10-10-08

"It’s a long way to the top... "

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – Text HONKY to 44993 right now!!

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I realize that WWE is totally rushing the hell out of the Santino/Honky confrontation, but I don't care.  I absolutely MUST see Honky Tonk Man in a WWE ring again taking on Santino Marella. This is pure joy personified.

The rumors going ‘round the ‘net is that there is a distinct possibility that neither Piper, Honky, or Goldust will even show up.   The stories are that it will actually be Charlie Haas dressed-up as one of those iconic characters on his way to an IC title run.

I can’t tell you just how horrifying that would be.   I mean, I’m excited to see Santino go up against one of these wrestling old-timers and then you swerve us?   Maybe if it wasn’t a PPV where the fans actually decided on who they wanted to see…but with people actually PAYING for voting this year, it would be a terrible thing for WWE to screw around with this.

The Honk-A-Meter may be in full effect…but Marella’s about to feel the Shake, Rattle, & Roll, baby!  

To hell with the election…THIS should be the only voting you’re doing over the next few weeks.   Set your priorities, people.

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Item # 2 – RAW is Snore.

Am I the only one completely bored to tears with the past few weeks of RAW?  I mean, it's not like the shows sucked or anything...they just didn't "do anything" for me.  

Just a few short months ago, RAW was a happenin' place.  CM Punk was the World heavyweight champion (I still can't believe that actually happened), Kofi Kingston was the Intercontinental champion (boo-yah!), and Priceless was just starting their reign as World tag team champions.

And now?

Jericho 's champion...and that's awesome, don't get me wrong.  He's been absolutely incredible in his role and totally deserves his title run.  I just wouldn't call his new character ‘exciting’.  He's been compelling, but not really exciting.  But I’ll admit he's getting incredible heat and has been spectacular in his feud with Michaels...but can that continue with Batista?  Yikes...just the thought of that feud makes me shudder.   The future doesn't bode well.

Santino Marella's Intercontinental champion...and that's also awesome, I guess.  And in this case, he's been so incredibly entertaining that I can't really complain too much.  

But can't I?  

Marella’s booked to be a flukier champ than Honky Tonk EVER was.  He's funny and entertaining, but let’s face it…the Intercontinental title is just a worthless piece of tin at the moment.  The title has such a long and illustrious history, so see it crapped on by WWE is more than just a little sad.  

The IC title used to mean two things: (1) you were one step away from being WWE champion or at least getting a main event run as the #2 guy in the promotion, and (2) you were probably the best "wrestler" in the promotion while the WWE champion was the best draw.  It's nowhere near that now and that sucks.

Priceless are still tag champs.  However, after beating single-handedly beaten by John Cena and then adding no-name-generic-Samoan #4 to the mix has only tarnished them in my eyes.  Other than DiBiase, who is definitely a future main event player, this trio has done NOTHING for me but caused me to yawn incessantly.

So what else on RAW is taking place that would cause me to tune in every week?  

Glamarella?   Meh.   How much farther can they go with this?

Should I be excited about watching CM Punk wondering around aimlessly with Kofi Kingston, both looking for something to do?

Oooohh…can’t wait to see Charlie "Who can I be this week" Haas.

Yay!!   Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle……….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Here’s something new…how about watching Shawn Michaels turning into the very thing he hates?  I mean, I'm assuming that's the storyline after Monday night's destruction of "the next big main event dude" Lance Cade.   But I can only take so much of his crossed-eyes and receding hairline before wanting to turn the channel every time he’s on my television.

How ‘bout watching Rey Mysterio getting beat-up by Kane every week?   Giddy-up…let’s hope WWE unmasks his punk-ass.   That’s a money idea that worked tremendously for WCW.

Sigh.

I dunno, kids.  I'm disappointed in RAW.  ECW is still slightly entertaining only because you've got guys like Jack Swagger and Evan Bourne doing their best to break away from the pack (I’m purposely ignoring ‘Afro-Boy’).  Smackdown's gonna rock over the coming weeks because Vinnie Mac will do anything in his power to bring the ratings up now that they've switched over to MySpaceNetworkSomethingTV or whatever f*ckin' channel they're on now.

This is why I love the indies.  There's always something new and exciting to watch.  It might sometimes be silly...it may not have production value...but I'd much rather catch a Pro Wrestling Guerrilla or CHIKARA or Ring of Honor show than anything on WWE these days.  By far.

And don't even get me started on TNA.  They're not even worth mentioning at this point.

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Item # 3 – A conundrum wrapped in an enigma?

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Interesting.  

One of the first matches advertised for Cyber Sunday is a World heavyweight title match between Chris Jericho and Batista, where the fans can vote in the special guest referee:

- "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

- "The Legend Killer" Randy Orton

- "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels

What's interesting is that both Orton and Michaels have had high-profiles over the past few weeks and, from storyline perspectives, both have reasons to be involved in this match.

Austin ?  I'm surprised that WWE is risking his popularity by having him NOT get voted into the match.   He’s got a movie coming out eventually that could be promoted, I guess.   But other than that, why throw a pay-day his way for doing basically nothing on a go-nowhere PPV?

I, for one, miss Austin .  And I do want to see him.  So yeah...I think I'm voting for the Rattlesnake.  After all, Cyber Sunday isn't for continuing storylines, it's for f*ckin' up the status quo.

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Item # 4 – The Ultimate A$$hole?

I know it’s going to be hard for many of you to believe, but the Ultimate Warrior isn’t an overly popular guy.   I know…crazy, right?  

Well, Chris Masters recently gave an interview and didn’t really hold back when discussing working on a card with Warrior over in Spain recently:

"Man if you wanted to turn this into a shoot, I will shoot on the Warrior for you. He is from this day forward the Ultimate Asshole."  

"The guy is 50 years old and he expected the red carpet rolled out for him in NWE. We were doing a three-week tour of Spain and they brought him in to create a buzz for the product. He had one match to do with   Orlando Jordan   for our big show in Barcelona . They rented him a house and flew out his wife and daughters and all I was hearing about from the guys higher up was his bitching and saying, 'I am the Ultimate Warrior, you should be promoting this more,' and doing everything he possibly could to be a dick and make it hard for those of us who were working every day busting our asses."

"The first time he came out he had a meeting, gave this nice speech about how he felt it was his responsibility to give back. Two months later he was bitching about stuff, comes to the show, doesn’t say hi to anybody, goes straight to the locker room, gets in his Warrior gear and goes out and works a 16-minute match that was 20 minutes too long."

"The guy trained for this match like it was a bodybuilding show. He hadn’t wrestled legitimately in about 15 years, because let's be honest that WCW run doesn’t even count. He gave Orlando a hiptoss and a backdrop and then blew up in two minutes; there was nothing that Orlando could do. He stunk the whole joint out. We were backstage and it was unlike any atmosphere I have ever felt. We asked Juventud Guerrera what they were chanting in Spanish and it was things like boring and bullsh--. Whatever he thinks his value is, he is completely delusional. It is safe to say the Ultimate Warrior is an asshole, the best way to describe him is ugh."

Nah…it can’t be true.   The Ultimate Warrior was a prima-donna jackass?   Say it ain’t so!!  

Of course, this isn’t the first time somebody has called out Warrior on his ego or his attitude.   Hell, even I’ve been a huge critic of just that very thing over the past few years and I used to idolize the guy as a teenager.

Warrior has no concept of who he is or what his place is in wrestling history.   And changing his legal name to “Warrior” and then going on anti-gay rants while doing the “speech circuit” certainly didn’t help his claim of being “sane”.   The guy thinks because he had two or three great years in the business that it owes something to him.

It doesn’t.

The guy is an egomaniac…so f*cked-up on narcissism that he has no idea that the world has passed him by.   There is interest in him as a character, sure.   But people also pay to get an autograph of Virgil, for chrissakes.

Warrior’s an ass.   Period.

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Item # 5 – Don’t ever ask the Great Khali about his “tally-wacker”.

Now I don’t know if this whole thing is a joke or not.   Just the notion that Johnny Knoxville has an interview segment where he and his guests get drunk during an interview screams “amateurish”.   Of course, it’s a guy from Jackass so I shouldn’t be surprised.

But I also know how much of a fan of wrestling that Knoxville is…so it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that this was all a work.   At this point, when it comes to wrestling NOTHING surprises me anymore.

But don’t just take my word for it…

http://www.jackassworld.com/blog/2008/10/03/one-bourbon-one-scotch-and-one-beer-–-the-great-khali/

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Item # 6 – Kelly Kelly to NOT pose for Playboy.

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Maria Kanellis suggested last week that she had heard that Kelly Kelly was going to be the next diva featured in Playboy.  In this week's WrestlingObserver newsletter, Dave Meltzer said the following:

"I do know that right after Mania, that was the plan and haven’t heard anything different since."

Well...now you can say you've heard something different :

"i finally have a chance to set the record straight...im not posing for playboy..nothing against playboy at all but i dont know who is posing for playboy but it wont be me. i just want to concentrate on wrestling right now.

thank you all for your support..it means soo much to me and keep the messages coming. xoxo kelly kelly"

This is probably smoke and mirrors, as WWE hates to have things revealed that they want to keep secret until the time is just right.  Plus, the whole "I just want to concentrate on wrestling" story is such bullsh*t.  I mean, Candice and Maria both did it and are doing just fine with their in-ring careers (and Ashley would have still been around had it not been for an injury, taking care of her kid, and sucking major donkey balls in the ring)...so why in the hell couldn't KK juggle both?  

Seriously...how bloody hard is it to sit there naked?  And how many days of your busy wrestling work-week would sitting around naked actually occupy?   God…this chick is such a ditz.  

I'd still TOTALLY bang her...but she's still a ditz.

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Item # 7 – So…does this mean Kimbo sucks?

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As a totally casual fan of MMA, I was quite entertained by the show last Saturday night.   Was I bothered by the fact Ken Shamrock f*cked-up the entire program?   Nah.   The product was slick, the fighting was fine, and Gina Carano was absolutely SMOKIN’!

I had seriously considered Kimbo to be my Loser of the Week this week, but upon learning that he got paid $500,000 for 14 seconds (and that doesn’t include his endorsements or the “added incentive” he was paid to take the fight at the last second)…I just can’t justify calling him a loser.  

And that’s the thing that a lot of people, I think, are getting too carried away with.   He got caught.   It happens.   Rocky lost a fight, too.   Hell…even Triple H loses every once in a blue moon.   The point is that NOBODY in MMA goes undefeated, and just because Kimbo got caught off-guard by a flurry of punches doesn’t make him a crappy fighter (that would have been exposed by Shamrock anyway, in my opinion).

The fact of the matter is that there is still ratings to be had and money to be made by a Kimbo/Ken match…regardless of what happened last Saturday night.

I’m a casual fan.   I don’t care about wins and losses.   EliteXC has already created a star in Kimbo Slice, just as they’ve created a star in Gina Carano.   As long as they continue to push and promote properly, people will want to see them fight.   Jeez…just look at UFC.  

Wins and losses don’t mean a thing if there’s a proper promotional machine working overtime to make the general public believe what you want them to believe.

Christ…we’re all wrestling fans, aren’t we?   Hasn’t Vince taught us anything over the years?

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Item # 8 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. 

This week was no effort at all.    As soon as I heard this story, I immediately knew who was getting chosen.    So in saying that, this time around ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

VINCE RUSSO!!!

Click this link .   It’s safe…it’s YouTube…don’t worry about it.   This is the latest edition of Spin Cycle, which is TNA’s cute little answer to the 24/7 roundtable shows that WWE puts together.

So this week there was a group of backstage agents for TNA, one of which was Vince Russo. I don’t know if he was playing a character for the 8 people in the audience or if he was truly that big of an asshole, but when the conversation turned to Sarah Palin, Vince had this to say:

“I am gonna make this perfectly clear: as an old-school Italian, we don’t need a woman anywhere near the White House.   NO WHERE NEAR; cut and dry.   I don’t have any problem with Sarah Palin.   If she wants to come to my house and clean my toilets, no problem.”

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Listen, I’m no huge fan of Palin…but if Dan Quayle can become vice-president, then ANYBODY is qualified enough for the job.   Still…in 2008, you would think those types of sexist remarks…especially when you’re employed by a woman…would be left off the table.

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Just add it to the list of things to dislike Russo for.

So for still being a douchebag after years and years of douchebaggery...congrats go out to Vince Russo on being the latest to be ZAH's "Loser of the Week"!  

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PILLAR TO POST

WHO ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE WOMEN OF ALL TIME AND WHY?

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I gotta say, I’m excited about this week’s guest.   I first saw her when I was reviewing the entire first season of Wrestling Society X for www.ClubWWI.com (nothing wrong with a cheap plug, right?).   I had never seen this woman before but was absolutely floored by her beauty.   It’s always important to make a good first impression.

So anyway, I thought her gimmick was tremendous.   It was simple, yet somehow still unique.   She was paired as Matt Sydal’s girlfriend and played the part perfectly.   And if WSX had lasted longer than just a few episodes on MTV, we might have eventually found out just what was happening between her and X-Pac.

And now?   Now she’s traveling the world and honing her craft.   She has wrestled over in Spain for NWE and is currently down in Mexico wrestling and traveling with Juventud Guerrera (a former interviewee on ClubWWI) & the Sexicools.   As long as she continues to work hard, I see big things on this woman’s horizon.

Ladies and gents, my special guest this week is...

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Lizzy Valentine!!

Photos courtesy MySpace.com/LizzyValentine

"Here are my favorites, but in no particular order-

1. Sable

Because she had a lot of charisma and acted like such a bitch.

2. Trish Stratus

Because she went from being just a valet to one of the best. 

3. Molly Holly (aka Nora Greenwald)

I loved when she was Miss Madness in WCW. She is a really technical wrestler, and I also think it’s awesome that she lost her hair in a match. Not many women would do that. 

4. Awesome Kong

She is sooo different and I love her brutal style.

5. Sunny (aka Tammy Sytch)

She is not a wrestler, but she is definitely the reason I got into the business. I always loved her personality and charisma. She paved the way for all of the divas in the business."

So there ya have it.   My thanks go out to Lizzy for participating in the column this week.  It’s greatly appreciated.

Now if you want to learn more about this beautiful, talented, international performer…you can go to her MySpace page and add her as a friend.   

Also, definitely check out her website, www.LizzyValentine.com !

Of course that’s not all this week.    Ya’ll know that ultimately this part of the column is all about YOU...the reader.    So having said that, I now hand over the floor to two of the ZAH faithful so they can provide their own thoughts on the topic at hand and become guest columnists for a week: female wrestling fan Drowgoddess & one of the most hardcore male fans of women’s wrestling I’ve ever seen, MC_U.S.TitleBelt!

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Drowgoddess

I have to clarify two points. Firstly, many women with awesome reputations, particularly in Japan , aren’t on my list because I’ve never actually seen them. Secondly, as the topic said “favorite” and not “greatest,” there is no justification for anyone being mentioned here beyond their abilities to draw me to the tv screen. I’m straight, so them just being really hot wasn’t going to do it.

1. Trish Stratus
One of the best all-around performers the industry has ever seen of either gender. Great as a face, even better as a heel. Sweet and tough or slutty and manipulative, she had it all. Outstanding in the ring, good on the mic, and actually able to act! Trish came in as a cheesecake valet/manager, and could easily have stayed one for her entire career. She ranks so highly with me because she deliberately chose not to do that, and not only learned to wrestle and take serious bumps, but surpassed many of the men on the roster in the quality of her matches. When Trish came to the ring, you knew you weren’t going to be disappointed. Females who are serious wrestling fans had someone who really represented them in Trish. Without her, the high point of women’s wrestling in the WWE would not have happened in the manner it did.

2. Lita (aka Amy Dumas)
Lita changed everything. She gets criticized a great deal for “bringing nothing to the table but a sloppy moonsault,” but that’s unfair. Before Lita, all of the women looked pretty much the same. The wrestling style, such as it was, was the same for almost all of them. Audiences went berserk over her because she stood out, and at one point, she was one of the most popular performers on the entire roster. The reaction she got from the crowds was almost at Austin and Rock levels, and anyone who doubts that need only watch DVDs from the 1999-2002 period when her name was thunderously chanted during matches she wasn’t even in. Other women weren’t even attempting the high-flying style, and she was better at it than she gets credit for. I wanted to be her in the worst way, and if I were a lesbian, she would have been at the top of my list. Lita will always be a case of “might have been.” After the initial neck injury, she was clearly uncomfortable with continuing the Hardy-esque style that she had started with. She was really on to something when she briefly used a very brutal and mostly mat-based style, and even had the Tazzmission as a finishing hold. Apparently someone in charge thought that a few days should have been long enough to get that over, and it was stopped far too soon. Her popularity was so high that it took a real-life situation to make audiences boo her. She could have been much better than she was allowed to be, and I’ll always be sorry about that.

3. Molly Holly (aka Nora Greenwald)

In terms of technical skill, the absolute best. She blew away the rest of the roster in terms of ring work, and never really got to shine in the manner in which I felt she deserved. She was another all-around great performer. Whether as the sweet Juliet to Spike Dudley’s Romeo, Mighty Molly the superhero sidekick, or the ultimate anti-Diva, she was just fun to watch in terms of character and mic skills. A completely different flavor from Trish, but many of the same elements.

4. Francine

Not so much as a wrestler, but one of the most awesome manager/valets ever. She played skanky and bitchy like no one else, and took some seriously brutal and nasty punishment as a result of her physical interference in matches. I loved to hate her as a heel because you knew that unlike in the WWE/WCW world, she would eventually get hers. I can still see her with two black eyes standing in the scene with Rhino and Justin Credible, holding the kendo stick while they cut a promo. The woman was absolutely fearless, and while her on-screen persona was as far from classy as one can get, I respected the hell out of her. Still do.

5. MsChif
My newest favorite. I saw her at an ROH show in Chicago , and she’s just electric! I’ve been tracking down DVDs of her matches, and am becoming more of a fan with each one. She has definite charisma, and she’s visually and personality-wise different from everyone else. Love the look, love the moves, love the scream. Calling her one of my five favorites of all time when I only discovered her this year may seem a stretch, but when you know, you just know. You know? Seriously, I expect MsChif to be a tremendous force, and I’ll keep paying to see her.

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MC_U.S.TitleBelt

1. Rain

What can one say to describe Rain? She is a perfect combination of beauty and toughness. This is a girl who on June 25th of 2006 wrestled two matches on the same day with a stint tube still inside of her from a kidney stone surgery a few days before, even though her doctor told her not to. Now that's what I call true toughness, even though I feared for her safety (not to mention, questioned her sanity) the entire time. While most of you probably only know her as Ms. Peyton Banks, former valet of Robert Roode in TNA, Rain is a very prominent member on the roster of Shimmer: Women Athletes (the world's premiere all-women's wrestling promotion) and one half of the greatest tag team ever, The Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew. I highly recommend checking out her work for yourself on the Shimmer DVD collection, which is available at www.rohwrestling.com .

2. Wendi Richter

While Rain may be my #1, had it not been for Wendi Richter, I probably wouldn't have the obvious love of women's wrestling that most likely prompted ZAH to invite me into this discussion. She was the first woman wrestler I ever really knew about, and I was drawn to her immediately for two reasons. First and foremost: What she would do in the ring was indistinguishable from what the men on the roster were doing in the, i.e. she could wrestle and was good and entertaining at it, and powerful to boot. Secondly, she was managed by one of my all time favorite singers, Cyndi Lauper. Wendi Richter was my "gateway drug" for women's wrestling. My fanship of her led me to try and find more sources of strong women making a legit mark on a sport dominated by men.

3. Madusa Miceli

While Wendi Richter impressed me with her power, Madusa impressed me with her finesse. She was the first Curt Hennig-esque female wrestler I had ever seen. A great athlete who was very graceful in the ring. Her wrestling was as pretty as she was, with technical skill that could arguably rival your Rick Martels, Bret Harts, or Dean Malenkos. And she could make a German Suplex look as devastating as Chris Benoit did. Thanks to ESPN Classics, I get to see Ms. Miceli in her early days on AWA Championship Wrestling re-runs, and it is easy to see why she was voted Pro Wrestling Illustrated's Rookie of the Year when you see her in spectacular battles with some of the greats like Sherri Martel, Wendi Richter, and the Magnificent Mimi.

4. Nattie Neidhart

While I'd heard that one of my favorite wrestlers growing up (Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart) had a daughter who was also trained in the "family business", I had not seen her work until October 21st, 2006 during a Shimmer weekend. I was blown away by everything she did, her in-ring work, her crowd interaction, her selling ability. She was and I still believe is the total package (not to be confused with Lex Luger) of what a female wrestler should be and the kind of female wrestler that the nationally televised promotions should be utilizing properly, because she can do something that many of her contemporaries in the company can't do, and that is work. I expect great things from her while she's in WWE, because she is more than capable of doing so.

5. Riot

A better portion of you are probably saying "WHO?!?!?!". But, there could also be some among you who remember another project from the same promoter who brought you GLOW. Riot was one of the top heels in WOW: Women of Wrestling. WOW, like GLOW, was a collection of over-the-top characters, and even though her gimmick was just that of a heavy metal enthusiast who carried a baseball bat and was mean as could be, in a sea of cowgirls, flamenco dancers, biker chicks, auto mechanics, parodies of James Bond and Xena, a trio of convicted felons who were let out of prison once a week to wrestle, Olympic Gymnasts, and a sadistic Kindergarten teacher, Riot was easily the standout of them all. If there was a female version of Stone Cold Steve Austin, it was Riot. She was beloved and hated, just like Austin , and she was also good at the other thing that Austin was good at, and I don't mean chuggin' a beer after the match, either. If you check YouTube for WOW: Women of Wrestling, there is no shortage of matches involving Riot, including a not too shabby hardcore match from WOW's one and only PPV. Check it out.

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Thanks!!    I think that it's easy to tell that I love this new format.    And guess what, kids...EVERYBODY has a shot at being a volunteer for a future Pillar to Post.    The great thing about this new format is that it's not time-sensitive and you don't need to watch every wrestling show on the planet every single week in order to answer a topic.  Hey...I wonder who my special guests will be next week?

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So that's it for this week.    I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...           

Got something to say?    You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog The World According to ZAH !    Oh...and then join the Insanity Facebook page . And then there's the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to).

Whew!    Got all that?    Good.    That's all I got for now, kids.    Until next week...take care.

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