01-25-08

" All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy. "

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item #1 – Bobby Lashley gone from WWE?

If you listen to Bobby Lashley, then the answer is yes.   The only catch is that as of this writing, WWE has yet to confirm that release.   However, there are reports from some newz sites claiming that Lashley actually spoke to them on the phone to confirm that he is, in fact, done with WWE and that they will report it as soon as everything is "official".

There are a couple lines of thought on this story.

My first thought is that this really isn't that big of a deal.   I mean, Vince had hand-picked Lashley as the "next big thing" and even involved himself in a personal feud with Lashley in an attempt to get him over with the crowds as the mega-babyface superstar that WWE needs right now to attract new and old fans alike.   Well...Lashley wasn't quite what he expected.   I'm not gonna sit here and say that Lashley sucked or anything, because he wasn't horrible.   However, to suggest that he was "over" to the point that it justified his uber-mega-push would be ridiculous.   He got a pretty decent pop upon his entrance...but had a very difficult time holding that crowd reaction through his matches...even the endings!   His in-ring skills were decent, but far from great.   Working with people like Finlay certainly helped him...but he is still a good year or two away from being able to work a very good match on a consistent basis.   His promo ability was brutal.   He's like Mike Tyson without the charisma.   He sounded as generic as one could possibly sound without lulling himself to sleep every time he spoke.   So really...where's the big loss here?   Has anybody really missed him at all since his injury??

Of course, my second thought is that this guy was a main event wrestler who was on the cusp of superstardom and was actually picked by many to be a surprise entrant (and possible surprise winner) of the Royal Rumble.   To see Lashley leave while still on top means that WWE has lost some very credible main event performers over the last year + in Booker T, Kurt Angle, and Rob Van Dam.   That lack of talent hurts WWE when there's nobody really available to fill-in.   He was being groomed for big things and was one heel turn away from turning into something big.   To see him simply get up and walk away says a lot about the state of things in WWE right now.   While many smiley faces are shown on the outside, there may be a large unhappy contingent on the inside.  

At the end of the day, however, this may all be a moot point considering how he ends up leaving the company.   He, apparently, recently signed a long-term contract with WWE.   As you all know (***cough***Brock Lesnar***cough***), it's sometimes not easy to simply walk away and continue doing things that you want to do.   You just know that WWE will want him to sign some type of "no-compete" clause, so that opens up a ton of questions about Lashley's future.

Will he want to keep wrestling?   Is TNA even an option?   What about his MMA aspirations?   This is an extremely intriguing story not only because of the implications of the outcome, but also because of the exact cause of the break to begin with.   The story hasn't come out...yet...but some are using his girlfriend (and recently released non-talented diva Kristal Marshall) as a primary reason for Lashley's discontent with the company.   Other rumors discuss his discontent about having no specific plans right now even though he's healed from his injuries.

At the end of the day, this is a pretty big story.   As of this writing, there are a LOT more questions than answers, but it will be very interesting to hear Lashley's story over the next few weeks (***cough***RadioFreeInsanity***cough***).

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Item #2 – Chavo Guerrero = ECW champion.          

Wow...do I ever have mixed feelings about THIS turn of events.  

On one hand...it's Chavo f*ckin' Guerrero.   He's now one of your "world" champions.   I realize it's only ECW, but it's still a separate brand right now...and you've got Chavo "Heat Killer" Guerrero as your champion.   The guy had the most heat of his entire career when he was feuding with Benoit over the U.S. title and they didn't pull the trigger then...but now that he's been to the Hair Club for Men he's suddenly a proven commodity??   I just don't get it.   I though for sure that Shelton Benjamin was being groomed to be the next big challenger to Punk's ECW title...and that Punk was doing a very adequate job as champion considering the shit-hole he was working out of.

On the other hand...it's a very intriguing storyline.   I mean, Edge is now best buddies with Chavo while he's bangin' Vickie and feuding with Rey Rey.   Not to mention the Edge-Heads following him around, too.   You may not like the ECW title being used as a prop, but that's what the entire brand has come down to now.   If it helps put Punk over more by having great matches with Edge on Smackdown instead of ECW...then I'm all for it.   I'd much rather see a Punk U.S. title reign than an ECW title reign anyway, so maybe this is all for the best.  

And for those clamoring for Guerrero's head because they can't believe that he's actually ECW world champion...just realize that he's a HELL of a lot better than former champions like Justin Credible and Steve Corino.   Yes, he's bland by WWE standards...but at least you're not getting a Big Daddy V or Mark Henry title reign...so count yourselves lucky.   The guy is a solid in-ring veteran who just happened to have lost his charisma long before he lost his original hair.

Hell...it's still better than a Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes tag title reign.

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Item #3 – WWE in HD.

Well...it's come and it's here to stay.   The sets have changed...the picture is clearer...the audio is clearer...but at the end of the day, what does this REALLY mean for WWE?

The story is that there was a meeting with WWE talent awhile back to discuss the in-ring changes that will have to come about because of the HD switch.   What are these changes?   So glad you asked.

No more spray-on tans.

Yes...Shawn Michaels looked more orange than a pumpkin in October a couple of weeks ago.   You think that was a natural tan?   Ummmm, no.   You think that was even a tanning bed tan?   Sorry...try again.   The fact that he was...uhh...errr...umm...leaking when he got backstage after his match was something that management took note of.   The home viewer can definitely see the little sweatlets of dye running down your chest in HD, so no more.   I think, while cosmetically not really a big deal, this is a good call.   I mean, I thought HBK over-dosed on vitamin C or something...so the spray-on tan has gotta go.

No more calling during matches.

Okay...they'll need to call SOMETHING.   But the point is that they won't be able to talk as much during matches as they do right now.   Currently, even with a dead crowd, the wrestlers can usually get away with saying things here and there louder than they normally would.   With HD comes a much better sound, too...so WWE management has told the guys to either keep it to a whisper or simply shut the f*ck up.   This, to me, is great in theory...but unless they've been doing this down in OVW or have been practicing this on the road at house shows, this is something that almost everybody on the roster will have a VERY difficult time doing.   There is no way that somebody like DH Smith or Kofi Kingston is at the point where they can run a 15-minute PPV match without somebody calling it.   They're simply not trained for that at this point.   Even this past Monday, it was noted that certain parts of the Kennedy/Michaels match were clearly audible...so this may be something that sounds a lot easier in theory than it will be to execute.

Be stiff...people can actually see now.

Basically, the thought process is that if you're going to clamp on a chinlock (ahem...talkin' to you, Randy), then you'll have to be VERY careful with showing too much "light" around the chin.   The biggest problem with a "fake sport" is that something like HD can glaringly show the "fake" elements of the show.   If you miss a punch or aren't really trying to make somebody submit and are just scrunching your face instead...people are going to notice a lot more.   Will you end up seeing shoot matches?   Hell no.   You won't even see ROH-style stiffness.   But don't be surprised if some elements end up looking a bit stiffer than before...because none of the guys want to expose the business any more than it already is.   Once you eliminate the suspension of disbelief, what the heck have you got left???

I, for one, don't really see a lot of changes in the in-ring product coming immediately.   I think, though, that if you look at the product a year from now and compare it to before the switch, you'll be able to look back and see a difference.   In the meantime, I'm just looking forward to seeing Maria and Mickie James in HD.   BOO-YAH!!!

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Item #4 – CURRY MAN~!!!!

I'm normally not one for spoilers...and I'm certainly not one to intentionally give away pre-taped things in the column...but I have to discuss this.   For Thursday's Impact and for next week...TNA will debut the one and only individual who's hot...who's spicy...and who tastes great.

CURRY MAN~!!!  

What...you are unfamiliar with the gloriousness that is Curry Man??   Wow...that's really too bad.   You'll have to see him on Impact to really understand what he's about.   And not only that...you'll have to watch EVERY Impact that he's involved with.  

I'll tell you this...and I'm being 100% serious here...I will actually watch every single Impact that has Curry Man on it from here on out.   No shit.   Curry Man equals ratings in my book.

I could give you links that talk about him...his gimmick...his origins...but I'd rather you watch for yourself.   Of course, knowing TNA, they'll bastardize an incredible gimmick to the point you have no idea what's going on...but I don't care.   I love this guy and I can't wait to see him perform in TNA.   He hasn't wrestled on American soil in quite some time.

Kayfabe, people..........kayfabe.

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Item #5 – Mickie James heel turn?

It could be just me...or maybe it's some build-up to a super-duper match at WrestleMania...but Mickie James crying after losing to Beth Phoenix on Monday has all the hints of a heel turn in the making.   I mean, what's the point of showing a performer breaking down after losing if it isn't the beginnings of a heel turn?

If I learned anything from comic books is that evil doers are normally created because they failed at being good.   Of course...I haven't read a comic since 1992 so maybe things have changed a bit since.   Is Power Man & Iron Fist still a hot seller?  

Anyway...I don't care what Mickie James does at this point.   I will continue to love her regardless of gimmick.   But if history has shown us anything, is that the BEST divas are the ones allowed to be kick-ass slutty vixens.   They're just better...good, clean fun-time gals than the other boring divas (i.e. Kelly Kelly, Ashley).

I just want the crying to stop.   It ain't pretty in HD.

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Item #6 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week's choice was tough, actually.   I mean, Britney is a weekly odds-on favorite (she's apparently British this week...wow)...Bobby Lashley quit the best thing he ever had ("We still love you, Bobby!")...CM Punk lost a title to Chavo Guerrero (ouch)...

...but at the end of the day, one stands high above the rest.   It's not every day that you see a major recording artist smoking a crack pipe on video .   Therefore, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Amy Winehouse!!!

I could make a few "Rehab" jokes now that she's actually gone, but I won't.   She's a loser.   Period.   Even if she comes out of rehab cured and starts singing again...she'll be a loser.   My column...my rules.   Anyway...congrats, Amy...once again you're ZAH's Loser of the Week!  

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Pillar to Post 

Each and every week (well...NORMALLY each and every week) I take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week I bring to you three great Insanity readers in Rob Cerrone, Green Teabagger, & 2^nd Coming!!!

1. Agree or Disagree
Triple H will NOT win the Royal Rumble.

Rob Cerrone : Agree.

First and foremost, you have to look at the WrestleMania picture and try to figure out the main events for the show.  On RAW's side, you would assume that it will be Randy Orton defending the belt against HHH and/or Jeff Hardy, as I cannot see any other contenders that would be worthy of a WrestleMania main event slot.  On the Smackdown side, it would appear they are gearing the streak vs. streak/title in Edge vs. Undertaker.  That being said, that leaves us 2 options to win the Rumble, HHH and the Undertaker.  However, my gut feeling is that riding this wave of HardyMania, we are going to get swerved.  HHH will win the world title at the February PPV and defend against the winner of the elimination chamber, Jeff Hardy.  The Undertaker will win the Royal Rumble (long shot prediction: CM Punk wins, as the story with Edge is already building).

Green Teabagger:   Disagree.

I had Triple H winning the 2008 Rumble about two seconds after he tore his quad last year. I have no reason to believe otherwise. I thought WWE has headed for Orton-Trips at WrestleMania regardless of Cena's injury. Another consideration is that RAW has basically shoved down our throats that "OMG! TRIPLE H IS NOT GONNA BEEZ IN THE RUMBLEZZ!!!! OMGWTF?!??!" Sigh. No one else, on either roster, has even cut a promo about winning the Rumble other than *GASP* Triple H. (I guess Shelton Benjamin did, but Hornswaggle has a better shot of winning the Rumble than he does.)

We've seen the formula before. We'll see it again in the future. *insert random heel authority figure* doesn't want *insert random babyface* in the Royal Rumble because he wants to protect *insert random heel champion* or just because he doesn't like them. Guess what happens? Somehow or another, *random babyface* gets in the Rumble, and wins it. Gee.

I'll also go ahead and predict Triple H has a number between 26 and 30.....just a guess .

2^nd Coming:   Agree.

I think Undertaker will. Still wouldn't bet against it though.

2. Agree or Disagree
TNA does not need the X Division at this point to survive.

Rob Cerrone: Disagree.

Although the division itself isn't exactly structured, they have enough wrestlers to justify a secondary belt (which it is).  The X Division has allowed several talented stars to get noticeable TV time, most recently Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt.  Without the X Division, many of the undersized roster would never get a chance to shine, leaving us with Kurt Angle filling up all 2 hours by himself every week .

Green Teabagger:   Disagree.

TNA needs the X Division to be the incredible standout product that separates them from the WWE. Damn shame they don't realize that and instead believe that TNA Impact should be The Angle Family Circus with AJ Styles as a clown, Jeremy Borash as Kurt's personal ball washer, Shark Boy as Stone Cold, Jay Lethal as Black Randy Savage, with special guests Samoa Joe and Christian Cage as Kurt Angle's bitches.

No wonder Senshi left....and he's making more money as a jobber for TNA now. That is even more incredible.

2^nd Coming:   Disagree.

That's a joke, right?

3. Agree or Disagree
WWE's switch to HD will affect the overall product in a positive way.

Rob Cerrone: Strongly Agree.

For starters, any time you make a huge technological leap, it helps the presentation of the product and keeps it current with the times.  As much of a following as ROH has, they could never succeed on a national scale without the look and feel of a modern age product (and face it, the production values are as bad as the wrestlers are good).  On top of that, it will make the jaw-dropping moments that come up from time to time look that much better (imagine watching Hardy jump 30 feet in HD).  Finally, if you look at anyone who could be considered competition (and I mean that in the PPV marketplace, not just wrestling), boxing and UFC/MMA have already made the jump to HD.  Without keeping current, it becomes a major selling point for their competitors as to why their product is superior.

Green Teabagger:   Agree in a cosmetic sense.

The product will look prettier.....I guess. Honestly, I've seen HDTVs and I'm not amazed by them like the hamsters in advertising say I'm supposed to be.

It doesn't matter how pretty WWE makes their sets if they make crappy television and crappy PPVs. It really comes down to that. Look at ROH's production values. It's not good, but they have the best wrestling in the country. People can ignore bad camerawork if the show is well put-together and entertaining. TNA is, well, TNA. They haven't figured out how to do either of these on a consistent basis in five-plus years.

2^nd Coming:   Agree & Disagree.

All the switch will do is make everything seem faker than before. Some performers will get conscious of their work and start screwing up even more, and some will improve their work.

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Great job, Rob & GT.   Ummm...thanks for coming out 2^nd Coming.  

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing who joins me next week.   What...you've never participated before?   Or maybe you have and would like to do it again?

Hey...you ALL have a chance to be part of an upcoming column.   You get a chance to have your thoughts on the crazy world of professional wrestling read by thousands every week.   This truly is open to everybody!   And with a new year comes a new list...I'm basically starting from scratch, people.   Contact me NOW and you'll be put at or near the top of the list.   Why wait?  

I want readers to participate!

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No problem.    Seriously...it's not a problem at all.    NOW is the time for you to volunteer.    Really...RIGHT NOW!!    It's a brand new year and I need a brand new list of guest columnists.

You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or look me up on Facebook as ZAH Insanity and letting me know that you'd like to participate (and then join the Insanity Facebook page ).    

So until next week, take care.