| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com ZAH
“
You’re gonna go far, kid...
"
Boo-yah...here we go!!
***
Item # 1 – Jeff Hardy wins World championship!
,
, Wow.
I honestly didn’t think WWE would pull the trigger. They did…and now we’re in a Jeff Hardy Era on Smackdown.
Wow.
I know that I’ve been very hard on Hardy for some time now, but let me be very clear here: Hardy, from a wrestling standpoint, should have been champion back in January at the Rumble. From a business standpoint, however, there is a TREMENDOUS risk associated with doing anything with Hardy and WWE has put itself in a pretty vulnerable position.
Now, from my limited knowledge of the Wellness Policy, if you get a third strike you’re done with the company for good. That’s it. Forever. Kaput.
So keeping that in mind, just how insane is it that WWE is so willing to build their Smackdown program around somebody who is sooooo close to being fired forever and has the worst drug track record out of any current WWE superstar?
Wow.
It’s only been since WrestleMania that Hardy hasn’t failed a drug test. LESS THAN A YEAR. For somebody on a third strike, is that really enough time to have passed in order to sit back and say that you’re willing to throw a title belt on the guy?
A couple of notes, though. First, the title is just a prop. Honestly…the only time either the WWE title or the World title really means something is when they build an angle around it, and that’s such a rare occurrence that the rest of the time it’s just a belt sitting on somebody’s shoulder during an interview. Back in “the day”, the entire show was built around the singles champion. He was the guy in every single main event because he was the biggest draw at the time. Sure, from time to time you put the belt on somebody that you immediately regretted (ex: Tommy Rich, Ron Garvin, Diesel), but for the most part the champion was always the biggest draw or at least somebody you could parade around to the world knowing just how good of an ambassador he would be for the company and the business in general. Is Batista really that guy? Is Triple H (for the umpteenth time)? How poorly-booked were the reigns of Rey Mysterio and CM Punk? Nah…at the end of the day, Jeff Hardy simply has a 10lb piece of tin around his waist.
Secondly, there is speculation that Vince is actually more than just a little willing to strip the World title off of somebody and fire him on the spot to prove that the Wellness Program is legit. Initially, that sounds a little crazy…but nobody has ever accused Vince of making rash decisions. The bottom line is that Vince, in an effort to justify his decision to put the belt on Hardy, has already found a way to spin the situation should Hardy fall off the wagon. You gotta hand it to him, though…that’s not only pretty f*ckin’ ballsy, but that’s pretty f*ckin’ smart.
So how long with the “rainbow-haired warrior” reign supreme over Smackdown? Apparently there are a lot more stories available to WWE Creative with Hardy in the driver’s seat than with Edge…hence the title switch. In that regard, I’m thinking at least the Rumble maybe the month before Mania.
But will Jeff Hardy walk into WrestleMania as World champion? At this point anything is possible, but with the potential of an Edge/Hardy ladder match (it’s definitely been discussed) I suppose the odds are actually in Hardy’s favor at this point as long as the crowds continually to react in a very positive manner.
So congrats, Jeff. In the past 5-10 years you’ve overcome more odds than most people ever have to even consider over the course of their entire lives. You absolutely have earned this…
…just don’t f*ck it up this time.
***
Item # 2 – Wow…The Legacy really sucks.
,
,
I watch Randy Orton walk towards the ring and he just exudes “superstar”. Even with his tattoo’d sleeves, he is still one of those guys who just have “it”; that intangible quality that makes him “The Legend Killer” as opposed to Kung-Fu Naki.
As the weeks go by, I see him interact with Cody Rhodes and Manu. And I laugh. Hell, I’m laughing at a picture that doesn’t even involve Orton at all…
,
Seriously...are these two goofs supposed to be intimidating?? HA!
,
I laugh because for as talented as
Can he talk? Sure…but so can Larry Sweeney (a lot better, in fact). Can he wrestle? Sure…but so can my guest in Pillar to Post this week (a lot better, I’d argue).
The bottom line is that if Cody’s last name wasn’t
And Manu?
Are you f*cking kidding me?
No offense to the guy…but Colin Delaney looked more menacing.
If Cartman from
The tights? Generic. The physique? Less than stellar. The in-ring ability? Decent. The “it factor”? Non-existent. I mean, you truly see the world of difference in overall “superstar” quality when you put somebody like Batista in the ring with Manu and Batista looks better. And that includes the in-ring abilities.
So whenever Orton walks down with Rhodes & Manu to the ring, I chuckle. I laugh at just how ridiculous it is to have WWE wanting me to believe that these guys are an elite group. They’re not. They’re one elite superstar and a couple of f*cktards…and mark my words, it’s going to be sooner rather than later that you’ll see Orton break off on his own again and the Rhodes/Manu tandem are doing mid-card tag matches losing to Cryme Tyme by pinfall.
The only real question is what will WWE do with Ted DiBiase once he returns from filming his movie? Does he become a babyface because of Orton’s punting him in the noggin? Does he join the faction under the assumption that he learned his lesson from the incident? Let’s call it how it is: DiBiase is a future superstar. He’s got the “it” factor. If anybody could save The Legacy from becoming more of a joke than they already are…it’s DiBiase.
Or Sim Snuka.
That guy’s MONEY!
***
Item # 3 – CM Punk = Next Intercontinental champ?
When I first heard that Punk & Kingston had lost their WWE tag team titles last weekend against Miz & Morrison I immediately asked, “Punk & Kingston were tag champions?”
I then said that it was quite obvious that they were setting Punk up for an Intercontinental title reign. Or at the very least a storyline run with William Regal that takes place over a couple of PPV’s and leads up to an eventual IC title win.
And why not? They just had Punk defeat Mysterio CLEAN on pay-per-view and…wait, what? Christ, that’s a bigger victory than he got during his own WWE title reign.
I think Punk’s Slammy Award reception speech foreshadowed something. Punk, for whatever reason (and I’m not complaining), is looking to become the first man in history to become heavyweight champion, tag champion, and IC champion in the same calendar year. I’m glad he’s selling a ton of merch and that WWE is happy with his in-ring work (his match with Mysterio was great)…but I’ll be the first to admit that I’m still shocked at his WWE success in 2008.
I guess there’s a silver lining to Jeff Hardy’s 2nd Wellness strike, afterall.
***
Item # 4 – It sucks to be Kaz.
For those not in the know, Frankie Kazarian was scheduled to become the character of Suicide in TNA months ago. This character was a masked one based on the TNA video game. Yes…the video game that has been generally considered an abysmal failure since Day One. The character is one that you play in the storyline mode…so of course, it made perfect sense for TNA to want to bring that character to life as a “tie-in” to the video game.
But as the video game was launched, Kazarian got injured and suffered a torn triceps. The angle was postponed (!!) and pretty much forgotten by most. As sales of the game fell through the basement floor, Kazarian’s return to the ring was determined and those Suicide vignettes started-up again.
And of course they would…doesn’t EVERYBODY in the TNA audience know who the guy is? I mean, doesn’t EVERYBODY in the TNA audience already have a copy of the game?
Oh wait…that’s right…if they did, maybe the game wouldn’t be dying a slow death in the sales department.
So let’s just re-start the angle months after the game was released and hope that everybody remembers. Of course…makes perfect sense. We’ll have Kaz Suicide attack the Motor City Machine Guns and get into a feud with one of the most popular teams on our roster that we’re doing our absolute BEST to f*ck over on a weekly basis.
But guess what? At the Impact tapings this past Monday, Kazarian tore his biceps and is now expected to be out approximately six months.
Ouch.
So now TNA will dress somebody else up in the suit and continue the angle and matches until Kazarian returns.
Wait…wait…..what???
Well then why in the blue f*ck didn’t you do that to begin with and take advantage of the game’s release??? Christ on a cracker…it’s just one more reason to shake my head at TNA and be thankful I don’t watch that god-awful program anymore.
Merry Christmas, Kaz. You’re probably better off anyway.
***
Item # 5 – I love the indies.
There’s a lot of fun to be had on the indies these days. While certainly not all-encompassing, here are some of the fun things & news items going on with my favorite indie promotions:
Ring of Honor
- Rhett Titus not only had to admit to never banging Daizee Haze, but also (for some reason) admitted that he was a virgin when threatened by (the soon-to-be-VERY-famous) Necro Butcher. I really like Titus and his “Rick Rude-esque” gimmick. While I’m kinda saddened to see him admitting to being a virgin as the “blow-off” to his feud with Haze (was it really necessary?), I’m glad that he’s moving on and I’m thinking he can be a mid-card to upper-mid-card talent in ROH by the end of 2009. - ROH is really hoping “The Wrestler” helps to elevate their word-of-mouth (the promotion is used as a backdrop to the action in the movie). Everything relies on whether or not crowds react positively to the movie, and if Cary Silkin decides to promote ROH in such a way that it really takes advantage of the movie’s buzz. I really don’t know if audiences will react to a movie called “The Wrestler”, regardless of how many awards it gets nominated for. But regardless, Silkin is gonna have to spend a bit of coin and properly get out there and promote the sh*t out of Ring of Honor in order to properly jump all over the movie buzz that’s bound to be generated (I imagine most casual fans won’t even know ROH is a real promotion). My only hope is that we don’t end up with a Necro Butcher title reign… - The NYC show on December 27th is looking like it might be the biggest crowd in ROH history. While some spots have a hard time drawing 500, it seems as though New York City truly has become ROH territory…routinely out-drawing even TNA’s best houses in or around the city. - The Jerry Lynn storyline is interesting. He’s there, obviously, to help teach the younger wrestlers and to still have fun doing what he loves to do. The storyline is that he’s washed up and everybody laughs behind his back…and he’s frustrated at how the business has changed. If this is the type of storyline that ROH wants to focus on instead of trying to have five-star opening matches, then maybe there’s a ton of hope for the promotion yet.
CHIKARA
- Larry Sweeney has turned on Claudio Castagnoli and re-joined his partner in crime, Mitch Ryder and the “3rd wheel” of The Fabulous Three, Buck Hawke. - The Osirian Portal have added a third member to their team (Escorpion Egipcio) and they now seem to rotate partners when defending the CHIKARA Campeonatos de Parejas (i.e. the tag team titles). - You’ll always get a nice combination of comedy and good wrestling with this promotion. I have yet to be disappointed by a DVD.
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla
- Chris Hero is still the PWG champion, but with Low-Ki returning to the promotion and winning the 2008 Battle of Los Angeles, there appears to be a new challenger on the horizon for the champ. - After reviewing their 5th anniversary DVD a month or so ago, it’s quite clear to see that PWG is one of the top promotions in the entire country when it comes to delivering top-notch action. I have yet to be disappointed with ANY PWG dvd in the past. Truly awesome stuff.
- What? - Yep…MCW. This is a fun promotion that’s getting some pub because they’re putting on pretty good shows. - There are also a few reasons to like this promotion like Stevie Richards and heavyweight champion Christian York…but there is one reason above all else as a reason to love this promotion…
Listen…if there is a local indy putting on a show near you, throw ‘em a bone and attend. What I absolutely LOVE about the indies is that these guys aren’t wrestling for money or fame or fortune (kinda hard to do that in front of 50-100 people). They’re wrestling because they LOVE it…and most of the time that comes out in each and every show.
Try it, kids…you just might like it.
***
Item # 6 – I have to wait until January to see “The Wrestler”.
,
,
And I ain’t none too happy about it, neither.
Thanks to the
It may take awhile…but I absolutely WILL see this movie.
And I won’t just download it.
No no no…I’m planning on paying for a ticket and seeing it in the theatres.
I have yet to read a bad review…and I can’t wait.
***
Item # 7 – THE XPW X-MAS CONTEST!!!
Alright, after a few weeks of awesome submissions, we have a winner in the XPW Xmas TNA Sucks Haiku Contest.
So first off, thanks to the good folks over at Big Vision Entertainment as because of them I have two triple-disc sets of XPW to give away.
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And also thanks go out to our fearless leader, James Guttman. Not only did he come up with the original idea for the contest, but he also judged and determined a winner. I created a short-list and sent him just the haiku’s (i.e. no names attached) and he came up with a 1st place winner and a 2nd place honorable mention.
So here we go…
First up, the haiku that came in SECOND place:
Awful TV show
So a shout-out goes to Stu Moody, who came up with that one.
Good stuff.
So the winner?
Here it is…
The main event scene
And the winner of TWO XPW dvd box sets is………….
…STU MOODY!!!!
Yep, that’s right.
Of the list I sent to JG, I included two of Stu’s haikus as being two of my favorites.
And JG obviously agreed…so we have a bonafide runaway winner.
Congrats, Stu!
Send me your mailing information and I’ll get those dvd’s into the mail as quickly as possible.
And thanks to EVERYBODY who participated.
I really had a lot of fun with this contest and there were a lot of great entries.
Even James had good things to say about the list I sent to him: “
Really good stuff in all of them. I'm impressed with our readers.”
***
Item # 8 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.
Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week’s winner just pissed me off because I absolutely DESPISE whiny “more money please” athletes.
T
his
time around, ZAH's Loser of the Week is...
Mark Teixeira!!!
I’m not a big baseball fan, so I have to admit that I’ve never even heard of Teixeira before. But this morning when I heard that the Boston Red Sox walked away from negotiations with the guy because he apparently had bigger offers than their eight-year offer in excess of $160 million.
Wait….what the f*ck????
There is already rampant speculation that Teixeira’s bluffing.
I don’t even care.
You turned down playing the game of baseball….F*CKING BASEBALL…at an annual salary of over $20 MILLION DOLLARS PER YEAR?!?!?!??!
F*ck you, Mark.
F*ck you.
In this day and age where bankruptcies are about as common as STD’s, this f*cktard turned down an astronomical offer to play for one of the best franchises in the world because twenty million f*cking dollars per year wasn’t enough money.
“But I need to take care of my family…”
F*ck you. Goddammit I hate these prima-donna sports stars.
So because this jackass has seemingly lost all semblance of reality (please God…let him meet up with Disco Inferno in the unemployment line), congrats to Mark Teixeira for becoming ZAH's "Loser of the Week"!!
***
PILLAR TO POST
WHO ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE BABYFACES OF ALL TIME AND WHY?
I first became familiar with this man back in the late 90’s when I watched the now-famous movie “Beyond The Mat” (which I now own on dvd, by the way).
He was considered too small by WWE standards, but his style was considered too technical and mat-based to fill the cruiserweight bill.
He has since gone on to wrestle all over the world over the course of his 15+ year career and continues to do what he loves to do, and that’s entertain people.
He has wrestled for WWE, WCW, PWI, APW, UPW, TNA, ROH, BTW, and is even a former Pro Wrestling NOAH GHC Jr. heavyweight champion!
Ladies and gents, I’m really stoked to be able to present to you this week’s special guest…
MICHAEL MODEST!!!
My 5 favorite baby faces. Hmmmmmm…
1. Hulk Hogan
Even though I was a fan of the heels for the most part when you were watching Hogan especially live youcouldnt help but feel the energy effect that he had on wrestling fans. It was an energy that would come alive. Hogan had IT!
2. Ray Stevens
Ray was a heel most of his career but when he and Pat Patterson teamed up in the Bay Area as the number one baby face tag team it was something to behold. Ray never really changed his style from Heel to face. He just started dishing out to heels what he always had reserved for the faces. Ray was an incredible talent in this business.
3. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
A face through out his career, Ricky knew how to get sympathy from the crowd. His sell and his comeback had so much fire and because of his size he was basically an underdog against whoever he wrestled.
4.Bret Hart/ Shawn Michaels
A tie for fourth place! I seem to be drawn to anti heroes. The Hitman is no exception. Excellence of execution everything Bret did was sharp. Shawn Michaels, like Bret, was so precise on his maneuvers and his timing. I can see why these guys battled behind the scenes. They were too much alike.
5.Dusty
How could you not like Dusty
So in a nutshell those are my favorite babyfaces
:)
Check out my podcast!
"Modest's Joint"
www.whosslammingwho.podomatic.com
"Modest's Joint" is an audio wrestling program with lots of Modest's Special Sauce!”
Awesome job, Mike. Many, many thanks for participating. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your answers. Come back at ANY time.
Hey…if you want to know more about what Modest is up to these days, there are a few things you can do.
First, you can go to his MySpace and say “Hi from ZAH” for me. Trust me…all the cool kids are doing it.
Second, you can email him at Michael.Modest@gmail.com as he does his best to respond to all emails and comments.
Finally…as already pimped but you can never have enough pimpage…check out his podcast, "Modest's Joint", at www.whosslammingwho.podomatic.com .
Of course that’s not all this week.
Ya’ll know that ultimately this part of the column is all about YOU...the reader.
So having said that, I now hand over the floor to two of the Insanity faithful so they can provide their own thoughts on the topic at hand and become guest columnists for a week.
This week I bring you
Drowgoddess
and
These aren’t in any sort of preference order. I didn’t realize how many of my favorite wrestlers do better work as heels!
Andre the Giant
Anyone who did not love Andre has no soul. Most “monsters” and “giants” are portrayed as the mean, nasty, bloodthirsty variety, but seeing those powers used for good was the best thing ever! Few wrestlers were more beloved by the general audience than Andre, and you just wanted to watch him pulverize his opponent or completely humiliate him. And then give him a hug. I miss Andre.
The Rock
Yes, I know that the “Rock” character came out of a major heel turn. So? The Rock was the coolest babyface on the planet. No one laid the verbal smackdown like the Great One. Everybody wanted to be the Rock. The promos, the insults, the ability to reduce everyone else to quivering piles of Jell-o without ever touching them, that was the Rock as a face. Often imitated, never duplicated, nobody got over like the Rock.
Bret Hart
He didn’t come off as a character. He came off as a no-nonsense, get-it-done-in-the-ring guy who was just so much better at what he did than almost everybody else that you couldn’t help but get behind him. His technical expertise was such that his opponents often HAD to cheat to win, which made it just that much more outrageous when he lost. As a fan, you wanted Bret as your champion. He was a guy you could respect and be proud of, as far as wrestling went.
Lita
Yes, really. She was one of the most tremendously over babyfaces the WWE ever had. Again, watch matches from the 1999-2002 period and see the crowd reactions for yourself. There was something about her that struck a chord with fans, and people rallied behind her. Maybe it was the “different” person triumphing over the sea of interchangeable Barbie dolls, maybe she seemed more relatable and like a real person, maybe there is no reason. Look at how far things had to go to get her booed.
Tommy Dreamer
The ultimate underdog and Everyman. He was an ordinary guy who looked like someone you’d pass by on the street, but he could absorb levels of abuse that would make Hammurabi say, “Jeebus!” Fans knew that he’d get his backside handed to him, but he never gave up. Break his body, but not his spirit, that sort of thing. He got beaten down like we knew we would be if it were us, and came back fighting like we knew that we could not. If that makes any sense. To be able to pull that off for as long as he did without getting boring or annoying is extremely impressive.
Honorable Mentions go to Spike Dudley and Austin Aries.
No doubt that Hogan was the best "babyface" of any era. The dude just knew how to get people cheering for him. Don't ask me how, he really couldn't do much in the ring, most of his matches followed the same format time and time again and who really wants a role model with a fucking skullet? (I did as a kid... nevermind) Yet somehow, the red and yellow skullet machine managed to sell out arenas worldwide with his amazing charismatic abilities and that theme music... Real American was the true reason he was popular. Fuck, he even got a music video for that song in 1986!
(Disclaimer- This only counts his time in the WWF, not WCW... Fighting the Dungeon of Doom is far different from fighting Andre the Giant and King Kong Bundy)
2. The Rock
My personal top guy on the list. Incredibly charismatic and incredibly talented in the ring. The Rock has so many memorable catchphrases and segments it's unbelievable. You can YouTube Rock segments for hours and still want to keep watching. It would be interesting to see if the WWF could beat WCW without the Rock... Oh wait, they probably could because of the next guy on this list...
3. Steve Austin
The man, that in my mind, revolutionized the babyface role. He was an authority hating asshole that just wanted to kick everyones ass, flip everyone off and have some beers afterwards... Something that lots of people worldwide would love to do to their respective authority figures. Back in that time period where
4. (tie) Shawn Micheals and Bret Hart
(ZAH EDIT: Wow…twice in the same segment??)
Bret Hart was the hard working professional that respected the fans, Micheals was the flashy youngster working his way up the proverbial ladder. Both had multiple title runs in the 90's as the company’s most successful babyface. That reason is why I had to tie them. Both of them at their popularity peak as babyfaces happened in the early to mid 90's. Not many memorable moments or wrestlers in the mid 90's as opponents. Diesel was okay, the British Bulldog was never really pushed, Owen Hart was still proving himself, Psycho Sid just never really clicked, Taker was good, Razor Ramon was okay and the rest were random gimmicky characters. Shawn is still cheered on and Bret faded fast after the Montreal Screwjob.
5. Glacier
ummm... He had good wrest...nope. Errr, his finisher... no, that sucked too... Ummm, his hype was good?
(Just kidding, here's the last pick!)
The real 5. The Undertaker
The guy took a comic-ky gimmick and stretched his run into something iconic. His character has managed to evolve with the eras he has been in and he is always one of the top performers. He has had memorable feuds and a certain streak that may never be broken (if it stays undefeated that is).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great job, guys!
Your effort into these answers is MUCH appreciated.
Well done, indeed.
And guess what, kids...EVERYBODY has a shot at being a volunteer for a future Pillar to Post.
The great thing about this new format is that you don't need to watch every wrestling show on the planet every single week in order to answer a topic on any given week. Hey...I wonder who my special guests will be next week?
***
So that's it for this week.
I appreciate you clicking the link that brought you here and for reading the column every week. I mean, if it weren't for all of you reading I would just be blogging to myself...
Got something to say?
You can let me know either by e-mailing me at
Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com
, hitting me up at
ZAH Nation
(found on the
Insanity Message Board
), or letting me know that you'd like to participate by checking out my new online blog
The World According to ZAH
!
And then there's the
ZAH MySpace page
(add me...you know you want to). Oh...and then join the
Insanity Facebook page
.
Whew!
Got all that?
Good.
That's all I got for now, kids.
Until next week...take care.
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