John Layfield won the WWE Title. You could probably tell that from the opening. If you didn't know - surprise! Yup. The Great American Bash - Because we need beer money. Forget Smackdown. To hell with Thursdays. It's Monday and we have Raw. With pressing issues on everything from Euegene and Triple H's friendship to Lita's unborn spawn of either Kane or Matt Hardy, so many questions are sure to be answered. Buck up, little camper. It's time to tune into Spike TV and watch Raw….

Last week: Chris Benoit accidentally hit Eugene in the head with a chair when his intended target, Triple H, moved. With years of the exact same mistakes, you'd think that wrestlers would learn to stop swinging a chair if their friend/partner is standing behind their target. Also, don't hold your opponent so that your manager can jump up on the apron and hit him.

June 28, 2004...Richmond, Virginia

Raw Theme Plays. People listen.

We're here and you can tell tonight's important because Jerry Lawler is wearing a sports coat instead of an 8 year old's Halloween King costume. Good ol' Jim Ross is going to be interviewing Kane here tonight! Lawler thinks J.R. must be loony because the last time he met up with the Big Red Machine, he was set on fire. Why interview him again, even with security? It's all part of Jim Ross's master plan to be burned alive.

Hey Steph, Hunter - thanks for having us over for game night with you two. It'll be so much fun. My wife, Lucille, and I haven't made too many new friends since we moved out here to Connecticut. What game do you want to play, Hunter? Parcheesi? Monopoly? Risk?

It's Evolution large and in charge in Richmond. Triple H leads the troops by taking the microphone and announcing that he will face the winner of tonight's Chris Benoit-Kane Title match at Vengeance. Trizzle Hizzle is taking back the bizzle fo shizzle, but that's not the point of this promo. This promo is all about Mr. Helmsley's new best bud , Eugene. Get out here, Gene. Your favorite wrestler in the whole world has something to say to you.

Eugene doesn't need to hear that twice as he springs from the back to see what the Cerebral Assassin has to say. Hunter welcomes him to WWE and tells him that there are others in the locker room that might be ready to hurt him. They're mean. That's why Triple H was so rough with ya in the ring last week. He wanted to give you a lesson. Face facts, Dinsmore. If Helmsley wanted to take you out, you wouldn't be here right now. That's not an issue though, because the H-Man is your friend. You know who's not your friend, Gene-o? The chair-swinging, head-smashing Chris Benoit, that's who. He hit you with a chair. Gene says that Chris apologized, but H ain't buying it. Wise up, kid. Benoit's a liar. He's a dirty stinking liar. After promising that he would never lie, Hunter calls Eugene in for something important he has to hear:

"The truth is Chris Benoit is a liar, Eugene. Chris Benoit wants to hurt you cause he's jealous of you. Chris Benoit cannot stand you, Eugene. No he can't and it makes me angry. I'm very angry at Chris Benoit and you know what? I don't usually say things like this cause I don't talk like this, but Chris Benoit is nothing but a…nothing but a…I don't want to say this, Eugene. Chris Benoit is nothing but a…he's nothing but a big jerk! That's right. That's right, Eugene. I said it. Chris Benoit is nothing but a jerk. I said the J Word."

- Triple H, 9:10pm

(JG Note: "Jerk" is the bad "J word" for Hunter? I thought it was "Joanie.") Stupid JG Notes jokes aside, Triple H did a good job with his little speech and got across the point of being condescending without being mean. It's a fine line that I continue to be amazed to see WWE's writing team walk lately. So many other aspects of both shows are falling fast, but this, the most delicate storyline they have, is done right. It boggles the mind. After the Benoit lies speech, Trips tells Gene that it's an honor to be his favorite wrestler. In honor of that, Hunter makes him an honorary member of Evolution. Eugene is giddy as a little girl, but the rest of the Evolvers don't look pleased. Wait! Someone's coming out! Look! Quick!

I keep forgetting that you're reading this and not watching it. Never mind, sorry. It's William Regal. He's got the microphone in and hand and needs to plead to the boy he's come to love, Eugene. He tells him that this is all a trap and that Hunter is not to be trusted. Helmsley steps in and squashes all this. He tells Geney that Regal was never his friend. Regal only pretended to like you, Dinsmore. He only managed you to get his job back as a wrestler from Uncle Eric Bischoff. Willie is unable to adequately explain how he's come to look at Gene as a friend. In the ultimate irony, Hunt tells Lord William that there's nothing lower than someone who would pretend to be Dinsmore's friend just to get what he wants. Now make a choice, Gene-man. Is it gonna be Regal or Evolution? Is it the man that pretended to be your buddy or the stable that loves you through and through? Choose or lose.

I'm ba-ack…and finished the Munchkins….

Hold the phone, kids. Eric Bischoff's still the one with the pretend power around here and no one is going to make his nephew choose. You want to force a tough decision on him? Nah ah. That's Uncle Eric's job. Tonight it will be William Regal one-on-one with Triple H. The guest ref - Eugene! No reaction from the crowd. (JG Note: Eric Bischoff could say "tonight, Santa Claus will be here and everyone gets free candy" and still not get a baby face pop.) The Bisch hath spoken.

Up next: Chris Jericho and Edge square off against Randy Orton and Batista.

Commercial Break. If they had one of the actors on Joe Schmo 2 beat up Ingrid, maybe then she'd stop thinking it was all fake.

Batista and Randy Orton are in the ring and they're awaiting their challengers.

Hey Chris, after the show I was thinking of going down to Shiny Pete's House of Shiny Clothes and getting a new set of tights. Sound good?

(1) Edge & Chris Jericho defeated Randy Orton &Batista when Jericho pinned Batista This match was long. I mean it was really long. I can't really understand why considering Batista's blunder filled match from a few weeks back. Why give him the spot with the longest in-ring action? That's not to say that he was bad, no one was in this one. For the most part, this match was fairly well executed, but a bit tedious at times. They could have shaved some time off of it, but if I have to watch a prolonged match on TV, I don't mind it being these four guys doing it. The biggest reaction came at the close when Batista was dropkicked from the ring and Randy Orton attempted an RKO on Chris Jericho. Y2J escaped and Tista came at him with a clothesline. The King of Bling Bling moved out of the way, forcing Deacon Dave into Randy. Orton takes a tumble and a stunned Batista is speared by Edge. Davey B went down and Jericho landed the Lionsault. The count is made and the Canadians reign supreme.

The King and Jim Ross discuss last week's big news. We knew that Lita was pregnant but we had no idea that there was a bombshell…

Recap of the Bombshell: Matt Hardy wants to marry Lita considering that he's already pollinated her insides, but it's not that simple. Kane claims to be Lita's egg scrambler. Distraught, Miss Amy says that she did it protect Matt. (JG Note: There's an idea for you guys. Ever get caught cheating, just look at your girlfriend's eyes and say "I did it to protect Matt Hardy." It won't make her less angry, but it'll confuse the hell out of her)

Still to come: Kane battles Chris Benoit for the World Title. Kane stole his foe's woman. Chris Benoit is upset because that's his gimmick.

Commercial Break. Blockbuster has a new thing where you can rent a game and keep it for three months. I've been doing that for years. What's the big deal? Oh, now you can legally keep it for three months. I get it now.

Ric Flair rushes in to the Locker Room de' Helmsley. Look, Trips. Slick Ric is in love with you. He'd never question you, but why put Eugene in Evolution? Flair pleads with Trips to think about the respect of Evolution. How could he allow a guy like Eugene to tarnish their good name? (JG Note: This is coming from the guy that introduced Paul Roma as Tully Blanchard's replacement in the 1993 Horsemen.) Hunter stops him and says that this is all out of the Nature Boy handbook. Gameboy is going to use Gene to get what he wants. When he's done, he'll toss him away. Flair smiles and nods. Apparently, Eugene, like Matt Hardy, doesn't watch Raw and therefore won't know of this public statement. These guys should invest in cable. It'll make their enemies easier to spot.

Raw Diva Search: It got less air time than last week. That's the only real plus here.

Lita is crying fake tears and begging Matt Hardy's voice mail to call her back. There's a knock and Stacy Kiebler walks in. Stacy sits down and asks Lita why she's so sad. (JG Note: Either A) Stacy doesn't get cable, B) Stacy doesn't watch Raw, or C) Stacy had a full frontal lobotomy this morning. This Kane-Matt-Lita plot twist didn't happen backstage. It happened in the ring. Kiebs should know about this. Wake up, Hancock.) Crying, Leets talked about boinking the Big Red Machine and how it was all to keep him from killing Matt Hardy. It was for his own good, but now everything is all topsy turvey. Lita garbles through the rest of her promo and really came off hokey. She ended by saying that she doesn't know who the father is. I guess she'll just have to wait until it's born and check and see if it has horns.

Fake policemen surround the ring and attempt to protect Jim Ross from his interview subject, Kane. Last time they met, Big Red torched him. Will JR go up in flames? We killed Paul Bearer last night, so you have no friggin' idea. Stay tuned or you might miss some craziness.

Commercial Break. I can't comprehend how someone thought that people would want to tune in and hear Ivory's voice at 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning.

Kane…come on down! You're the next interview subject on Monday Night Raw.

The grieving son, Kane, hits the scene and steps boob to face with Jim Ross. He asks Jim if he's frightened, to which Ross responds that he has a job to do. (JG Note: Seriously, this is dedication. If I stub my toe at work, I try to go home early. This guy interviews the man that set him on fire. Give it up for Jim Ross, everybody. Put your hands together for Jim Ross.) Listen here, Baldie. Why did you do what you did to Lita's womb? It's simple, Okie. Kane had so much, but he wanted one thing. He wanted a spawn. He wanted an offspring. He wanted a son or daughter to continue his legacy. So, Kane took every precaution to make sure that Miss Amy became pregnant. (JG Note: Huh?) It just gets better, though. Tonight, the K-Man will defeat Chris Benoit and win the World Title, then in about 8 months, he'll have a bouncing baby monster. J.R. brings up the possibility that Version One might be the baby's daddy. This enrages Bull, who confronts Ross. Suddenly help arrives in the form of Matt Hardy.

Hardy is wearing a, uh, flamboyant sheer shirt as he enters and pounds away on his girlfriend's lova. Ross takes a powder and Eric Bischoff shows up to stop the insanity. Enough is enough! He calls the fake cops to take Matt away and restore order. No one is going to mess up Eric's main event between Kane and Benoit! (JG Note: If Eric wanted to mess it up, he'd do it the old fashioned way - by booking Kevin Nash and DDP.) Matt's escorted away and Bischoff apologizes to Kane for this uncouth intrusion. To make it up to you, here's some new rules for your title match tonight. Chris Benoit can only defeat you by submission, the one thing he could never do. You, though, your rules are different. You win the strap even if your victory is by pinfall, submission, disqualification, or countout! Ross and Lawler cry shenanigans. Kane smiles, Easy E leaves, and we bounce to a break.

Commercial Break. New video game commercial that makes special care to identify it's product as "Spiderman 2 - The Game" repeatedly. I guess they don't want you to confuse it with Spiderman - the Guy.

Guest ref Eugene is front and center. He awaits the entrants in the next match.

Little Known Fact: When he's not wrestling, William Regal spends his free time teaching classes at Hogwarts.

(2) Triple H defeated William Regal by disqualification when Guest Referee Eugene caught him with Brass Knux Maybe it was the audio or whatnot, but it didn't appear that Eugene was that over in Richmond. The psychology in this one was sound and Dinsmore definitely knows how to play his role to the best possible light. The downside of this could be Willie Regal as a baby face. While the character evolution of William has been solid and helped to cast him in a friendly way, his entire gimmick contradicts it. He's supposed to be a pompous British guy. Having a heart of gold shines through in promos, but is harder for fans to ascertain in the ring. Ultimately, things were good. The finale was peculiar as Ric Flair jumped up on the apron and embraced Eugene. He distracted Gene by caressing him gently, throwing a pair of brass knux to Hunter behind his back. For the life of me, I can't figure out why Dinsmore and the Nature Boy broke into spontaneous hugs. Sometimes Ric Flair's gimmick gets sort of strange. Anyway, bottom line here is that the Game got the knux, Regal used them, Eugene caught him, and the bell sounded. William loses by DQ.

Following the bell, a distraught Gene was angry with Regal. How could he use a weapon? He wasn't supposed to do that! As Willie attempts to put his arm on Eugene's shoulder and explain, Gamy sprung from behind and slammed Regal into Dinsmore. Unaware that it was Triple H that caused the collision, Eugene goes ballistic and beats the tar out of Lord William. Swinging wildly with rights and lefts as Reegs lays prone, Eugene appears to lose control. Flair and Hunter pull him off why the commentators question how Trips could mess with his mind in such a way. What have they done? Fluffy Hair smiles and hugs his buddy while Regal regains his composure. Riveting. Commercial.

Commercial Break. Smackdown returns to the Continental Airlines Arena on July 31st. The Continental Airlines Arena must have done something to piss Vince McMahon off.

La Resistance has just floated in and they have their Quebec flags with them. Listen up, scum. The Resisters have something to say. Rob Conway condemns them for celebrating the Fourth of July. You Americans oppress people all over the world! After giving his fellow Americans a nasty talking to, Robby C hands the microphone to Sylvan Grenier. Now, ladies and gentlemen, at this time Mr. Volkoff Grenier requests that you all rise and respect his singing of the Soviet Canadian National Anthem. Just like Volkoff, Grenier can't get through it without his opponent's theme music kicking in halfway through.

(3) World Tag Team Champions La Resistance defeated Sgt. Slaughter & Rhyno when Conway pinned Slaughter Look, I dig Sgt. Slaughter. Most kids that grew up in my generation had certain things. We had Smurfs, the Electric Company, the Great Space Coaster, Transformers, Thundercats, He-Man, and GI Joe. G.I. Joe had a cartoon hosted by his good buddy Sgt. Slaughter. I watched it. I grew up with the guy and love seeing him on TV. I'm just not sure I enjoy seeing him wrestle on TV. He sort of looks like an older man wearing camouflage pajamas. Maybe if he put on a pair of pants it wouldn't be so strange. I expect his outfit to have feet like a blanket sleeper. Creepy outfit aside, he was a good addition to a tag match that would be pure filler without him. He got a good reaction from the crowd and served his purpose. In fact, the closing moments that saw Sarge lock on the Cobra Clutch got a great pop and outdid any reaction from the crowd so far. Rhyno climbed the turnbuckle when Conway escaped from the clutch, but before being able to launch, he was pushed to the floor by Sylvan Grenier. Grenier then lifts Slaughter on his shoulders, opposite Rob, who's holding the Sarge's feet. They spin to the mat and Jim Ross says it's called the "Au revoir." They land it and score the pinfall. J.R. says that this is a horrible moment just six days from July 4th. Hey! I didn't even think about it like that. Thanks, La Resistance! Thanks for ruining the goddamned barbeque!

Commercial Break. Ric Flair's New Book is out. Here's an excerpt of a chapter that was cut from the book:

Chapter 16: Whooooo!

Backstage Eugene is distraught and upset. Luckily Hunter's there to screw with his mind. No one's going to hurt you again, Gene. Triple H is here to protect you. He's your friend. He's the game. He's your gamefriend.

Raw Diva Search. Remember what I said earlier about the only good point being that the Diva Search spots got less time than usual? I take it back.

Jimmy Jam Ross and the Sports coat King run down Vengeance, July 11th. So far it's Orton-Edge for the Intercontinental Title. Chris Jericho versus Batista for some reason. Then Triple H meets the winner of Benoit-Kane. They should just call it "Vengeance - If you bought the Great American Bash, why the hell wouldn't you buy this?"

Backstage Ric Flair and Eric Bischoff are totally chummy chummy. Flair shakes Eric's hand and thanks him for everything. Bischoff responds with a thank you of his own. As Slick Ric leaves, he runs into Coachman and tells him that there's a party at the Windham Hotel tonight. (JG Note: They were going to have it at the Luger Hotel, but that place got raided.) As he leaves, Bisch tells Coachman what a great guy the Nature Boy is. This came off like an attempt to appeal to people interested in Flair's book. There was no reason for this little love fest between two people who are far from friends other than to give a little ironic twist to the debut of Naitch's memoirs. Anywho, back in the leather couch room, John Coachman is front and center at the request of Uncle Eric. What up, boss? You excited about your vacation next week? Don't sweat it. Coachman will fill in for you. He's got your back. Look, Johnny, there's been a change. You're out as the temporary General Manager next week. JC understands. He's willing to step aside for Ric Flair. That's cool. Sorry, Coachy. It's not going to be Ric replacing you. The man replacing you as GM next week will be Schoff's own nephew - Eugene! Coach is flabbergasted. Then again, he usually has that look on his face.

Up next: The Toothless Aggressor versus the Big Red Sperminator.

Commercial Break. That Castrol GTX commercial is adorable. You know the one, where the dog says he owns the truck. Awww. I'm waiting for the follow up commercial where the dog tears the guy's throat out and takes the wheel.

Recap of the Bash. In case you missed it, find someone who's walking their dog and pay them $35 for the little baggy they're carrying. Same experience.

Dear Lita,

Kane is here, he's waiting for Benoit!

Yo Crippler. You into shooting hoops? You ball?

(4) World Champion Chris Benoit forced Kane to submit to the Crippler Crossface This was a good match. It's been said before, but Chris Benoit can get solid matches out of more competitors than anyone else I've ever seen. I'm not taking anything away from Kane, but the Crippler could go in there with a number of different guys with different styles and sizes and still get a believable and intense match from them. This is the same guy that made an A-Train feud somewhat work. This match was solid, falling just short of the action they put on during Bad Blood. Ultimately, it fueled Kane's position as a top level monster while feuding with mid-level stars and gave the Wolverine another notch in his Championship defense belt. The stipulations going in were good. I can remember seeing Hulk Hogan and Paul Orndorff face off in a mid 80's string of house shows with the "champion loses the belt on DQ" rule in effect. It creates more of a sense of urgency and gives the audience a chance to consider that a title change might occur. This match did just that, but unfortunately the Rabid One's Crossface was too much to take. Dr. Yankum tapped out and Benny Wa takes the victory.

After the bell, Red went buck. He attacked the Champion with his own title and looked as though he was going to finish him off once and for all. He wasn't given the chance, though. Lita emerged from the back and stopped him. She handed him the World Title and raised his arm in the air. Boo! Everyone is shocked that Leets has betrayed her friends to join Kane. Everyone is stunned that this turn of events has happened. Everyone's pretending. Miss Amy sends the Monster to finish the job, but then kicks him in the groin.

As Big Red regains his composure, Lita runs in to nail him in the head with the World Title. She's stopped by Kane's hand, which grabs her throat and thrusts her to and fro. Miss Congeniality begs off, but all looks grim. Suddenly, he lets go. Without a microphone, we hear the Monster say that he did so because Lita is carrying his baby. He lets her off with a warning. Don't try that stuff again, girl. Lita leaves and the whole thing was pretty pointless. Kane then turns around…

…and Chris Benoit plasters him in the head with the belt. The son of the late Paul Bearer rolls in pain while the champ celebrates. We, in turn, fade to black.

All in all… I dug tonight's show. It felt like things were happening and there was very little down time. In the end, I wasn't bored. That should be Raw's goal every week - to keep the fans from becoming bored.

No one on Raw cares that Paul Bearer's dead? Glad to see Kane just get on with his life. Big Red Ingrate. The Monster was given a good chunk of the show's attention and held up his end well. While I'm lukewarm on this whole Lita love child thing, I like how he's been pushed besides. His character has had more focus lately and he's slowly becoming the genuine tormentor on Raw. Whether it's Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, Matt Hardy, or William Regal, Kane's made life rough for them lately. He's more impressive with the new vicious style. Thank god the days of playing car battery ball zap are over.

Triple H is on top of the wrestling world. People debate all the time about why it is. It just is. The thing is, when he's on his game, Trips can be a solid main event heel. The last few months, Hunter's been on top of his act and put forth some steady performances. Is he still a strong focus? Yes. In some ways, does his presence overshadow the World Title? Sure. The only thing is that when he's producing quality segments with a strong backstory, none of that matters.

I'm not sure if tonight's crowd reaction was due to a more old school crowd in Richmond or if Eugene's popularity might not be as intense as WWE thought. I'm leaning towards old school crowd, but I could be wrong. With next week's appointment of Gene as GM for a day, we'll find out.

All around, this was a pretty good episode of Raw. Focusing on four or five major conflicts for the show's duration gives you less of a feel that you were fed filler for two hours. Everything served a purpose. Both tag matches and the main event delivered solid wrestling while the angles and promos advanced major storylines. Good effort. It's funny to think that the same company that just gave me this for free charged me $35 for last night's Great American Bash.

I'm out of here, folks. I'll see you here for some more Raw Insanity next week. Make sure you check it out. Paul Bearer would have wanted it that way.