11-14-08

“ Talk is cheap and lies are expensive. "

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – Elijah Burke released.

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Just last week I called for some milk cartons to post Burke’s picture just so people could find the poor bastard.   Little did I know that we’d find out what he was up to so soon…

World Wrestling Entertainment has come to terms on the release of ECW's Elijah Burke as of Nov. 10, 2008. WWE wishes him the best in all future endeavors.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

This guy was introduced to WWE audiences as the mouthpiece for Sylvester Terkay on Smackdown. That, in and of itself, only goes to prove that the guy can talk.   AMIRIGHT??

In ECW, he was borderline brilliant on the mic and then always provided entertaining, stellar matches in the ring. He even led a faction, albeit briefly, on ECW and was a weekly staple on ECW television.

Then he disappeared.

I remember just a couple of weeks ago listening to Bryan Alvarez and Dave Meltzer discussing wrasslin' stuff when Burke's name popped up. Neither one of them had any clue as to what was going on with him. Now we know.

Talk about a waste of unbelievable talent.

I don't know if he did something backstage to bring this on himself, but what I do know is that Elijah Burke is a potential main-event star just waiting to happen. How WWE dropped the ball on this guy is beyond me.

Of course, this is the same company who refuses to give MVP a main-event title push yet still employs f*cking Funaki and Snitsky.

Unbelievable.

Any company in any promotion anywhere would be lucky to pick up Burke for one of their shows. I'm really hoping the guy doesn't give up on the business and continues on...because he's really something special.

Goddamn WWE...what is wrong with you lately?

From Elijah Burke's website:

My time is at hand. Do not weep, nor mourn, for I am gone but 4(up) a while. Hold on to that which I gave you, share it in laughter with those around you. For I have landed but for a brief refueling, for the course YOUR Pope takes is far far away. Your Pope smiles as he writes this knowing that peace is filled within, to all within the Congregation, NOW the true test begins! And remember, MY COMEBACK SHALL BE GREATER THAN MY SETBACK!~ The Pope Has Spoken!

Ummm...the Pope? Okay...I'll give the gimmick a shot. Hell, just give me Burke wrestling SOMEWHERE again.

Soon. 

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Item # 2 – A Mike Knox bandwagon?

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If there was any doubt that "booking means everything", all you had to do was take a look at the RAW debut of Mike Knox this past Monday night.

Knox's debut in ECW was a joke. "The jealous boyfriend" of Kelly Kelly...getting into a boring feud with Balls Mahoney…getting his ass kicked by CM Punk.

Yawn.

I thought it was "release city" for Knox...especially considering that he was brought into ECW as a favorite of Paul Heyman and few else thought he had that much going for him.

His answer? Grow a beard.

Seriously...if it wasn't for Knox's beard right now, you can be sure that he'd either still be on ECW or maybe in the unemployment line alongside more talented people like Elijah Burke.  Instead, he debuted on RAW and destroyed D-Lo Brown in very impressive fashion.

But Knox is talented, don’t think he’s not. I've seen him wrestle in person, I've watched him grow over the past two years, and I've seen development and improvement. This guy is like Snitsky, only he can wrestle.

Do I see gold in Knox's future? It's hard to say. I do see a pretty good push as long as his in-ring can keep up with his debut.

Is it time to create a Knox bandwagon?   Probably not…but I’m certainly not opposed to the idea.

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Item # 3 – Randy Couture or Brock Lesnar?

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Don’t kid yourselves…this match is a big f*ckin’ deal.

I’ve heard more from casual fans at work about this one match than I have about UFC or MMA in general over the past two years.   It’s insane the buzz this match has.   And I seem to be the only one thinking Couture has a shot.

Is that the promotional juggernaught at work?   Is that because Lesnar’s just so big?   Did Lesnar really impress that much in his last fight?   Is Couture really that old?

I’m not an MMA fan…probably never will be.   But I do enjoy watching the occasional match from time to time and I’ll definitely be watching this one.

Because I know Lesnar’s past accomplishments and what he’s capable of, I totally respect the fact that people believe he’s going to destroy Couture.   That’s fine…there’s a hype machine surrounding Lesnar and I can’t really argue against it.

But Couture…for as old as he may be…is still the heavyweight champ in UFC.   Until somebody beats him for that title, he’s still ‘the man’.   And yes, as you probably know the old Flair saying…to be the man you have to beat the man.

Well, I think the old man still has a trick or two up his sleeve that will result in Lesnar submitting before the fifth round.

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Item # 4 – Jeff Hardy: Next WWE champion?

Ummm…no.

But in one of the worst-kept secrets from the past week’s Smackdown tapings, Jeff Hardy finagled his way into the WWE title picture at Survivor Series.   That’s right…we’re going to get Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Triple H in a triple threat match for the WWE title.

Meh.

I’m not really that excited, to be honest.   Because I usually do my best to scour the wrestling landscape for as much info as possible, I’ve known for weeks that the December PPV had already scheduled a one-on-one match between Kozlov and Hunter…so it really didn’t make much sense to run with the same match on two consecutive PPV’s when you hadn’t explored the possibilities already at hand.

Listen…throwing Hardy into the mix gives both men ample excuse to look good because they won’t have to take the fall.   Kozlov will probably win, further setting up his title shot looking like an unbeatable monster.

And for as much as I’ve been complaining about Kozlov over the past few weeks (he sucks the air out of an arena faster than Disco Inferno can shove a 13” kielbasa down his throat for spare change), he’s been pushed brilliantly.   Can you imagine if only more guys would get the type of “killing machine” push that Kozlov gets?   I can only dream of how good Burke would be if given a “cocky” gimmick and time on television to sell it.   Instead, we get no-talent hacks like Kozlov and walking toothpicks with famous last names like Cody Rhodes forced down our throats on television and WWE then wonders why their ratings suck so hard, blaming everything BUT their own product.

And don’t give me the sob story about how Jeff Hardy should be champion and WWE is crazy for holding him back.   Sorry…I hate to say this but f*ck you (i t's nothing personal).  Hardy totally made his drug-filled bed and now he has to sleep in it.   I’ve got no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds…and this f*ck-tard, as talented as he may be, has only himself to blame for the non-title situation he’s in now.

I don’t blame WWE at all for not wanting to risk having their poster-boy champion get arrested for drug possession…and then have the media eat-up the fact that he had already been suspended twice before being “rewarded” with a title run.  WWE would be crazy to make it happen any time soon.

At the end of the day, having Hardy in this match only makes it better.   I just can’t fathom how bad this Kozlov loser is going to be in a one-on-one that goes more than 3 minutes.

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Item # 5 – Ken Dykstra released, too.

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Y'know...this is just a shame. Here's a kid with a TON of potential, and for whatever reason he just couldn't break on through.

He had some success as a member of the Spirit Squad, but WWE then felt the need to completely bury all five guys and had DX destroy them in embarrassing fashion.

"I've never felt so free in my entire life. I did have fun with WWE but the creative side never used me properly or really gave me an opportunity to get over.  It sucks when you know your (sic) better than the majority and you're only used to make people look good." – Ken Dykstra

Thinking back, I thought there was real potential in the Dykstra/Victoria combination on Smackdown...and you could tell that they did whatever they could to make things work...but that just wasn't meant to be.

His last few appearances were popping up on Smackdown, whining about not getting pushed, and then summarily getting destroyed by Triple H.  That’s never a good sign.

Did his behind the scenes attitude come to the forefront, perhaps?   The rumors were that he simply didn’t seem mature enough to be able to take any kind of success seriously…which seems a bit odd to me, but people who see him develop on a daily basis would know far better than you or I.   Take a look around your office or work environment.   Those in positions of authority are probably a good judge on who gets a promotion and who doesn’t…regardless of whether or not you agree with their assessment.

It still sucks, though.  I'm sure he'll bounce back somewhere. 

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Item # 6 – I’ve got mine…have you got yours??

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Thanks to the man known as JG, I received my personally autographed copy of James Guttman's latest book, Shoot First...Ask Questions Later, today.

Obviously, I've been on board with the Insanity since its inception.  I followed Guttman from the Torch to his own website and haven't looked back or thought twice about it since.  We've built a base...I've got my readers...and life is good.

I can't wait to blow through this thing.  And I'll do the "cheap plug" by asking everybody to pick up a copy of their own:   Shoot First…Ask Questions Later ”, which is available NOW for sale on Amazon.com !

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Item # 7 – Kurt Angle sucks.

Just thought I’d pass that along.   Last weekend’s PPV only confirmed it.   Want an example?   Here’s a recent quote from Kurt Angle:

"What I think is that the NWO became so popular that people wanted to see them, but they rarely ever went to the house shows.   They rarely ever did matches on TV. They basically walked out, kind of [did promos saying] that they were really cool, people liked them, but they didn’t really work that hard.

"The MEM, the Main Event Mafia, all of our guys are willing to go out there every night and work our asses off. We show up at the house shows, we show up at TV, we have matches, we have great angles and matches set up, thank God. So it’s completely different because our guys—I’m the head of the Main Event Mafia, and if they don’t want to work, I’ll kick them out."

Oh my god, are you serious?   On the tour that took place at the time of this interview, 3 of the 5 Main Event Mafia guys weren’t doing f*cking house shows.   Sting still won’t do them.   Nash isn’t booked for any.   Nobody gives two shits about Scott Steiner so that leaves Booker and Angle, who you would expect to see at a house show anyway.

Oh…and possibly Christian Cage.   I wouldn’t count on seeing him in TNA too much longer, though.   You never know…but it’s doubtful.

OH……………………………and Kurt Angle sucks.    Hard.

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Item # 8 – Gail Kim resurfaces.

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It's been weeks since Gail Kim announced that she wasn't 100% sure on whether or not she would take the WWE offer she originally accepted or go back with TNA after furthering discussions with Dixie Carter.  

Well, Kim finally was backstage at a WWE event a couple of weeks ago and was introduced as the newest addition to the "Diva roster".  Whether or not that means Smackdown remains to be seen (it would make the most sense, given how RAW's divas are chugging right along and Michelle McCool seems dead in the water with most fans), but regardless of where she shows up it will be an immediate improvement to the WWE women's division.

And I don't give a f*ck what anybody says...right now the WWE's women's division is far above and beyond anything TNA is giving us.  The Knockouts just don't seem to have that fire right now...and in an attempt to "get over" they're doing things in matches that they just aren't good enough to perform.

Like her or hate her, Kelly Kelly has been booked brilliantly.  She comes in, hits a few spots, and either gets pinned or tags out.  Is she a great wrestler?  Oh dear lord no...far from it.  But in being booked that way, she looks great...and that's what TNA is lacking right now.  

Most of the women simply aren't good enough to carry long matches, and in attempt to take advantage of the higher ratings that take place when they're on Impact they are being used in a bad way (seriously...if given the opportunity would you start a 2-hour HD big-time show with Christy Hemme and Angelina Love wrestling???).

So Kim's probably starting very shortly...I would assume shortly after Survivor Series.   I don't really care either way, to be honest.  I just wanted an excuse to post a picture of her because she's hot.   

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Item # 9 – TNA invites Sarah Palin to their Final Resolution PPV.

There’s a whole backstory behind this that involves money and charity, but the bottom line is that TNA wants to induct Palin as an honorary member of the Beautiful People (i.e. as a heel).

Y’know, when WWE had “Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama” on RAW in a match…or even “Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell”…they actually made it slightly entertaining.   It could have been that lowered expectations resulted in higher satisfaction, but neither segment totally sucked ass the way they should have.

This?   Maybe I’m biased (and I’m sure all of the TNA-bots would say I am), but this just screams out “desperation” to me.   Total desperation.   Pacman Jones desperation.

Ugh…this company sucks.

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Item # 10 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week’s winner is somebody who I respect as an artist, but every time he opens his mouth I want to slap him for being stupid.   This time around, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Kanye West !!!

Every year it’s the same thing.   West doesn’t win an award and he goes on a rant to whine and bitch and moan and complain.   Was a f*ckin’ pussy.   Seriously…he makes Michael Cole look manly.

Ugh :

The grumpy superstar was upset with the choice of winners at the big shows in both America and the UK this year.  He said: “BRITNEY SPEARS over RIHANNA? Are you serious?  “I mean f****** JARED LETO? He’s my boy but he shouldn’t have won over some of those other artists.  I won nothing last year and I’d brought out Stronger.

Stronger was a good track, but not great.   His new song is good, but not great (and the video is f*ckin’ horrid).   You’re a very good artist, Kanye…just not great.   Get over yourself.  

But at least you have won something.   Yes…this week you have won ZAH's "Loser of the Week" award!   Congrats, f*cktard!!  

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PILLAR TO POST

WHO ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE WRESTLERS OF ALL TIME AND WHY?

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My guest this week is one of the most respected talents on the indy scene today.  From Pro Wrestling Guerrilla to CHIKARA to Ring of Honor, this man has seen it all and has worked with the best in the business.  It's only a matter of time before one of the "major promotions" picks him up.  Why?  Because this guy has earned it.     Ladies and gents, I present to you one of the best wrestlers you'll see on the indies and the "Master of the Forearm"…

CLAUDIO f*ckin' CASTAGNOLI!!!

“ Hey!

1. Jim Breaks

One of the greats! Amazing heel and great wrestler.

2. Ultimo Guererro

My favorite Luchador.

3. Owen Hart

I always rooted for him and against his brother.

4. Papa Shango

He's amazing! And when I grew up he was the man!

5. Ric Flair

Whooooooo!

I hope that's cool,

Claudio .”

Yes, my man…it’s cool.    Short, sweet, and to the point.   Many thanks, Claudio!!   I really appreciate you taking the time out to participate in the column.   And if you want to know more about the Claudio, go to his MySpace and say “Hi from ZAH” for me.  

Or better yet, check out HEY: The Claudio Castagnoli Story at www.SmartMarkVideo.com!

Of course that’s not all this week.    Ya’ll know that ultimately this part of the column is all about YOU...the reader.    So having said that, I now hand over the floor to two of the Insanity faithful so they can provide their own thoughts on the topic at hand and become guest columnists for a week.

This week I bring you two great readers in Adrian Finley and Sakbeerslayer!

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Adrian Finley

1. The Rock

No other wrestler defined my teen years (98-01) like he has. His promos, catchphrases, and mannerisms alone make him top 5 worthy, but he was also a good to great worker in the ring (HHH, Austin , Angle, Jericho ). And no matter how much Hunter, Vince, and Cena take digs at him, The Rock is everything Vince wishes those two (especially Cena) were: a crossover star.

2. Shawn Michaels

He was someone I idolized as a kid. He was smaller than the rest but he had the big match mentality. Cocky, arrogant, full of attitude, yet when the bell rang, he went out there and stole the show and is still doing it to this day. His resumé is full of good to great to classic matches that any fan past or present can enjoy.

3. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin

From 97-01, who provided fans with more memories and classic moments than this man? His feud with Bret Hart and the Hart Foundation, The Rock, HHH, Kurt Angle, and of course Vince McMahon are the stuff of legends. I'll never forget the street fight he had with Bret Hart and while Bret was being loaded into the ambulance in a stretcher, Austin appears in the driver's seat and proceeds to beat Bret while he's tied down. There are many more, but this one always stood out for me.

4. Edge

THE best heel in the business...bar...none. Once the Matt Hardy-Lita-Edge situation came to light, his heel stock soared and he hasn't looked back since. Who else could be so hated that he actually got people to cheer John Cena?

5. Kurt Angle (WWE)

I don't care too much for his work in TNA, but when he was in the WWE, Kurt quickly asserted himself as a top superstar in the company. Whether he was the dork you loved to hate or a wrestling machine, Kurt IMO was the best wrestler in the WWE.

Honorable Mentions: Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness

Sakbeerslayer

1. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Sure, he stole a good part of his gimmick from Sandman and his finisher from M. Whipwreck but turned them into a money machine for WWF/WWE.   Every time you heard the breaking glass you knew something cool was about to happen, whether it was the beer-bath or the tension of worrying if he was about to lose(because he knew building anticipation in a match popped the crowd) he ranks this high because no-one kept me on the edge of my seat more. As far as in ring? Great brawler with some technical touches. Remember his match on RAW vs. Chris Benoit?   Austin took ten German suplexes in the match on a surgically repaired neck..GIMME A HELL YEAH!

2. HHH/Randy Orton (tie)

On one hand you have Wethead McStephanie Sideburns Gameface.   A man who can generate excitement whether as a face or heel(I myself prefer him as a heel) and The Legend Dishonarable Discharge(in more ways than one)Killer who does the snarky heel like it was a birthright. Both technically sound in the ring and both deliver high quality matches. I can't decide between the two because they are both pretty equal in talent, promo ability, and workrate. You'll never see either of these guys phone in a match.

3. The Sandman

OK, this is favorites and not greatest OK? Having sat at a hotel bar late at night with Jim (Hak) Fullington and hearing road stories while drinking (literally)bottles of tequila you had to know that his gimmick was not a gimmick. Well as far as his wrestling skills are concerned all I can say is that his finishers always popped a crowd, he still to this day has the greatest entrance in wrestling (Sakbeerslayer came about as a result of myself dieing my hair blonde and having an uncanny resemblance to Sandman, BTW the nickname was given to me by Mikey Whipwreck). Just fun to watch. C'mon,how many people copy his entrance at home like I do (much to my wife’s displeasure!).

4. Chris Benoit (r.i.p.)

I know, Stu Harts greatest pupil may have left this world on a horrible note but you cannot discount the fact that whenever you watched him wrestle you were guaranteed a high quality match. His early days in Stampede(find videos if you can because its the start of an astounding progress to becoming one of the best technical wrestlers of all time)to his short but memorable stint in ECW he honed his skills without the benefit of great promo ability. He did his talking between the ropes. His WrestleMania championship victory and post match celebration with EG is a classic moment. All business in the ring, but never pushed correctly in my opinion; and always remember "Toothless Aggression"

5. The Great Muta

Although I always thought he was horribly misused in the states with the exception of a few great matches with Ric Flair, he truly shined when in Japan because he could work a huge variety of styles and matches and was one of the most technically sound workers I've ever seen. Yes and who can forget his match that created "The Muta Scale"?   No matter which incarnation he wrestled as, whether he was a face or a heel he helped mold a strong technical style even when he was wrestling in gimmick matches such as his feud with The Great Nita in an explosion match in full costume! Grappler, high flyer, strong syle, or technical, he could do it all.

Thanx for the chance Mr Headshaker..peace, love and. exploding barbed wire chairs for all!

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No, thank YOU for participating.   Great job, guys!   Your effort into these answers is MUCH appreciated.  Hahahaha…Papa Shango….

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Wait…...what…...really?

That’s okay, it’s all good.   And guess what, kids...EVERYBODY has a shot at being a volunteer for a future Pillar to Post.    The great thing about this new format is that you don't need to watch every wrestling show on the planet every single week in order to answer a topic on any given week. Hey...I wonder who my special guests will be next week?

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So that's it for this week.    I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...           

Got something to say?    You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog The World According to ZAH !    And then there's the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to). Oh...and then join the Insanity Facebook page . 

Whew!    Got all that?    Good.    That's all I got for now, kids.    Until next week...take care.

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