| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com JG's Retro Raw Insanity
Titan Tower...Friday Morning... Chris Masters: Mr. McMahon, you wanted to see us? D.H. Smith: Hi, everybody! My name is D.H. Smith! YAY! Vince McMahon and Chris Masters stare strangely at D.H. for a moment then continue. Vince McMahon: Yes. Take a seat. Chris, I got this paperwork back. It seems there were two failures of our Talent Wellness testing this past week. According to what I have here, the two names were Chris Masters and…uh, a "Duncan Hines" Smith. D.H. Smith: That's me! Vince: Really? "Duncan Hines?"
Smith: Yes? Vince: Wow. Okay. So, fellas, I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to go public with this. You're both suspended and we're going to need to announce your names on the website. We'll probably leave off what "D.H." stand for though. Masters: Whoa. Whoa. Hold on. Vince. Listen to reason. Vince: I'm listening. Masters: Oh, uh, I didn't really think past that. I figured you'd have kicked me out by now….But wait. I put together a song to explains my situation. Maybe then you'll understand what guys like me and Duncan go through. D.H., pick up that guitar and-uh, talk to me!
Sung to the tune of "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's.
Masters: Chris Masters puts down the guitar. Vince: Are you done? Vince: Go home.
"The World According To ZAH"
Join ZAH for his weekly look at the crazy world of professional wrestling. This week includes Harry Smith & Chris Masters being suspended, TNA's KURT ANGLE SHOW...err...I mean Impact, Buchanan & Brown in NOAH, Glory by Honor results, plus more!
"Going Old School - MONSTER EDITION"
"The Indies According To ZAH" - IWA
ZAH brings you the first of what promises to be many "ZAH Extras." He'll be scouring the globe to bring you his own personal reviews of every indie imaginable. First up is IWA: International Wrestling Australia. Be titilated and amazed at ZAH's review of such mega-stars as Mark Mercedes, Kasey St. Jackson, and Richter Mooseburger. Yeah, that's right...Mooseburger. Giddy up.
The Uncut Shoot Interview with Tod Gordon (70 Mins):
Hear it all from the ECW Founder and PWU Owner on
ClubWWI.com
including: The night Shane Douglas threw down the NWA Title, the story behind it, Eddie Gilbert, The Night The Line Was Crossed, Joey Styles in his underwear, Sting and Vader in ECW, Eric Bischoff's thoughts on the product, his relationship with Paul Heyman, PWU Commissioner Idol, Brian Pillman, "Superstar" Steve Austin, his lawsuit against WWE, Jimmy Snuka the Heel, Shane Douglas the Heel, PWU's Crazy 8, and more.
Plus...
ClubWWI.com features uncut shoot interviews with over
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With a new uncut shoot on the way this week!
If you're wondering what Club all your favorite stars are hanging out at, wonder no more. They're at
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Raw Theme Plays. I'll drink to that.
So I asked Hunter if these chaps made me look gay. He goes, "Yup. You look so fruity you might as well put on a cowboy hat while you're at it." So I was like, "Cowboy hat, eh? Hmmmmm….:
Shawn Michaels is clad in his cowboy hat in chaps while Triple H has his baseball cap placed upon his gamy head. DeGeneration X is in the hizzle tonight and no one is more excited than Jerry Lawler, who's already screaming so loudly that he's losing his voice four minutes into the show. Don West impressions aside, the King is happy with what he sees and says, "Wow," right before the Green and Black attack do their familiar entrance routine. After a minute of stalling, Trips starts us off.
"It's for one night only. No, no. But are you ready? No! L.A.! I said, ARE YOU READY? Then, for the thousands in attendance. For the millions watching around the world. L…."
Let's get ready to… cue Hornswoggle.
Before Hunter can even get the rest of the word "let's" out of his mouth, Mr. McMahon's illegitamate midget comes running up the aisle. As he enters the ring, Swoggle is greeted by the Game. He tells the little feller to get back under the ring and tries to "shoo" him away, but to no avail. It seems Horny don't play that. Either that or he just doesn't understand Gamelish.
Yes. Trippie said, "Run-sheet" in an effort to get that ever elusive smart-mark pop. Happy to oblige, Michaels reaches under his shirt and into his chaps, only to find various DX merchandise. He tosses all the goods out of his pants, for lack of a better term, and shills its availability on Shopzone. After searching for a while, The Boy Toy finally finds the mysterious sheet. He and Helmsley explain to the McMini Man that he's not scheduled to come out until later. During the - ahem - "short segment." (Whacko The Clown Note: HONK! HONK!) This earns a laugh from The Boy Toy, but not from the Leprechaun.
Hornswoggle grabs Shawn's arm and locks on, as Helsmsley calls it, a "short arm scissors." Michaels jokingly sells the hold but pops back up and changes his tune. Hey, Hunt. What say we put the little Basted into DeGeneration X tonight? Huh? Come on, we haven't had a dimwitted half-pint in the group since Waltman left. Let's do it!
Mr. McSteph agrees to The Heartbreak Kid's proposition and tells the DeGeneration Midget to return to his cot under the squared circle. Bounce, Tiny.
"Monster!"
Great. Now he's a Furby.
In an effort to appease the little guy, Shawn heads out to check for himself. When he does, he gets pulled underneath. (JG Note: Uh oh! You don't think it's…Jannetty, do you?) When HBK emerges, he appears unharmed except for the fact that he has... a mouthful of worms! Not sure how many times The Boy Toy munches on worms, but he didn't seem to notice them for a while. When he finally did, the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company ECW showed up to make his presence known.
Cue the Boogey Man.
What are you saying? I got snot sticking out of my nose?
No. The Boogey Man. The real one with the red face.
He's the Boogeyman…and he's comin' to join the Insanity! After the obligatory seizure dance, Booger T approaches the DeGenerated Xers and makes his wishes known.
"I'm the Boogeyman…and I'm coming to thee if can join D-Xthhh."
No. That's not a typo. B.M. actually lisped the last half of that sentence. So it goes. It impressed Michaels, though. He approved the membership and Trips told him to "get in line." With that, they attempted again to finish the intro that had originally ended before he could finish "let's."
Great Khali Untrue Fact: Khali is an die-hard Clay Aiken fan. He's been to all of Aiken's concerts and once did a duet of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" with him that brought the live crowd to tears.
The Great Khali shows up with his translator, Rahj. Before Hunt can insult the giant, Shawn defuses the situation. Citing the fact that he always ended up getting beaten up in response to the Cerebral Assassin's insults, The Rocker begs him off. Chill with your tongue, King of Kings. Let's just let the Jolly Green Giant into the mix and stay on his good side. The K.o.K, sends him to the back with the other freakshows and prepares for the entrance once again.
Before he does, the temptation is too great. Trips stops to do a bad Indian impression and mock Khali's heritage for a second. I'm sure that Hunter's laughs during the writing meeting were much louder than the ones of the crowd. I also figure that Hunt has been listening to old tapes of Tarbaj - The Egyptian Magician lately. Anyway, all of that lasted a moment before Beardo McWeirdo tried once again to do his intro.
RANDY! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?
I wanted to haze Kelly Kelly. Someone told me she was using your bag.
What?! NO! She's using a COACH BAG! It's a
brand, you moron! Not COACH'S BAG! AH! How am I gonna clean this thing out now?!
John Coachman is the next contestant on "What The Hell Am I Doing With My Monday Nights." John walks the aisle, steps right in, and makes a statement that puts him right up there with Tito Santana in terms of wrestling heros.
"I am shutting this nonsense down right now! The people came here tonight to see some action, not you two do your little immature antics."
Hey…who's the heel here?
Triple told Jonathon to get the base out of his voice and puts out some blackmail. How about if Hunter tells Rahjin what you said about The Great Khali earlier? How would that be, Johnny? Huh? Coachman denies that he said anything derogatory about Big K, but that doesn't stop The Game from saying he did. The DXer leans in close to the translator and whispers the offensive hearsay into his ear. Of course, Runny takes the slander at face value (JG Note: Because he's an idiot) and repeats it to the Punjabi Superman.
The Great One responds with a big Brain Chop to Coachman's chrome dome. It sends the assistant G.M. scrambling from the ring. Khali follows and the ring clears of everyone except The Gameboy and Cowboy Leatherpants.
"I gotta be honest with you. I feel like I'm getting a little bit old for this. I don't know who writes the garbage, but this is the worst debacle since that whole Katie Vick things years ago."
One last attempt at the smart mark pop and on to the closer…
"You got a point, but I don't think anyone writes this crap. They're on strike…But we're not."
(JG Note: Of course you're not. You can't go on strike when you don't have a union.)
End scene. Ugh.
It wasn't that the segment was unfunny - although it was unfunny. It was more that the segment was awkward and forced. It felt like a bunch of drunk friends improving a bad comedy skit. It was just, well, boring. 15 minutes never felt so long.
Still to come: DeGeneration X vs. The Samoan RKOs. Then, it's the most said phrase in WWE history - "Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Raw!" He does it every two months.
Commercial Break. The irony here is that only a herb would walk in and do this..
In the front row of Raw: Tom Green and Luke Perry. I guess we're really going all out with this "going back-in-time" theme tonight. DX. Austin. Tom Green. Luke Perry. Wake me up when Dave Coulier and Lisa Loeb gets here.
Last week, Kelly Kelly won a battle royal. Then Beth Phoenix arrived and showed her that she's not the only diva with Balls.
1. Women's Champion Beth Phoenix pinned Kelly Kelly after the Fisherman's Suplex
So Kelly wrestles now. That's what happens when the token cute hero female plays Pogo Ball with her face and winds up on the shelf. Jim Ross takes a moment to wish Candice Michele well at the start of the match too. This one was barely a contest. At the very start, Beth grabbed her fragile foe and nailed her…with a short clothesline. Giggidy. After that, she landed a fisherman's suplex for the pin. One match. Two moves. Three count. Fin.
Buon Giourno, fanilinis! Santino Marella is in the interview center all by himself. Bad news, viewers. No Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight. Sorry. Sorry. After all, if he was going to be here, he would have arrived by now, right? (JG Note: I guess Santino doesn't know Austin's M.O. He either shows up late to every Raw he's booked for on purpose or else he uses to worst cab service on the planet.) No worries, though. If Cold Stone shows up, Marella has brought along a paper bag. That way, he can try to act his way out of it! Oh Santa! You so crazy! Waka-waka-waka!
Commercial Break. One of the best commercials ever. Coming up tonight: Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy vs. Ken Kennedy and Fit Finlay The next match on Triple H's run-sheet is Carlito Cool vs. Jobber Joey. Carlito doesn't waste his time beating jobbers. No way. He only loses to big name stars. Who do you think he is? Anyway, Cool has a solution, Joe. Instead of rasslin', Carl has a suitable sub for ya. He's sweaty, zitty, and has some sinus problems…Snitsky! 2. Snitsky squashed a jobber named Joey after the Pumphandle slam This one was squash city. If this was the 1980s, a small box would have appeared in the top corner with The Rougeaus talking smack about the Hart Foundation during it. After the bell, Carlito ran into the ring and pushed the referee aside. He took a big bite of his apple, but before he could spit it, Snitsky nailed him. Carly hit the ground and Gene proceeded to beat his butt. The announcers weren't sure what caused the attack. My guess is that Snits has some sort of beef with apples. Unfortunately for Carlito, the only apple around was in his mouth. Hence - the beating. Video package of Jeff Hardy. He likes to jump off stuff. He's like an Emo kid with flying ability. Backstage, Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy are throwing kicks into the air. Either that or Jeff is hallucinating and trying to kick tiny invisible goblins. Which is it? Stay tuned! Commercial Break.Announced For The Survivor Series: Triple H, Rey Mysterio, Kane, and The Hardys vs. MVP, Ken Kennedy, Fit Finlay, Big Daddy V, and Umaga. The broadcasters scream about how we might see nine falls in one match! They make it sound as if "falls" means "explosions." Not sure what's so exciting about that prospect. 3. Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy defeated Ken Kennedy and Fit Finlay when Hardy pinned Kennedy Jeff Hardy's hair is completely blonde now. Hopefully that's the end of the Rainbow Haired Warrior nickname…although I doubt it. I feel like he could shave his whole head and J.R. would still call him that. Mere moments into the bout, the Kennedy-Finlay friction began. Vince McMahon's original son and Hornswoggle's original dad came eye to eye and one thing was crystal clear. They kinda look alike. While I'm happy to see WWE using Smackdown guys on Raw, I wish they would have made a bigger deal out of Rey's appearance on the show. Mysterio is the type of guy that's going to get a huge reaction no matter what, but if they make it out to be a big deal ahead of time, it could be a huge moment on the show. With someone like him, the slightest amount of promotion you put behind him comes back ten fold since so many fans area eager to get behind him. The same thing can be said for Jeff too. A match like this should have been announced ahead of time and treated like more than a last minute add-on thing. Case in point, the crowd went insane at the end. Rey Rey and Jeff Jeff kicked it up a few notches and took to air. "The Littlest Big Man" kept Finlay at bay while Jeffery pegged Double K with the Swanton Bomb. Santino Marella is still chilling like a villing int eh backstage area. Maria comes along to inform him that contrary to what he heard, Stone Cold is in the arena. Santi tells her not believe rumors, especially in L.A. This night is about Santino. Don't worry your empty little head. Marella will lead you to the ring and show you there's nothing for you to worry about. I mean, it's not like Steve Austin is going to beat up a girl. Oh wait...uh. Just go to the ring, lady.
Commercial Break. Tre-f**kin'-mendous.
It's the segment months in the making. Santino Marella hits the scene and he's joined by Maria who is looking…wow. Just, wow. Struggling to keep her dress from shooting up her body like a defective set of window shades, Mary shuffles up the aisle and joins her man in the ring.
Santino stops the rumors immediately. Like Kobe Bryant, Steve Austin is "bald, popular, and does not want to be in Los Angeles." Marella does, however, take a moment to acknowledge one of the co-stars of the Condemned, Steve Austin's film, is here though. His name is Scott Piper and he's sitting in the front row. As he stands to take a bow, Santi tells the crowd there's no reason to applaud.
"The Condemned. Ooops. Not everything can be…uh, good. But let's me ask you a question. When you were filming the Condemned, at some point did you wish the prop guns were real so you can blow your brains out? I'm sorry, that was the audience that wanted to blow it's brains out! The fact of the matter is that Stone Cold Steve Austin is as phony as, well, people in Los Angeles. You see. Tonight. There' snot going to be a glass breaking. There's not going to be a can of the ass-whip. Nobody's going to stomp a mudpie. J.R. is not going to reach the point of orgasm. This is Santino Marella time and those are the bottom lines because Santino Marella said…"
With that, the glass breaks.
Stone Cold Phrase: Whoop Ass
Stone Cold Phrase: Stomp a mudhole.
Stone Cold Phrase: Bottom line.
The Rattlesnake doesn't approve of all this and asks Marella to stop it. The Italian Stallian thanks him for the education and then proceeds to get grilled about his DVD tastes. After establishing that Santino has watched the film, Steve questions what he didn't like about it. The Miracle of Milan tells the Ringmaster that he had to leave the room during some violent scenes. He felt sick and could "not believe you can do those kinds of things to pe-ople!"
Stone Cold asks if he saw all the features on the disc and gets a "no." SanMar had a maldi stomaco after viewing the movie that he had to lay down. (Marella Note: Cienmo Paradisio, it was not. You, sir, are no Toto.) That's fine and good. You have the right to not like Stunning Steve's motion picture debut, but to make it a six week obsession is too much, Mary Ella. Let's just put the damn thing to rest and have some beer. What do you say, kid?
Santino says "no." He only likes to drink wine. American beer burns his throat.
Not sure if that's a good or bad move on his part. On one hand, it could get him beat up because Steve likes beer. On the other, Steve beats up everyone who drinks beer with him. It's a Catch 22. A double-edged sword. Guess he figured he was screwed either way. But just to make sure he definitely gets himself a beating, Santino did the unthinkable.
In a QVC show of friendship, Austin takes one more moment to speak of the good things about his DVD and hands it to Santino as a gift. Know how Marella responded? He dropped it on the ground and stepped on it.
Know how Austin responded?
Yup. Stunner.
Rella bounced off the mat like a superball covered in Silly Putty and fell back into the corner. As he fell, it looked like he was saluting. Crazy stuff. It was a great moment and was definitely something you'll be seeing in video packages for years to come. Stoney approached the fallen amico and made an observation.
"I'm not a doctor, but the sumbitch looks thirsty to me. I'll be right back."
In a sign that it's not just shows affiliated with The Writer's Guild that are doing reruns, Stone Cold drove back in with a - wait for it - beer truck. Wow. Is it 1998 already? He grabbed the hose and proceeded to drench the evil Italian as he sat in the corner. When Maria ran in to help her man, Steve eyed her. Knowing how he rolls, the crowd held its collective breath with worry and anticipation. Rather than tossing her a beatin', Steve-o opted to drench her and her teeny-weeny dress with beer as well. That's a wrap.
I guess that's the end of that. Welcome to today's WWE - where feuds don't have to end with a match. They can end with a ten minute in-ring DVD commercial.
Commercial Break. You've been webbed. And we go to our favorite 15 seconds of the show…
This video was the most obvious one yet. It seemed to all but scream Y2J. This time, the main statement of the video was "The Code Is The Answer." I guess they didn't want to say, "Chris Jericho Is The Answer." Kinda sucks when your big mystery angle is figured out by most of the audience within ten minutes of its first video airing. Know wonder the guys on Lost make the big bucks.
Backstage, Vince McMahon is standing by with his illegitimate son, Hornswoggle. Listen, Lil Guy. Vinnie Mac knows you've been wondering about your recent predicaments. Why has your dad been placing you in so many tough matches against Coachman? The answer is simple. There comes a time in every man's life that he has to stand up on his own two feet. Even if that man is a semi-mute, brain-damaged, midget with a Tyson Tomko goatee, he has to prove his worth. You see, your pops doesn't believe that "size doesn't matter." Do you? Prove it. You'll get that opportunity at Survior Series when you face…the 7'7 Great Khali! With the announcement, Khali walks into the picture and threatens to beat up the little guy as he cowers. I can't believe they're charging people for this match.
We head over to the announce table for some Survivor Series selling. That's when Jim Ross echoes my thoughts on the match that's just been booked:
"King, I'd like to say that was a joke, but I can not."
You said a mouthful there, young lady.
We head to the big screen where Triple H is on distraction duty. Hunter lets us all behind the proverbial curtain once again and admits that the only reason we're seeing him is because the crew has to clean the ring of Steve Austin's hose juice. So, to show you all a good time, here's Shawn Michaels and the DX Dancers!
HBK shows up and introduces the dancer he chose to entertain us... Big Dick Johnson. He dances. It's terrible. It makes my eyes throw up.
Trips no likey, Shawn. What up with this stupidity? Why did you choose this guy? Michaels pleads with The Game. Please, Hunter. Michaels isn't cool. He doesn't know what's hip! He's a father of two. (JG Note: Oh. Is that why he picked the half naked fat male stripper? Because he doesn't know what's cool? Silly me. I thought he was…well, nothing. We'll go with fatherhood. Fatherhood makes you want to see fat men dance in speedos. Yeah. That's the ticket.) That's when Trippie saves the day once more. He brings in Bridget and Kendra from Playboy's "The Girls Next Door." Jerry Lawler freaks out and Jim Ross screams at him to, "Keep your hands on the table!" How much time doe they spend on killing time with this show? Why don't they just ask for a 35 minute time slot? You gotta eat lightening and crap thunda, kid! When you're down on the mat, you're gonna hear this little angel whisper in your ear, "Get up you son-of-a-bitch! 'Cause Mickey loves ya!" You OK, Bob? 4. Cody Rhodes pinned Trevor Murdoch with a roll-up On his way to the ring, Trevor Murdoch was stopped by Mickie James, who was wearing an outfit straight out of the early 1980s. (JG Note: They must have screwed up her memo. It's not '80s appreciation day. It's '90s appreciation day. Sheesh. Get it right, girl. Whoop. There it is.) She wished luck to her Sideburnt love interest, but was dismissed by an annoyed Lance Cade. For some reason, Lawler and Ross made tongue-in-cheek references to Murdoch's resemblance to Larry The Cable Guy all match. It's as if they just figured it out this morning. As for the match itself, it wasn't much, but at least it was a match. It wasn't an interesting match, but on a show overflowing with speeches and rejected Mad TV skits, that's all we can ask for tonight. Things came to a close here when Cody rolled up Trev for a surprise pinfall. After the match came to a close…nothing happened. The end. Yawn. Video Package honoring the passing of The Fabulous Moolah (Lillian Ellison). Moolah passed away this weekend at the age of 84. She contributed so much to this business and will truly be missed.
In the crowd: Dusty "The Boogie Woogie Man" Hill of ZZ Top and Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamie Kennedy. Kennedy.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Super Crazy are standing in the ring and preparing to take on The World's Greatest Tag Team. They try very hard to get the crowd to chant "Ho! Si!" Guess what. It didn't work. It was so bad, in fact, that Duggan switches it up at the last minute and tries to get them all to do a "USA" chant. That didn't work either. It was pretty embarrassing. Even Jerry Lawler mentioned how the "Ho, Si" thing didn't work. You really need to take a step back and evaluate the show you've put on when the live crowd is too burnt out to get behind a chant for their own country.
5. Jim Duggan and Super Crazy defeated The World's Greatest Tag Team when Crazy pinned Benjamin
Crowd support notwithstanding, Super Crazy was still able to keep the advantage and score a surprise roll-up on Shelton Benjamin. The crowd was about as excited as a blind man at a laser light show. Bad stuff. But, hey. Look at the bright side. Two strong talented stars were quickly defeated by a low-card luchador and aging 80s comedy gimmick who can't even get a USA chant going. All hail the future of wrestling. 6. DeGeneration X defeated Umaga and Randy Orton when Michaels pinned Orton
I really wish this match had been first tonight. I would be less burned out by now. I mean, the prospect of Orton/Umaga vs. D.X. sounds good on paper. Hell, it is good on paper. Unfortunately, by coming to a head after two hours of fluff and garbage, it's hitting me at a bad time. Think about it like this. A Conehead Sundae is delicious to eat. But if you've been force-fed bags of cow manure for two hours, it's hard to enjoy anything at the end - even a yummy ice cream treat from Friendly's. Chances are, you don't even want to eat anything anymore, no matter how good it is. That's the case here. Maga and his partner took the upper hand for most of the bout and even the announcers touched on the surprise over their dominance. No one expected the Legend Bulldozers to take control for as long as they did. However, like true heels, they couldn't keep it. Randy tried to put things to bed with an RKO on The Game, but it didn't land. Want to know what did land? Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels. HBK got the tag, landed the boot to the WWE Champion's face, and scored the pinfall.
After we watch a few more replays and are reminded that this is all for "One Night Only," DX raises their arms in victory. We all party like it's 1999 as we fade to black.
All in all…
It doesn't get much more tedious than this. There’s irony all over the place tonight as the Raw with the most hype ends up being one of the most boring I can remember in ages.
Was it boring because of all the massive hype it had to live up to? No. It was just boring. Hype had nothing to do with it.
The bottom line here is that tonight's show was a nostalgia show. In 1995, when WCW was featuring Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage in roles they played in 1985, people went nuts. They spoke about how out of touch the company was. They dressed up Vince Russo and had him tell "Billionaire Ted" how the wrestling was out of date. Now, in 2007, the only times WWE can spike crowd interest, it's from 1997 gimmicks and ideas. If WCW were still airing Nitro right now, Bischoff would be shooting all over shows like this.
I mean, it's not like Stone Cold did anything new. The truck was a big deal when it happened originally. Then they did the Zamboni and that was good too. Then they did the thing where he killed Triple H with the forklift and that was alright. Then Kurt Angle did the milk truck and it was like, "Okay. Enough." By the time that Eddie Guerrero washed Big Show down with a sewage truck, it was all but painful. I don't know. The beer truck just doesn't do it for me. Just because Steve Austin is best known for his late 90s stuff, that doesn't mean you can't think of new material for him. What? New material? EH EH!
Speaking of new material, DeGeneration X is in desperate need of some. The main problem with Triple H and Shawn Michaels is that their best work came about when they were heels. There's a fine line between arrogant joking heels and pandering baby face clowns. As good guys, Shawn and Hunter come off like clowns. I'm waiting for them to show up in Groucho Marx glasses with big fake cigars. Sometimes it feels like they're auditioning for the Gong Show.
Fine. America's Got Talent. It's like they're auditioning for America's Got Talent.
What came in between all of this nonsense? Well, there was a ridiculously short women's title match (two moves long). There was a Snitsky squash. Then were two meaningless matches that ended in surprise roll ups and two okay tag matches. It really wasn't much to sing about. By the time we made it to our main event, the live crowd and I were on the same wavelength. What the hell?
At the end of the day, WWE needs to realize what exactly they're doing wrong here. There's nothing intriguing about these shows anymore. In many ways, it feels like they're just trying to make it through the two hours. The goal isn't to entertain, but to make it to 11:05 in one piece. Wrestling is supposed to be fun to watch. It's not supposed to feel like chore that you breathe a sigh of relief at the end of.
Sigh.
So it goes. The good news? There's a three hour show booked for December 10th. Hooray. They can't even produce a compelling two hours, so what do they do? They book three. Splendid. Sounds like they stopped by Dixie Carter's place for marketing advice when they swung through Orlando for WrestleMania ticket sales last week.
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