10-24-08

"…it’s so hard to swallow…"

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – Ring of Honor to get television?

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One would think that Ring of Honor's next step in their growth cycle would be to garner a national television deal. The rumor floating around today is that there have been preliminary talks (VERY preliminary) between ROH and a national television channel of some sort.

That's pretty much all the detail that's available at the moment, but one has to be a little bit excited and really nervous at the same time.

I've always been under the impression that if ROH had the same money backing it as TNA does and continued to provide the same product that it's providing now that it could be a viable #2 promotion over time. 

Just imagine ROH having Panda Energy money and bringing in guys like Kurt Angle and Christian Cage and AJ Styles and Samoa Joe and Homicide and the Motor City Machine Guns and all those other guys they lost to TNA, only providing the same kick-ass in-ring action that they're currently famous for.

Imagine TNA without the WWE-lite booking.

The obvious problem is that ROH doesn't, in fact, have TNA money or a conglomerate like Panda Energy backing them. They don't have the stars, they don't have the production value, and they don't have a casual fanbase ready to watch them on a weekly basis.

Ring of Honor is a niche product. It's a product I love and could watch every week...but it's not for everybody. I'd love to see them get a shot at a national tv deal, but I'm certainly not going to hold my breath.

Bring in a big money mark like Panda Energy and then we'll talk about television.

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Item # 2 – That new Hogan show didn’t suck.

I know.   You don’t even have to say it…I know.   But you know what?   I don’t care.   I’ll say it to your face:

I actually liked Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling.

I realize that anybody and everybody within the wrestling world is saying this show sucked major ass in every way, shape, and form…but I actually enjoyed it.

I actually liked hearing the judges talk amongst themselves during the matches, and I’m looking forward to hearing more of it in future episodes because it enhances the wrestling matches, which pretty much suck.  

I actually enjoyed Bubba the Love Sponge’s commentary.   I thought he did an extremely respectable job not only commentating but explaining certain moves, terminology, AND psychology.   Never before has the business been so “exposed”, but this show wasn’t created for long-time fans.   This show was created for a casual fanbase that may not want to watch wrestling anymore because it’s “fake”.   Well, if this is no longer wrestling and is supposed to be “sports entertainment”, then what’s wrong with explaining the fundamentals of the entertainment aspect of it all?   Actors explain motivation and directors explain why things were filmed in a certain way, is this truly so different just because it’s wrestling?

Obviously, there are some early favorites. Danny Bonaduce seems to be everybody's favorite, but you can't take anything away from Dennis Rodman as the guy has a ton of in-ring experience (in comparison, at least, to everybody else in the cast).

I think the dark horses are Todd Bridges (who has been called the most athletic of the entire bunch by Hogan himself) and Dustin Diamond, who is a huge wrestling fan and seemed to be able to bump like a madman and act like a perfect heel during his match.

Could this be highly successful and turned into a touring show?   F*ck no.   The wrestling is horrific and there isn’t a single person in the bunch that could realistically make it in the business on their own merits.   That’s not the point, though.   This isn’t “real wrestling”…it’s f*cking “celebrity wrestling”.   You’re getting what you paid for.

CMT, while slightly disappointed by the 0.4 rating, still promoted the fact that numbers for the show helped increase CMT’s prime time average by 50 percent (including a startling 106 percent with male viewers).   So for now, at least, the show will probably play out its 8-week run.   Will there be a second season?  

I don’t think I would mind that at all.
 

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Item # 3 – Is Brutus Beefcake my new hero?

So here's another Hogan Celebrity Wrestling story going ‘round the horn.  

Nikki Ziering…the least talented person from the Celebrity Wrestling thing, is currently pregnant and the story is that she got pregnant during the taping of the reality show.

As a rib, Bubba the Love Sponge and Eric Bischoff called up Brutus Beefcake and told him that TMZ.com was reporting that he was the father.   To their surprise…and to the surprise of many who were apparently listening…Beefcake admitted that he could indeed be the father.

WHAT???

“What was I supposed to do?” was his excuse.   She apparently came to his trailer on more than one occasion and he couldn’t contain himself.   To his defense, though, he claimed that every guy there except for Brian Knobbs were all having fun with her.   “I wasn’t the only dog in the pen.”

At this point, I don’t even care that Zeiring was banging everybody.   From what I’ve been told, she was one step away from full-blown porn as recently as last year so the fact that she’s a slut isn’t huge news.

No, what has me shaking my head is that this man…

…was f*cking this chick:

Y’know, whether or not she's pregnant from the Beefer remains to be seen. What appears to be the case, though, is that Beefcake’s a playa, bitches.

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Item # 4 – Brian Knobbs is, in fact, a f*ckin’ knob.

We might as well continue on the Hogan’s World bandwagon with a story on his sidekick.   At last Thursday's playoff game in Boston between the Red Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays, there was a little bit of an incident between "Nasty Boy" Brian Knobbs and Fenway Park's security.  In fact, Knobbs had to be escorted out of the building and some have lay claim that it was the starting point of the Red Sox improbable rally to storm back and win the game.

Of course…that’s all a moot point now, but whatever.

Here are some pics of the incident...

Some people just can't help but live the gimmick. It's sad, really. You'd think he'd at least have grown his f*ckin' hair back by now.

What a goof.

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Item # 5 – The Main Event Mafia debut on Impact last night.

Kurt Angle, Sting, Booker T, and Kevin Nash.   This is a heel faction that I can get behind.   This is a concept that has some legs to it.   I know that many people have claimed that because previous "old vs. young" storylines have failed (most famously in WCW), that this one is also doomed for failure.  This could be extremely entertaining...

…or it could totally suck donkey balls (or Disco Inferno's balls...but why give him the satisfaction).    I mean, it’s TNA.   I won’t hold my breath until I see more.   But last night’s Impact gave me a glimmer of hope that this could be a pretty decent concept.

Let’s all pray together that TNA can actually entertain the masses for a change and not f*ck this up completely.

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Item # 6 – Manu told to lose weight.

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It’s been reported that the third wheel of the Priceless team, Manu, has been told by WWE management to keep his weight under 260lbs.  Personally, I think they should have also told him to find a f*ckin' personality before telling him to lose weight…but that’s just me.

I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat. I mean, he's got a weight problem. What's the n**** gonna do? He's Samoan.

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Item # 7 – More on Lance Cade’s release.

Just to clarify the views of anybody who might have thought Lance Cade was released for medical reasons (i.e. that seizure he had), Jim Ross had the following to say:

"I feel confident that Lance will rebound from this misstep and find the success that many feel he deserves. Nonetheless, for some to compare Lance's incident where he had a seizure on an airplane that necessitated an emergency trip to a hospital with Jeff Hardy being asked to leave a plane because it was perceived that he was allegedly intoxicated seems like a stretch to me.

"Neither individual was on the right side of the equation of their respective issues but Lance, unfortunately, came too close for comfort by incurring a life threatening seizure and put the WWE in a position to make a really tough call. Could this matter have been handled better? I have no idea as I was not in the loop, thankfully, but I do feel that at some point in the future, and this is simply my opinion, after enough water has gone under the bridge that both parties could well do business again with each other."

I was one of the people who did, in fact,  compare Cade's situation to Hardy's . Of course, Hardy has a long history of incidents so I still feel that the comparison was valid and not really a stretch at all. I mean, there's a reason why Jeff Hardy isn't WWE champion right now, and it's not because Triple H is just some big meanie.

It’s now being reported (but not confirmed) that company officials believe it was prescription pill abuse that led to this seizure.   Because this was a public event (even though nobody from the mainstream media picked-up on it), it was decided that it warrented a harsh punishment.

At the end of the day, Cade is still young and talented enough to be able to earn a second chance with WWE (not to mention he’s got his trainer, Shawn Michaels, still very firmly in his corner). Until that time, though, he and Murdoch can go and hit the indie scene together.

What a shame.

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Item # 8 – The Osirian Portal = CHIKARA tag champs!!

A few weeks ago, one of my favorite indie tag teams...The Osirian Portal...participated in the  Shakin' My Head column. I said at the time that I was looking forward to them winning the CHIKARA Campeonatos de Parejas (i.e. the tag team titles) from the Super Smash Brothers.

Well, just last week they won the did!!

How awesome is that pic?? Plus, you add to the fact that they are actually getting a tryout match with Ring of Honor by taking on the current ROH tag team champions Steenerico (i.e. Kevin Steen & El Generico) and you've got one kick-ass month for these guys.

And yes...I'm going to take 100% responsibility for giving them a jump-start to this great month.  

Now if you want to get down with the funky Egyptian flavor, you must go to the Osirian Portal MySpace page and add them as friends.   

Also, definitely check out Chikara's website, www.ChikaraPro.com .  Out of all of the indy websites out there, I truly think their website is one of the best.    It helps explain the characters in a way that really enhances their product.

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And after you go there, make sure you watch the Chikara Podcast A Go-Go !!  Recorded live in an elevator (and sometimes other places around Pennsylvania) the show features clips from past live events and mundane chatter about other stuff. 

Definitely worth the click of your mouse.

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Item # 9 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week’s winner just popped up today…and it’s because she’s a mind-numbingly arrogant diva-douche.   This time around, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Beyoncé !!!

This has nothing to do with how hot this chick may or may not be.   This has to do with somebody who has seen their ego inflate to the point where they not only think people need a double-f*ckin’ album of her sh*tty R&B retread crap, but that she’s also important enough to warrant having a new personality :

The R&B singer has christened herself “Sasha Fierce” for her new double album, “I Am ... Sasha Fierce,” due in stores on Nov. 18, and has released a lengthy justification for the comical moniker.

“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am,” she said in a statement.

Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.”

Seriously?   Bitch even got a MySpace for her new moniker.   Ain’t seen nothing this dumb-ass since Prince turned himself into a symbol…but even that was at least a statement against his record company more than him wanting to be somebody stupid.

F*ck…even P. Diddy still sounded a little like Puff Daddy, and it's not like having an alter ego did much for Mariah Carey's career ("Mimi" my ass).

So for allowing your massive ego to run wild, congrats go out to Sasha f*ckin’ Fierce on being ZAH's "Loser of the Week"!  

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PILLAR TO POST

WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE FINISHING MOVES OF ALL TIME AND WHY?

I’m going to be completely honest here, kids.   When I changed the format for Pillar to Post, my guest this week was one of the first people I went after.

Why?   He’s a performer that has really been thrust into the spotlight in Ring of Honor over the past year, and he’s been entertaining the hell out of me.

If you’ve listened to my ClubWWI audio reviews of ROH dvd’s and ppv’s, no doubt you have heard me be really entertained at his antics.   I mean seriously…anybody who can claim to bang Daizee Haze, help turn Delirious heel, and wrestle in a bowtie while all the while acting like a new-age version of Rick Rude (including having Daizee’s face air-brushed on the ass of his tights) absolutely deserves kudos in my book.  

So this week, I’m extremely pleased to introduce one of ROH’s fastest rising stars who has had a break-out year in 2008 (winning the 2008 Chris Candido Cup and the ROH Top of the Class trophy)…

“Addicted to Love” RHETT TITUS!!!

“ 5. Doink The Clown - Whoopee Cushion

What is better than a clown jumping off the top rope ready to drive his ass in someones face???

4. Shawn Michaels - Sweet Chin Music

Awesome name for a vicious kick to the face. It was great to watch him "tune up the band" or just for him to hit it out of nowhere.

3. The Undertaker - Tombstone Piledriver

Cool move with a cool name for a cool character.

2. D-Lo Brown - The Low Down

A great frogsplash from the top rope with a diffrent technique then most. Ive actually added this to my repertoire and dubbed it "The Froggy Style Splash"

And “Addicted to Love” Rhett Titus' all time number one favorite finishing move...

1. The Von Erichs - THE CLAW

I liked theirs a lot more than Baron Von Rasches' and once one of the brothers would slap this hold on the roof would explode off the top of the Sportatorium in Texas . Gotta love the Von Erich Brothers!!! ”

Tremendous, Rhett!!   I really appreciate you taking the time out to participate in the column.   And if you want to know more about “Addicted to Love” Rhett Titus, go to his MySpace and say “Hi from ZAH” for me.  

And don’t forget Ring of Honor appears in Danbury, CT tonight at the Danbury Police Athletic League Building and tomorrow night at the Inman Sports Club in Edison, NJ.   If you’re in the area, you’d be crazy to pass up on the best wrestling the independents have to offer.

Of course that’s not all this week.    Ya’ll know that ultimately this part of the column is all about YOU...the reader.    So having said that, I now hand over the floor to two of the Insanity faithful so they can provide their own thoughts on the topic at hand and become guest columnists for a week.

This week I bring you two great readers in Mike Myerson and The Big O!

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Mike Myerson

Thanks for including me Zah! I hope this rates. Here I go!

1. The Figure Four Leg Lock

"Now, we go to school!" After the horsemen destroyed Dusty Rhodes' ankle, after they caved in Sting's knee, the Figure Four was comparable to capital murder! Flair's application of this move was done with the premeditation of a serial killer. The look in Flair's eyes when he had his opponents ankle in the air was nothing short of maniacal!

2. The Diamond Cutter / RKO - DDP / Randy Orton

Dallas Page was very innovative in his delivery of the Diamond Cutter. Every week on Nitro he would pull out his finisher from a different direction. The beauty of a great finisher is that you don't see it coming. Randy Orton is equally adept at sneaking in this dynamic move.

3. Total Elimination - The Eliminators

I felt the need to include a tag team finisher in this list. I'm almost positive that Saturn and Kronus picked this move up in Japan (hell, most of these moves were ripped off from innovative Japanese wrestlers). Although mainstream success eluded this team, I was a fan.

4. The Canadian Destroyer - Petey Williams

This is one of the most dynamic moves in wrestling today. I'm still not exactly sure how this move works, (when I say jump, you'd better jump), but it looks amazing!

5. The Piledriver - Jerry Lawler

On wrestling television today, the pile driver is just as common as the headlock, but back in the late 70's and early 80's, the piledriver was a big deal. I'll never forget Terry Funk delivering a piledriver to Ric Flair on a ringside table after a classic Flair / Steamboat match.

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The Big O

1. Stone Cold Stunner

Has to be the coolest looking finisher ever. It's quick, surprising, bad-ass looking and it's all Stone Cold. Nobody else can do it. I put this as number 1 not just because it's my favorite and not just because of the guy that does it, but for the simple fact that if anyone...anyone...does this move people think of one person only..."Stone Cold" Steve Austin. I think that says a lot.

2. DDT

Another bad-ass move. The Jake Roberts DDT, that is. The way he holds his opponent before quickly dropping him on top of his head just looked so devastating. The perfect finisher for one of wrestling's GREATEST characters of ALL TIME.

3. Sharpshooter/Scorpion Death-Lock

Bret Hart's version is my favorite. He may not have invented it but, in my opinion, he made it his own and made it look the coolest out of anybody. It's believable and looks legit painful.

4. Figure Four Leg-Lock

I've always been a fan of this. I had the honor of seeing Ric Flair use it in person on Dusty Rhodes back in 1985 at my 1st ever live event. Also, back when I was a Little O, this was my favorite move to apply on my neighborhood friends....and my younger cousin who barely speaks to me to this day.

5. Frog-Splash

Eddie Guerrero's version, although Art Barr was really the one who defined the name. It's simple; I loved Eddie and loved his finish. When he nailed Brock with it to win the title I literally jumped out of my seat.

Honorable mention - Jerry Lawler's Piledriver (a thing of beauty).


Thanks ZAH!

The Big O

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Your effort into these answers is MUCH appreciated guys.   Thanks!!    And guess what, kids...EVERYBODY has a shot at being a volunteer for a future Pillar to Post.    The great thing about this new format is that it's not time-sensitive and you don't need to watch every wrestling show on the planet every single week in order to answer a topic.  Hey...I wonder who my special guests will be next week?

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So that's it for this week.    I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...           

Got something to say?    You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog The World According to ZAH !    And then there's the ZAH MySpace page (c'mon...ADD ME...you know you want to). Oh...and then join the Insanity Facebook page . 

Whew!    Got all that?    Good.    That's all I got for now, kids.    Until next week...take care.

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