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JG's 11/19/07 Raw Insanity: Carlos Colon Beat His Kid, Hunter and Hardy Become BFFs, and Mr. Magician Vest Saves_Us.222
By James Guttman
Sunday Night…IHOP
Vince McMahon: Ah. This is great. A little post-Survivor Series, pre-Thanksgiving dinner with the roster. Nothing like it, eh Hunter? Triple H: (pouting) I wanted to go to The Macaroni Grill. Vince: I know you did, but we all decided on IHOP. Now eat your Rooty Tooty breakfast. Hunter: No. I hate you. Vince: Whatever…(looking at Undertaker) What's wrong with you? You hate me too? Undertaker: (staring downward) No. Just pissed that I lost the Hell in a Cell match. Vince: Come on, Taker. Buck up, big guy. There was no way for you to know that Edge would come out and attack you. Taker: (frowning and still not looking up) He was on the poster. He was on the damn Survivor Series poster advertising that he would be there. Vince: Well, uh, yeah….but, come on, there was no way for you to know he would attack during your match. Taker: I was the last match! If he didn't come out during my match, it would have been false advertising. Vince: Sure, but smile. I mean, after all, there's always….uh….ummmmmm…. Taker: WHAT?! Vince: (grinning) I like your eyeliner. You look pretty. Watiress: Hi. Does anyone here need more coffee? Hunter: (under his breath) I need some grilled macaroni is what I need. Stupid rooty poo pancakes. Vince: Cut the crap right now, young man. (to waitress) I'll take some more coffee. The Miz: (raising his hand) Yo! More coffee over here, too! John Morrison: Coffee. Yeah. Bring it here! JBL: What the fu…HEY! You don't order coffee like that! That's B.S.! You better show some damn respect! Michael Cole: Tell him how you order coffee, partner!
JBL: Shut up, Mi-chael! This is between me, Jimi Hendrix, and the Something About Mary Hair guy. Now you boys apologize to the waitress! Miz: I'm sorry. Hoor-ah. Morrison: Fine. Whatever. I was gonna apologize anyway, but because I want to! Not because you told me to, ass-balls. JBL: Did you call me "ass-balls?" Morrison: You heard me, birdf**ker. JBL: Birdf**ker?! Morrison: Hairy buttbreath. JBL: THAT'S IT! GET OVER HERE! Morrison: Bring it, windshield wiper! JBL attacks Morrison. They scramble around on the floor in a puff of smoke and then roll out the open door into the parking lot. Vince: I didn't get that last one. Windshield Wiper? Hunter doesn't respond. Vince: Come on. You're still not talking to me? Hunter looks up and across the dining room. Hunter: (pouty) Oh look. Your best friend is here. He's coming over. Chris Jericho: HELLO JUUUNIORS! Vince: Uh, hey. Chris. What a surprise. Take a seat. I need to talk to you. Jericho: No problem, Junior! You are one sexy beast and I am one bad Mamma-Jamma! Vince: Gotcha. Listen. I wanted to talk to you about a few things. People know that you're SaveUs_222. (looking up, grinning, and shouting) WHICH YOU'RE NOT, by the way. In case, anyone's listening… Jericho: Please continue, Junior. Vince: Right. There's good reason people think that. I have a whole list right here. It says that you were on Opie and Anthony and they got you to admit it. Jericho: That didn't happen, Junior. Vince: (brief pause and annoyed glance) Fine. This one here says that you did a book signing at Border's last week and autographed everything with "Stay in school. I'm Save_Us.222. Love, Chris Jericho."
Jericho: Vaguely familiar, Junior. Vince: (sigh) There's more on this list. Let me read you a few. You changed your phone number to all 2s. You streaked a Hanna Montana concert with "222" written on your butt. You hired a skywriter to blast, "Y2J is 222." Jericho: I did all of those things, Junior! For good reason! I am your party host! I am the Ayatollah of Rock-n-Rolla! I am the… Vince: (angry) God! Shut up. Please. Shut up. You've been sitting here for three minutes and your act is already old. Jericho: Really? Do you want me to do the "a-gain" thing? You know, where I say the "a" and then "gayyyyyne!" Vince: No. I really don’t. Just go. Try to keep the whole thing about Raw quiet, please. Jericho: Fine, Junior. (standing up) Take care everyone! See ya'll tomorrow night. Vince buries his face in his hands. Hunter: I hate Fozzy. Vince: The band or the bear? Hunter: Both. (pause) Wait. No. I take that back. I like Fozzy Bear. He was cool. Vince: Good for you. I better say something. Vince stands up Vince: Ahem. Everyone, since this is Thanksgiving, I wanted to say a little toast. (raising his glass) To all my friends, may we enjoy this bountiful dinner of pancakes, turkey, and turkey pancakes. May we all have success, happiness, and whatnot in the year to come. Today, we give thanks for all we have been given and all we have earned. You're all great people. You're all very special to me and each other. In fact, on many occasions, John Cena has told me how grateful he is for all of you. Isn't that right, John? Haven't you said that? John Cena: (smiling) I can't tell you that I haven't, but you'll never prove that I have. Everyone laughs and beging to sing " Auld Lang Syne" as the camera pans back through an adjacent window. We finish on a shot of snowfalling and the roster celebrating happily in the warmly lit International House of Pancakes.
JG's Post Survivor Series
27 Minute Audio Report
Morrison-JBL, Hornswoggle's Original Owner Returns, Kane Remembers Katie, The Bob Holly Fans Like, The Quimby Destroyer, Mickie's Kissing, HBK Goes Kickless, Hiding Punk, Unexpected Crowd Reactions, Hell in a Cell's Curent Standing, Jeff Hardy's Current Standing, Spoilers in Advertising, Why 2J Should Have Saved Us, and More
"The World According To ZAH"
This week ZAH discusses his Nostradamus-esque predictions for Survivor Series, the JBL/Morrison incident, WWE's tag team division, Mistico, Kobashi's return, plus more!
"Going Old School With Mike Rickard"
Mike Rickard looks back at the infamous Montreal Screwjob. What happened? Who knew what? Who was right, Vince McMahon or Bret Hart? Which story do we believe? Part 1 of 2 Two guests in two days! First, hear the story from the man who made White Boy Challenges famous.
In his 36 Minute Uncut
ClubWWI.com Shoot, Rodney Mack speaks about a ton of topics frankly and doesn't hold back his feelings. Topics include Being blackballed in TNA and wrestling, Racism in WWE, Why He's Not In TNA, The White Boy Challenge, Jobbing To Stevie Richards in Drag On Heat, The Junkyard Dog's Generosity, Why He's Not Wrestling In Japan, The Lies WWE Told Him, Being Released On The Same Day As His Wife...Twice, Huge Error In His Wikipedia Entry, and More Then...there's been many WCW Commissioners, but he's the greatest!
Ernest Miller's 30 minute uncut
ClubWWI.com featues talk of Choosing WWE over TNA, Heat with Mark Madden, millionaires complaining over free chicken, WWE vs. WCW, the Monday Wars, Blood Runs Cold, Glacier, James Brown, and tons more.
Plus...
ClubWWI.com features uncut shoot interviews with over
90 of wrestling's top names
With a new uncut shoot on the way this week!
If you're wondering what Club all your favorite stars are hanging out at, wonder no more. They're at
ClubWWI
Raw Theme Plays. Remember this insanity? Hola, bitches! It's Jim Ross live and in living color from Fort Friggin' Lauderdale, Florida. On the heels of a Survivorific Survivor Series, Monday Night Raw is ready to rock you raw. What's the fallout from Randy Orton's victory over Shawn Michaels? Has The Hardcore Rhode rebounded from their tag title loss? Will soul survivors Triple H and Jeff Hardy be BFFs now? Hentai tattoos and kool-aid hair dying? Ooooo! Most importantly,
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Ovation awaits the Savior. Will we find out the man behind Save_Us.222? Let's hit the ring…. What do you get when you cross Tim Curry in The Rock Horror Picture Show and Walker Texas Ranger? Shawn Michaels. The Rocker is here and he's decked out in his Cowboy/Leather gear. With a mic in hand, HBK sets the record straight. No whining. No crying. Last night, the better man won. That's right. Shawn was awn, but Randy was dandy. The Legend Killer downed the Boy Toy and all Michaels want to do is shake his hand. (JG Note: Isn't that how all this started?) Come on out, Orton! WWE Champion Randy Orton is bruised, battered, and on the Titantron. He tells the DXer that he's nobody's fool. Cowboy Bob's kid knows the deal. He'll march up the ramp, get into the ring, and take your cowpoke kicks right in the mush. He's not going to open up his face for another round of Sweet Chin Music. Ya hear? Shawn stops and considers what Orton has said. Then, with a smile, he comes clean. "You got me. If you came out here, I was gonna kick ya again." But, hey, that's not all, kiddo. No. Heartbreak was going to be sure to challenge you to a return match first. So, whadaya say, Crewcut? Rematch? You down? Huh? Continuing his slow and methodical promo, Randy informs the Showstoppa that he's not even going to dignify him with a response. Sheet, son. Orton is better than you, Triple H, John Cena…take your pick. To mark this moment of dominance for the reigning champ, there's a marathon runner carrying a torch from Miami to Fort Lauderdale as we speak. His flame represents the passing of the guard. When he arrives tonight, we'll crown the new guard. That new guard is Randy Orton. Roger that. Orton. Over and out. The Titantron goes black for a second. But then it goes back on… …ON! Ken Kennedy in the house! Double K steps into the ring and prepares to do his usual entrance. The MSG microphone drops from the ceiling and Ken starts to intro himself. He doesn't get too far, though. Shawn punches him in the face just as it begins. Kennedy falls outside, but quickly pulls Shawn out as well. Once on the floor, HBK is easy prey. Kendell sends the Boy Toy into the ringpost and then takes the chance to tell him exactly what he thinks of his challenge. "You've had your shot, Shawn Michaels. You know what? It's my turn!" His turn to get pulled out side and beaten up maybe. That's what happens. Michaels yanks the heel to the floor, knocks him silly, and issues a challenge of his own. "Cry me a river," Ken. Let's have a match right here and now. Kennedy Kennedy responds. "Showstopper, huh? The Showstopper? Let me tell you something, Shawn. Nicknames are given, not chosen. Don't flatter yourself. Oh sure, you've accomplished a whole lot in your career. A lot .But what are you best known for, huh? Let's see. Losing an epic ladder match. Losing to John Cena at WrestleMania. Losing your smile. Let's face it, Shawn. You're a loser." (JG Note: "Katie Vick" last week. "Lost My Smile" this week. I'm thinking that we're going to get a Shockmaster reference next week.) Before the hooligans can resort to fisticuffs, William Regal arrives. His Lordship informs the two men that they can have it out, but it'll have to be done properly. Get a guy in a ref shirt out here. Ring the bell. Baton down the hatches. S.R.O signs went out early. The electricity is so thick you can cut it with a knife. It's match time, boys! Let's get it on! 1. Shawn Michaels defeated Ken Kennedy via I Have No Idea This show had a nice opening. One of the more interesting things about tonight's Raw is that there's almost nothing announced for it. It's all about the Save_Us dealie. So the entire night has more of an unpredictable feel to it. This match featured both Michaels and Kennedy brawling around ringside and the camerawork made it pretty easy to see them calling spots at times. It didn't take away from the action though. Ken and Shawn fought through the announce table area and Mr. K. eventually ended up with a chair his hands. Ken climbed to the apron, weapon in hand, and HBK kicked the chair…right into his face. K Dub hit the floor and… …the bell rang. Why? No idea. No clue. Really bizarre. I guess they could say that the ref stopped the match, which still doesn't make much sense. It's not like the kick-the-chair-into-face spot is so insanely extreme that it has to cause a TKO. Weird. Ken hit the ground the ref called for the ding, ding, ding. Go figure. Tonight: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
Commercial Break. It's a big ad. 2. Jerry Lawler pinned Santino Marella with a backslide. Santino's faux hawk is out of control. It's getting more and more pronounced each week. The funny thing is that it works really well with his gimmick for some reason. The back of his hair looks so ridiculous that you can't help but figure it's part of the plan. Jim Ross mentions how this match is the reason why Jerry Lawler hasn't been at the broadcast table during the broadcast. Wow. I didn't even notice. No offense to Jerry, but honestly, I don't think I even realized he wasn't there. I guess I figured he was being quiet or something. Sorry, Jerry. In the ring, Marella figured out the best way to get the King of his game. Wear his crown (JG Note: Fear of lice.) Santa donned the Majestic Symbol and mocked Jerry on the house mic. Lawler's response? A punch to face and a backslide…leading to his victory. So much for the Put On his Crown Plan. Immediately following the bell, Randy Orton appeard out of thin air and hit the RKO on Lawler. Marella ran like a redheaded government scalded dog while the WWE Champion got himself a microphone to talk on. "I'm sorry, King. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't help myself. Now I have an update on the status of my torch runner. Let's take a look. There he is folks. He's running right by the arena I beat Shawn Michaels at. You know, it seems like only yesterday. Wait a minute, it was yesterday and now it' sonly a matter of time before the official passing of the torch." Still to Come: Hardy-Umaga and Randy Orton's "Passing of the Torch" Ceremony. Hasn't this guy figured out by now that all of his overblown ceremonies are just going to end with him getting beat up? You'd think that the guy who jumped out of Triple H's celebration cake would realize that huge self-serving moments tend to blow up in the planner's face around here.
Backstage, Ken Kennedy is holding his achy -beaky face while Todd Grisham asks about it. Hey Kenny! Tell us about your humiliating moment earlier, please. Thank you, sir!
"All I did was come out to the ring to show Shawn Michaels some respect. That's not what happened, is it? Because Shawn Michaels decided to Superkick a chair into my face. Why would you do that, Shawn?: Why would you do that? I'll tell you why. Because you see, your career evaporated in front of you very eyes. You see talent in me that you haven't seen in years, that you wish you had yourself. And you want to do everything you power to hold me down. Well, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen, Shawn. 'Cause you know what? Father time catches up with everybody. Father time catches up with you, Shawn. Next time our paths cross, you don't got to worry about Father Time. All you have to worry about is Mr. Kennedy."
- Ken Kennedy
Very good promo. I can't help but think that if Kevin Nash worked here, WWE would make him wear a toga and play "Father Time" in this feud.
Back at the announce table, we have an empty seat. The King is dead and J.R.'s not too broken up over it. He's feeling so good that he's even willing to watch a video from last night with us. Let's all laugh along at Hornswoggle's match with the Great Khali. It was a midget versus a 7'7 guy and we charged for it. Ha ha! Ya'll been PUNKED!
Over in the leather couch room, Vince McMahon, John Coachman, and William Regal are discussing The Survivor Series. Say, fellers. What was your favorite moment from the Khali-Hornwoggle match last night? Regal and Coach start to pick key moments, but they don't sit well with Mr. McMahon for some reason. Before Vinnie Mac can chastise them, there's a knock at the door. The group turns and Carlito Cool enters the scene.
Carly is here to show some appreciation for the formerly dead owner of WWE. Big ups, boss. Know why? Well…
"I'm just here to show you my appreciation. What you showed Hornswoggle last night was tough love. Carlito can relate to that. Carlito was raised on tough love. When Carlito was a little kid, his father used to beat the crap out of him if he ever made a mistake. No matter how silly it was. It was like the back of his hand was tattooed on my face."
This was pretty funny. The way Carly delivered the lines was perfect and the evil trio's facial expressions were great.
So, you're tough, Carl Jr? Good to hear it. How's about if Mr. McToughLove gives you a match tonight. Against who, you ask? Why Hornswoggle, of course. Think you can get it done, Sideshow Bob? Through his laughing, Carly agrees. It was real laughing, which was weird. It wasn't those exaggerated bad guy wrestling "ha-ha's." Either way, the match is on. Carlito vs. Hornswoggle. Not sure why Carl's
laughing. He must be amused over the fact that he's going to job to a midget. It's time for the next match. Our first competitor, Jeff Hardy, rushes the ring and takes his trademark "I'm gonna jump on you from the top rope, but stopped just short of jumping" pose. The camera shoots to a woman in the crowd who looks like TNA's Bobby Roode fan-plant. From there, we greet Umaga. Oh, and Jerry Lawler returned to the announce table. Yeah. You read it right. The WWE Champion hit him with his finisher and The King is back by the next match. Rest in peace, Mary Kayfabe. 3. Jeff Hardy defeated Umaga via disqualification Jeff Hardy and Umaga are intertwined forever. Their like Valentine-Santana. Doink-Crush. The Beverly Brothers-Bushwhackers. Also, for those of you keeping score, Jeff is rainbow-haired again. As for the match itself - this one was great. Top to bottom both Hardy and Maga showed why they're great assets to the show. They put on an amazing match that stretched through two commercials and really got the crowd moving. Both guys had a chance to get the upper hand and the momentum swung back and forth. You have to hand it to Umaga too. He's not your daddy's monster heel. He can fly trough the air with an enziguiri just as soon as he can sit on you. When Yokozuna would walk across the ring ine one try people would cheer. Now you have savage giants nailing dropkicks. The Bulldozer really pulled out all the stops here and showed how he can hold up his end of the match. There was a lot of back and forth with the audience hitting a fever pitch. Both guys got near falls and almost had the bout sewn up on a number of occasions. It wasn't until after Hardy hit the Twist of Fate and a dive over the top rope to Umi on the floor that things came to a terrible end. Snitsky interfered. DQ. Great match. Hot crowd. An ending that sucked all the fun out of everything. Snitsky attacked Jeff and was soon joined by Umaga. The Samoan Snitsky Team tossed the Hardy Boy from the ring and seemed to be standing tall until…. … BFF HHH! Triple H's music hits and the mighty Hunter walks the aisle. He spinebusts Maga, tears off his shirt for no apparent reason, and knocks the Bulldozer from the ring. He then turns his attention to the Big Bald Babypunter and knocked him out as well. When Jeffery finally returned to the ring, he Gamy friend wrapped his arm around his shoulder and the two posed together in a show of camaraderie. Still to come: The Beaten Son vs. The Bastard Son. After that, Randy Orton's flaming. Save_Us.222 Video. This time, we end with the word "Tonight." Tonight, huh? What can that mean? Hmmm. OK. Let's figure this out. To-Night = Two Night. Two Raw Nights = Two Weeks I figured it out! Two weeks! In two weeks, Rip Taylor debuts on Raw! Oh yeah. Me. Master sleuth. Carman Sandiego taught me well.
Commercial Break. Offensive language = Funny Ad. Before the break, the Best Friends Club destroyed The Disgusting Bulldozers. Backstage, Triple H and Jeff Hardy have a conversation before walking their separate ways. Trips walks up to Todd Grisham who asks the Gamy One for an explanation. What up, Hunter? Why'd you save the Emo Kid? Helmsley admits that he and Hardy have only one thing in common - Respect. (JG Note: And Breakfast At Tiffany's. I think I remember the film.) That's all they need. Helsmley's different than Hardy, but he's different thant many people. Trippie finishes things off by letting the world know how he's also different than Todd Grisham himself. Unlike Todd did last night, Mr. H doesn't pick up "transvestites" at South Beach bars. Ha-ha-ha. Ho-ho-ho. Todd hooked up with a dude. Good one, Rocky. Yes. Seriously. He did. Rather than roll his eyes and go, "Oh, Hunter is making fun of me," Grisham sold it. They had him say that he didn't know it was a transvestite. I guess he also doesn't know that he's on TV. Yeah. The interview segment wasn't bad, but the ridiculous hokey ending made it terrible. It was one of those moments where you expect the Whacko The Clown to run in and honk his horn.
Thanksgiving 1987 Whath'chu talkin' 'bout, lil' Cody? Dis here bird's for your daddy. I da'no whath'chu thinkin'. You can eat thome of thesthe Andeeth Candieth I thook from Crockette's offith. Eat up…if you weeeeel. 4. Cody Rhodes pinned Bob Holly after a DDT Bob Holly is trying to teach Cody Rhodes how to wrestle by wrestling him. It's tough love, I guess. Whatever. I'm not sure I'd have these two wrestle like this. Until they finally split the team, WWE should keep these guys out of one-on-one matches. That said, WWE did the one thing they should have done in a situation like this. They put Rhodes over finally. After a number of losses to the ring veteran, Codedust finally scored the pinfall. 3 2 1 RKO! Randy Orton runs in and pegs Duty's son with an R.K.O. He then takes the microphone and begins to address the crowd. But stops briefly so he can RKO Bob Holly too. Partners who eat the Diamond Cutter together, stay together. Once finished with his Arkayoh handouts, Randy gives us an update on his Olympic Runner. He seems to have made it to Fort Lauderdale. Yes. We're mere moments away from seeing the Torch passed to the Legend Killer himself. Somebody better jump him before he gets handed a lit torch. If not, I have a feeling that somewhere in Florida there's going to be a hotel on fire tonight. Back at the announce table, Jerry Lawler's neck isn't even sore or anything. Nothing. He's fine. He's even well enough to bitch about the man who RKOed him a little while ago. After said bitching, we all watch a video honoring the Killer of Legends and his trouncing of Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and Triple H. Over in Mr. McMahon's office there's a visitor. Fit Finlay shows up to talk to Big Mac. Vince brings up Finny's interference in Hornswoggle's match last night, but the Irishman changes the subject. He questions Vinnie Mac's Irish roots. After all, Fit's from Belfast. Where are you from, McMahon? Huh? Where were you born? Vince snakes out of the question and invites Fin to a pub instead. The Belfast Bruiser accepts and even offers to pay. He'll take care of your drinks. Know what you need, boss? "I'll get you this big tall glass of hot milk. Someone your age, that's what you need. Right before you go to bed. Kick into your blood. Help you relax." The funny thing here is that Finlay looks like he's Vince's age. That aside, McMahon takes offense to the line, but changes his tone when Fit claims to be kidding. Mac giggles along and Fitty runs off. As he does, he says, "I'll go warm the milk up for you." I think I heard Fit Finlay speak more in this promo than I have in his entire time with the company. On their way to the ring? Lovey Dovey Maria and Mickie James. The two divas have a match after the break. Think they're hot? Huh? Yeah? Well. Then don't change the channel. Video Package For the Return of…Ric Flair! He'll be back on Raw next Monday. Good to see. Flair is a great competitor and the show could really use him. Back at the broadcast table, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler discuss Linda McMahon. Lindy Mac was named one of CableWorld's 2007 Most Powerful Women in all of cable. They both agree that Mrs. McMahon is a wonderful business person and human being. Somewhat surprisingly, Lawler doesn't say anything about her body. Jillian Hall and Melina are here, everybody! Yay! The bad girls enter the ring and start off with Jillian on the microphone. Guess what, Miami. There's a star in the crowd tonight. Who is it? Bronson Pinchot? Howard Hessman? Sinbad? Jon Secada. Um. Okay. Seems that Johnny Sec is in town to support Lillian Garcia. Jill mentions how Jon sang a duet with Lillian on her album. However, it must have been tough to sing next to someone who sounded like a "cat getting a high colonic." That doesn't even matter though. The songs aren't even in English and….well… "Nobody in Florida even understands Mexican talk." Very nice. Taco Jill then breaks into some signing of her own. In her exaggerated way, Hall sings "Conga" and earns a thumbs down from Secada. She then follows it up with "opera." What's opera, exactly? It's Jillian screaming at the top of her lungs. After the Stephanie-like high-pitched squeal, Jill pushed the microphone into Lillian Garcia's face. After all, Lil is just "second best." Before the ring announcer could respond in the language of her choice, Mickie and Maria arrived. Damn matches. Always interfering with things like singing, opera, and Jon Secada. 5. Mickie James and Maria defeated Melina and Jillian Hall when Mickie pinned Jill This match was all autopilot until the big kiss. The only notable thing was that Jillian damn near flattened Melina accidentally. The ref had to go check on her after Jill fell backwards. Other than that, it wasn't anything special until Mickie leaned back and gave Hall the Long Kiss Goodnight. I gotta say, I have some favorite finishing moves, but Mickie James' Lesbian Kiss beats the crap out of the F5 or the Sweet Chin Music any day. Carlito is on his way to the ring. He's set to face a man who weighs as much as his hair.
Commercial Break. "Squeezing their legs gets them jamming." Wow. The next match is upon us and as Hornswoggle makes his way to the ring, J.R. says "There it is!" Jerry Lawler calls him on it. Nice going, Ross. You shouldn't discriminate against little people, Jim. Lawler would never do something like that. Sure, he calls most of the black wrestlers criminals, even if it's not their gimmick, but that's, you know…whatever. 6. Hornswoggle pinned Carlito after interference from Finlay I guess Horny is just going to wrestling big people from now on. Saves money on paying for another midget, I suppose. In two days, Swoggle has faced The Great Khali and now, The So-So Carly, After the typical spots (Heel on his knees, Midget Bites Butt, Midget steals J.R.'s hat), this one ended up under the ring. As we all counted down the minutes until the end of the match and the 222 payoff, Horn appeared to vanish behind the ring apron. Carly tiptoed to the other side and went to check under the other side of the ring. Figuring he outsmarted the Mini-Mac, Cool searched for him. As Coolio wormed underneath, Swog returned from the side he originally went under with a bucket of water. When Cool popped back out, he was doused with water and then hit with a flying cross body from the aprong…which he caught. The Applebiter tossed Hornball back in the ring and then took a bite of his apple. You know what that means, right? Wrong. Before the spit could fly… Finlay arrived. The Irishman stands nose-to-nose with Carly. What ar' ya' doin', laddie? You're not going to spit on Hornswoggle! Fit was right. Carlito didn't spit on Swoggle. He spit on Finlay instead. Awwwww junk. Fit wiped the applesauce from his eyes and knocked Triple C back the ground. He followed up by slamming Hornswoggle down on top of him for the three count. Ding, ding, ding. Memo to Carlito: Losing isn't cool. After the bell, the Little McMahon took a chomp from his opponent's apple and spit it in his face. Ouch. That's not cool either, Carly. Not cool at all. Outside the arena…The Olympic Runner is here! He's here! Randy Orton's segment is next. Then again, the person behind the viral video is supposed to be revealed tonight too. There's only eight minutes left. Think, Randy. Think. You don't have to be Miss Cleo to see your Tiki Torch thing ending badly.
Commercial Break. Something to eat when you're done squeezing legs. Next week: DeGeneration Hardy vs. The SST Hey Randy, can I ask you why you never changed the WWE Title when you won it? What do you mean? You still use the Spinner Title. What? It's supposed to spin?! Holy crap. Oh man. Thank God. I thought I broke it. Microphone in hand, Randy Orton has a pronouncement to make. Listen up, folks. "And then, there was none. After beating Shawn Michaels. After beating Triple H. After the destruction of John Cena and the total annihilation of every superstar, legend, and champion in my path, I've managed to do the impossible. I have beaten all that there is to beat. And now, it is time for the torch to be passed to me." Cue the fire guy. We shoot to the Olympic runner. He's sweating and shaking as he runs through the backstage area. Before he could hit the entrance curtain, he's clotheslined by a mystery man. The man who clotheslined him? You don't find out at first. Instead, we see his back. He's wearing a vest of some sort and doing the double-armed Jericho pose. Who is it? Hang on…
Save_Us Video Package asks if we cracked the code. (JG Note: Yes.) The Code equals Y2J. Sporting short hair, a smaller frame, and a sequined Sweet Sixteen DJ's vest, Jericho looks excited to be back. Then again, I might just be distracted by his shiny showtunes vest. Seriously. He looks like magician. "Welcome to Raw is Jericho! This is not a mirage. This is real. This is here. This is now. This is the second coming of Y2J! You remembered. I want you to take out your cell phones. Text your friends. Take a picture. Shoot a video. Send an email Call them all and tell them that the sexy beast is back, baby! And I promise to ignite you, to excite you, to delight you, and I invite you to strap on your seatbelts, ease the seat back, click it into gear, and go into overdrive because from this point forward it’s 100% entertainment. 100% electricity. 100% Jericho!" So far - corniest thing ever. No time to talk about that, though. Randy Orton is bringing up a good point. Why is Two Jay here? Last time you were on Raw, you got fired. Canned. Bounced. Lucky thing for you though. It was only a matter of time before Randy kicked your head in too. So, now you're back. From outerspace. You just walked in to find you here with that sad vest upon your face. So tell us, Savior. What have you come to Save_Us from? "Well, your boring personality for one. You want me to continue? How about saving us from that face of yours that looks like you got flattened by a frying pan. Or your monotonous robotic randy Orton voice. Or how about a save us from childbearing hips. Your super cuts hairstyle. Your subscription to Blue Balls Magazine. But most importantly< Randy Orton, I'm here to save us from you. Because the first chance I get, I'm gonna take that WWE Championship from you. And I'm going to put it around this gorgeous waist and when I do, Monday Night Raw, The WWE Sports Entertainment, Entertainment Entertainment, the state of Florida, the county of the United States, the western hemisphere, the planet Earth, the heavens above, the galaxies, the crown nebula, the universe itself…will never….NEVER….NEVER…Eeeeeeeeever…be the same a-gain!" Wow. Bad return promo. By far, the cheesiest Jericho promo we've seen. Then again, it's been a while. Maybe he was always this cheesy and I had just become used to it. Y2Gob the Magician stands atop the ramp as we fade to black. All in all…this was a really good Raw. I didn't like Chris Jericho's return promo, but it wasn't enough to kill the segment or the show. I don't know what's up with him. It's like he thinks that circus-like people are cool. His promos are overdone with a weird child-like delivery. It's just too over-the-top. I was looking forward to seeing his return. Then, a minute into his speech, all I could think was, "Wow. I did not miss this guy." I know I'm not the norm, though. I've never been a huge Jericho fan. He seems to always be a step outside the top rung. If anything, he owes his standing to his push more than anything. All that aside, his strong suit's the wrestling. Always has been. It'll be interesting to see him back in the ring. In my opinion, it's Chris' wrestling ability that makes him truly stand out. Jerry Lawler should not have been back at the table so soon after eating an RKO. It's the WWE Champion's finisher. Come on. I can't imagine that no one pointed that out. Maybe if it was the first match and Jerry returned at the main event, it would be okay. In this case, the King was back before the next bout got underway. What the frig? I liked the Randy Orton thread throughout the night. The random RKOs to everyone echoed the days of Stone Cold Stunning the planet for no reason. Plus, it all lead to something, which made it seem more important. Kennedy-Michaels should be solid. Ken delivered one of his best promos ever tonight. This is the type of feud he's needed for a while now. Lesbian kisses, Irish Eyes, Jon Secada, and Cody Rhodes. Tonight's show was a good one. WWE followed up on Survivor Series in a big way and gave the post-PPV show a big time feel as well. Great job all around. That does it for me. Remember, there's plenty of stuff coming at ya this week. Tomorrow on
ClubWWI.com, we'll have a brand new Complete and Utter Bulldog and "Survivor Series According to ZAH." Then, a new uncut interview should be on hand before Thanksgiving. That does it for me. Happy Turkey Day to the U.S. readers. Happy Thursday to the rest of ya. See you next Monday. Be well.
Alphabetical Listing of Guests You Can Hear on...
Lance
Cade D-Ray
3000 Bobby
Eaton Manny
Fernandez Greg Gagne Chalie
Haas B.G.
James
Rodney
Mack One
Man Gang Harley
Race Dave Taylor
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| All content contained here Copyright 2010 by James Guttman *** World Wrestling Insanity and ClubWWI are not affiliated with any wrestling promotion. |
