St, Bruno's Children's Hospital - 2/28/05

Nurse: I can't believe we have a celebrity here with us. I apologize that we have to keep you in the children's ward for a few days, but I'm sure we'll find space for you in our main patient area soon.

Vince McMahon: That's certainly no problem, young lady. After all, you seem like a fan.

Nurse: Well, I loved you in Star Trek, but I haven't seen much of your work since the Priceline commercials.

Vince: Uh…I think you mean William Shatner. I'm Vince McMahon.

Nurse: From the WWF?

Vince: No. The WWE.

Nurse: Oh, I only know the Vince McMahon from WWF. I don't know what WWE is.

Vince: (rolling eyes) WWE is WWF. We changed the name…like three years ago.

Nurse: Oh. I like wrestling. I like Goldberg, Hulk Hogan, the Rock…

Vince: Triple H?

Nurse: Who?

Vince: Triple H?

Nurse: Oh…OK. The medication must be kicking in. You're just getting tired. Yes, Mr. McMahon, I'll rush out and get you a nice cup of Triple H. You just lay down.

The nurse turns and leaves the room. Vince calls out to her

Vince: No! Triple H is a wrestler. (turning to the girl in the bed next to his) Who are you?

Jessica: My name is Jessica.

Vince: Why is your chest so flat?

Jessica: Because I'm eight. Why is your hair so poofy?

Vince: Why don't you get breast implants? You're in a hospital for crying out loud! That's just lazy. I'll pay for it. Go tell your parents that I'm buying you breast implants. Run. They'll thank me.

Jessica: But I'm just getting my tonsils out…

Vince: Yes, yes. Now you're getting lots of stuff. Hooray. Uncle Vince is your God. Now go tell your mom and dad.

Jessica runs off. The nurse comes back into the room

Nurse: Mr. McMahon, your son is here to see you.

Vince: Ah! Send him in! Hunter! I was just talking about…

Shane McMahon runs into the room with a boom box. He places it on a table and presses a button. He then looks both ways and runs back into the hallway. After a few moments, the boom box plays…"Here comes the Money." Shane enters. He's bouncing around and waving his fists

Shane: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Vinnie Mac! How's it going? Yeah!

Vince: Goddamnit! You're not Triple H!

Shane: (sad) I know, Dad. You call me up every morning and tell me that.

Vince: Well consider this your phone call, pal. Now what do you have to tell me? How long do I have to be in this place?

Shane: We'll figure something out. Mom said you couldn't stay there anymore. She flipped. She wanted to dope you up, stick you in a hospital, and then make out with Trish in front of you. I had to talk her out of it, but she threatened to "house my bitch ass." You know how she gets.

Vince: She's a scrapper, pallie. Now where's your sister and my son?

Jessica: (running back into the room) I'm back. My mom and dad weren't real happy.

Vince: That's because they have a little flat-chested daughter. You're a disappointment.

Hunter and Stephanie arrive

Triple H: (singing) It's all about the me…and how you play me….

Vince: Ahhhh! My boy! My golden haired baby boy! Come give me hugs.

Hunter: Gladly, daddy.

Stephanie: Hi, Daddy.

Vince: Oh and my million dollar princess, Steph. Come here, honey.

Stephanie: (pointing at Jessica) Daddy! What is that?

Jessica: I'm Jessica. I'm eight.

Vince: She's Jessica. She's eight.

Stephanie: Oh my! She's so little! She's like an Oompa Loompa !

Jessica: I'm not an Oompa Loompa.

Stephanie: I need to have her!

Vince: Now, Steph…

Stephanie: But I want an Oompa Loompa now, daddy!

Vince: (throwing money) You heard her, Jessica. Let my daughter take you. I'll work it out with your mom and dad. Just go.

Stephanie: Ah ha! Mine!

Jessica: Help!

Stephanie snatches up Jessica and runs across the room screeching

Hunter: So, they say you tore your Quads. I tore my quad once. Remember? Hey, remember when Shane pulled his groin…for two hours! Go jump off a Titan Tron, kid.

Vince: Ha ha ha! Jump off a Titantron! Ha ha ha!

Stephanie: Ha ha ha! Groin puller!

Hunter: Ha ha ha! Everyone, let's point at Shane and laugh.

Shane: That's it. I'm out.
-
As Shane leaves, Jessica's father enter the room. He stands 6'6 and weighs about 300 pounds

Jessica's Father: Excuse me, did you tell my daughter that you're buying her implants?

Vince: Yes I did. Technically, you should thank me. Look, don't be angry. How about I make you the General Manager of Smackdown?

Father: (angry) What the f*ck is Smackdown? You better leave my daughter alone.

Hunter: Listen, buddy…

Father: Who are you, Chester Arthur? Take your 1889 beard and shove it.

Hunter: (shocked) Uh…who am I? I'm…I'm…Triple H. I was the star of Blade 3.

Father: Blade 3? I never saw it. Wait…Wesley Snipes was the star of Blade 3. You're not Wesley Snipes.

Hunter: But, I'm famous…I'm famous…

Vince: Get him! Hunter, get him!

Hunter: (sobbing) I can't. I'm sorry.

Hunter runs from the room, tears streaming down his face

Father: Why does that woman have my daughter tied to a chair?

Stephanie: (maniacally) She's my Oompa Loompa! You can't take her from me!

Jessica: Daddy! Save me!

Father: That's it. I'm gonna kick your ass now, old man. You can't even stand up. You mine.

Stephanie: Oh no! Help!

The door swings open and Linda McMahon busts in. She has her gold teeth in and her eye patch on. It appears that she's been out partying and she's in a fightin' mood.

Linda: Someone's 'bout to get they ass-keeked. Booyah, bitches!

Suddenly Linda goes wild, pounding away on Jessica's father before snapping his neck

Stephanie: Oh mom. You saved us! I love you. Ummm…Can we make another Hunter t-shirt?

Linda: Yes, honey. Yes we can.

***

The family that beats ass together stays together. Speaking of beating ass, what will the flagpole poker Batista have in store for his former friend Triple H tonight? Can Randy Orton continue this quest for Legendary Killer status? Has Shawn Michaels finally found the outlet to finish off Edge or will Kurt Angle have something to say about it? Do you think that when he heard about Vince's torn Quads, Zach Gowan called him on the phone and laughed? Buck up, kids. It's uncensored. It's uncut. It's uncooked. It's the lead-in for the Ultimate Fighter. It's Raw people. Raw!

Recap of Batista beating up the boss's husband. I'm sorry. That wasn't right. That was a cheap shot. I mean to say "beating up the boss."

Hey! Hunter's Here! The music blares and he's glowing green. According to Jim Ross, this is a night of retribution. It's pandemonium in Providence, people! The last stand of epic battles is destined to occur…in Rhode Island. As it is written; as it shall be done.

Triple H is wearing his wrestling clothes and sweating as the crowd chants for Batista. Jerry Lawler wonders what they must be thinking. Ross, who's obviously read the Raw employee handbook, says that he wonders "what the Game is thinking." Trips asks the aggressive Deacon-lovers whether they believe he will fall to their hero. Do they honestly think that Dave will capture the Hunter Hearst Helmsley Championship Belt? With that, we go into the carbon copy Hunter speech. This one is funny for a few reasons, so here goes:

"I am Triple H! I am the Game! I am the best in this business! And that is not a damn catchphrase! That is not something made up to sell t-shirts or put asses in seats! That, my friends, is a fact - plain and simple. Fact! Don't believe it? Look around! Check it out for yourselves. Look high. Look low. There is not a person on God's green Earth that can do what I do in this ring better than me! And now…and now, because he sat under the learning tree for two years, Batista is the guy? Let me tell you something about Batisa. Batista is a child. He is a 300 pound child. In this ring, I am his father."

- Darth Hunter, 9:08pm

Yeah. He's his father. (JG Note: I guess that explains why he's in the Mania main event. Being in the family doesn't hurt.) Also, someone needs to tell Triple H that "the Game" and "Best in the business" are catchphrases. Everything he does on-camera is done to put asses in the seats. Whether he can or not is another story.

It's now time for Group Therapy with Triple H. He says that he needs to teach his boy some manners. Hunter asks us what a father does to teach his son a lesson. Well, apparently he "slaps him down." He "teaches him a lesson he will never forget." (JG Note: All we're missing is Dr. Phil here. If he starts crying and screaming about how no one read him bedtime stories, I'm changing the channel. I swear.) Batista, at WrestleMania, the Cerebral Daddy will teach you that lesson. With that, Hurricane's music hits. Yes, Hurricane. I was as surprised as you are.

"And I don't envy the man in green hair…."

- Jim Ross, 9:10pm

Craziness here. No one has any clue that Hurricane is scheduled to fight Triple H. Apparently the Champ knew because he went right after the Great Gazoo and started pounding him on the outside. After some discrepancies over whether or not the bell has rung, the announcers finally settle in to call the action. It doesn't last long though. Triple Pedigreed Cane on the ramp and then grabbed the microphone. He vowed to make tonight the night that he beats Batista within an inch of his life. Why? Because the Cerebral Assassin is "that damn good." Then it ends. No reason why Hurricane came out. No idea if it was supposed to be a match. All I know is that Triple H is Batista's father and he's going to slap him.

Commercial Break. It was surprising to see Chris Leben get beaten by Josh Koshcheck on the Ultimate Fighter. Then again, you gotta figure that a guy with a tongue-twister for a name has to have some pent up aggression.

(1) Chris Benoit defeated Muhammad Hassan via disqualification Chris Benoit fighting Muhammad Hassan makes no sense. None. Zero. Look, I know we're all pretending that Chris Benoit is American just because he lives in Atlanta. I get it. The only thing is that to introduce what is basically an anti-American character in a feud with a knownn Canadian wrestler is insane. There's plenty of US wrestlers that he could feud with. It's the crux of his gimmick and going from a conflict with an announcer to a guy from Edmonton doesn't do much to solidify his anti-American sentiments. Hassan needs a feud with a guy like Bob Holly. I'm sure Holly would do it. After all, Hassan is young and could probably use a few in-ring lessons here and there. Hee haw. During this match, the announcers learn that Batista is finally on his way to work. He should be here in minutes. By the way, they've dropped the "on Raw" from most of the times they call Hassan undefeated now. They toss it in real quick one out of ten times just to cover themselves. This match wasn't much to sing about and greatly illustrates the sad decent of Chris Benoit. Think of where he was a year ago. Go on. Think. Now look where he is now. Whether you like Benoit or not isn't important. No matter how you slice it, a wrestler shouldn't fall so far down the ladder within one year. That goes for Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, and Randy Orton too. The blame for not being able to retain any of their momentum for a year should fall on the shoulders of those writing the stories. From making Triple H tap out to getting a DQ win over the new kid with the anti-American gimmick within a year's time isn't good. Oh. I ruined the ending for you. The Wolverine got a disqualification win when MuHa hit him with a low blow. Blah.

Last week Edge and Shawn Michaels brawled backstage. They didn't throw patio furniture at each other like Jeff Hardy and Abyss did on TNA's Impact. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but brawls just don't feel the same without patio furniture.

Tonight: Edge and Shawn Michaels go at it in a Street Fight. Also, Batista will be here. Don't change the channel…or you will die.

Commercial Break. Trish Stratus fully endorses the Stacker 2 XPLC capsules. If you liked the old Stacker 2s, you'll like Stacker 2 XPLCs. Also, if you liked the old Stacker 2s, you'll like speed. Let's see a commercial for that.

Hulk Hogan is going to the Hall of Fame, bra. His exhibit will include a big poster of his victory over Yokozuna at WrestleMania 9 and a subtitle that reads "Can you believe the crazy sh*t he talked us into!" Part of the agreement to get him in the Hall includes inducting Brian Knobbs in 2006 and allowing his daughter Brooke to do a remake of "Piledriver."

Babyface Batista is in the house. He's wearing his Puff Daddy suit and John Coachman latches on to him like Ashton Kutcher. Yo, DB, Hunter called you out earlier. He was bumping you left and right. Chill out, JC. Dave has Hunter on his mind. In fact, he's going to thank him tonight. Thank him? Coach is taken aback. What in heck's name for, David? Why for "Unleashing the Animal," of course! (JG Note: That sounds dirty, doesn't it?)

In other parts of the arena, Ric Flair is blowing a gasket over Batista's arrival, He calls to Triple H. Hunter! Dave's here! Let's get him. The Game pauses. He's got a better idea. He whispers something in Flair's ear and it looks like another one of those flawless Helmsley master plans. What could possibly go wrong?

Commercial Break. Keith Hernandez says to use Just for Men Hair Dye. I will. I do whatever sports celebrities say. In fact, after reading Jose Canseco's book , I've gained 90 pounds of muscle.

Christy Hemme's going to be in Playboy. She says it's the only magazine she'd pose nude for. Sorry, Newsweek.

Wrestlemania's Current Plan:

For some reason, Lillian Garcia said Shelton's name like this: "Sheltaaaaaan Benjamaaaaaaan!" It sounded like she was making fun of someone's voice. And his opponent…

Nice to meet you, Gene. I hate these long business trip flights. Good to have someone to talk to, you know? What do you do?

Well, I'm a wrestler on Raw.

(2) Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin defeated Gene Snitsky after a T-Bone Suplex This mini-feud is alright for the time being. I just hope it doesn't stretch out to Mania. The more weeks that go by, the more worried I become. Although this match seemed to give this conflict some finality. There's other options for Benji at Wrestlemania, but nothing solid. If they want to give him something to do, they better start selling it now. We're starting to run out of time and there doesn't appear to be much on the horizon. At one point, Gene-o ends up with a steel chair in hand. He swings at Shelly, but misses. Lawler uses rare wrestling logic and informs us that he wasn't disqualified because the chair didn't make contact. In the end, it was the IC Champ pinning the Big Head Machine after a T-Bone Suplex. Strange and sudden ending that raised Benji a notch while knocking Snitty down one. The smaller exciting wrestler went over the big giant monster. Somewhere, John Laurinaitis weeps on the inside.

Smackdown Rebound: There was a Celebration of Excellence…on Smackdown. No, I'm not kidding.

Commercial Break. Sandal's Resort says to call them at 1-800-SANDALS. How many times in a day do you think the operators there get calls asking if they sell sandals?

WreslteMania 21 will feature: The Return of Piper's Pit with Special Guest….Steve Austin!

You know, I man, you went to the - I…hyahhh! You know, something. I tell you. I tell this guy that…you know!

What? What? What? Shaddup!

(3) Chris Masters defeated John Walters Hell of a way to honor a Ring of Honor guy, huh? Let's make sure that any ROH fans watching the guy they like are reminded of why they don't like WWE. Chris Masters just isn't ready. I'm not saying he doesn't have potential. I'm not saying he doesn't have a look. I'm saying he's not ready. There's something sloppy about him and I think fans are getting tired of force-fed characters. It happened with Heidenreich and now it's going to happen wit him. You know what's next, right? He starts doing feuds that involve him not wrestling. How long will it take before they pull the plug on him and send him down to OVW for a little while? Start your betting now. The most popular choice is "Within two months," with "never" running a close second. The Masterpiece won with the Full Nelson. But then again, you probably already guessed that.

I guess we love the Rock again. He's in "Be Cool," the new Travolta movie or, as wrestling fans will call it, "The Movie Where the Rock has an afro."

Jim Ross introduces you, me, and the world to….Dave Batista!

Hey Mom.

What?

Hmmm. Batista is here and he's still dressed like he's on the Apprentice. He heard that Triple H claimed he would regret his decision. Well, no way. Ever since he started in Evolution, things have all been about Hunter. Tista didn't mind it. It was a fact of life. Last week the Game got played. JR asks if he feels he will regret the things considering the H's plan to "get him." No way, cries Dave! He then says, with the crowd chanting his name…

"I don't want you to think I'm taking him lightly. I'll give Triple H his credit. He's probably the best in this business. Maybe, maybe, the best there's ever been. Ten time World Champion - I'll say that again, so you people understand. Ten time World Champion, but the fact is that I'm bigger. I'm better and I'm smarter, baby."

- Batista, 10:03

What the hell was that? What? That took care of the chanting in a hurry. My fiancée asked me why he was kissing Hunter's ass and I didn't know what to say. The only thing I can think of is, "Because Hunter's married to Stephanie." What else is it? That's just stupid. "He's probably the best in this business?" What, Dave? You are in the business! What the hell are you saying? Also after you turn good... you stop calling the crowd "you people!" What the hell are the people there thinking? Things weren’t going well. Tista calls the Champ out and says that WM21 will be the night that the best in the business falls to the Unleashed Animal. Cue Hunter already.

Here comes Triple H. He has his older male friend, Ric Flair, beside him. As Deacon Dave strips, Hunter walks to the ring. Some secrets are whispered into the Nature Boy's ear and the two stand on opposite ends of the ring. With Davey awaiting their assault, Flair is the first one to attack. Slick Ric is pounded to the ground. However, the Game doesn't rush him. He retreats. Ric gets to his feet and is...uh, sort of biffed by Batista. Trips tries to run in again, but this time thinks better when Flair is given a Spinebuster. The showdown ends with Mr. H leaving the scene and Naitch eating a Powerbomb. I didn't really like this entire segment much at all. It was pretty surprising actually, first you had the hybrid heel-baby face promo from Batista. It's the same thing that killed Orton. A hero should not say "I'll say this again so you people can understand." Then you had the anticlimactic non-fight between the two. Put that together with Batista's watered-down Ortonesque persona tonight and you have the makings of what could be a bumpy road. Damn. It had all seemed so solid, too.

Commercial Break. The toy, Nintendo DS , has a slogan that says "Touching is Good." It sort of goes against all those safety videos that you're forced to watch in second grade, doesn't it? Is this the slogan we want to use to sell toys to children? They should just say "Nintendo DS - Get Into Vans With Strangers."

Funny Beard Hunter is yelling at Fuzzy Eric Bischoff. No one treats Ric Flair like Batista did...except for Hunter. Look, Bisch, you know that the Gameboy can whip Tista's ass! To this, Eric says "That remains to be seen. Don't you?" Yup. That's what he said. Missing words aside, Triple H goes on to insist that a match be made next week. That match will be Deacon Dave Batista versus…Ric Flair. Put Hunter in the corner and watch the drama unfold. Make the match, Bischoff! Eric seems to agree, but that remains to be seen. Don't you?

(4) Chris Jericho defeated Maven via Walls of Jericho submission Jim Ross says "Hulk Hogan" about 100 times. Hogan deserves to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. (Vince McMahon Note: Hear that, Sammartino?! It's a goddamned honor, pallie!) You know what, JR? Jerry Lawler ran into a legend backstage. Yeah. It's another Hall of Famer, Superstar Billy Graham! (Vince McMahon Note: You hear that one, Bruno? Superstar! You damn right! You sat right next to him on Donahue. Guess what? Game point. He's on our side now. Muwahahaha!) They then plug his book. You know who else has a book coming out? Yeah, you know who. (Vince McMahon Note: No book plugs for you, Bruno! Checkmate!) Wow. Will all these thinly veiled, headset-fed political statements, you'd forget there was a match going on. Maven's used to that and his contest with Chris Jericho falls into the Maver slump. A lethargic crowd does nothing for this one and reacts with a low groan for most of it. This one seemed pretty pointless. Maven is finished off soundly with the Walls of Jericho and the Mavenator continues to walk the tightrope between Raw and Heat.

Someone gave Chris Jericho a microphone as long as he promised not to sing. He talks of all WrestleMania 21's great moments. You want another? How about Y2J+5 and five other Superstars with a ladder? How's that sound? Chris doesn't tell us anymore. He leaves and JR says Jericho and "Five other Raw Superstars?" I couldn't tell if he was just confirming that it would be five guys just from Raw or if he was trying to throw us off so we're surprised. Something tells me that this one match is going to kill some Mania time for the midcarders on both brands. Here's a ladder, guys. Do some flippy things before we let the big guys go and wrestle. Thanks…

Commercial Break. WrestleMania 21 Ad was a spoof of A Few Good Men with John Cena and JBL. This wasn't comedy, though. It was a dramatic performance of the "You Can't Handle the Truth" scene only they were talking about Orlando Jordan and the Big Show. Eh. I'm lukewarm to this one. It was fun to see, but silly when you consider that these two are fighting in the Smackdown main event. I'd rather see them keep things somewhat serious here. If not, then at the end, I wish they had Cena throw poop at him. That would have been funny at least.

Here comes Christy Hemme. She stands in front of a giant covered easel. She says that this is a very exciting night in her three month career in WWE. She's going to be on the cover of Playboy! Hooray! Like Ty Pennington telling the bus driver to move his bus, she unveils a giant Playboy cover! She's on it. Even funnier is that on the cover of Playboy is a headline for an article about Saddam Hussein. So, in the middle of the ring is the word "SADDAM" in big letters. Trish must not like that because she came to confront the centerfold girl.

Enter Strats. She calls Hemme a spotlight stealer, but gives her a reprieve for her special night. After all, it's not every evening that you're on the cover of Playboy. According to TS, she's even sexy. Although, something isn't quite right here. Trisha sees a problem with the cover, although JR says he doesn't. (JG Note: What about he big word "SADDAM?") After taking out a spray paint can, Strats declares Error #1 to be the word "Champion" by the $250,000 Federette's name. The paint takes care of that. Before we get to Error #2, Stratus gets slapped. Hem gets some shots in, but is taken down by a Chick Kick. With CH laying face down, Stratus is able to use her paint can to brand her foe with the word "Slut." Well, that'll learn her. You know, it would have been funny if the N.W.O. sprayed that on people instead of the "NWO" letters. Imagine Sting knocked out by Hogan and then being spray painted with the word "SLUT." That would have been funny as hell.

Commercial Break. Hulk Hogan is going into the Hall of Fame. During Hogan's speech, I wonder how big he'll say Andre the Giant was.

Backstage Candice Michelle is pretending to care about wrestling. She lies to Billy Graham and says how much she's wanted to meet him. (JG Note: Although she might think he's Billy Graham the Preacher. If not, she's full of beans.) Stacy informs the newbie that Billy was inducted into the Hall of Fame last year. Then, in my favorite part, Kiebler tells Michelle that Hulk Hogan will be in the Hall this year. The only thing is that Stacy enunciates "Huuuuulk Hoooogan" as if Candice was a slow six year old. No clue why she did it, but it was really funny. Superstar says that it's justified to have Hogan in the Hall of Fame. Enter another Legend….

Randy Orton walks in and says hello to his lady friend, Stacy. The Superstar shakes Ortle's hand and the girls take their leave so they can chat. They continue their conversation from earlier as Billy G tells Randall to step up this year. He needs to become a true character like Bill was. What type of character is that? Well, it involves fun rhyming. Billy goes off on a rhymefest like the mouse from Today's Special. The Graham cracker tells him to go out and do something that the business has never seen before. RO smiles and thanks him for his advice. After SuperBill leaves, Randy says that his advice backed up what he had been thinking. With that, he drops the magazine he's been looking at to reveal the cover. The man on it? The Undertaker! That's something no one's ever done before…fight the Undertaker. Wait. What?

Maria is faking it through another day at work as she asks Edge what he plans on doing. Come on, Edgy, tell me all your thoughts on God… cause you're just about to meet him. Angered, Adam Copeland tells her that he's been overlooked too much. Shawn Michaels wants to overlook the Edgeman and focus on Kurt Angle? He did that at the Royal Rumble and - Bam - he got punked. Now he wants to focus on WrestleMania? Well, the E-Man will make sure that Shawn won't make it to WrestleMania. The Street Fight is next!

Commercial Break. Are all the people in the Axe Body Deodorant commercial on Exctacy? I can't imagine why else they'd be rubbing staplers on their faces and blowing their nose with tin foil. Maybe they're just completely insane. Either way, it's a strange demographic to appeal to.

JR and Lawler run down next week's show. Batista meets Ric Flair. Don't miss it. If you do, you're a jerk. Seriously. You don't want Jerry Lawler to hate you, do you? Then just watch. It'll be easier for all of us.

(5) Shawn Michaels pinned Edge after Sweet Chin Music This match saved the night. There was so little in the way of excitement up until now and this one delivered that. There was little reason for it to take the place and I wasn't too happy with the outcome, but the run-in and action itself was good. Both Shawn and Edge turned it up a few notches. They even found a way to incorporate a ladder, a common weapon of both men, into the action. Good stuff with Shawn bleeding like horror movie victim for most of the match. It was bordering on disturbing. You could compare it to the old days when Flair would bleed so badly that his hair would turn bright red. Sick stuff. We even saw some Kendo stick action as the battle progressed. In the end, it was Edge who was setting up the Boy Toy for some Chin Music. He stomped the mat from the corner, but when he ran in, Shawn landed a kick of his own. Three seconds later and HBK has been put over the Edgeman. It's nothing to get too upset over. Although Kurt Angle isn't happy about it at all.

Kurt Angle…wha, wha, wha? Your Olympic Hero is here in all his baldness and he he's got an axe to grind. He bumrushes the Heartbreak Kid and begins pounding on his bloody head. As Shawn's blood splashes all over him like a wet dog shaking, Angle slams him down. Kurtis sits on Michaels's back and slaps on a chinlock. Covered in blood, Angle hits the Boy Toy with an Angle slam and stares down on his beaten foe. It's a damn good thing that Raw doesn't have any security, huh? After all, Kurt doesn't wrestle there, right? The Gold Medallist gets down on the ground, close to Shawn's head, and accepts his WrestleMania challenge. Match on. Finally, after Michaels has been beaten to death, Lawler calls for security. Too late, kids. The former Smackdown GM leaves through the crowd while HBK lays prone in the ring and bleeds all over the mat while no one comes out to help him. Raw - What a cold place to work. Roll black.

All in all…This was a good episode of Raw. Given the time of year and the quality of the WrestleMania card, this could have been a great episode. Instead, there were some standout moments that will be remembered as parts that built the big pay show. It was historic in some respects and dull in others.

Batista's segment was disappointing but not a popularity-killer. It was something to be leery of, though. Having your newest and hottest good guy kiss the butt of the guy he just turned on and then say "I'll say that again so you people understand" is insane - absolutely insane. Have him vomit on the third row while you're at it. For the writers to start making missteps now is unforgivable.

Hogan's in the Hall of Fame. Also, Roddy Piper returns and interviews Steve Austin at Wrestlemania. I thought Roddy hated the person he was when he was with WWE. Isn't that we said that got him fired last time? Sad to see Piper hate himself again. I'm sure he'll do something off-the-wall and end up touring the country on an anti-WWE tour again real soon.

The main event was solid. That effected my view of the show a lot. Shawn Michaels and Edge gave a great showing and helped to end an under whelming show on a memorable note. Kurt Angle's interference, while predictable, was still exciting and helped send us home without focusing on the dull moments.

Be back here next week. The Batista stock is holding steady but if you might want to watch next week. That's when we'll know whether to get ready to sell it or not. See you then.