03-07-08

"I'm not sick but I'm not well.. ."

Boo-yah...here we go!! 

***

Item # 1 – How could they possibly f*ck this up??

I've seen the Playboy pics of Maria and, ummm...well.................

Meh.

Okay, let me just say off the bat that I'm a HUGE fan of Maria's.   I love the girl.   If there was any justice in this world she'd be Mrs. ZAH by now.   There is even a Maria Kanellis Fan Club thread located in my section of the Insanity message boards.   But I gotta be honest...these pics don't thrill me.   I mean, don't get me wrong...seeing Maria naked DOES thrill me, but these are definitely not the greatest pics I've ever seen nor is this one of the better Playboy diva pictorials.   And that disappoints me to no end.   Hell, the pics in her fan club thread are 100% sexier than the nude ones from the latest edition of Playboy.

How does it rank compared to previous diva pictorials?

1.

This really is the template for which all diva Playboy shoots are measured.   Regardless of what you think of her now, nobody can deny just how awesome that initial shoot was.   Tremendous.

2.

Playboy failed when they, as is usually the case, tried to "glam it up" and took the sexiness totally out of this photoshoot.   It's amazing.   Very few people know how to make a naked woman unsexy...Playboy seems to try doing this more than anybody else.

3.

Oh good lord...what a horrible decision this was.

4.

This, along with Sable, is the template for fantastic Playboy diva pictorials.   Fantastic stuff.

5.

Meh.   The selling point was seeing the two divas together naked.   After that was delivered, you quickly realized that's all there was.   Yawn.

6.

Ahh yes...the REAL reason for the annual diva search contest was to find hot chicks willing to get naked under the WWE banner.   But for as beautiful as Christy is (and she is, in fact, smokin' hot), this pictorial didn't do much for her and she probably had the worst Playboy cover out of any of the divas.

7.

Candice had been naked a million times before this, so seeing this generic air-brushed-to-hell pictorial was a letdown.   I mean, the cover barely even looked like her.    Boring.

8.

With all that metal shit in her face, Ashley's pictorial rivals Chyna's as the worst of the bunch.   And it's a shame, because Ashley did another pictorial for Playboy under a pseudonym a couple of years previously that was absolutely smokin' (as Mackenzie Ryan).

9.

You have no idea just how disappointed I am. Playboy seems to be regressing with each passing year into a less and less sexy style of photography.   That's too bad...because Maria's pictorial has been one of the most anticipated in a very long time.   What a shame.

***

Item # 2 – Mayweather is killing his angle.

The story going 'round is that Stephanie McMahon was livid over how Mayweather ended up coming off this past Monday night.   And you know what?   She's got every reason to be pissed.   He was absolutely f*ckin' brutal.   Big Show ended up looking like the babyface and Mayweather came off as a one-trick pony...unable to say anything other than "I broke your nose last time, this time I'll break your jaw."

Sigh.

,

It's been said that Bruce Prichard was the unfortunate one on the receiving end of a Stephanie verbal beat-down over the phone some time after RAW went off the air.   He was apparently the guy in charge of directing Mayweather.   But you know what?   You can't totally blame Prichard in this situation.  

There is an argument to make that Mayweather simply isn't babyface material.   That's a pretty good argument, too, because I have yet to see anything (other than the initial angle at No Way Out) that would show me he has any likable qualities whatsoever.   Should that be an excuse, though?   No...I don't think so.  

If you have just spent $20 million on this guy, you have to believe that some research has been done to decide how to best use him.   The initial plan (reportedly) was going to see Mayweather team with MVP to take on Oscar de la Hoya and Rey Mysterio.   With Mysterio injured and de la Hoya having no interest in the idea, that plan was quickly scrapped.   Then Big Show came in and it was rumored to see Mysterio & Mayweather vs. Big Show & Shane McMahon...which would have been awesome.   Then Mysterio got injured and POOF~!!   we got Mayweather vs. Show.

So now you've made this decision...your $20 million is invested in this guy, who is arguably the biggest draw on pay-per-view right now, and you've got an extremely hot angle coming out of No Way Out.   So what happens next?  

Mayweather gets booed.

I'm not a boxing fan.   Never was.   So as a wrestling fan, I've got no idea why in the world people are booing this guy.   On top of that, he's coming off like a pussy because his entourage isn't really working that hard to hold him back from facing Show (not that I blame him...I'd be hesitant, too).   And then to top it off, there appeared to be a completely unrehearsed clusterf*ck of a back-n-forth between Mayweather and Show on last week's RAW where Mayweather came off an unintelligent, uninspired, and unwitty (is that even a word?).   Show got cheered....again.   Not only that, but the little boxer dude that Show destroyed got booed from the get-go, too.

WWE would be quick to dismiss this as the fans not reacting the way that they should...so I'm sure you'll be seeing more dastardly heel tactics from Show going into Mania in a lame attempt to change the crowd reactions.   At this point, that's all they can do.   Seriously...does WWE truly want to put $20 million into a guy that their crowds are booing?   If they decide to make him a full-blown heel, would he be hated enough that people would want to pay money to see him get his ass kicked by a seven-foot monster?

I think there is an obvious disconnect between wrestling fans and Mayweather.   Most of us...and I could be way off base here, but based on my emails this is what I'm going with...don't really know who the hell Floyd Mayweather is nor do we care that Big Show is going to kill the guy.   But having said that, WWE isn't going after us with this match.   WWE realizes that wrestling fans are going to buy the show regardless.   What they are going after with this match-up is the boxing fan...the 2 million people who bought the last Mayweather/de la Hoya fight.  

But his is where things really get confusing.   If boxing fans tune in to see what's going on with this storyline and they see Mayweather looking like a dumb-ass, are they really going to dish out $60 to watch him wrestle??

For me, I'm intrigued by the fallout of Mania.   Will this huge financial gamble pay off or will this hit WWE harder than they expected?   I dunno...but I will tell you this: I'll definitely be cheering Big Show at Mania.   F*ck Mayweather...who has now turned into the no-talent over-paid hack that I was afraid he was going to turn into.   Let's just hope he wrestles better than Pacman Jones.

***

Item # 3 – "Industry News" continues...

The confusion over WWE decisions seems to be a story in itself lately.   The speculation as to just why in the blue hell WWE.com is using (mainly) cut'n'paste wrasslin' sites to promote most aspects of sports entertainment is rampant.   I've got my opinions...there are definitely other opinions...but the bottom line is that every single theory being thrown out there has holes in it that make the reason questionable, which leads to even more head shaking.

The main websites used today as references?   Rajah, Lords of Pain, WrestleZone, WrestleView, and ImpactWrestling.   Yikes.

The initial thought is that WWE.com is trying to up their website hit count.   Obviously the hits are down from last year when the Benoit situation drove hits through the roof.   But the hits are still above and beyond any other wrestling website on the internet...by a mile.   January and February are normally down months for everybody (not just website hits), but the thought is that WWE doesn't like admitting they are down in anything and this is a way to boost traffic to their website.

I'll admit...I've been to WWE.com a LOT more this past week than I have at any other time in the past year or so.   Having said that, I don't stick around.   I've only been there to see which sites are being referenced so I can shake my head at the whole situation.   But if more hits is what WWE.com is looking for, they probably have got it.   But it's more of a morbid curiosity, I would think.

Then there is the argument that WWE.com wants to put the major news sites out of business.   That's a laughable argument, to me, that really makes zero sense.   I've already given a huge diatribe on my thoughts on this subject on last week's World According to ZAH audio (cheap plug), but it's safe to say that the day they actually referenced the Wrestling Observer website for a news story that theory was pretty much shot down.   At the end of the day, I just can't believe that anybody working for WWE.com truly believes that they can put a hurtin' into any of the major dirt sheet sites.

You also can't argue that they're trying to take hits away from the cut'n'paste sites because, as mentioned in my audio, this will actually drive hits TO the websites in question...not away from them. If you're a casual fan who isn't hardcore into the wrestling business and you see that WWE.com is referencing other wrestling websites for news information, you're going to think "Hey...it's good enough for WWE.com so it's good enough for me."  

The theory I subscribe to is simply that they are trying to let the world know that there is a wrestling industry outside of WWE.   If congress wants to drop the hammer on WWE, then they have to drop the hammer on everybody in the industry.   Of course, you could make the "major leagues vs. minor leagues" argument and how there isn't drug testing in all aspects of minor league baseball, only the major leagues...which WWE undoubtedly is considered to be.

Whatever the reason, at the end of the day I'll go along with part of James Guttman's theory:

"A part of me thinks that this is one of those things that in two months we'll hear that Vince McMahon didn't even know about it and got mad when he finds out."

Agreed.   Enjoy it while ya can, kids.

***

Item # 4 – TNA now has something else to promote.

This is the type of "mainstream publicity" that can actually get them somewhere.   This is huge.   This could finally be TNA's ticket out of obscurity.   This is monumental.   This could lead to the biggest night in the history of our business!!!!     What could it be, you ask?  

Matt Morgan has been offered a contract to be an American Gladiator.   Rejoice.

***

Item # 5 – So why in the f*ck are they on the poster?

As of this writing, there is no match scheduled for the Motor City Machine Guns at the next TNA pay-per-view, Destination X.   Yet TNA management (or whoever) decided that the Guns were popular enough to deserve being the poster boys for the PPV.   Am I crazy here?   Am I missing something?   Shouldn't the focus of your poster at least have a high-profile match on the PPV??

At this point, even if they are thrown into a match...why the f*ck would it even matter???   I'm so pissed right now.   These guys are crazy-over...are crazy-talented...and deserve to be in high-profile feuds outside of Team 3-D.   Why are you not trying to build off the young talent like these guys instead of focusing on elder statesmen like Nash and Angle?

And people wonder why I bitch about TNA so much.

***

Item # 6 –  Commercial of the year .

Why this wasn't turned into an angle is beyond me.   Carlito + Maria (not acting like a bimbo) = solid gold storyline possibilities!  

***

Item # 7 – WTF???

How in the blue hell is this supposed to sell PPV buys????

Floyd Mayweather: "Put your money where your mouth is."

***

Item # 8 – Sweet merciful crap...there's a TNA PPV this weekend??

Where the hell have I been?   I didn't even realize that.   Oh well...I might as well give you my (as always) Nostradamus-esque predictions for TNA's Destination X pay-per-view:

• Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash & Christian vs. Kurt Angle & AJ Styles & Tomko

-           I just want this feud to be over with.   Nash can barely move, it's deja-vu all over again with yet another Christian/Angle feud, and Samoa Joe's push has been anti-climatic.   So much time and effort has been thrown into this feud, but it just doesn't do it for me.   I don't care.   I feel like I've seen it all before.

-           WINNER: In a decent main event, Joe & Co. will win...helping to set up Joe's push on the way to his title match on the next PPV.

• Rhino vs. James Storm – Elevation X match

-           Who told Rhino that he should try to over-come his legit fear of heights on pay-per-view??   Again???   Didn't TNA learn from doing this match last time with Rhino and AJ Styles that it was an extremely bad idea that could really end up with somebody getting seriously injured?   Listen, I'm a huge fan of James Storm and all, but he's no AJ Styles.   If Styles couldn't make this match entertaining last time, there's no way this will be entertaining.

-           WINNER: Rhino.   What's the point, otherwise?

• Black Machismo vs. Petey Williams – X Division title match

-           I don't know if I fully believe that the Lethal/Devine singles feud has truly run it's course, but I guess I should be happy to see Lethal moving on to somebody else.   I'm really looking forward to seeing what these guys can do if given enough time to really shine...because Williams has been on a "mini-roll" since last month's match with Scott Steiner.  

-           WINNER: Lethal.

• Booker T vs. Robert Roode – strap match

-           This probably won't be the end of the feud.   More than likely, this will be yet another disputed finish that will lead to a cage match at Lockdown to be the blow-off...and not a moment too soon.   Booker should be main-eventing these PPV's and, at this point, would have been better off jobbing to Triple H than trying to put over Roode in a mid-card yawner.

-           WINNER: Booker T...to be followed by a post-match beat-down to set-up the cage match.

• Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim vs. ODB – TNA Knockout title match

-           In terms of women's wrestling, this should be a decent match.   But with only two legitimate contenders who look credible against Kong, how long can these three wrestle each other?    And are they really setting up Kong to wrestle men next??    Ugh.

-           WINNER: Kong.

• Team 3-D vs. Curry Man & Shark Boy – Fish Market Street Fight

-           Dear god...can this be correct?   WTF???

-           WINNER: Anybody getting a chance to see Curry Man on PPV.   But yeah...other than that I cannot believe Team 3-D will lay down for Shark Boy.

• Black Reign & Rellik (which is "killer" spelled backwards) vs. Eric Young & Kaz

-           Is this even official?   I dunno...I heard about this match on some random forum somewhere.   I don't even care at this point.   Where is LAX?   Where are the Machine Guns?   Where is Christy Hemme?   Why is Dustin Rhodes still on my television screen?

-           WINNER: Dustin Rhodes...for being booked on yet another pay-per-view.

***

Item # 9 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form. This week’s choice is doing his absolute best to become the male "Britney Spears trainwreck" before our very eyes.  It shouldn't be a surprise considering his past and all, but self-destruction never ceases to amaze me. Therefore, the "Britney Spears Loser of the Week" award this week has to go to... 

Steve-O!!!

This tool had a trainwreck appearance on the Howard Stern show back on February 25^th (more of a trainwreck than normal) where he verbally attacked his lawyer, Eminem, his record company (because he was there to promote a rap album , of all things), he bragged about his drug usage (Ketamine, PCP, and weed – but he has apparently quit using nitrous oxide), he claimed Bam Margera does cocaine and that Johnny Knoxville does amphetamines, and basically was a drunk/high mess...claiming his website was where "self-destruction is funny".

Well, this past week he was at it again...only this time he got arrested.   Apparently, according to TMZ, he was "breaking holes in the walls of his L.A. apartment building when one of his neighbors dropped a dime on him, and even made a citizen's arrest, holding Steve-O until the LAPD arrived, and took him away."  

Not only that, but when the police searched him at the station, they discovered drugs on him (shocker, I know) and charged him with possession, too.

Then, on his website, he decided to document the damage and then tried to rally his neighbors into kicking the neighbor out of the apartment complex.   Absolutely insane.   How this guy is not only a celebrity but is even alive is beyond me.

Therefore, congrats have to go out to Steve-O for being ZAH's "Britney Spears Loser of the Week"!  

***

Pillar to Post 

Nah...no P2P this week.   Been too busy with "real life".   Sorry...but you get what you pay for, right?

That being said, I'm looking forward to seeing who joins me next week.   What...you've never participated before?   Or maybe you have and would like to do it again?

Hey...you ALL have a chance to be part of an upcoming column.   You get a chance to have your thoughts on the crazy world of professional wrestling read by thousands every week.   This truly is open to everybody!   And with a new year comes a new list...I'm still basically starting from scratch, people.   Contact me NOW and you'll be put at or near the top of the list.   Why wait?  

I want readers to participate!

  ,

 ,

No problem.    Seriously...it's not a problem at all.    NOW is the time for you to volunteer.    Really...RIGHT NOW!!    It's a brand new year and I need a brand new list of guest columnists.

You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com , hitting me up at ZAH Nation (found on the Insanity Message Board ), or look me up on Facebook as ZAH Insanity and letting me know that you'd like to participate (and then join the Insanity Facebook page ).    

So until next week, take care.