01-23-09

“ …until we meet again ."

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – CM Punk is IC champion FTW~!!!.

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I might be slightly biased in how I perceived Monday night's match between William Regal and CM Punk for the Intercontinental title because of my multi-year man-crush for Punk (although he never returns my calls...huh), but I was extremely impressed with the No-DQ match he had with Regal from beginning to end.

The thing with Regal is that he's at his best when he's allowed to fight somebody. The best matches I've ever seen of Regal's were him against Chris Benoit because they would literally beat the ever-loving snot out of each other.   They went at it with such ferocity that you couldn’t help but believe it was real.

Monday night came close, imo. I thought the build was fantastic, the execution was near flawless, the booking was perfect, and the crowd reaction totally made things worth it in the end.

Punk has now become a triple-champion within a six month period. Only Kevin Nash, back during his Diesel hey-day, was been able to accomplish the same thing of becoming tag team champion, IC champion, and World champion within a year-long period…so this is truly something else.

I never thought WWE would give Punk a legitimate chance...but you can't argue with his success. He is one of us...a fan who just happened to possess a ton of ability. So kudos to Punk and I extend to him my congratulations. No matter what internet smarks say about you…or how they’re rolling their eyes at just how much your fans appreciate what you give to the business…you’re an IC champion, tag champion, and WORLD F*CKING champion and nothing anybody says can ever take that away from you.

Now give that title some credibility, will ya??

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Item # 2 – Mickey Rourke Best Actor FTW~!!!

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I can’t tell you just how happy I was when I saw that Mickey Rourke’s name was on the list of those nominated for an Academy Award in the “Actor in a Leading Role” category.   While the movie was excellent, Rourke’s performance was far above and beyond just how good the movie was.   If there was a better acting performance in 2009, I would love to see it.

And that’s the other good news to consider.   The competition, in my opinion, is rather weak.   Richard Jenkins for “The Visitor”?   Really?   What the f*ck is that movie, anyway?   Nope…he won’t win.   Frank Langella for “Frost/Nixon”?   I suppose.   I haven’t seen the movie but it got nominated for Best Picture so I suppose there’s an outside chance.   Brad Pitt for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”?   Another possibility, I guess.   But that movie was more about the writing and the special effects than it was about Pitt’s acting.   Should he really be rewarded for sitting in a make-up chair for hours on end?   Sean Penn in “Milk” is the only serious competition, in my opinion.   It’s a brilliant film and Penn does a great job.  

But it’s not Rourke.   Hollywood loves a comeback story and there’s none more intriguing than Rourke’s.   The fact that he’s been so humble can only garner him more votes, too.   He needs to win…it’s just the right thing to do.

And not only that, but hot-ass cougar Marisa Tomei…whose performance would have stolen the movie from just about any other actor…was nominated in the category for “Actress in a Supporting Role”.   Goddamn she was good, too.   Not only that, but her 44-year old body destroys 99% of women half her age.   Maybe not in Hollywood…but everywhere else on the planet.   Tomei was incredible in that movie.   I doubt she’ll win, but who cares??

When you look like this (NSFW) , it doesn’t matter if you win some silly trophy.

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Item # 3 – Closing segment to RAW FTW~!!!

I’ve taken some heat on the message boards about my views on the closing of RAW this past Monday, but I don’t care.   I think the fact that I don’t watch every single week has led me to actually enjoy what I do see a little bit more.   I don’t think I’m quite so cynical as some who watch every show every week.

There are those who thought that Jericho got “castrated” during his segment.   I dunno…that seems a bit over the top.   I mean, he was a heel who got fired in a storyline. He has nothing else going on right now and to continue the entertainment aspect of the show (which Jericho excels at) he had to apologize to "daddy's little girl" in order to get his job back.

Not really that big of a deal.   The heel had to eat some humble pie and get his comeuppance.  

Then he had to apologize to the fans for being a jackass for months on end. Again, it was a "comeuppance" of sorts and the fans appeared to eat it up.   So from that perspective I don't think it really needs an in-depth reason for taking place.   I don’t think Jericho’s getting punished or buried or castrated in any way.   I don’t even think his character regressed.   If anything, this will make him angrier and more devious.   I liked the whole thing and thought the timing was based upon the live crowd reactions.   If the crowds liked it, then why should I crap all over it?

Now many people seem to complain about Stephanie’s on-air role, as well.   I’ll tell you, I’m really enjoying her latest run.   She’s not over-the-top, she’s not screaming every week, her facial expressions are much more subdued than they used to be, and she’s one hot MILF.

She simply isn’t as horrible as many smart marks perceive her to be.   In fact, she’s a heck of a lot better on screen than many of WWE’s under-contract superstars.   And you can say that’s just showing how bad WWE’s roster is, but the fact of the matter is that Stephanie is doing an above-average job and complaints about her role or her character aren’t based on what she’s doing now, but rather appear to be hold-overs from when she was an irritating character who dominated WWE television.   Some say that she’s boring because she’s in the same role or that she’s “phoning it in”.   I’d say she’s playing a role and just about any role she’d play would have a certain segment of the IWC complaining.

And the entire Orton segment built to a kick-ass finale.   I wasn’t sure where this was going to lead, but once Vince went to protect his daughter…as any father would in the same situation…and ushered her out of the ring, you could tell a beat-down or a run-in was going to take place.

What I loved most about the finish was that the Orton slap to the face of Vince came out of nowhere.   Not only that, but the punt to the head was incredibly realistic and the immediate regret by Orton made things different for a change, where he wasn’t proud of what he did and spitting fire…rather he couldn’t believe that he did something like that to a man he totally respects and looks up to.

People said this segment dragged.   I say it certainly didn’t drag nearly as long as this f*cking song does.   OMG…stop the madness, already!!

Anyway…to all the haters of that last segment I only have one thing left to say….

Heh…I just wanted to use that gif one last time.

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Item # 4 – The ClubWWI “Aaron Wood Sucks” sign contest FTW~!!!

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If you heard the latest ClubWWI spectacular featuring the superstar pairing of yours truly and Canadian Bulldog, then you already know that we created a contest “on the fly” that has the potential to be the single greatest event in the history of ever.

….EVER!!!

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Sign courtesy of reader/message board mainstay Green Teabagger

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Basically, Bulldog and I want to see a sign that says, “Aaron Wood sucks”.   But not just a sign…we want to see it on television, DVD, or pay-per-view.   We want this sign to last for all time in the annals of wrestling history.   Whether it’s on RAW, Smackdown, ECW, ROH, or hell…even TNA, Bulldog and I want visible (preferably HD) proof that “Aaron Wood sucks” was in clear view for the world to see.

And what do you win?  

Well…we’re still working on that one.   Suffice to say, there will be at least ONE dvd involved, at least TWO mentions on ClubWWI’s two favorite non-JG audio programs, at least ONE week of pimpage and kudos in both this very column (eventually) and in Bulldog’s column, and the love and admiration from wrestling fans from around the world.   There could be more…we’re still working out the kinks.

So whaddya say, peeps?   You up to the task????

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Item # 5 – Bob Holly got fired FTW~!!!

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I’ve hated this bumblef*ck since his debut as Thurman “Sparkey” Plugg.   I couldn’t be happier that narcissistic bully bastard has been fired.   Awww…big self-absorbed f*cknuts lost his job?   Boo-f*cking-hoo.   Let ‘im go back to being a welder.

F*ck Disco Inferno?   Nope.   F*ck Eric Young?   Nah…this week it’s 100% f*ck Bob Holly.   He can suck my left nut and I’m glad he’s fired.

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Item # 6 – Mark Gormley FTW~!!!

Why this guy isn’t a true musical superstar at this point is beyond me.   Seriously .   It’s got a hot chick and space ships and beaches and special effects and keyboards and guitars and slightly high notes!!   Gormley is truly a man’s man.   If you’ve never been noticed ever by hot chicks, just imitate the Gormley Power Stance and you’ll never have to worry about getting’ laid again.

Seriously .  

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Item # 7 – Greatest commercial ever FTW~!!!

Why this never gets any airtime, I don’t know…

DUREX CONDOMS

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Item # 8 – LOSER OF THE WEEK FTW~!!!

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week’s winner is somebody is…ummm…well, would you be surprised if I told you that a famous rapper was considering bisexual porn?    Well...that's been proven to be a rumor and I just found out MINUTES AFTER posting this column.  DAMMIT.   Thankfully I found a suitable replacement.  This time around, ZAH's last-second Loser of the Week is...

Joaquin Phoenix!!!  

Whew...at least there was THIS guy for a last-second replacement.

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Ummm...the wrestling fan in me is just SCREAMING that this is all a Borat-esque work on the world for a "mockumentary", but still...Phoenix quitting the acting business to become a rapper is the most insane thing I've ever heard.

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Especially when he sounds like this.  Wow.

So congrats go out to Joaquin Phoenix for becoming ZAH's final "Loser of the Week"!!  

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Item # 9 – ZAH on sabbatical FTW~!!!

Hey kids, I think I’m done with the column for awhile.   Yeah…I’m taking an extended leave.   It’s not a big deal or anything, I’m just very busy in my personal life and I just don’t have the time to write a weekly column anymore.   It has become work now…and that’s just not what I wanted this column to ever become.   Plus, honestly…I’ve been half-assing it over the past month or more.   I told myself that if it was no longer fun and if I couldn’t give 100% to you, the reader, then I didn’t want to do it anymore.

But just to answer some of your questions:

No, I’m not going to jail.  

No, I’m not working for Obama in the secret service.  

No, I’m not going back to the Torch (shoot me first).

No, I’m not taking the time to write my own book.

No, I’m not starting up my own website.

No, I’m no longer going to post on my blog (I’ll probably delete it soon).

No, I’m no longer going to check my MySpace page (I’ll probably delete that, too).

No, this isn’t some type of “working the internet” thing…that’d just be silly.
Yes, I will return to write an occasional column from time to time.

Yes, I will continue to do reviews on ClubWWI.com whenever I can.

Yes, I will always have a man-crush on CM Punk.

I’ve had an awesome time writing for this site.   James Guttman is a top-notch guy and I couldn’t have asked for anything more in this experience.   I’d like to thank him for giving me the chance to write and have fun and be myself.   I’d also like to thank you for taking the time to click the link that brought you to my column each and every week.   It was very much appreciated.   And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank the staff of the Insanity (yes…even Aaron Wood) for making this website exactly what I hoped it would become when it first launched.

So yeah…that’s it, I suppose.

Take care, gang.   It’s been real.  See you around.

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