The Casual Smart Mark: Casually Twittering About

I’m a lifelong wrestling fan who now watches less than two hours a week. I’m the “casual smart mark” and I’ve got a few things to say.

My last column received so much international acclaim and praise that I decided to make it a regular column.

It’s a pretty simple concept, really…I scour Twitter (hey… you can find me HERE …you know you want to!) looking for anything interesting or bizarre from the world of wrestling. Trust me when I say this: you think wrestlers are weird INSIDE of the ring??? Heh…just check out what I’ve found for you in the last couple of weeks!

First up is everybody’s favorite Asian cowboy stereotype. Y’know, since being released Jimmy Wang Yang may not be flying as high with “Yang Time” as he used to, but the good thing is that he can now always have the memory “HAMMER TIME”!!

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Yeeahhh boyeee!!!

Now, not to be outdone on the unemployment line, Snitsky has been tweeting a bit about himself lately. Turns out the dude with the brown teeth is actually a connoisseur of the finer things in life…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

It’s funny what a person can afford when one doesn’t have a job. Huh…

Now I’ve always been a fan of Al Snow. I always thought he’d be a pretty cool dude to hang with and I’ve never heard any stories about him from “the boyz” that were negative in any way. Well…he seems to enjoy Twitter and all, but sometimes humor can be lost with the written word…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Yeah…it’s kinda humorous, I suppose. But honestly…with thousands of comics out of work, does Al Snow really need to try to be one of ‘em? Meh.

HEEYYYY!! The “Very European” Claudio Castagnoli is also on Twitter and seems to be enjoying himself immensely. I can totally see WWE or TNA making a play for him at some point. He’s just too talented of a performer to let slip by. And better yet, he’s now apparently a marketing genius!!

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Well…maybe not.

Now, one of the funniest wrestlers on the planet…both inside and outside of the ring…is one Colt Cabana. Rarely a day goes by where I don’t get entertained in some way, shape, or form by this guy’s tweets. You want an example? I’m glad you asked…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

GET IT????

I don't care what she looks like. When's the last time YOU had a woman ask you to autograph her breast?? Didn't think so.

Oh yeah...remember that classic pic of Virgil at some wrestling convention with NOBODY around him?

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Apparently, Colt was appearing at an Aaron’s recently and spoke to absolutely NOBODY all day. And of course, Colt being Colt, he had to document it:

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Sometimes wrestlers just want you to realize that they’re not big, dumb pieces of meat. They want you to know that they have intelligence to go with their muscles. Sometimes…just sometimes…that comes through in a tweet.

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Ya get it??

What? C’mon, kids…that was pretty clever. At the very least, it was clever for a guy who goes by the name “Dolph Ziggler”.

On the flip side of the coin, sometimes people are as dumb outside of the squared circle as they appear to be inside the squared circle…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

F*ck you, Eli. You suck.

Seriously.

You suck.

I hate you.

Wait...where was I? Oh yeah...

Next up I want to show you what Twitter uses to “verify” accounts. In other words, we all realize that there are fake accounts of celebrities all over the place (I got duped by the Sonjay Dutt one in my last column ). But if you see a blue checkmark and “Verified Account” on the person’s home page, that means that person is who they say they are.

I say all this because I need to emphasize that the Iron Sheik’s Twitter account has, in fact, been verified to be the official account of the Iron Sheik.

undefined undefined undefined undefined

And as you would expect, Sheiky-baby does NOT disappoint…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

You just HAVE to love that man. In a totally NON-f*ck-you-in-the-ass kind of way.

As can often be the case, words are easily misinterpreted on Twitter. It’s hard to get across what you really want to say in 140 characters or less. Take TNA tag team Ink Inc’s Jesse Neal, for example:

undefined undefined undefined undefined

I for one, would like to know just what in the blue f*cking hell Neal is doing in the bathroom that would make listening to Bruce Springsteen such a good experience. Seriously…I may never hear Springsteen songs the same way again.

** SHIVERS **

And sometimes…just sometimes…you need to realize what “TMI” stands for. Take independent wrestler Joey Ryan’s recent tweet, for example:

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Lightweight or not…that’s just WAY too much info, dude.

Every once in awhile you can see some shameless self-promotion on Twitter. Nothing wrong with it per se, just setting up a punchline…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Honestly…nothing really wrong with that tweet. If I saw myself on the cover of a magazine as I strolled through the airport I’d probably tweet about it, too. The funny part, though, was Chris Jericho’s follow-up (read it and re-examine that magazine photo):

undefined undefined undefined undefined

I’m sorry…I just found that hilarious.

I may be alone in my amusement.

SHUT UP.

The next four tweets just make me shake my head. Seriously…they’re just that dumb to me.

So here is the first in a series of regular installments where all I can do is simply shake my head…

undefined undefined undefined undefined

I was thinkin' it would be great if you got the f*ck off of my television. Honestly, dude...you absolutely suck. I’d rather watch Husky Harris try his hand at a stripper pole than watch you wrestle.

EVER.

AGAIN.

undefined undefined undefined undefined

Speaking of which, how’s that whole game plan going to win the WWE title using the momentum off that hot feud with Edge & Lita? Yeah...that's what I thought. How many times can you press “restart”, tubby? YOU SUCK!! Get over it and move on, numnuts. Accept mediocrity. It's not really such a bad profession.

Speaking of mediocrity...

undefined undefined undefined undefined

I don’t know if Ryder was answering in gimmick. I don’t even know if Ryder was just joking around. But what I do know is that Zack Ryder can take his NKOTB-lovin’ ass back to whatever spandex-lovin’ town he came from and “hang tough” all he wants on a "step by step" basis.

Trust me...if I could remember more NKOTB song titles, I'd use 'em.

undefined undefined undefined undefined

I have absolutely ZERO F*CKING DESIRE to read any more about Jack Swagger’s sex life. Ever.

** SHIVERS **

Alright…let’s wrap things up with a little brush with "almost-fame".

I may or may not have been the biggest Lance Hoyt fan during his tenure in TNA. But let’s face it…he’s mediocre at best. Still…when he asked for suggestions on what to do on a Saturday night I was a little surprised that he wasn't wrestling SOMEWHERE.

Being the smart-ass that I am, I thought of a brilliant reply:

undefined undefined undefined undefined

And regardless of whether or not he realized I was being sarcastic (and really…regardless of whether or not HE was being sarcastic), he still decided to reply:

undefined undefined undefined undefined

When you're a wrestler, you're above spelling and grammar.

Anyway, that’s what I got for now, kids. Follow me on Twitter and say ‘hi’!! Or better yet, email me at ZAH.at.the.Insanity@gmail.com and give me your thoughts.

Until next time…here’s a picture of Claudio Castagnoli in a f*cked-up hat.

...for no reason...

GOD I LOVE TWITTER.