02-15-08

" Blinded by the silence... "

Kids, I've got some good news and bad news.  

The bad news is that something unexpected came up at the last minute and I won't be able to provide my normal full-length column this week.   I know...sucks, eh?    The good news is that you'll still get a full-length column this week...it just won't all be new material.

I've got a blurb on Rey Mysterio's injury, PPV predictions for this Sunday, and Loser of the Week.   I've also got a brand-new Pillar to Post with fellow readers like yourself.   It's just the stuff in between that's gonna be "retro".   Hard to believe I'm into my third year of writing the column. What that means is that we can all take a little trip back into time and reminisce about what was going on in the world of pro wrasslin' in 2006 (I can't believe how much my opinions have changed on certain people and promotions in the course of two years).   So you ready?   Well...if you're not, then suck it up princess!!

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – Rey Rey found a way "Out".

See what I did there?   I turned the PPV name into a catchy little title for this little 'bit'.   Anyhoo, the late-breaking news is that Rey Mysterio injured himself in a tag match.   In an odd pairing, it was Mysterio & Kane taking on the Rated R-my of Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins.   While details haven't really come out yet, it appears as though Rey tore his bicep and will require surgery.   Normally this type of surgery would put him on the shelf for around six months...but after The Cena Miracle there's really no way to tell how soon Mysterio could return.   Next month?   Next week?   Tomorrow?   Yesterday??

So obviously the big question is what is WWE going to do at No Way Out?   Without any television available to explain the injury, they could do a few different things:

Ø       Rey could gut it out.

§    I'm not really a big fan of this suggestion, but the WWE website suggests that Mysterio won't want to pass up his chance at the World title this Sunday.   With enough heavy taping and a good match storyline, this could result in a match that's ultimately extremely underwhelming but a necessary evil to protect Mysterio's health.

§    Play the "Rey just got injured tonight" card as a storyline, setting up a surprise babyface challenger for Edge.   My hope would be for a healed Matt Hardy to get a shot at Edge.   They've got a good history and would have pretty darn good match.   Not only that, but MVP could interfere...costing Matt the match...and totally set-up their WrestleMania U.S. title match.

§ Have Vickie Guerrero come out and brag that the Rated R-my injured Rey overseas as a way of impressing Edge.   Then have Vince or Teddy Long or somebody introduce a new challenger for the title match.

§    Don't be surprised to see somebody from the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match get called upon to wrestle a second time (Batista, maybe?) because there is no faith in anybody else on the Smackdown roster.

Whichever way they go, you gotta wonder just how much more Rey has got left in the tank.   He's a walking injury at this point.   He's made his money...he's had a pretty long career...he's still young...he's been world freakin' champion...is there really anything left to prove at this point?   I guess, though...if the business is still with you in your blood, it's hard to get out. And if you take enough time away to heal and re-energize, like the Undertaker has done numerous times, then maybe Mysterio still has a few good years left in him?  

I dunno...but I'm thinking that getting this injury after just recently returning from another major injury could be the straw that broke the camel's back.

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Item # 2 – No Way Out predictions.

Overall, this really shouldn't be too bad of a pay-per-view.   Certainly better than Against All Odds was...

Ø       Randy Orton vs. John Cena , WWE world title match

§  I'm fully expecting this match to live up to the hype that they've thrown into it in a relatively short period of time.   Over the past few weeks, WWE has done a great job at playing the "I'm out for revenge" storyline.   And for the most part, it's been working.   The cheers have definitely been out-weighing the boos when it comes to Cena lately.   Orton's been the asshole that people expect him to be.   The stars might align for this to be a MOTY contender.

§  My thoughts are a double DQ or count-out or some other "no contest" result.   Bullshit?   Yes.   But I think it'll set-up a 3-way dance for the title at Mania.

Ø       Rey Mysterio vs. Edge , World title match

§  The WWE.com website is suggesting that Rey Rey will still do whatever he can to gut-out a match with Edge on Sunday.   I doubt that he'd risk severely injuring his arm any further.  

§  Regardless...Edge wins.   No contest.

Ø       RAW Elimination Chamber , winner gets WWE title match at WrestleMania

§  This is a tough, tough call.   My head tells me that Triple H wins and main events yet another Mania. My gut tells me that WWE is ready to pull the trigger on the Jeff Hardy Show after a few months of testing the waters.   I mean, he pinned Shawn Michaels clean, people...that's not done for just anybody.   HBK won't win...Y2J, JBL, and Umanga don't really have realistic chances...

§  I'm gonna go with the gut pick and choose Hardy.   I really think WWE would be foolish to not totally take advantage of his incredible popularity right now and take a chance on him in the main event.   Plus, a dynamic of Hardy vs. Cena and/or Orton would really make for a credible match.

Ø       Smackdown Elimination Chamber , winner gets World title match at WrestleMania

§  I think this one is pretty easy to call, considering the plan has been a long-term one since last year.

§  Undertaker vs. Edge is the plan...has been the plan...and will be the plan.   I can't see how Taker doesn't win this.

Ø       CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero , ECW title match

§  I understand the need to have Chavo do a little storyline with Edge.   I understand the need to have a babyface chase the heel champion.  I don't understand the need to have Chavo f*ckin' Guerrero hold a singles championship in WWE.

§  I think Guerrero should fluke his way into a victory here (foreign object, outside interference, pulling the tights, etc.), setting up an ECW title match at WrestleMania that Punk wins (how awesome would that be for Punk??).

Ø       Ric Flair vs. Mr. Kennedy

§  I'll admit...I was totally floored when Flair beat MVP at the Royal Rumble.   I really expected an intentional DQ or a count-out loss by MVP.   But instead we got a clean submission victory with the figure-four.   Something tells me we WON'T be seeing that happening again on Sunday.

§  Flair.   It's not even a question.

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RETRO TIME!!

Shakin' Retro Style -- 02-17-06

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Item # 1 – Bret Hart agrees to participate in WWE Hall of Fame ceremonies.

This is simply one of those things that I didn’t see coming.   I can understand Bret going back to WWE to make a DVD about his career…the alternative was to not participate and let it be called “Screwed: The Bret Hart Story” with wrestlers like Jerry Lawler, Shawn Michaels, and Ric Flair crapping all over his career and bad-mouthing him.   In a case like that, I can certainly understand why Bret went back for the DVD.  

And to be honest, I absolutely believed that Bret would eventually want to be entered into the WWE HOF when the time was right…maybe with Mania being held at the Calgary Saddledome or something.   Then he could truly say goodbye to his fans in his home town on the grandest stage of them all.

But Bret Hart has been saying for months that he was going to be in Italy (where he lives with his new wife) and would not be in North America to appear at WrestleMania.   Not only that, he has been emphatic about his unwillingness to appear in any storyline that had even a tinge of something to do with Montreal.   It simply wasn’t going to happen.

Well, a few weeks back during a UK interview Bret said that appearing in the HOF was a “possibility” even though he told a North American website that he was “on the fence” about the whole possibility.   Apparently he made the final “deal” in the first week of February.   From what’s being reported, WWE decided to announce it now so as to not have Hart go back and change his mind again.   This way, Hart is pretty much committed to showing up.

I’m absolutely thrilled to hear that Hart will be inducted…it’s well deserved.   I just won’t really believe it’s happening until I see him there.   I’m still reeling.

Item # 2 – Christian defeated Jeff Jarrett to win the NWA World title.       

I know that I cannot be the only one that’s going through a bittersweet celebration at this point and time.  

First, let me be yet another internet writer who couldn’t be happier to see Jarrett lose the NWA title.   Let me follow that up by saying I actually enjoyed Jarrett on top a lot of the four years (give or take) he’s been champion.   I think he can be good in the ring when he wants to be (better than Cena) and he’s good on the mic when he wants to be (better than Batista).   The problem is that he was on top for too long.   People simply got sick of him.   He’s not main event material…but he is definitely upper mid-card heel material.

As far as the match itself went...well let’s face facts, everybody; Jeff Jarrett carried the match with Christian.   It was his best performance in years.   I thought Christian looked blown-up after a few minutes and it was apparent he wasn’t wrestling as regularly as he was while in WWE.   He wasn’t bad in any way, but he certainly didn’t look like championship material in that match.

Having said that, let me say that I don’t think Christian is main event material...period.   He’s better on the mic than Jarrett and he’s certainly got more charisma than Jarrett, but he shouldn’t be the man that TNA places all their hopes on.   He simply doesn’t carry himself like a superstar…which is something TNA is desperately in need of.

I hope Christian remains as champ for a few months before losing to somebody OTHER than Jarrett, but I’ve said it before…if TNA really wants to break away from WWE and become the alternative, Samoa Joe is the only way to go.

Item # 3 – TNA provided a kick-ass PPV.

I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong last week.   I said, “ Nothing on the card (except for Joe/Daniels/Styles) comes close to making me want to pay for this PPV.” After purchasing the replay due to strong word-of-mouth, I can say that I was wrong.   While I feel I got burned last month, this month TNA provided one hell of a good all-around PPV.   Even the worst match on the card (LAX vs. James Gang) wasn’t terrible, which is something you can’t say for the past 10 WWE PPV’s.  

Well done, TNA.

Item # 4 – Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels.

Been there, done that.   I mean, Austin and Rock and even Hulk Hogan all had physical programs with Vince that had great build-up and strong storylines attached.   I couldn’t wait to see Vince get his ass kicked.

Now?   Vince doesn’t have “inner peace” and Shawn does…hence the feud.

Wait...WHAT??

C’mon, Vince...that's the best your glorious Hollywood writers can come up with?   I’m actually not looking forward to this match in any way, shape, or form.   Why?   Because while Shawn Michaels is one of the greatest wrestlers alive today and can still go with ANYBODY in the ring, on the other side of the ring we have Vince “I’m F*CKING SIXTY” McMahon.

Now you tell me…why would I want to see a 40 year-old beat the snot out of a 60-year old?   No thanks.

Item # 5 – Austin Aries & Roderick Strong “in the doghouse” with TNA.

Are you kidding me?   This is what’s being reported online…TNA asked a number of wrestlers who were going to appear at an ROH show in New York last Saturday to fly down to Orlando instead because of the huge snowstorm hitting the East Coast.   TNA didn’t want any of their scheduled talent to miss the PPV on Sunday due to weather problems.   Jay Lethal, Alex Shelley, and Homicide all flew down on Saturday.   Aries and Strong decided to stay and perform at the ROH show.

Now even though Aries and Strong both made it to the PPV and performed, TNA is extremely upset over them placing themselves in a situation to possibly miss a scheduled PPV match.   Where TNA has had problems with no-shows in the past (i.e. Sean Waltman, Jeff Hardy), they have decided to make an example out of Aries and Strong by taking them off future shows and out of bookings for at least the next three to four television tapings and possibly as long as several months.

I understand TNA being upset at both men for putting themselves in a position to possibly miss the PPV…but the bottom line is that they didn’t.   They made the show.   They performed.   They were there.   And now they’re getting punished for showing up at the PPV.

What’s worse?   TNA is looking to continue to work with Waltman and Hardy.   How pathetic is that?   C’mon TNA…you need to pick your spots.   This isn’t one of them and it’s making you look terrible in the process.

Item # 6 – CM Punk has heat with WWE management for appearance in ROH.

Are you kidding me??   Christ on a cracker I just cannot get over how much sh*t Punk seems to get in with WWE management on a consistent basis.   I love the guy…I think he’s an absolutely amazing talent both in the ring and on the mic.   If pushed properly, he’s a bona fide superstar.   For some reason, people within WWE see him as a threat because he didn’t “come up” through their system…he’s an “indy darling,” so to speak.

Here’s the situation as it’s being reported.   Last Saturday at the same ROH show that TNA asked their wrestlers to miss, CM Punk was brought in by Gabe Sapolsky to be the big surprise fill-in for Low Ki.   Apparently, Punk got his appearance cleared WITH THE WRONG GUY.   Not only that, but even that “wrong guy” didn’t give him permission to actually wrestle at the show.  

C’mon…there’s only one guy in OVW that you ask permission to and that’s Paul Heyman.   I cannot see Punk asking, say, Dean Hill permission to appear at an ROH event.   Not only that, but Gabe knew exactly what he was asking for when he requested Punk to begin with.   Do you think that Gabe simply asked Punk to come up without going through WWE channels first?   It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Punk is so popular with the online community because he’s seen as “one of us”, like Colt Cabana or Larry Sweeney.   He’s just a guy who has wrestled in front of 20 people the same way he’s wrestled in front of a thousand.   He’s a guy who absolutely loves wrestling so much that he worked his ass of for years just for the opportunity fulfill his childhood dream and work for the biggest wrestling company in the world, WWE.   I dunno…I just want so many good things to happen to this guy that when I read stories like this online I get depressed.    I hope it’s all bullsh*t.

Item # 7 – WWE’s No Way Out is this Sunday.

Yeah…like I’m going to order this crap.   

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NEW Item # 3 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. 

This week is hard because it kills me to do it.   But I'd be a total hypocrite if I didn't throw my scorn and ridicule around at EVERYBODY deserving...regardless of my personal feelings.   I mean, for f*ck sakes...it's not like I'm a freakin' journalist or anything.   I'm a columnist who refuses to take himself (or this business) too seriously because then the fun is gone...and this column (and this site) is ALL about the fun.  

Therefore, the "Britney Spears Loser of the Week" award this week has to go to... 

Ring of Honor!!!

Sorry, Gabe.   Sorry, legions of ROH-bots.  

But when it's reported that your PPV in Canada sold a total of thirty-six buys (yes...36) and then that a PPV only sold NINETEEN buys (19!!) on Dish Network...well, I don't think anybody can brush that off as anything other than a miserable failure.   I tried to justify the incredibly low number in Canada...but I just can't do anything to put a positive spin on the abysmal Dish Network number.   Yikes that's bad.

So regardless of how much I personally love the product, I don't see any other way to get around making Ring Of Honor ZAH's "Britney Spears Loser of the Week"!  

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Pillar to Post 

Each and every week (well...NORMALLY each and every week) I take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week I bring to you three great Insanity readers in Dave P, Green Teabagger, & AstonMartyn!!!

1. Agree or Disagree
WWE will have a hard time finding a suitable new home for Smackdown.

Dave P : Disagree.

For as long as wrestling has been televised, its ratings have always been well above average. Look at it this way, iMPACT is a show produced by a fledgling wrestling company with little name recognition, features some of the worst and most illogical writing on television, and in spite of this, may soon become the highest rated program on a channel carried on every basic cable package in America. With that said I can’t imagine Smackdown would have a problem finding a suitable replacement. While the CW network would probably be a preferable home to where it will eventually end up, the difference will be made up by the fact that Smackdown will move back to Thursdays. And if you don't think Vinny Mac is going to make sure it ends up back on Thursdays to fuck with TNA if only for his own personal amusement then you're kidding yourself.

Green Teabagger: Disagree.

I think WWE will have a new deal in place with a new network by the end of summer. It wouldn't stun me if Smackdown was moved to the USA Network. I don't really have any more to say about that. Although, if we suddenly see Undertaker and Batista moved to RAW near the end of 2008....Smackdown may be in trouble.

AstonMartyn:   Disagree.

WWE I think will find it quite easy to find a new home for Smackdown as long as they market it right to the right stations. I can't really comment on what belongs where since I'm on the other side of the pond, but I reckon WWE will find Smackdown a new home easily, as long as they know for sure who they are trying to attract to their programming, and adjust it as such .

2. Agree or Disagree
TNA's Knockout division is good enough to deserve its own 1-hour show.

Dave P: Disagree.

I'm not sure why but more than any other genre in television, wrestling seems to take something that works and proceeds to overexpose and beat it into the ground like there is no time to waste. I mean DAMN! If I had even the slightest bit of faith that TNA wouldn’t do that then I would possibly be open to a new show. But really, is there any doubt whatsoever that TNA would take the one division that has been effectively booked and ruin it in record time? Any chance at all of that not happening? Even if they didn’t, to make the show work would require them adding wrestlers to a roster that is already too big for its own good. Shouldn't they be looking at what works about the Knockout division and applying it to the rest of their TV show, specifically the tag team and X division to become a true alternative to the WWE which puts no creative effort into their women, tag teams, and cruiserweights? Since when is two hours a week not enough to build to a monthly PPV? String together a month of compelling television with the primetime slot you already have before adding more original programming TNA .

Green Teabagger:   Not sure how to answer.

It's not that the TNA Knockouts roster aren't talented enough. It's that even if they are, a one hour problem dedicated solely to women's wrestling simply won't work. Women's wrestling is a niche product. History has shown that women's wrestling shows can be successful for a short period of time, but it doesn't last. I can't remember the guys name, but wasn't there someone who has put together at least four different women's promotions in America with television shows (even if they were syndicated) and ALL of them failed? IF TNA's ratings are successful with this show, then it won't be long before TNA decides to start putting the male roster on it and the main events of the show will be James Storm against Stone Cold Shark Boy and other such WCW Thunder-era main events.

Then again, its TNA, they'll probably have Kurt Angle in drag beat Awesome Kong for the title on the first show.

AstonMartyn:   Disagree.

Neither. I don't know anything about TNA so can't really comment, but from what I understand TNA can't put together a decent one hour show anyway .

3. Agree or Disagree
If you heard really good reviews, you would pay money to see a movie called "The Wrestler" that starred Mickey Rourke.

Dave P: Agree.

I see no reason why not although I would probably wait for it to be released on DVD. This is of course assuming that the climax of the movie will not end in a match that includes the words "on a pole."

Green Teabagger:   Disagree.

I don't really have a lot to say here either, except I'm not into wrestling movies, movies with wrestlers in them, or usually any mix of wrestling and movies. Also, but I wouldn't know Mickey Rourke from Mickey Mouse from Danger Mouse from Paul E. Dangerously, so that doesn't make a lick of difference to me. I don't go to a lot of movies anyway, and usually when I go.....I go to see a comedy and/or I'm trying to get laid (hey, at least I'm honest about it). Now magazines and wrestling together on the other hand, that's great.

Speaking of which, I'd rather talk about something more important like......when's the Maria issue of Playboy coming out? Ask me about that one.

AstonMartyn:   Disagree.

I own Ready to Rumble on VHS and draw the line there. Wrestling shouldn't be in movies as it's a movie style form of entertainment in itself. I can't see myself sitting through a wrestling movie without wanting to shout at the screen because it's full of the old wrestling clichés. That said, if I was really really really drunk I'd probably just download it .

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Great job, guys! I'm looking forward to seeing who joins me next week.  

What...you've never participated before?   Or maybe you have and would like to do it again?

Hey...you ALL have a chance to be part of an upcoming column.   You get a chance to have your thoughts on the crazy world of professional wrestling read by thousands every week.   This truly is open to everybody!   And with a new year comes a new list...I'm still basically starting from scratch, people.   Contact me NOW and you'll be put at or near the top of the list.   Why wait?  

I want readers to participate!

  ,

 ,

No problem.    Seriously...it's not a problem at all.    NOW is the time for you to volunteer.    Really...RIGHT NOW!!    It's a brand new year and I need a brand new list of guest columnists.

You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or look me up on Facebook as ZAH Insanity and letting me know that you'd like to participate (and then join the Insanity Facebook page ).    

So until next week, take care.