| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com JG's Retro Raw Insanity
The Road to WrestleMania - Nearly over.
Sit back and take a gander at what the road to Summerslam may offer. After all, once Mania's over, there needs to be some new stuff, right? What new stuff? Who knows? Maybe this new stuff…
Edge vs. Randy Orton
Edge and Randy Orton are both horndogs. That's their gimmick, right? Edge is a big smilin' horndog. Randy is a scary glare-at-you from across the diner and then follow you to your car horndog. Either way, horndogs are horndogs. So what better way to play on that than to have the two of them face off at Summerslam in a "Winner Has To Get With Bea Arthur" match? The victor of the bout has to "get with" her. That's slang for sex. The match will be presented one month before Summerslam when Bea, Estelle Getty, Betty White, and Rue McClanahan (Production Note: Check to make sure they're all still alive. Any who aren't can be replaced by Stevie Richards in a dress). The girls will bring out cheesecake and ask Rated RKO if they want to eat it. This will lead to a 22 minute in-ring segment based around the innuendo, "Do you want to eat our cheesecake?" Also appearing in the segment: Mae Young, Big Dick Johnson, Viscera, and the guy who played Stan Zbornak. When the match takes place, both men will try to lose intentionally. In the end, Triple H will run in and smother both Randy and Adam with an ether-soaked rag. While they are out cold, he'll lay their arms on top of one another and have the referee count a double pin. Both men will then have to "get with" Bea Arthur, who spends the match sitting a top a tennis judge chair, while Hunter laughs and eats popcorn. After the sex, Triple H will put both members of Rated RKO in a box and stamp "OVW" on it.
Reveal Umaga's Fear of Barney
In order to further Umaga's character, we need to show that he has a human side. (Something along the lines of Kane only without the rape) In a July episode of Raw, Umaga will come face-to-face with Barney the Dinosaur, scream as loud as he can, and run away. The following week, Armando Alejandro Estrada will deliver the following promo: "My Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamoan Bulldozer is not - come se dice - afraid of nothing. Except he don't like dino-saurs. No! None of dem! He don't lii-iiike Denver - the last dino-saur! No Denver! He don't lii-iiike the Jurassic Parkosaur dino-saurs! No way! He don't like the little Dinosaur baby from that old show that hit his pa-pa and say, 'Not the baby!' No! He espe-cially don't like Barney! Ha ha! The big purple dino-saur." Immediately, Barney will come out and beat Umaga up while he cries in the ring. At the end of the beating, he'll remove his mask to reveal himself to be Chris Jericho. Y2J will then say: "I love you! You love me…Junior!" The fans will pop big. The next week, we'll have him say it again to a slightly smaller pop. The week after that, again to an even smaller pop and so on. By January of 2008, we figure people will be throwing eggs at him.
Ric Flair and The New Horsemen
In conjunction with the soon-to-be-released Ric Flair and The Four Horsemen DVD and WWE's 24/7 Legends deal, we've decided to revamp the Four Horsemen for a June episode of Raw. The introduction promo for Ric Flair has been written and will appear as follows: "You know, as I stand here in this ring with a tear - whoo - in ma'eye, I say thank you. Thank you for all you, the fans, have done to make the Horsemen great. Now as everybody - by God - knows, the Nature Boy is decades - whooo, DECADES - from hangin'em'up! So I've gone out and found a group of Horsemen worthy of wearin'th'name! This is the group that will - whoooo - rule wrestling again. Let me introduce them to you… Our first new member is a guy I found while I was hiking through the Australian outback. With the way things have been goin' I figure it might be best if the Nature Boy - whoooooooooo - looks for some buried gold! While I was there, I came across a guy that had a spring in his step and a knife in his teeth! I said, what's ya' name? He looked at me and said, "Nature Boy…I'm Jack." Now he wasn't Cactus Jack! No way! He wasn't Jack Tripper! He died! He wasn't Jack Doodoobean! I just made that name up! He's a man who's named for my favorite home of the - By God - Bloomin' Onion! He's Outback Jack! Once I had the Australian O.J. by my side, I knew we needed some big guns. So I ran out and called up the first employee that WWE ever hired. First one! Whooo! He's the king of the Tuxedo match! He's not as hot as Lillian Garcia, but more well-behaved then Mel Philips. His name is Howard Finkel! Whooo! Now I was with H.F. and O.J. doing what we Horsemen do! Do you know? No ya don't! Whoooo! No ya don't! People know that we're jet-flying and limousine-riding, but one night, a lucky young lady whispered in my ear and asked if Space Mountain was a water ride! Haheh. Whooo! I told her, 'Sweetheart, Naitch can sail the seven seas!' Whooo! You better believe she was all the way live! Now she knows that on occasion a real Horsemen needs to take him a tugboat. Whoo! That's right! Tugboat! Toot! Toot! TUGBOAT! Get out here, you big lug. Don't trip on'ya'feet! Whoo! Now when you're travelin' the world, of course you gotta go to New Zea-by God-land! So that's what we did! We loaded up the Tugboat with some tuxedos and boomerangs and sailed the world - kissin' all the sailor girls and makin'em cry! Whooo! That's when it hit me. The final member of our group. He used to be in the Bushes! Now he's with the Horsemen! That's right! He's not a Bushwhacker anymore! Now he's a Horsewhacker! Horsewhacker Butch! Whoooo! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! (removes coat and pants) HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! Whoooo! WHACK THEM HORSES! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER! HORSEWHACKER!"
Everyone on Smackdown Gets Their Own Midget
The most over thing on Smackdown right now is Little Bastard. That's why we changed his name. We wanted to see if people would still be into him. Luckily, they are. Hornswaggle now sells the most merchandise of any star on the SD roster. Unfortunately, many customers returned his debut DVD, "The Best of Hornswaggle" after realizing it wasn't a porno. That being said, starting in May of 2007, we will begin introducing a whole new line of midgets (or as they like to be called Little People) to the world. Everyone on Smackdown will have their own mini star. We figure the Mexicans like 'em, right? Midgets? Minis? Mini-midgets? If possible, we'd like to get Oprah to make a surprise appearance on the show. She can call out the entire roster and then point at each one while screaming, "YOU GET A MIDGET! YOU GET A MIDGET! YOU GET A MIDGET!" The only stars who will not get midgets are Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Rey Mysterio. They will be given giant versions of themselves…for obvious reasons. ClubWWI.com Members, Check Out -
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You know the funny thing? I can see them doing the first two things on the list. Either way, Bea Arthur ain't here tonight. Nope. The spotlight is focused on WrestleMania, just around the corner, and we're kicking it into high gear. Will the Orndorffial trust issues between John Cena and Shawn Michaels finally be worked out? Can Rated RKO exist with the looming Money in the Bank waiting? Has Vince McMahon figured out a way to get under the skin of Donald Trump or will the chairman end up with his head shaved - what? - bald? All that's on the table, plus we have WrestleMania Reversal night! Raw's biggest stars against John "Don't Call Me Hawk" Bradshaw and Chris "Don't Call Me Something Besides Chris Because That's Not My Name" Benoit! What will happen? There's one place to find out. USA Network. 9pm. Monday Night. Shoot the grandkids and make some Sheppard's Pie! It's Raw!
Heads up, 7-Up. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are ready to rock WrestleMania Reversal night. We're going to see Chris Benoit vs. John Cena and Shawn Michaels vs. JBL! In fact, there's an old song playin' over the loudspeaker. It's that classic rock tune - "DeGeneration X!" by The DeGeneration X Band.
Yee-haw, you sarsaparilla-drinkin' varmint! John Layfield isn't here to fight ya, Shawnathon. Nah. Bradshaw popped on a plane, flew over his giant moose ears limo, and put on his nice suit so he could…talk. That's right. You know that JBL ain't a rassler, stupid. He's retired! Unless you're Mick Foley, Terry Funk, Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Ric Flair, or 700 other guys, that means you don't wrestle anymore! So no more! Now if John does decide to wrestle again, well it's going to be in his hometown of New York City! Not here in Indiana. Poo poo. That's not happening, kid. No one tells Michael Cole's big cuddly friend what to do! He makes his own decisions! So screw off, Playgirl. This match ain't happenin'!
"It's not like you don't have enough problems. You see, you don't have to worry about me kicking your ass here tonight, Shawn. Because in less than two weeks, count buddy - tick tock, tick tock - you get your ass kicked by John Cena at WrestleMania. You have had time after time. Opportunity after opportunity to kick Cena's head right off his shoulders. And you didn't do it. You have got to be the most egotistical prick (late censor) my life. Despite all that, despite all that, when you walk through that curtain, you're a lightening rod. You're a show stoppa. You are indeed the main event. I have seen you play mind games with guys so badly, you had them beat before they could even climb through the ropes. But this, Shawn, this isn't a mind games, is it?…In your heart of hearts, when you look in the mirror, and you see your soul, you know deep down you can't beat John Cena! So you have the perfect out, Shawn and that pisses me off! You come out here and you don't take the shot, you don't take the champ, you have Everest right in front of you and you won't even climb it because you know deep down you can't. Maybe these fans won't cheer you anymore so you become a good guy. You get religion. You don’t take a shot at John Cena because you're a decent human being. So win or lose, when you're done, they're gonna cheer you even though you didn't even try. Pathetic. If I wasn't in retirement right now, I'd beat your ass myself because you make me sick." Awesome speech. Stuff like this is what makes Layfield so great in his gimmick. He speaks in a frank and natural way. Good to see him doing it on camera where it counts…instead of backstage on newly hired agents. Shawn Michaels hears what you have to say loud and clear, Culture Warrior. HBK assures you that, yes, he can beat John Cena. Sit back and watch it happen at Mania. Now, before that, there's one thing you two have in common. Like you, Layfield, no one tells the Boy Toy what to do. He'll deliver Sweet Chin Music whenever he damn well pleases. In fact, he likes to do it when you least expect it. Hey. That reminds me of a story. Once upon a time, a little goat lived on a farm and… SUPERKICK! Gotcha. Snap. JBL collapses to the ground the Heartbreak Kid stands over him. With one last gloating line about knocking the Smackdowner's head off, Michaels does his traditional post-match posture and takes off with his tag team title. As he left the squared circle, Shawn put on Layfield's cowboy hat and made a funny face. It wasn't such a great idea considering that Michaels has the exact same hat and used to wear it all the time on Raw. Remember the white cowboy hat phase? He grew a beard too. Going for that whole Chuck Norris in Leather Pants look. Commercial Break. Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters is out for the PSP. Size matters? Pretty nervy tag line when you're selling a $40 game on a miniature system. Battle of the Billionaires Tale of the Tape: This week's was funny too. One of the categories was "Matches fought against children." Vince was up 3-0 on that one. I laughed. Edge is reading a magazine when ol' Crazy Face Orton shows up like a house of fire. Yo! Randy is going nuts, kid! You tried to screw him last week on ECW! Didn't you? Didn't you? Well, listen up, tonight there's going to be a Money in the Bank Qualifying Battle Royal! It's a chance for someone to go into the WrestleMania ladder match. The Rated R Superstar scoffs at the notion of 9 guys in one ladder match, but Ort corrects him. Not nine. Eight. That's right. Wanna know why? Well because tonight's battle royal is for…your spot. Yeah. You're out, Canada Dry. Want to get back into the MITB match? Huh? Well, win tonight and you're back in! Copeland takes a moment to digest this confusing situation before reacting with anger. (JG Note: Wow. Talk about trying to get a lot of information across at once. I felt like it was the final episode of Lost and Orton was explaining the mysteries of the island.) OK. So Edge goes into a battle royal for a chance to win back the spot that he already has. Wait. They stripped him of his spot at WrestleMania and…Randy Orton had to tell him? You'd think they'd send Adam a memo or FedEx letter or something. Chris Masters has been beating people with his Masterlock these past few weeks. Jerry Lawler, Carlito, Sgt. Slaughter, Super Crazy, Ric Flair, and others have all failed in the Challenge's two year history. Now the Masterpiece is ready for another round. With a chair in the ring, Chris awaits his challenger. Bobby Lashley bursts through the back and walks to the Masterpiece. At first, Masters has problems putting the hold on Bobby's massive arms. When he finally does, he manages to nearly put the ECW Champion to sleep. However, using his super WrestleMania-push strength, Blaster Lashley blasts his way out of the hold. Yes. Bobby Lashley has broken the Master Lock. Following the stunning finish, Bob waved to his fans while the announcers explained the magnitude of what has just happened. After two years, someone finally broke the Full Nelson. That man is not only your ECW Champion, but also the man who Donald Trump has massive amounts of bizarre love for - Bobby Lashley. We love you, Bobby. Do we love Bobby? Do we love Bobby? Commercial Break. The Volvo S80 has a blind spot radar that keeps you from killing motorcyclists. You know what that means. Unless you drive the Volvo S80 - you're a murderer. Nice. Real nice, murderer. I hope you're all proud of yourself. Ashley's in Playboy. She's naked. She also has curtain rings on her mouth in case you want to hang her up or something. Backstage, Bobby Lashley is getting some applause…from Mr. McMahon?! Wha, wha, what? Sarcastically, Vinnie Mac claps his hands with security around him when The ECW Champion approaches. He congratulates Lashley on breaking the Masterlock, but threatens that he'll suffer the same fate come WrestleMania. Umaga is going to rip you in half. After that, Vince is going to "cut Donald Trump's hair and shave him bald." In that order. Now, Bobert, move your arse. By decree of the WWE chairman, you are no longer needed in the arena tonight. Go back to the hotel. These fake cops will show you out.
Once Bobbo has left the premises, McMahon and John Coachman walk off. They pass Maria and say hello, but all comes to a halt when Eugene bumps into the boss with a cup in his hand. VKM ends up with a liquid all over his nice blue suit. It's all good, though. Mac tells Gene that he's not angry. In fact, he's going to give him a gift! Tonight, Jim Duggan's former partner and potential son is going to get to wrestle on Raw! Yeah! Now scurry off, Dinsmore. Get ready to rumble. Once Eric Bischoff's pretend nephew is out of earshot, the Chairman tells the Coach to summon Umaga. Uh oh. Tell him the match is in three minutes. Did somebody say three minutes? Hey, hey, hey! What's Happenin!! Hey! Wha'happened? Mama Mia! That's a spicy meataball! Damn! WWE Tribute Video to the Late Arnold Skaaland. It was a nice video package with comments from Bobby Heenan, Jim Ross, Sgt. Slaughter, Vince McMahon and some others. Like J.R. and the King, we here at WorldWrestlingInsanity.com send our condolences to Arnold's family and friends. 9:39pm - Still haven't had the first wrestling match. Oh wait…it's match time. Get ready for the Battle Royal for Edge's Money in the Bank spot. Before reading the next section to see who the participants were, go to WWE.com and look at the Raw roster. Now scroll down and pick nine guys that you would expect to be in it. That's who's in it. 1. Edge won a Money in The Bank Qualifying Battle Royal Jerry Lawler wonders if Viscera could even be in a Money in the Bank match. Could the ladder support his weight? Hmmm. Good point, King. I didn't even think of that. Makes you wonder why they even put him in this match. I'm surprised that it didn’t come up. You'd think someone would have pointed that out before now. (JG Note: Hey man, how the hell are you gonna get your ass up a ladder?) Early in the match, Edge appeared to get injured and needed immediate medical attention…at ringside. No one talked about it much and you had the feeling that we were going to get one of those Win-The-Battle-Royal-Without-Being-In-The-Battle-Royal things. As battle royals go, this one was pretty good. The fans were into it (JG Note: Maybe because no one wrestled for 40 minutes) When the fake final two squared off, fans popped big. Carlito and his Mr. Myagi, Ric Flair, exchanged chops and hits. When Carly finally tossed the Nature Boy over the top rope, it didn't count. Flair held on and fought his way back in. After some more near eliminations, Ric proved his worth by tossing Cool up and out. His music played. Ding. Ding. Ding. Then Edge suddenly became healed. Hallelujah. Call Benny Hinn. The R Rated Superstar ran back in and tossed Naitch over the top rope. After the official word, Copeland even gave a little dance. Hey! What about your knee? Were you faking, Edge? Huh? Were you? My God. What is this sport coming to?
1. Viscera by Everyone. As the match ends, Mr. McMahon and John Coachman arrive. They're ready to speak, but we're not ready to listen. Just hang tight, fellas. USA Network has to pay a few bills first. Commercial Break. Def Jam - Icon for Xbox 360. A new game for crazy people to blame their violent outbursts on. Vince McMahon has made his way to the ring. Vinnie wants to introduce someone to you all. It's the man who will crush Bobby Lashley! It's the Samoan Bulldozer Umaga! With Armando Friday Estrada by his side, Maga comes to the ring and walks past the barber chair. He awaits the chance to eat Eugene alive. Yum. Yum. 2. Umaga pinned Eugene after a Samoan Spike
Squash city, kids. Hey. Remember when Eugene was pushed? Remember how he was a heroic story? The debut and feud with Hunter (as discussed in World Wrestling Insanity: The Book) was such a hot time for Dinsmore. Now he's jobbing like a Mulkey and blessed just to get a shot on Raw. Weird. This one was all you'd expect and ended with the Thumbelina Death Dagger. Umaga complied and wrapped his hands around Dinsmore's throat while Vincent MacCake began the haircut. After a quick word to the crowd, Mr. McMahon dug in and began to sheer the Big Josh/Randy Savage/Caveman From The Geico Commercials hair style that Gene held dear. Finally, the chairman stopped when Eugene resembled Gallagher. However, it wasn't the end. It was the beginning. Vince slapped the crying Gene and then had his Samoan Savage toss the chair to the crowd. With their victim in tears, Mac and his McMonster carried him to the back to "finish the job." Candice is in the ring and she has a microphone in her hand. Candy's been using the Google lately and came across Melina's blog. Seems little Miss Thang has issues with Playboy girls. Well, Can showed her can-cans in that magazine and she can hold her own in the ring with any woman. Got a problem with nudey models, Mel? Well, come out here and say that to her face-to-breast! The WWE Women's Champion obliges. Enraged, Melina has a microphone of her own and lays it on the line.
"Keep mouthing off, Candice, because we all know the only reason you still have a job here is because you know how to take off your clothes. You're the kind of person that wants everybody here and everybody around the world to see you naked. Yeah. That really pisses me off. And don't even get me started on your GoDaddy.com dance. Makes me sick. Doesn't take that much talent to do this." (Does GoDaddy Dance. Actually does it just like Candice does. Maybe it doesn't take that much talent….although that's the point, right?)
"Please. Like any of you playboy cover girls have any ability at all. Take Torrie, I proved that last week and you, definitely not and I can prove that right now. And certainly not the current Playboy cover girl Ashley and I'm gonna prove that in two weeks when I defend my Women's Championship at WrestleMania. There's a reason I haven't been a Playboy cover girl. They have begged me month after month and you know what, I thin it's beneath me. It's totally beneath me. I turned them down!" Candice tosses out some insults about Mel not turning much of anything down. Ouch. Fighting words. You think you're a tough girl, M? Huh? Well buck up, you bum. Right here. Right now. Let's have a bra and panties match. No title. No wrestling. No reason. Just two women, two bras, two panties, and four implants. Let's get it on…"bitch!" 3. Melina defeated Ashley in a Bra-and-Panties Match Look. Let's be honest. You're not looking to read about a bra and panties match. This one was interesting since all the female wrestlers have been focusing more on wrestling lately. Candice removed Melina's shorts with a Tarantula-like move, which was pretty cool. Jim Ross points out that this match was "an added bonus." (JG Note: Good thing it happened. If Candice didn’t' challenge her, what would they have done with all that empty TV time?) In the end, Melina came out the winner. That's it. It was a bra-and-panties match. What more can be said? After the match had ended, Ashely arrived. Ash stepped right up to the WWE Women's Champion and they got into a brief tussle. How did it end? The way all fights between ladies end on Raw. Ashley tore Melina's shirt off. Jerry Lawler called her his "new hero." Did someone say "hero?" Well, that could only mean one thing…The Great Khali! Yay! Mel knocks Ash down to the mat and leaves her waiting for the Great One's arrival. When Khali does, he picks up the Playboy cover girl and prepares to lower the boom. That's when Jerry Lawler puts his foot down. He can't just sit in his chair and allow this to happen. He's gotta do something about it. Save the Playboy Cover Girl - Save the World. When The King hits the ring, Lord Khaliflower isn't fazed at all. He knocks Lawler down and then slams him to the mat violently with a choke. Jerry, knocked silly, holds his head in pain. That'll teach him to a Radio Free Insanity interview. With his broadcast partner half-dead, Jim Ross decides to stop doing his job. Unlike when Don West got his ankle snapped while Mike Tenay gleefully talked in soundbites, Ross loves his crowned comrade and must run to check on him. The audio goes dead as we go to commercial. Before the break, Great Khali tried to kill Ashley, but settled for killing her Hall of Famer hero, Jerry Lawler, instead. That's right, Mr. Lawler. You're from Memphis, Tennessee. But the Great Khali is from Hollywood India. Are you from India, Mr. Lawler? He's smart. He's from India. He's not from Memphis, Tennessee! Is this the way yah talk down in Memphis, Tennessee, Mistaw Lawlaw? Who can replace Jerry Lawler? Dennis the Menace's Dad - that's who! Todd Grisham is up from the bullpen and ready to call some Raw action. Do it, Grish. Make the King proud. Talk about boobs. Big ones.
Hey, Randy. Want to play a crazy game?
Yeah.
4. Jeff Hardy defeated Randy Orton via disqualification This match was pretty boring. Big yawn boring. It was the match you'd picture in your mind if you heard these two were fighting. Nothing big. The only thing here was there was some more dissention that needed to be teased in the Rated RKO feud. Good news for Jeff. Unlike the times he helps to build Umaga's main feuds, this time around he doesn’t have to job. That's right. He can actually win while getting over someone else's conflict. This one came to a finish when Edge interjected himself by throwing a ladder into the ring. Ort used it as a weapon and earned himself a DQ. Smart move. Then, for some reason, he blamed Copeland for this. No idea why. You're a wrestler, Randy. Don't you know the rules? Following the bell, an irate and distracted Orton was easy pickens for Jeff Hardy. Jeff nailed a Twist of Fate and then lowered the boom on his Legend Killing foe with a leg drop from high atop the ladder. Commercial Break. If I use RGX body spray, a pretty lady will want to smell me through my TV set. I know it doesn't sound so great, but it is. Get this - she wants to stand really close up to the TV screen when she smells me. I think she's in love. I better go out and get some HGH or whatever the hell that body spray was called. Clips From Steve Austin's new movie, The Condemned. It's about prisoners who are forced to fight each other for their own survival. I remember this movie! Wasn't it called "WCW?" With John Coachman watching on in the leather couch room, Vince McMahon is on the phone with an unidentified person. Look, unidentified person, sit tight. You go to the ring and make that big announcement when the time is right. It's gonna rock the house. In fact, speaking of big announcements, next week on Raw it'll be Bobby Lashley…vs. Vince McMahon! Ahhhhh! VINCE DESTROY BOBBY! ARGH! Whoa. Whoa. Hold on, Pops. Coachman has doubts on this one. Come on, Boss. Don't do this. This guy'll murder ya to death, Mac! Vinnie doesn't like what he's hearing. Shut your piehole, Montell. VKM is doing it. In fact, he guaran-damn-tees that he'll come out on top. Now put that in your Timberlands and walk on it. Shawn Michaels hits the announce table. He'll join J.R. and Toddy "The King" Grishball for the main event. Backstage, Keiji Mutoh is crying. Awww. Why is he…wait. That's Eugene. Never mind. He's bald now and in tears. He wonders, "Why me?" Hey man, it was either you or Val Venis…and he's already bald. Yo, John. I made a rap. Go ahead, man. Freestyle it. OK. Ahem…I'm a Wolverine. You know what I mean. I step into the ring. I'm missing a tooth. I beat people. One time I broke Sabu's neck. That's why they call me the Crippler. I reside in Georgia. Word. Uh…That's good, Chris. That's real good.
5. John Cena defeated Chris Benoit via STFU submission This was a good match. Cena and Benoit have history together. In fact, right after John's baby face turn, there was a big stink over Michael Hayes's booking of the post match showdown between the Marine and the Wolverine. He had John F-U Chris and the crowd didn't know what the heck to do. They couldn't tell if he was turning back or what. In the end, they cut it from the show. After some near-collisions between commentator Shawn and the WWE Champion, the match found itself back in the ring. The Crippler, despite some solid near-wins, ended up stuck in the STFU. With nowhere to go, the former Radical Horsemen had no choice but to tap. After the match was over, Shawn Michaels slithered into the ring. Behind the back of the WWE Champion, HBK tuned up his foot. Get ready for a kick to the face, buddy…PSYCHE! Michaels stopped short and regained his composure. Hey, Cena. It was all just jokes, baby. Jokes. The Boy Toy was just getting into your head. Dr. Thuggy laughs. Ho ho ho. You got him, Shawn. You got him….and up we go! The WWE Champion lifts the Rocker on his shoulders and prepares to drop the F-U…PSYCHE! Ha ha ha! Gotcha back, partner! Gotcha back! Who's in who's head, now? All this fun is making JBL angry backstage. Mr. McMahon's anonymous phone friend is here and he has but one announcement to make. Hey, guys, little note on next week's Raw. Not only will it be Vince vs. Lashley, but it'll be you two, the WWE Tag Champions, in a rematch against…Batista and the Undertaker! The ring goes dark. The blue lights come on. The bells toll. John Cena looks like he's about to wet his Umbros as we fade to black.
All in all…Eh. Nothing special. A lot of fluff. There were lots of flashbacks and short selling segments. Eugene got his haircut. That's something big, I guess. Then again, it was just another one of those forgettable Trump-Vince hypes that end up as a two second clip in their pre-match video. Nothing too special. Sure, they can use it to help Gene's character, but at this point, is there any way to do that? If ever there's a guy who needs a gimmick reset and a mask, it's Nick Dinsmore. Edge lost his Money in the Bank chance. No one told him. Randy Orton finally gave him the official decision mere moments before his match…where he would have to earn back his shot…which he did…only not really because he didn't "earn" it. Weird. It seemed like they created much ado about nothing. Someone must have scheduled MITB qualifiers a week too early and left them with an extra Raw without a qualifier or something. Either way, it made no sense and having Edge win it in the way he did, only made it seem more pointless. Given that the chairman would strip his spot away so quickly, you'd think he'd be quick to yank it again at the first sign of shenanigans, right? Nope. Stripped him of the Money in the Bank chance and then sat back and did nothing as he used underhanded tactics to win it back. The JBL speech was great, although I'm not sure it was great enough to get around the fact that they advertised a match, knowing full well it wouldn't happen and didn't even book a replacement. A good promo is fun and all, but there were probably a good amount of people who were disappointed with not seeing HBK in action. Looks like next week's the show to see. Last time we said that, the following week had the Rock and Austin. With the way WWE has been going on the Road to WrestleMania, I wouldn't be surprised to see them pull out a great episode on the final Raw before WM. I think we're in for something good in seven days. You may have read about the big drug bust in Orlando that lead to several WWE names being outted on Sports Illustrated. If you're a member of ClubWWI.com , you heard about it on February 27th. That's right. In his Big Picture audio, Kevin Kelly called it. He said to keep an eye on the bust, only hours old at the time of his show. Now be glad you did. It started with Kurt Angle and the house cards came crashing down as if it were being examined by clumsy reporter on a Youtube video.
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ClubWWI.com
and clicking on the flash player at the top of the page. For more information on any of the show, simply click the appropriate banner at the bottom of the page.
Also on the free main page of the Club, you can hear clips from Jerry Lawler's 62 minute uncut interview, Kevin Nash's uncut 47 minute shoot, and Diamond Dallas Page's 80 minute interview. They're just three of over 60 interviews currently available on the Club featuring everyone from Samoa Joe to Koko B. Ware. For a complete list, go to
ClubWWI.com
and scroll down.
For a listen to what you can expect to hear from the Club, you can check out this week's edition of
JG‘s Radio Free Insanity featuring George "The Animal" Steele.
This week's 73 minute show is available both in MP3 download or flash player. We present a new free interview each weekend here on World Wrestling Insanity, with uncut versions available earlier in the week on
ClubWWI.com
.
There's plenty more coming too. Remember, D-Lo Brown will be at the Club tomorrow and we'll have a new uncut interview with a new Radio Free Insanity guest this Wednesday! You don't want to miss this one. Keep an eye out on the site for more details.
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