12-05-08

"Rockin' 'til the dawn..."

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Boo-yah...here we go!! 

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Item # 1 – Hot damn what an exciting week!

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F*ck no.

Yawn…the wrestling “newz” decided to take a break over the long weekend.   So yeah…there isn’t much to bitch about this week.   This, really, maybe isn’t such a bad thing for the industry as a whole.   No news is good news, right?  

WWE ratings went up…ROH filmed their last PPV with lights for a change…Edge is still WWE champion…Obama is still president…Disco Inferno is still a f*cktard…

Life is good for everybody, right?

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Item # 2 – Bruce Prichard fired from WWE.

Huh. I guess life isn’t good for everybody.

I'm not sure if this is a big deal or not, to be honest. I mean, the guy had been with the company for years...and I thought he was pretty much bullet-proof at this point.   But it’s been a steady decline and a reported lack of interest over the past couple of years…so from all that I’ve read thus far, it’s not really much of a loss.

What did he do specifically? Who knows for sure?   From what I've heard, he basically just got on Stephanie McMahon's sh*t list and never really recovered.   He’ll be okay because he’s apparently the president of Layfield Energy, Inc…and there’s GOT to be money in Mamajuana, right?

Should you care about this story?   Probably not.   Although he would make for one AWESOME ClubWWI.com interview.   Eh, James?   AMIRIGHT???

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Item # 3 – Who will be CCW champion?

I mentioned this in my ClubWWI.com audio last week (jeez…two plugs in one column…I’m such a whore), but thought it would be timely to bring up again where the finale takes place this weekend.

The inaugural season of Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling has to be considered a mild success.   Did they kill in the ratings?   Well, no…but they did well considering the station they were on.   Should they bring it back for another season?   Oh yeah…absolutely.   I’ve loved every minute of this show.   I think, though, that they could have had entire episodes that didn’t have to end with a match.   If taped long enough, there could have been a LOT of great stuff going on that didn’t have to end in a match…thus leading to a longer season and more of a “reality show” tinge with only a slight nod to the wrestling.

Ahhh yes, the wrestling.   I can’t begin to describe to you just how bad the wrestling actually was.   The celebrities were game, I’ll give them that.   None of them really wussed out (although Frank Stallone kinda did).   The final five gave it their all and I’ll give them all the credit in the world for doing as much as they did in the time that they had.  

So who is going to win?   Well…

Early favorite Danny Bonaduce was eliminated this past weekend…for the second time (don’t ask).   It’s a shame because he had the heart and the determination to do it…but at the end of the day, he simply wasn’t a talented-enough in-ring technician to pull it off believably.   His facial expressions and willingness to put his body on the line was commendable, though.

Dennis Rodman came into the show with experience, having been an honorary member of the nWo “back in the day”.   He has the ability to make things look real, but that’s probably because he’s a bit too stiff in the ring.   At least, he’s too stiff for the celebrities.   With “real” wrestlers?   They’d probably laugh at him.   Still…every match seems to be just him going through the motions with only flashes of personality shining through.

Butterbean honestly isn’t that not bad for big man.   His love for the business is evident.   His wanting to do things realistically and safely really show that he respects the business.   The problem, though, is that he’s a guy who normally hurts people for real as a living.   It’s really hard to learn to pull your punches in a way that looks believable when you’re used to connecting on each and every swing.   So while I could see him in a TNA gimmick match on a PPV, I don’t think he’s gonna win this “championship”.

Dustin Diamond is, flat out, an amazing heel.   Period.   Bottom line.   He’s got a superb personality for the business and is just a person that fans love to hate and would love to see get his ass kicked.   The flip side of that?   He’s absolutely terrible in-ring.   Don’t kid yourself, though…his personality might just be enough to get him over with the judges, as I have no doubt that his whining about every little thing is an example of him working over the other contestants and the viewers.   Definitely the dark horse.

Todd Bridges, though, is my favorite to win this thing.   I absolutely HATE his persona (Mr. Not So Perfect??), but if it was tailored just a bit he could be a great cocky babyface tweener.   Having said that, this guy is absolutely what Hulk Hogan said he was at the outset of this show: the most athletically gifted celebrity of the bunch.   His ability and eagerness to take bumps over the top rope to the floor (missing the ring apron all together) and his obviously abundance of in-ring talent simply cannot be ignored.   He’s doing planchas and handspring forearms into the corner.   He’s willing to take a chairshot and then throw himself off the top rope to the floor.   He’s the only one who seemed to pick up EVERY single move that was taught him…and did his best to use each move in every match.

So yeah…”Willis” is my choice here.   While I’d be a little surprise if any of the other four won, I certainly wouldn’t be shocked.   I just think the choice is clear in this case.

And I’m definitely looking forward to a Season Two.

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Item # 4 – Wait…Vince asked Hogan?

So let me get this straight: Vince McMahon goes on a freakin’ rampage over the past week or so trying to absolutely bury the Hulk Hogan Celebrity Championship Wrestling program over on CMT, yet just a few weeks ago had asked Hogan to appear on the Tribute to the Troops tour?

If you believe the latest story from Hogan himself, the answer is ‘yes’.   See, the rumor is that NBC wanted Hogan to go to the Middle East because the Tribute to the Troops show was going to be on NBC this year, and Hogan normally equals ratings.

Now Hogan’s declining to go could have been an added catalyst to Vince’s rampage over the past little while.   He’s sued the CCW program over Ed “Brutus Beefcake” Leslie’s use of the BB name.   He’s ordered that anybody associated with the show never work for WWE again (which sucks for Jimmy Hart as he even asked permission before doing it).   He’s just in an uproar over this show and wants to bury it.

I think it’s silly…but it’s Vince McMahon; what would you expect?   But when you hear this story, you have to wonder if Vinnie Mac’s tirade is really against the show itself or if it has another reason behind it.

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Item # 5 – F*ck Eric Young.

That’s pretty much it.   If you can’t see that Young’s push over the past couple of years pretty much epitomizes TNA as a company destined for mediocrity, then nothing I will say will change your mind.

I said this on a ClubWWI 3:10 audio and it’s stuck ever since.   Thanks to Canadian Bulldog for bringing it back to the forefront.   Say it loud and proud…

F*CK ERIC YOUNG.

Pass it around.

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Item # 6 – Hi Dolph.   Bye Dolph.

Now I’ll admit, Dolph Ziggler got a little bit more offense into his 3-minute match with Batista than I expected him to.   But can somebody please explain to me how a wrestler’s debut match being a high-profile loss is going to help this ridiculously-named muscle-bound bleach-blonde him-bo get over with RAW fans?

If you can tell me, you’re a better person than I.   This guy has already got so much working AGAINST him, you would think that a win might come in handy in his debut.

What…was Paul Burchill busy jobbing in a dark match or something?

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Item # 7 – THE XPW X-MAS CONTEST!!!

Hey…it’s getting near Christmastime and I was wanting to spread some good cheer.   So thanks to the good folks over at Big Vision Entertainment , I have two triple-disc sets of XPW to give away.

And I wanted to come up with a creative contest that would be fun to enter and also read.   I spoke with James Guttman and he gave me the perfect suggestion: TNA sucks haikus!!

Wait…what?

I will judge the best “TNA sucks” haiku (with perhaps some input from a celebrity judge or two) and that person will win Season Two & Season Three of XPW television…over TWENTY HOURS of hardcore goodness featuring the likes of Sabu, Terry Funk, New Jack, Lizzy Borden, Pogo the Clown, Tracy Smothers, and many more!!

Still not sure of what a haiku is?   Well, go here for starters and then let me wax poetic:

Gimmicks should be gone
The X-Division should reign 
Eric Young sucks ass

Hey…I’m not entering the contest so it’s not like mine has to be any good.   I’ll announce the winner on December 12^th, so everybody will have time to come up with at least SOMETHING.   Of course, my favorites will be published in the column over the next couple of weeks.

Oh wait…it’s already Week Two.   Good thing I’ve got some more favorites to publish:

Paid for PPV

Threw beer can at the TV

Want my money back

- Sakbeerslayer

If Joe’s team wins fight

Sting forfeits TNA gold

Just who books this sh*t?

- ‘Spliffy

Guys, here is the truth

Total Nonstop Action is

Total Nonstop Sh*t

- Matt B.

The response thus far has been pretty great and I’m looking forward to seeing what YOU can come up with.

How to enter?   You can e-mail me at ZAH@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , ZAH.Insanity@gmail.com , sending me a private message via the Insanity Message Board , or by hitting me up at the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to).  

Sound like a plan?   Good.   Now get writing!!

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Item # 8 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week’s winner is an entire f*cking country.   Yeah, t his time around, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...

Canada !!!

What…oh you didn’t know?

Let me try to summarize:

A couple of months ago, we had a federal election and voted in the Conservative Party to a minority government (there are, like, five f*cking parties in our federal government system…it’s insane).   

Well, the government STILL doesn’t have a decent economic plan and so three other parties (the Liberals, the NDP’s, and the f*cking separatist Bloc (!!) party) have agreed to get together, team up on the minority government, and become the new government once they vote the Conservatives out in some kind of non-confidence vote.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

And I don’t even like the Conservative party…but this is still f*cked.   So right now Canada ’s governmental system is F*CKED.   Imagine, George Bush gets voted into office back in 2000 by a limited amount while Al Gore has the popular vote.   Let’s say Ralph Nader throws his own votes into Gore’s camp and they somehow weasel their way into power.

I dunno…I’m no political expert.   All I know is that our government is falling apart and all anybody is concerned about is themselves and not the welfare of the country.

Ugh.

So because my country can’t seem to get its f*cking act together, this week we Canucks are all ZAH's "Loser of the Week"!!  

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PILLAR TO POST

WHO ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE HIGH FLIERS OF ALL TIME AND WHY?

I’ve already interviewed this week’s guest’s partner a few weeks back.   So now, CHIKARA star, ROH performer, and indie darling Player Dos is gracing this week’s column.   Although most may be familiar with him more as…

Stupefied!!!

“Hey sup!!! It will be my pleasure to answer that question. So ...here it is...

-My top five high fliers:

1. Édouard Carpentier

Because I consider that man as one of the first high fliers ever!

2. Takuya Sugi (aka..el blazer or Shanao)

3. Jack Evans

Because somehow that guy can do whatever he wants without dying!?

4. Matt Sydal (aka Evan Bourne)

Because of his unique style!

5. AJ Styles

Because for me I’ve been a really innovative wrestler!”

Thanks, Stupe.   And gang, keep in mind there’s a language barrier here so props for the effort.   If you want to know more about what Stupefied is up to these days, go to his MySpace and say “Hi from ZAH” for me.  

Of course that’s not all this week.    Ya’ll know that ultimately this part of the column is all about YOU...the reader.    So having said that, I now hand over the floor to two of the Insanity faithful so they can provide their own thoughts on the topic at hand and become guest columnists for a week.

This week I bring you AstonMartyn and nailbunny !

AstonMartyn

1. Jeff Hardy
To me, nothing says high flier like Jeff Hardy. His ability in the air is incredible and how he hasn't broken his neck yet is beyond me, I also really admire his ability to throw himself off high things yet still land properly

2. Edge
You might not consider him a high flier but as far as I am concerned I get chills every time he catches someone with a flying spear, his timing and execution is always spot on

3. Evan Bourne
I'd never heard of him until he debuted in WWE, but 3 words sum him up: Shooting Star Press

4. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka
I'm too young to have seen Superfly in his heyday but seeing him set the bar by coming off the cage was amazing.

5. Shelton Benjamin
I know I know... but he has shown no fear when it comes to flying, and I always look forward to seeing his matches and especially his Money In The Bank performances have been something special!!

nailbunny

Cheers for the chance participate in the column ZAH.   My list was put together by me and my ten year old son, who's as big a fan as I am.

So here's my top 5 high flyers, lowest first:

5. Teddy Hart.

Having only seen this guy in Wrestling Society X and having heard all the rumors, his work with M-Dogg20 as Filth and the Fury was captivating and sometimes downright scary

4. M-Dogg20 .

I originally saw this guy on those Backyard Wrestling DVDs and then with Hart in WSX, and the way he seems to float through the air is just beautiful.

3. Matt Sydal.

I haven't seen any of his WWE work as we don't have cable for RAW and Smackdown, but his work in ROH and WSX was phenomenal... and I think it's the only wrestler my fiancé has called hot.

2. Rey Mysterio.

This is my son's favorite, and always has been. I remember when he was about 2 years, and we'd watch Mysterio's matches, and he'd squeeze my hand or leg and his eyes would pop out of his head as Mysterio hit move after move. Even now he's the character he always plays on Smackdown vs. RAW.

1. Jeff Hardy.

My man crush. I don't think Jeff could have survived a career in ROH instead of WWE, he would have had to taken many more multiple bumps and he'd be a lot more broken down. Hence the slow deliberate pace of WWE has allowed him to work longer, and where the high flying moves he hits, actually mean something instead of the multiple flippy-floppy no sell of places like WSX. Jeff for the title at WrestleMania......

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Great job, guys!   Your effort into these answers is MUCH appreciated.  

And guess what, kids...EVERYBODY has a shot at being a volunteer for a future Pillar to Post.    The great thing about this new format is that you don't need to watch every wrestling show on the planet every single week in order to answer a topic on any given week. Hey...I wonder who my special guests will be next week?

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So that's it for this week.    I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...           

Got something to say?    You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog The World According to ZAH !    And then there's the ZAH MySpace page (add me...you know you want to). Oh...and then join the Insanity Facebook page . 

Whew!    Got all that?    Good.    That's all I got for now, kids.    Until next week...take care.

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