***

Item # 2 – Lather, rinse, repeat.

In what was one of the most expected outcomes of any match at Survivor Series, John Cena defeated Chris Jericho in his hometown to become 4 (?) time heavyweight champion. I haven’t checked…and I don’t really care.  Where Edge comes off as exciting and different and new even though he's a multiple time champion, Cena seems like a broken record.

After the weeks and weeks of build-up and the inability to go 30 minutes without another Cena vignette, this result really was inevitable. WWE isn't going to put that much time and effort into a match where Cena actually loses, regardless of the fact that they were in his home town. C'mon now.

And from a business perspective, this makes perfect business sense. As I mentioned in Sunday's  ClubWWI  audio, with Randy Orton next in line it only made sense to have an Orton/Cena feud...not an Orton/Jericho feud. Cena can even battle both guys as we move towards the Royal Rumble, then WWE can set up the eventual rematch between him and Batista for WrestleMania.

So while this really makes RAW more stale than it has been in a LONG time, it's probably going to be a ratings winner (last Monday’s RAW already got a 3.3) and makes sense from a business perspective. I guess we'll wait a couple of weeks to make sure, but my guess is that this brings the ratings up to the low-3's consistently going forward.

***

Item # 3 – Hardy pushed down the stairs!

In my blog last Sunday, I posted thoughts about the WWE.com story when it broke:  

In a story from WWE.com, Jeff Hardy was found unconscious in a stairwell earlier this morning in his Boston hotel. He was then taken to an undisclosed hospital.

Ummm...yeah.

One of two things happened here:

1. Jeff Hardy had an awesome time last night and simply didn't make it back to his hotel room before passing out (not a huge deal, really, as I'm sure many of you can relate to at least one time when you partied hard). Since a non-WWE employee found him and probably called 911, they felt it necessary to pop the story on their website and make it more "medical" an issue than "Wellness"...with the spin doctors working hard.

2. Jeff Hardy is in his hotel room...sleeping and resting for tonight's big match...while WWE.com is trying to build a storyline of some sort that will affect tonight's match.

Either way, reporting it on the front page of WWE.com seems a little weird. If he was legit found passed out in the stairwell (what...was the elevator not working?), then is that something you'd want promoted to the world? Of course, if it was a legitimate medical condition (which I doubt) then I guess it makes sense to exploit that on the front page of their website.

If this is a storyline...what would they have to gain from it? Did Kozlov beat Hardy up in an effort to prevent him from being at tonight's match? It's possible, I suppose...but it's not like they really needed a storyline excuse for having Hardy lose the match tonight.

I'm sure this will be a top story as the day unfolds.

,

Obviously, either I was an idiot for not immediately thinking this was an Eddie Guerrero situation like the Torch and the Observer and the Insider…or I was spot-on in my thought that this was all a BS story to begin with.   I certainly didn’t have the outrage and anger that seemed to permeate the rest of the wrestling community.

20 minutes later after posting that, I followed-up with this:

Okay...now things are getting interesting.

Either this whole Jeff Hardy found unconscious thing is a horrible Wellness issue where he had one or two dozen too many, or this is a way to insert Edge immediately back into the WWE title picture.

Why say that? Apparently, Edge has flown into Logan Airport and has arrived in Boston...resulting in the rumor mills going into overdrive:

WWE.com is reporting that Jeff Hardy was found passed out in a stairwell last night at the Boston hotel he was staying at and rushed to the emergency room. 

Several sources have confirmed this as storyline and that Hardy is expected to be selling the injuries on tonight's Survivor Series show. 

There is a lot of speculation this will lead to an Edge vs. Jeff Hardy feud, as Edge will be the culprit. While this feud is not confirmed, there was talk of Edge vs. Hardy at Royal Rumble, and Edge flew from Tampa to Boston last night for the show.

Wow...while the thought of Edge/Hardy for the Rumble is extremely appealing, the potential of Edge returning to win another title would be phenomenal. However, with the December PPV still being advertised as Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov 1-on-1...I don't think Edge will be champ after tonight.

Although that would be awesome.

So now I’m thinking that everybody else is getting excited about the possibility of this whole thing being a way to insert Edge into the WWE title picture.   Little did I realize that everybody else was going bat-sh*t insane at the mere thought of Hardy possibly being DEAD or something.

I mean, I didn’t immediately think he was dead.   He was found unconscious.   Big difference.   And again…what the hell was he doing in a stairwell, anyway?   Considering Hardy’s reported track record and love of partying, I thought he just had too good of a time.   Period.

Then the mainstream media ended up getting worked:

Then I realized that WWE had pretty much crossed the line a bit.   Am I totally pissed off?   Hell no…I think it was a great storyline, actually.   But where WWE.com attempts to seamlessly blur the line between work and shoot, they need to start realizing that they can’t have it both ways.   They’re either an entertainment website, or they’re a news website.   They don’t care…and they won’t change.   In fact, bet your bottom dollar that they’re thrilled to have worked everybody so much and don’t see the blurry lines as an issue.

That, kids, is why WWE is barely scraping at 3.0 ratings.

Still…at the end of the day…I’m stoked that Edge is back as champ.   His “thing” is winning titles when he’s not supposed to.   He’s a heel…it’s his gimmick.

***

Item # 4 –  The Slammy Awards return?

Apparently so.

While not voted by the fans (at least it doesn't appear that way), for whatever reason the Slammys are back

Giddy up.

WWE has officially run out of things to do.   On December 8^th, the USA Network has asked for yet another 3-hour RAW.   Because Freddie Prinze Jr. can only do so much, they’ve decided to bring back the Slammy Awards.

So with under two weeks to go, the nominees haven’t even been announced yet.   However, we have been given the “I can’t f*ckin’ wait” categories:

• Superstar of the Year
• Match of the Year
• OMG Moment of the Year (Joey Styles influence alert!!)
• Diva of the Year
• "DAMN!" Moment of the Year (Ron Simmons needs his paycheck, dammit~!)
• Tag Team of the Year
• Best Musical Performance
• Best Finishing Maneuver
• Extreme Moment of the Year
• Couple of the Year

So not only will those unbelievably awesome awards be given out on RAW, there will be a few awards presented on WWE.com:

• Breakout Star of the Year
• Announcer of the Year
• Best WWE.com Exclusive
• Best Impersonation

Sigh.

I’m really not trying to slam the Slammy Awards, because years ago these things were a lot of fun.   If voted by the fans, this could…and should…be an annual event.   But as I mentioned, with less than two weeks to go and (at this point) no mention of fan participation or even nominees, it really looks like WWE dropped the ball and simply didn’t know what else to do on December 8^th.

Is anyone really surprised?

***

Item # 5 – I’m done with TNA.

That’s it.   No more.   They’ve frustrated the hell out of me for the last time.   I can’t even rely on their pay-per-views to deliver anymore.   I’m done!

Why?   Let’s just take a look at what’s coming up with TNA:

Feast or Fired returns.

I don’t remember reading ONE positive reaction from anybody on the Feast or Fired concept from last year.   Not one.   So in true TNA form, they’ve decided to bring it back again.   C’mon now, people…a really horrific gimmick from last year is back?   Who thought the fans would want to see this?   I mean, people are wanting to see Cute Kip or Scott Steiner fired…but you’ll probably end up with AJ Styles and Jay Lethal or some other guys that fans REALLY don’t want to see leave TNA.   This is a stupid gimmick that was delivered horribly last year and I can’t wait to NOT watch it again this year.

Sting, Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash, & Booker T vs. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, & 2 partners of their choosing.          

If ANYBODY from the Styles/Joe team wins the match, then Styles will become the TNA champion.   From last week’s Impact, the wording from Foley was that “if they come out on top” then Styles wins.   So let me get this straight…that means disqualifications and count-outs still count as a victory for the team??   Really?? And if that’s not the case, does it make this match any easier to comprehend?   This is one of the most ridiculous, asinine, dumbest f*cking storyline decisions I’ve ever heard.   Why in the f*ck would Samoa Joe even try to win this match?   He just lost the title last month to cheating, so I would assume the dude is pissed.   So now he’s gonna, perhaps, pin Sting in this match and then let a referee hand the f*cking TNA belt over to AJ Styles???   Yeah…like that's gonna happen even in wrestling.  Brilliant booking.

Kurt Angle vs. Rhino??

If Angle wins, he gets to face Jeff Jarrett in another match.   If Rhino wins, Angle gets fired.   If people actually think Rhino's gonna win, they get a kick in the balls.   I’ve got that about right, don’t I?

Last week’s Impact episode:

• There was only about 22 minutes of wrestling in the 120 minute show.
• Booker T and Eric Young got more time than AJ & Joe vs. Motor City Machine Guns
• Guns vs. AJ & Joe match got about the same amount of time as Beautiful People vs. Christy Hemme & Sojourner Bolt.
• Main event got seven minutes.  SEVEN.
• The X-Division tag team opener got two minutes.  TWO. 

Speaking of the opener…

Tanahashi was explained as being a former “world champion” in Japan, and Tenay stated that the IWGP title is the Japanese equivalent to the TNA world title.   So of course, TNA books the poor guy in a match with Consequences Creed, “Black Machismo”, and “The Guru” in a throw-away two-minute tag match.   Not only that, but his team loses.   C’mon…what the hell?   Creed isn’t even that good…I really don’t know why he is getting the push he gets. He hits some spots and sloppily misses others.   He can’t string moves together and he looks like he’s consistently BEGGING for crowd response.   Lethal is still pretending to be somebody else.  Sonjay Dutt is phenomenal, yet TNA totally dropped the ball on his big-time heel turn.   Ugh.

Speaking of The Guru...

Goddammit…Sonjay Dutt is acting like a cocky heel and show have been shoved down our throats after So Cal Val’s heel turn, especially considering the time and effort they put into the bloody storyline.   He’s acting like the “Playa from the Himilayas”, not the Guru.   Why hasn’t his name changed?   He doesn’t even act like a "guru" anymore and has totally changed his gimmick!!!

Motor City Machine Guns

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!!   I say that in a “babyface vs. heel” kind of way.   TNA is, week after week, trying to make them out to be the heels…but in the end, yet again, it’s AJ Styles and Samoa Joe who look like the bullies or the jackasses or the whiny bitches.   TNA truly has no concept of good vs. bad with this storyline.

So who the f*ck is in control??

Wait…Mick Foley owns 51% of TNA, doesn’t he?   Or was it 50%?   Or 49%?   Because Jeff Jarrett owns most or part of TNA and is making decisions with Foley.   Or instead of Foley.   Or in addition to Foley.   Jim Cornette is still a commissioner or something and makes decisions. Sometimes.   On his own.   And then Tracy Brooks is still governing the Knockouts and making decisions for them…even though none of them respect her and couldn’t care less what she says.

Add on top of all of these things last night’s “Turkey Bowl” and you’ve got one promotion I now officially have ZERO desire to watch anymore.   If there’s actually a good PPV, I might download it for free (I sure as hell wouldn’t PAY for this promotion)…but otherwise, I’ll just mock them without actually watching them.

Trust me…it’ll be less painful.

***

Item # 6 – RAW needs more “Rappin’ Marella”.

,

,

Just sayin’.

,

Although I just LOVE how CM Punk is thoroughly disgusted and Kelly Kelly looks totally hot for Marella.  One week without this segment and I'm already wishing for it to return.  Soon.

***

Item # 7 – THE XPW X-MAS CONTEST!!!

Hey…it’s getting near Christmastime and I was wanting to spread some good cheer.   So thanks to the good folks over at Big Vision Entertainment , I have two triple-disc sets of XPW to give away.

And I wanted to come up with a creative contest that would be fun to enter and also read.   I spoke with James Guttman and he gave me the perfect suggestion: TNA sucks haikus!!

Wait…what?

I will judge the best “TNA sucks” haiku (with perhaps some input from a celebrity judge or two) and that person will win Season Two & Season Three of XPW television…over TWENTY HOURS of hardcore goodness featuring the likes of Sabu, Terry Funk, New Jack, Lizzy Borden, Pogo the Clown, Tracy Smothers, and many more!!

Still not sure of what a haiku is?   Well, let me wax poetic:

Gimmicks should be gone
The X-Division should reign 
Eric Young sucks ass

Hey…I’m not entering the contest so it’s not like mine has to be any good.   I’ll announce the winner on December 12^th, so everybody will have time to come up with at least SOMETHING.   Of course, my favorites will be published in the column over the next couple of weeks.

Oh wait…it’s already Week Two.   Good thing I’ve got some favorites to publish:

Who booked this crap dude

Two hours of painful T.V.

Washed up men will fight

- Sakbeerslayer

I'd rather watch paint
dry or Elvis Fly than watch
TNA "Today"

- BlackFrancisFan

Go to the back

Skinny skank or nasty ho

Don West blows goats

- Sabuisgod

Kurt, Nash, Sting, Scott, T

Main Event Mafia needs

AARP cards

- JAX

TNA sucks good

Better than my ex wife could

Hurry up, die Sting

- Erik Watkins

Okay…that last one was a little harsh, but you still get the idea.

How to enter?   You can e-mail me at ZAH@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , ZAH.Insanity@gmail.com , sending me a private message via the Insanity Message Board , or by hitting me up at the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to).  

Sound like a plan?   Good.   Now get writing!!

***

Item # 8 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week’s winner will probably not realize he’s a loser until he grows older.   Intrigued?   I thought so.   This time around, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Bronx MOWGLI Wentz!!!

I absolutely HATE it when celebrities think they have a right to f*ck up their children’s lives.   Thankfully, Moon Unit Zappa has been able to keep a low profile but who knows what will happen to Rumor Willis or Apple Paltrow.  

So this trans-gender wannabe knocked up the hot Simpson’s sister and they decided, once this child popped it’s head into the world, to call the little f*cker MOWGLI.   You want to know where the name Mowgli came from?

Yeah...the muthaf*ckin' JUNGLE BOOK.   God celebrities suck.   So because your life of being mocked by every kid in school is sure to cause you to eventually hate your dumb-ass parents, I pretty much have no choice but to name you ZAH's "Loser of the Week"!!  

***

PILLAR TO POST

WHO ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE TAG TEAMS OF ALL TIME AND WHY?

,

,

I know…I just had this very same question last week.   Well, once I got this week’s guest I decided to not “bump him” and to put him on right away.   He’s a former 2-time NWA tag team champion, helped dominate the TNA tag team scene for three years, has been managed by the likes of Chris Candido, Jimmy Hart, & Shane Douglas, and he’s a “natural” at what he does.   Kids, this week I’m proud to present ½ of The Naturals …

Andy Douglas!!!

“ 1. Rock 'N' Roll Express

They were my grandmother's favorite team. She was the one who got me into watching wrestling.

2. Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson

One of the best physical, dominating, and smart teams to watch. The way they would systematically break down their opposition was incredible.

3. Road Warriors

Just watching their entrace was enough to keep a little kid entertained.

4. Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton & Dennis Condrey)

They were awesome: a perfect combination with Dennis' aggression and Bobby's athletics.

5. The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Janetty)

They were fun to watch when I was a kid. They had so much energy and their tag team moves were so quick and precise every time. ”

Great stuff, Andy.   Thanks so much!!   I really appreciate you taking the time out to participate in the column.   And if you want to know more about what Andy Douglas is up to these days, go to his MySpace and say “Hi from ZAH” for me.  

Of course that’s not all this week.    Ya’ll know that ultimately this part of the column is all about YOU...the reader.    So having said that, I now hand over the floor to two of the Insanity faithful so they can provide their own thoughts on the topic at hand and become guest columnists for a week.

This week I bring you RowdyRodimus and tharvey1 !

ROWDY RODIMUS

1. Demolition

For a couple of guys who were originally just a Road Warriors rip off, they did pretty good for themselves. When I was a kid watching them they just seemed to be the real deal. I really thought they could destroy just about anyone they faced. Plus to me they had two big things going for them, the first was their entrance music. I still haven't heard any entrance that got me going like theirs did. Secondly, I am a HUGE Barry Darsow mark, it's a slam dunk that they are my number one team.

2. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard

I loved these guys as members of the Horsemen or as members of the Heenan Family. Tully was the greatest cocky/chicken shit heel I've ever seen in my life and Arn, the only thing I can say good about him that hasn't been said by everyone else is that I like the way he parts his hair. He's that good. To me, they were the best tag team in history. They were the real total package.

3. The Freebirds (Michael Hayes, Terry Gordy & Buddy Roberts)

Growing up in the south and attending wrestling events seeing these three was the norm but in a twist, you never knew which two would be in the match. Their feud with the Von Erichs was the kind of stuff that could split families during the kayfabe days. Plus anyone that can get a rule change named after them just has to be cool. I really need to look through my boxes and find my Badstreet USA cassette.

4. The Hollywood Blondes (Steve Austin & Brian Pillman)

One of the most talent laden and charismatic teams of all time. Austin and Pilman worked so well off of each other it was insane. It's not hard to see how some of the later decisions in WCW were made when you realize that this was the most over team they had since the mid 80's and decided to split them up before they reached their peak as a team. They made it fun to turn on TBS on Saturday nights, at least until they split them up.

5. The Outsiders (Scott Hall & Kevin Nash)

I admit I was growing bored with wrestling at the time. Vince had plumbers and clowns and Bischoff had, well, a different kind of clown, but clowns. I flipped to Nitro and all of a sudden, there was Razor Ramon. I was hooked again. It would be a year or so later that the burnout would start, but that first year was magic. Scott and Kevin were the heart and soul of the nWo, you could tell they were having fun and that made the audience have fun. They might have had a lot of backstage politics going on and heat with the boys, but that didn't make them any less fun to watch.

So there's my top 10. Thanks, ZAH, for letting a newbie like me be a part of the show!

THARVEY1

1. Edge & Christian

The backstage skits they did with Mick Foley were freakin' hilarious and they are two of the greatest workers in the business. The TLC matches with the Dudley 's and the Hardy's were magical. When they told Lilian Garcia about Edge's nuts, I about pissed myself. I think I'll do a 5-second pose after I write this just as a tribute to their greatness.

2. Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart)

They were a perfect combination of technical skill and power. Nobody was a better technical wrestler than "The Hitman," and "The Anvil" was brute strength.

3. Hardy Boyz

Watching these guys almost kill themselves for what they love to do was extremely exciting! Any team that has that much passion for their craft is definitely great in my book.

4. The Rockers

I cried when Shawn super-kicked Marty through the glass on "The Barbershop." That's how much these guys meant to me when I was a kid.

5. Brothers of Destruction (Undertaker & Kane)

This was probably the most physically dominant tag team I can ever remember seeing. The power and athleticsm Undertaker and Kane exhibited just made you think..."How will these guys ever legitimately drop the straps?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Great job, guys!   Your effort into these answers is MUCH appreciated.  

And guess what, kids...EVERYBODY has a shot at being a volunteer for a future Pillar to Post.    The great thing about this new format is that you don't need to watch every wrestling show on the planet every single week in order to answer a topic on any given week. Hey...I wonder who my special guests will be next week?

***

So that's it for this week.    I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...           

Got something to say?    You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog The World According to ZAH !    And then there's the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to). Oh...and then join the Insanity Facebook page . 

Whew!    Got all that?    Good.    That's all I got for now, kids.    Until next week...take care.

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WorldWrestlingInsanity.com is not affiliated with any wrestling promotion.