy Savage DVD releases are being cancelled.   The word is that Vince wanted big-name releases in 2008, so the previously released list was what Kevin Dunn put together.   Well, apparently Vince immediately rejected the two releases.   Sting has resigned with TNA...so where does that leave Savage?   Obviously, this brings forth the numerous rumors that always seem to float around every time Savage and Vince are mentioned in the same conversation.

Wait...you haven't heard the rumor?   Wow...where have you been???

Okay...here it is.   You ready?   Are you sure?   Okay, take a deep breath....

It's been rumored that Randy Savage had sex with an underage Stephanie McMahon during his WWF run.   Vince apparently found out about it later and that's the real reason Savage has been "black-balled" from anything WWE-related for years now.

Of course, I don't know one way or the other if this is total bullshit or not.   I, personally, think it's ridiculous.   But on the other hand, I can't seem to grasp any rational reason for Vince's hatred for all things Randy Savage.   I mean, Savage left under relatively reasonable circumstances...Vince even went on-air and wished him the best before attacking him with those silly "Nacho Man" and "Huckster" spots.

So why won't Vince make amends with Savage?   Hell...Hogan's been back more times than I can think of.   Eric f*ckin' Bischoff got hired for chrissakes.   Nash and Hall were both back after leaving Vince high and dry.   Vince forgave Superstar Graham for flat-out lying and trying to get Vince convicted on steroid pushing charges.   Bret punched Vince's lights out and was still welcomed back with a smile and a handshake.   Vince even extended olive branches to Bruno Sammartino and Ultimate Warrior...what the hell is wrong with Savage???

Randy Savage had a WWE hall of fame career.   He had some amazing matches.   I would TOTALLY buy a Savage dvd.   I'm sure I'm not alone.   What in the world happened to cause this hate-on from Vinny Mac?

And that's why the rumors persist.   There doesn't seem to be a logical explanation and none of the dirt-sheet writers want to give out a reason in fear of being wrong (or even of being right and still getting sued).

So until Vince passes on...it looks like Randy Savage won't be popping up on WWE television anytime soon.   That totally sucks...and if there was ever somebody that I would flat-out encourage James Guttman to attempt to interview for the site...it's Randy f*ckin' Savage.   Hell yeah.

***

Item #2 –  Well...at least he's making the most of it.            

Jeff Hardy is batshit insane.

I remember a few years ago when my friends actually still watched wrestling (they've all "matured" and have moved on to MMA viewing at this point).   During the late 90's "boom" period, my friends and I would marvel at the wonder that was the WWF Attitude era.   But one things stands out to this day for me...

Whenever a PPV took place and the Hardy Boyz were booked, my best friend and I would head down to the local pub and make a night of it.   Were we huge Hardyz fans?   Nah...but we knew they would put on a hell of a show.   It was during one of those PPV's when my best friend came up with Jeff's nickname:

Insane Boy.

And through the thick and thin...through the highs and lows...through the intoxication and sobriety...through TNA and WWE...Jeff has continued to live up to that name.   How he hasn't killed himself or at the very least suffered a career-threatening injury by now is mind-boggling to me.

Yes...what Jeff Hardy did on Monday night was a stunt.   No...you couldn't do it, too.   Yes...it was still very dangerous.   No...having them land on a box of Styrofoam doesn't make it any less of an impressive stunt.   Yes...Jeff Hardy is batshit insane.

Add to that the bump he took from the top of the cage onto Umanga a couple of weeks ago and it's easy to see that Jeff is doing his absolute best to justify his recent main-event push.   Hell...even his promos are 100% better than they were a year or two ago.

I'm still no super Hardy fan...but I'll give Insane Boy his props where they're due.   I've given the guy a ton of grief in the past for not being a wrestler; rather being a spot-fest artist instead.   Do I still feel the same way?   Yeah...I think I do.   But I'd be blind to not be able to recognize the Hardy fanbase right now and that, regardless of what I think he in-ring skills are, he's extremely deserving of his recent push.

I just don't want the guy to die before Orton beats him and we all move on with our lives.

***

Item #3 – Nothing screams "ratings" like an incest angle.

"Katie Lea and Paul Burchill are being given a new gimmick by WWE as a brother and sister duo who have sexual tension between them, much like in the movie "Cruel Intentions". Depending on how it does in OVW will determine if they're brought up to WWE with it." – PW Insider

Yeah...I'm just about as excited as you are at the mere prospect of it all.   Can you just imagine the new-found family audience's reaction to this gimmick?   Yeah...it worked really well with Beaver Cleavage, why wouldn't this work, too?

And unless I'm mistaken, weren't they actually step-siblings in that movie?   I mean...that's slightly different that being blood brother/sister.  

Still...I know that WWE has been tossing this idea around for ages now.   Hell, it's well documented that even Vince had brought up a possible angle with Stephanie at one point a few years ago.   My question would be, why?

What in the blue hell does WWE have to gain from an incest angle in any way, shape, or form?   How do they benefit?   Do they not realize that they risk a lot with an angle like that?   I mean, I understand that maybe they want to be a bit controversial in a lame attempt to drum up ratings and all...but when you build your new foundation on family-oriented entertainment, you can't just throw in something clearly NOT designed for children and expect people to all of a sudden start to watch.

Now...as is the case with most angles...I'm totally willing to wait it out and give it a chance before totally condemning it.   I'd be a total hypocrite if I was slamming the angle before seeing it.   My fear, though, is that they're biting the hand that is feeding them right now.   With all the Benoit bullshit over the last year, you'd think that they would want to play it as safe as possible for awhile and re-build their audience before trying to shake things up.

I dunno...maybe I'm thinking too logically here.   Maybe I'm thinking from a business perspective too much.   Maybe I'm wondering when in the f*ck somebody is going to tell Vince that his ideas are ridiculous and that he needs to stop trying to come up with these creative ideas.

Now I know he's not coming up with these ideas on his own...that's not exactly what I mean.   At the end of the day, all major storylines go through Vince.   Pass or fail...final decisions are in his hands.   There are so man "yes" men in Vince's office that they're willing to say or do anything to keep him happy, regardless of whether or not it's a good idea or even a decent one.   

This incent angle is a stupid idea that will probably get Vince all excited and nobody will have the balls to stand up and say:

"Ummm...Vince...this really isn't a good idea.   Much like Eugene being mentally challenged, this will immediately have to change directions upon its debut because of the negativity it generates.   We won't increase ratings or sell more PPV's or more DVD's or more merchandise and Burchill would be better off being a pirate than trying to f*ck his sister.   So...ummm...why don't you actually use your f*ckin' head for once and call this stupid thing off?"

Of course...NOBODY has the balls to say anything of the sort to Vince.   If Vince pipes up and says he wants the Fruit of the Loom guys to make a comeback at the Royal Rumble, all the ass-kissers are going to tell him it's a fantastic idea and make some phone calls.

I dunno...like I said...I'm willing to give it a chance.   But both Burchill and Lea are so much better than that...

***

Item #4 – The Glama-yawn.

I can't put a finger on it, but there's something about Beth Phoenix's "Glamazon" gimmick that bores me to tears. And from the sounds of silence in the arenas, it appears I'm not alone.

I'm not going to say that I’m not a fan of Beth Phoenix because I am.   I've seen her Shimmer work...I've seen her OVW work...I know what she's capable of doing.   I just really REALLY don't like the "Glamazon".   At all.   I don't get it.   I don't like it.  

At least Chyna was slightly exciting when he she pummeled the crap out of women half her size.   I'm just not getting the same vibe from Phoenix.   And you can throw her in there with Mickie James all you want...I'm only excited to see Mickie.

*** 

On a side note...am I the only hetero guy out there who actually bobs his head to the music and stares at the screen unable to move every time Mickie James makes her way to the ring?

***

Anyway...back to point.   Ummm...Phoenix is boring.   There.   Done.  

***

Item #5 – That "Wrestler" application on Facebook.

I'm absolutely addicted right now.   It's brutal.   I'm playing it all times of the night and day.   I hit refresh over and over and over again in the hopes that one of the 24 matches I've got going on all at once will actually want to play it at the same time so the match has more of a "live" feel to it.

Yes...it's pathetic, I know.

But if you're already playing it, you know just how addictive it can be.   If you haven't joined Facebook yet...what the hell?

Anyway...you can find me on Facebook as Zah Insanity .   I accept all challengers.   Oh...and don't forget about our Insanity Facebook Group page, either.

Bring it, beotches.

***

Item #6 – Don't ever call it fake.

The following is a blurb from April Hunter's latest online blog.   As I mentioned a few weeks ago, April is retiring because of the injuries suffered over the years.   I mean, this woman has put her body on the line for the profession that she loves...and because of her refusal to take pain killers (the REAL issue in wrestling right now), she has had to retire from in-ring competition.

I dunno...but I found this to be an extremely interesting read.    

The results are in from both my US and Canadian doctors (yup, I even went “abroad” for a third opinion!). I have to stop wrestling as soon as possible. Not only will I be crippled, but I'm headed towards internal organ failure as well. Oh, the injuries... there are others besides just my back and neck. I’m in constant pain. My femur doesn’t fit correctly into my hip socket. Mondays I go to the doctors for ART chiropractic therapy trying to fix the sciatica and discs that are pressing on my spinal cord, making my arms, hands and feet numb. Every day I have a laundry list of exercises to do. I have a special chair cushion (that keeps my spine straight) for when I work on the computer... a neck pillow to convince my C spine to curve the normal backwards instead of forwards, like it’s now fused. But I do it. Needless to say though, when sitting! in a chair is a pain in the ass it’s probably not the best idea to go flying off any ropes anytime soon.

Once you throw one or two things off with an injury, it's easy to throw out the rest while you're babying the other stuff. And since we only get paid when we work, I tended to tape up and work through way too many injuries. Now I can't ignore it any longer. And I refuse to take pain killers. I've just seen too many in this business destroyed by them.

So what’s to blame? Too many big bumps? Definitely! Too many bad opponents? Probably. Hell I’ve even had my elbow broken by a tag-team partner.

I’ll be honest and say the current state of women’s wrestling in the US hasn’t helped me. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve worked with girls who were more or less completely untrained but just so happened to be somebody’s girlfriend… or somebody wanted them to be their girlfriend.

That’s not to say that good looking girls shouldn’t get a push in pro wrestling. Sex sells and be honest, what would you rather look at – a cute thing with a tight butt or a man-beast who hits a mean enzuigiri? Hell I got my break in WCW at a time when I was far from a refined technical wrestler – but before I got in the ring I busted my ass, got myself into a wrestling school and trained, trained and trained some more. Good looking girls will always have their place in wrestling – it just shouldn’t be inside a wrestling ring unless they can actually wrestle too.

The secondary reason I’m pulling out is that there is a staggering lack of ‘professionalism’ in ‘professional’ wrestling.

It’s not uncommon to drive on a six-fourteen hour round-trip for less than you’d make in eight hours at your day job only to be told the promoter wanted to cut your rate or your travel money. To be honest, I just got tired of fighting for everything that in every other realm of entertainment is standard and not even discussed. The people of the adult (XXX) world are much more professional and aware of networking than the ones in wrestling. It doesn’t make sense, but not much does.

At one point, you start thinking, “I’m kind of a grown up now. Why am I driving that far for those amounts of money to play-fight in a ring and have someone try to cut my pay even further?” It just stopped making sense to me, unless I was working overseas. That I never got tired of, but it’s more business-like there.

Wrestling is a selfish business and it’ll treat you like a racehorse if you let it… they’ll ride you into the ground and make as much off your ass as they can while feeding you just enough to get by… then if you break a leg, it’s out to pasture with a rifle and on to the next fastest horse. I don’t want that to happen to me, so the time is now - while I can still get on my knees to play with my (future) kids without assistance.

Of course I’ve not given up on the business entirely. I still love the buzz of being in front of a crowd. I love the traveling too, for the most part.

So I'm a manager now - I simply will no longer be wrestling. I've always loved managing actually, and am pretty excited to be back on that side of the ring. I always thought there was a lack of GREAT female managers who truly knew their way around the ring and can believably alter and add to a match... more than just a fifth ring-post rack of boobies anyway. The Sherri Martels and the Tammy Sytchs are few and far between.

Wrestling has been a huge part of my life and I’ve gained a lot from my experiences – I have a lot to be thankful for.

-- April Hunter, www.aprilhunter.com

I don't know what to say to that.   She still loves the business itself and plans to be a manger to her husband, JD Michaels.   She still wants to travel and do conventions and the like...so it's not like she's jaded or pissed about never "making it".   She's one of the few indy workers who has actually made a living on the indy scene (her website helps the income, too) and she has, in fact, "made it" on her own terms in her own way.   Let's face it...there isn't a huge clamoring for women workers on the indy wrestling circuit.   And over the years, April has been able to travel the world and make her money...so whether or not she ever main-evented WrestleMania isn't the point.   She has definitely been successful and wants to get out before her body gives out on her.

Kudos to her and her attitude.   Pro wrestling could use more like her.

***

Item #7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week's choice is an odd choice because I don't really think that he's a loser...but he's getting raked over the coals for being creepy.   I can't combat the masses.   Therefore, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Tom Cruise!!!

You must have heard about this.   You had to.   It's been everywhere.

Basically, Cruise is a member of Scientology...some would call a weird cult, some would call a weird cultish religion, some would call a weird cultish religious weird cult.   Any way you slice it, Cruise has been a quiet poster-boy for Scientology for quite some time.   Neither he, nor any Scientologists, speak about their cult religion in public.   So while some details have leaked out here and there (a great piece is actually found on Wikipedia ), it's been a widely guarded secret since its inception.

Well...those wacky Scientologists recently had an award ceremony and, being that they're wacky, they decided to videotape the proceedings.   Unfortunately for them, and especially for Cruise, somebody released portions of the video.

That Scientolocrazy Tom Cruise Video

Crazy Cruise Video Doesn't Stop Being Funny

We Are The Authorities

Of course...saluting a picture on the wall of the "religion's" founder doesn't help things any.

Anyway...congrats, Tom...you're ZAH's Loser of the Week!  

***

Pillar to Post 

Sorry gang...it's been a killer week and I totally forgot to get my questions out to people.   My bad.   It'll return next week.

Wait...you don't know what Pillar to Post is about?   You've never participated before?   Or maybe you have and would like to do it again?

Hey...you ALL have a chance to be part of an upcoming column.   You get a chance to have your thoughts on the crazy world of professional wrestling read by thousands every week.   This truly is open to everybody!   And with a new year comes a new list...I'm basically starting from scratch, people.   Contact me NOW and you'll be put at or near the top of the list.   Why wait?  

I want readers to participate!

  ,

 ,

No problem.    Seriously...it's not a problem at all.    NOW is the time for you to volunteer.    Really...RIGHT NOW!!    It's a brand new year and I need a brand new list of guest columnists.

You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or look me up on Facebook as ZAH Insanity and letting me know that you'd like to participate (and then join the Insanity Facebook page ).    

So until next week, take care.