Videos shown from last night’s PPV with this music mixed to this audio track: “Kane!…A Truth Told…Murderer! You are a…. Fueled by…You!…Guilt Poisons The Soul…It’s something I have to live…You Killed Katie Vick! …. I am not…It was an accident…Kane!….Where’s the Beef…Blah…Murderer….I didn’t mean to…One Champion….Ugh”

Show opens as we are greeted by what is sure to be the new theme song to Raw in the upcoming months….

“It’s all about the Game and how you push him!”

I suppose we’re not even pretending that HHH isn’t the focus of everything on Raw. Hunter makes his way up the ramp followed by Ric Flair. I brace myself. This could be the turning point. I mean, the bottom line was that this terrible Katie Vick murder angle had to play itself out until the Pay Per View and then they would just sweep it away. There isn’t a question right?

With that Hunter speaks. He speaks to all of us. He makes reference to the boys in the back, the fans, and the “writers” and how they questioned him being handed the title. With a breath of confidence and a look that seems to say “I could draw a quarter hour rating of .02, pee on child at ringside, and still be booked in the main event of Wrestlemania” blurts out ‘SCREW YOU!’. It’s almost as if Triple H lives on Planet Cheese – where everything that is cheesy is actually really cool. He proclaims how he has defeated every single person he has faced and how last night he ended 23 years of Intercontinental Title history. He sums it up with how he can do as he pleases and no one can do anything about it. He then goes on to say that he does it because in this world he is “untouchable”. Of course by “untouchable” he means “overexposed and unentertaining”. Flair nods at this point because under those parameters – he too is “untouchable” at his age. It is announced that Kane is not yet in the building (JG Note: How come wrestlers show up to work an hour or two late?). HHH then proceeds to make some of the most ridiculous ‘Katie Vick murder” references he could possibly make. I’m talking cornball city, kids – “I hope he didn’t get into a car accident and murder someone, huh huh”…. Honestly, you want to do this whole stupid angle – fine. But, for the Love of all that is holy…please write at a level above “moron”. But why isn’t Kane there? Well, buckle up – it’s all downhill from here.

The Game announces that he has answered the question as to whether Kane had relations with Katie prior following her death (JG Note: See how I cleaned that up for you?). He has his grandfather, Ric Flair, hold up videotape. Flair holds aloft a video from TDK (my girlfriend works there – shout out). The answers to all this and more can be found on this video. At this point I’ll watch it. Not because I’m curious, but because I’d rather watch anything but another 20 minute Hunter Hearst Helmsely promo. However, as the superhero sent to save me from impeding boredom, The Hurricane runs down the aisle and takes out Old Man Ric. He then lays out Trips and grabs the (TDK) tape. As he rushes from the ring, he is jumped by Team Nose and they continue their assault. H Cubed then delivers another chesseball verbal warning to the Hurricane – something about “dead” or “Katie Vick is dead”, something stupid about dead. With his TDK tape in hand, he then leaves. The moral of this segment: We always play Hunter’s music as we go to….

Commercial Break. “Kane you killed Katie Vick! You’re a murderer!” – Bad writing. Another unfortunate side effect of hunger. Grab a Snickers.

We’re back from the break with a recap of Al Snow’s …umm…heel….uh…I think it was a heel turn…tease?….I don’t know – just a shot of Al Snow helping Chris Nowinksi.

1. Chris Nowinski pinned Jeff Hardy following interference by Al Snow Jeff Hardy is starting to look like an evil clown on heroin. He’s missing something right now and it’s hard to put your finger on it. Like most members of Vince’s company, he seems to be on the cusp of stardom, but something is not quite there. Nowinski is also capable of great things and has a strong future in this business. Sick top rope leap by Hardy right over the refs back onto Nowinski on the floor. Nothing like seeing a Harvard graduate’s head bounce on concrete to make me feel better about going to work tomorrow. Lawler makes reference to Kane’s semen to which JR responds “There’s no semen in wrestling!” For the record, there is semen in wrestling – just not the semen of a big burnt red machine. Val Venis the porn star…yeah. Godfather the pimp…ok. Goldust the Kinky Perv…understandable. The burnt guy who was locked in a basement for 20 years…I don’t see it. Sorry, JR. If you say that this angle is sensible, you’re either lying or drunk. End came when Al Snow pulled Chris Nowinski out of the path of Jeff’s top rope Swanton Bomb. Nowinski left alone – once again leaving Al Snow as a tweener. Now the question of the day. What is puffy, white, and filled with unrealized dreams and resentment?

Eric Bischoff’s face…is shown watching a videotape of his altercation with the Big Show last night. Show tosses Eric into a wall as retaliation for not booking him properly (JG Note: This sets off a trend as the entire Raw roster lines up outside the writers’ cars after the show). A knock at the door brings in Stacey Kiebler who requests to be a ref tonight. Eric huffs and allows her to ref any match she sees fit, except the main event (HHH/Flair v RVD/Kane)– which is so perfect we can’t dare upset it. Stacey skips out of the office, mostly out of excitement because if it was Vince McMahon playing the role of GM in this segment – it would end with her making out with him. She greets the Big Show on the way out. He enters and Eric proceeds to have a cold black rock to heart chat with the Show. He talks of their friendship in the past and agrees not to hold a grudge. In fact – tonight, it’s Big Show versus Rico….and Jamal…and Rosy. It’s going to be a three on one handicap match. Show appears angry and storms off. Eric stares off at him as he leaves, envisioning how many friends he would have if only he still had WCW. Quit you’re middle-aged regretful daydreaming, Eric! Instead, watch this….

Commercial Break. Twix is all in the mix. By “All In The Mix”, we mean “Stuck in 1990”. I keep waiting for Bobby McFerrin to come running in and make funny noises.

We return and see Tommy Dreamer confront Al Snow. Maybe Tommy can’t figure out where Al stands either. No matter, tonight it’s Dreamer Vs Snow in a Singapore Cane Match. Dreamer leaves and Snow calls out to him like Juliet. Cue Nowinski who comes strutting from the curtain. He tells Al that his help is not needed. He says that he didn’t need it on Tough Enough and doesn’t need it now. Wow, poor Al. With friends like this, no wonder he used to talk to a mannequin head.

Introducing the UnAmericans with short hair. Lance Storm had gone from long tights to short trunks (JG Note: Isn’t it funny how we accept guys like The Rock and Ric Flair wearing small trunks to wrestle, but when Storm or someone go from long to short – they look like they’re wearing underwear? Weird, huh?). Quick promo. They don’t like America. I don’t like N’Sync. Everybody’s got a gripe.

2. Bubba Ray and Spike Dudley downed William Regal and Lance Storm when Spike pinned Regal What a way to bring back Bubba. They go buck silly jamming him down our throats prior to his injury and then bring him back with no buildup whatsoever. See saw basic match with Kane arriving to the building halfway through. I know I harp on this every week, but why are Bubba and D-Von, perhaps the most decorated team in history, still tagging but with new partners? Who thinks this is a good idea? What is the big picture? Am I missing something? Well, Bubba and Spike become #1 contenders to the tag team titles when Spike pins Regal after a “Dudley Dog”. Post match antics sees Storm hold Spike for a Regal brass knuckles punch to the midsection. Spike bleeds from the mouth – could just be his gums bleeding. Say, if you have bleeding gums – you should brush your teeth…what better time to do that than….

Commercial Break. You see that Godzilla game for Gamecube. I rented it. Ugh. Tell you what, instead of renting it – send me $5.

We’re back. Trish is doing a photo shoot. She finishes up and the photographer asks her about Victoria. (JG Note: Inner Dialogue of the photographer – “Look at her face. Look at her face. Look at her face”). The Raw Tag Champs, Christian and Chris Jericho confront her. They tend to agree with Victoria’s claims that Trish left her behind. Christian points to the time when Trish crawled on her hands and knees in the ring and barked like a dog. I find it amazing that Trish’s “dog segment” from 2 years ago is remembered, but Kane could be at a party in 1992. Team Chris(tian) Jericho proceed to talk of their achievements and Jericho begins to play the role of the tool for my amusement. Not a bad exchange, built up the 6-man match for Trish/Booker/Goldust v Jericho/Christian/Vicki. It just seemed to have no real end - as has been the problem with Raw in recent weeks/months. Jericho finishes by inviting Trish to his locker room for “Vitamin C” – which appears to be a reference to sex, not the pop singer who did that stupid graduation song.

“Hey Kids! Who wants to help roll Uncle Eric up the ramp?”

“WE DO! WE DO!”

Cue Eric Bischoff. Let’s skip the formalities. New York gets Survivor Series this year at MSG. Stephanie McMahon will not out-promote Eric. So this year he will unveil “The Raw Elimination Chamber”. It sounds like a bad kid’s games how pilot that he tried to push to Turner. He spits out the words and pauses. I prepare myself for the big explanation of what this match entails. The camera closes in on Eric’s pastey white cheeks and we…cue his music. Promo over. Moral of this Segment: If we give you no other reason to watch next Monday – tune in to learn about this Chamber thing.

Stacey Kiebler is seen walking. But what match is she refereeing? Maybe she’s reffing the…

Commercial Break. The Spare Rib ain’t just ribs. In fact…that might not even be ribs.

Promo – Battista is coming. I’m telling you, it’s taking all my positive energy to hope against hope that they take Battista to the level he should be at. He’s got such incredible potential. You just need a hook to get him over – you already did the murder/rape angle. What else you got?

3. Test pinned D-Lo Brown with help from guest ref Stacey KieblerOh D-Lo, it’s like you never left. You were jobbing when I saw you last, too. I hope that Test’s time out of the spotlight is officially over. He’s improved so much over the past year or so and definitely needs to be showcased on a higher level than he’s been. Stacey conveniently misses all of D-Lo’s pin attempts and only comes around after Test nails the big kick. A quick three count and it appears that Miss Stacey and Mr. Test are an item, mirroring their personal lives. They're like Stephanie and Hunter only they have absolutely no political power.

Terri is standing backstage with Victoria. If done for no other reason, this interview makes Terri look taller when standing next to Vicki. Goldust comes in halfway through his ex-wife’s interview and cuts off Victoria. He questions her claims against Trish. She begins to argue back when Booker comes on in. They begin to discuss their 6-man match tonight. Booker T tells her that her partner, Chris Jericho, can’t spell his name without the “HO” – making reference to Vic’s “previous life” in WWE as a “ho”. The only question for Victoria is if she can dig that….SUCKA!!!!!! Goldust slaps her butt on the way out and I slap my feet up to enjoy this…

Commercial Break. How come Taco Bell commercials never show drunk people crawling through the drive through on their hands and knees at 1am trying to see how many tacos they can get with 11 quarters? My college was right near a late night drive through. Trust me, it’s a key demographic.

If I’m ever drowning, throw Trish to me and watch me float ashore. Trish is the first one announced followed by Goldust (JG Note: Does anyone realize how far Dustin Rhodes has ridden this gimmick? You have to applaud this guy). Finally out is Booker T. With that we get set for action.

4. Chris Jericho, Christian, and Victoria defeated Booker T, Goldust, and Trish Stratus when Jericho forced Trish to tap out to the Walls of Jericho I don’t know. This match, much like the rest, seemed to lack. There’s a missing spark to this show as a whole and it takes away from the overall product. I take my hat off to everyone involved in this match as it really did showcase some sold wrestling. Great exchange as Goldust spread eagled Jericho and was stopped by Vicki. Dust then laid a lip lock on her and tossed her across the ring into the waiting groin of Jericho. Chris recovered, clotheslined Trish, and locked in the Walls. Again, good match – but with 6 good wrestlers, it’s not easy to put on a poor match.

Hunter is seen handing the (TDK) tape to the production truck. OK, if you can handle it, I can handle it. Before I tackle this, let me unwind and clear my head with a ….

Commercial Break. Six Flags Haunted Theme Park. So Six Flags turned their whole park into a haunted house, huh? Well Vince turned Raw into crap. Beat that…haunted house, indeed.

We are back from the break and join JR and the King at the Nitro position. Jerry shills for the (TDK) videotape and I can’t tell if he’s the world’s best actor or if he likes the angle. Either way, Jerry Lawler is a strange guy. We are shown Terri, who is standing outside Kane’s locker room. She will have the first words with Kane following the video footage. I still think it’s weird that one day…Kane just started talking. Now he won’t shut up.

The coach is standing with Hunter in the back. In a question that must have been asked of Stephanie McMahon countless times “Why are you doing this?” is posed to HHH. He gives the same canned answer that should have been audio taped three weeks ago and replayed every time. “Kane’s a murderuh….”. Cue the Warning – Cue the Tape…

(JG Note: I want to make a few things perfectly clear before I continue. I am a firm believer that in this world there is no taboos. Honestly, there is nothing in my opinion that is too sacred to be used as fodder for humor or dramatic purposes. Despite the fact that a serious angle involving murder and rape is quite counterproductive to the psychology of wrestling, I can understand the writers’ desires to carry this story out to the end. They want to finish what they began and that is commendable. In fact, if we learned nothing from the Big Show “Dead Daddy”story, it’s that anything, when written correctly can be enjoyable. With that said, I want to go on record that this vignette, or pre-taped segment if you will, is probably one of the poorest written, badly acted, and hastily overblown vignettes not only in the history of wrestling, but the history of Television. If ever in my life I have ever been embarrassed to admit that I watched WWE, it was during this segment. There was no shred of wit whatsoever. The jokes were barely humorous and the angle itself was too graphically portrayed to hold any sort of comedic value. Enough of all that…let me give you the rundown…)

HHH enters a funeral home room dressed as Kane. Jokingly he says “I am Kane”. Right off the bat, this is going to be the humor of the story. This is the big pay off to make all us “Internet Smarks” look dumb for accusing WWE of playing this too straight. Hunter approaches “Katie Vick’s body” in the casket. He talks about the accident and how it only occurred because she wouldn’t let him touch her. At this point, it begins to drag on. Hunter appears almost hammy as he continues to stretch out the segment. It continues downward as Triple H laments how he wishes he could touch her “breasts” and then proceeds to fondle the body. He then begins to remove the clothing, stopping to smell her panties and remark that he loves the smell of formaldehyde in the morning, and strip down to his underwear before climbing into the coffin and simulating sex with the dead body. Can anyone tell me why it would make Kane look bad if Hunter showed a video of himself dressed up and having sex with a corpse? Doesn’t it make HHH look bad? Can anything make him look good at this point? Cameras pan the candles as Hunter thrusts away as if his push depended on it. Following the deed, Triple H reaches into the corpse’s head, pulls out a pile of "goo" and exclaims "I screwed her brains out." Well, eight minutes all so he could say the stupid “brains” line? Bad. Just bad. No effort. I will be totally honest with all of you, any spark of creativity within this segment might have done some good. To me it was the amateur hour all over again.

We cut back to a laughing HHH with the Coach. The crowd has absolutely no reaction as Hunter leaves and we cut to Terri. Terri opens Kane’s door and it is promptly shut on her. He must be upset over the fact that he lost eight minutes of his life watching that too. Terrible. Just…God…terrible…ugh….

Commercial Break. Letting Triple H do eight-minute long monologue segments featuring necrophilia and gaps in logic – another unfortunate side effect of hunger. Grab a Snickers.

5. Tommy Dreamer beat Al Snow in a Singapore Cane Match following botched interference from Christopher NowinskiNow, these are the type of situations I’m talking about. I was looking forward to this match. I mean, really – when I first read the preview of Raw on the web today, this was the bout I wanted to see. Luckily for me, it followed Hunter Hearst Helmsely “stickin it” to a mannequin in a coffin. Very nice. I guess there was some canes in this match or something. Who knows. I watched it. But the Pope and Elvis singing “Moon River” on the back of a Flying Unicorn couldn’t follow that vignette. God. How does one angle destroy an entire show? I lived through the early 90’s! I’ve seen bad booking! Erik Watts? PN News? Oh man…this Katie Vick thing is king. Finish saw some good stick hits followed by Nowinski taking a swing at Tommy and mistakenly nailing Al Snow. At least someone got nailed mistakenly for a change. Terrible…God awful…terrible…

Commercial Break. Taco Bell – think outside the bun. That is directly opposite of the Raw writing team who have to think in the buns – because their heads are jammed up them.

6. Big Show defeated Rosy, Jamal, and Rico when Show pinned Rosy Well, Rosy and Jamal, your push ended about, oh I would say, three minutes ago. I suppose they are trying to make Show into the unstoppable Giant. This is a smart move, although it’s not going to be easy to undo 3 years of sloppy pushes for him. He seemed to play the part well and I think that if given the right amount of trust and build up, he could still make a ton of money for this company. Lots of classic triple teaming on the Show. The big finish saw Show clean house and nail Rosy with a chokeslam. Short and to the point, the way it should have been.

Shawn Michaels is wheeling himself to the main stage at “The World” in Time Square. You know what I’ve noticed? It seems that every two seconds we take a…

Commercial Break. I am totally buying Mario Party 4 tomorrow. If you have never played Mario Party you are really missing out. Fun game, good graphics, and lots of sex with dead people. I’m only joking with you – the graphics aren’t that good.

Ultimate Warrior’s coming back November 12! Ha ha. Just the new Anthology CD. HA HA! Made you care!

Coach is interviewing big Show when Eric Bischoff informs him that he has been traded to Smackdown. Who did Eric get in return? He didn’t say, but I hear its Funaki and two dead bodies to be named later.

Stand back! That’s Hurricane in the parking lot and he looks mad. Maybe he just realized that the eight-minute corpse sex segment could have been used to show a match of his.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler intro the World and bring us down to the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. We recap HHH injuring Shawn at Summerslam (JG Note: If Hunter could find a way to interfere in my Thanksgiving dinner and challenge the Turkey, he would). Michaels is seen on a wheelchair. He assures us that he is on the mend and looking to return. After teasing the severity of his injuries he leaps from the wheelchair and does a little HBK gyration dance. The crowd loved him and Shawn appears to be more over than ever. Say what you want, but no one can turn an audience around like Shawn Michaels. Maybe he can turn around the…

Commercial Break. CSI, eh? Is Triple H on it? No? Then I’ll watch.

7. Rob Van Dam and Kane downed Ric Flair and Triple H when RVD pinned Flair Hi, I’m Ric Flair, can you tell me where 1988 is? It’s over Ric. Please…stop wrestling. Please. Rob Van Dam, I forgot he was on this show. I can’t understand how I’ve seen three of these guys all night and the wrestler who wins the match is never shown until he’s introduced. Rob has held his own through no help of the bookers. Match went back and forth until Kane chased HHH into the back. Flair crotches Van Dam on the top rope and works him with some low blows. There was a time when Ric would strut across the ring in order to portray an aura of arrogance. Now, he does it to stay awake. RVD hits a karate kick followed by the Rolling Thunder. For the second night in a row, he goes to the top rope and hits the Nature Boy with a Frog Splash for the pin.

Cameras catch up to Kane and Hunter backstage and we see The Big Red Murderer Guy Who Isn’t Really Burnt And Talks exchange blows with the Game and reverse a pedigree attempt into a slingshot on a car. Kane then chokeslams HHH on the hood and tosses him into the trunk. Hurricane closes him in and Kane delivers this line “Triple H, hear me man? Now I’m gonna screw you! The only question is, will you still be alive or will I just wait till your dead?” J.R wonders aloud “What does that mean?” as the camera roll off. The only thing that could make an angle about murder and necrophila rape worse is an angle about murder and GAY necrophilia rape. You have your challenge boys….write it up for Monday.

All in all… I just want to say that the main problem of this show is simple. The Katie Vick story line is basis of the entire show. No matter how talented the roster is (and they have an amazing roster on Raw), the feeling is that everything else in this two-hour block is buildup for Hunter and Kane’s angle. The only problem is that HHH and Kane’s angle is terrible. So, everything is brought down by out. If you have a strong central story, you can focus your entire program around it. The Katie Vick deal has been far from well received and all the lame attempts to blame the “fickle fans” for it’s unsuccessful run won’t change that. It’s time to slowly fade it out and move on. I mean, if you’re gonna splash Hunter all over my TV, at least give him something believable to work with. Well folks, it’s late and I have to go have nightmares about The Game railing a skeleton.  Terrible…terrible…