Every Monday, just like you, I sit in amazement at the inconsistencies that plague Kane.  There have been so many inaccuracies surrounding his character…at least so we thought.  This week I have an exclusive prior to the Raw Report.  It's an excerpt from the Big Red Machine's Diary.  Dated October 12, 1992, this should straighten some of your questions out.

***

Kane's Diary, 10/12/92

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't had a chance to write for a while.  It's been such a busy week.  On Monday I figured out a way to sneak out of Dad's basement.  There's a little opening right above the boiler and if I squeeze real tight, I can make my way through it and get out.  I make sure to be home in time for dinner though, so Paul…I mean "Dad" doesn't notice.

It's been so much fun going out and doing things.  I started getting into professional wrestling and I love it!  The other guys pick on me though.  They call me "Basement Boy" and "Burnt Face," but I don't care.  I've met an awesome girl named Katie and we've been spending so much time together.  The strange thing is that there's some guy with a big nose and huge frizzy blonde hair that follows us around everywhere taking notes.  Am I just being paranoid?

That's not the weirdest part of my week though.  Two days ago I took off my mask (even though Dad says not to) and my face was only burnt a little bit and my hair was half gone.  Yesterday I took it off and I was completely bald!  No eyebrows or anything!  Then this morning, I took it off and I looked just like Jimmy Walker from Good Times .   I don't know if it's a magical spell that makes my appearance change or what - but it's mad cool.  I ran all around the basement clapping my hands and screaming "Dy-no-mite!"  Then Dad told me to quiet down or else my brother Mark would hear me and ruin some big surprise Dad has planned for him in 1997.  I wonder what it is.

Well, that's that.  Sorry So Short.  I have to get to bed and rest up for my big day tomorrow.  I'm getting my dentist degree and then I'm going to kill and rape Katie.

Love,

Kane

PS: I was watching a sports show and Pete Rose was on.  I hate him so much.  I'm going to make it my goal to kick his ass if I ever see him.

***

That sure answered some questions, huh?  But those are just a few that need answers tonight.  It's Raw and it's on Spike TV (Finally!).  Will Bill Goldberg continue his weekly trouncing of Rodney Mack?  Does La Resistance have a surprise or two up their sparkly fruity sleeves for Sugacane Helms?  Can Christian once again fly under the radar and keep his Intercontinental Title out of Booker T's Hungry Man hands?  Is Evolution ready to unveil their newest member to the world?   Will Jerry Lawler's Royal Dentist, Kane, have something to say about it?  Where does all this leave his deep fried tag team partner Rob Van Dam?  How many times has Triple H brought up this question in the last month - "You sure that one-legged guy hasn't hit on you?"  For those of you that spent your night watching everyone get rejected on the  finale of "For Love or Money," I watched Raw.  Here, let me tell you all about it…

Montage of Kane's unmasking, demonstrating his morphing ability and choke slamming Eric Bischoff straight to hell, by God!

We kick things off with the Rattlesnake himself, Steve Austin.  Stone Cold tells us how great it is to be back on Raw.  (JG Note: It seems like every other month since 1998, Austin's has made a  return to Raw.)  Last week Stunning Steve had himself a bout of food poisoning.  When you couple that with the six Mexican TV Dinners he downed, you had quite a combination for some Bionic Indigestion.  Well, Steve-o spent a lot of time in the bathroom and the kitchen and during all that found time to watch last week's Raw.  He saw Eric Bischoff throw his sweaty weight around.  Well, while the Schoff's away, the Ringmaster will play.  Easy E ain't here tonight which means that this evening belongs to Stone Cold.  We're in Montreal.  We have a ref.  You know what that means?  (JG Note: He's gonna screw Bret?)  It means that we're gonna kick things off with an Intercontinental Title Match! 

Hey Mister, can I have your autograph?  Thanks, Mister!  I'm a huge fan!  Uh…oh.  I'm sorry, I thought you were the guy from Milli Vanilli.

Booker T hits the ring in preparation for his Title Match.  But when Christian comes up the ramp, he's got some ish with this sitch.  You wanna bully the Christian Peep into a defense against BT?  Well, here's what you can do.  Start counting.  Edge's little brother is going to take the easy way and allow the ref to count him out.  He'll keep his title and all will be well in Canada.  Go on, count.  Just like Doug, he's out of heeeeeeeerrrre.  

What?  You want to play games, Chrissie-boy?  What say we add some stips to this?  Austin decrees that the title will change hands via disqualification or count-out.  The plot thickens.  The Champ points out that the match can't be a count out since he never entered the ring to signal the starting bell.  Touché'. He drops the mic and prepares to leave.  The Rattlesnake tells the Peepster that he has a good point and offers to talk it over if he would pick up the microphone.  When Christian leaned down to retrieve the mic, Austin tossed him into the fray.  Ding, ding, freakin' ding.

(1) Booker T pinned Christian after Scissors Kick to win the Intercontinental Title.   Good to start the show with these two as their feud has been pushed to the backburner like a good ol' pot o' beans in JR's Cookbook In a case of Austin's righting of Eric Bischoff's wrongs last week, Steve ordered this contest as retribution for the Book's shattered dreams following his previous title match.  Interesting note in this one as Jerry Lawler spent a good amount of time playing the heel and pulling for the Peep's Champion.  Have to wonder if maybe they realized that all this buddy buddy talk between them has made for a ho-hum announce team lately.  B Tizzy goes for a Spinaroony, but is jumped by the Champ as Lawler screams.  However, T regained his control and hit a Scissors Kick.  Book went for the pin, but the UnAmerican got his foot at the ropes at the count of three.  The ref calls for the bell, but realizes the error of his ways.  After a few minutes of a new champion, we dust off an old finish, if you will, and restart the contest.  Booker's mad.  Maybe he'll be happy and eating a Hungry Man dinner as we watch the…

Commercial Break.  There's a new FX TV Talk Show called the "Orlando Jones Show."  In honor of Spike Lee, Orlando Jordan and Tom Jones plan to file suit.

We're back in the Great White North and the T-Man is laying a beating on Christian.  Following some back and forth, Mister Christian opts for plan B and takes a swipe at Booker with the IC strap.  Despite the fact that he would lose the title if he made contact, he swings for the fences.  Mr. T ducks and hits the Scissors Kick for the Title Win.  Good match, good opening.  A title change at this point was just what the Intercontinental Title needed to give it some momentum.  Good timing.  Jim Ross screams "Booker T" about 11 times and makes every effort to repeat his name over and over and over and…

Over here, Stone Cold is whispering with Mark Jindrak.  Well, they're not whispering but Booker's victory music is drowning out their pow-wow.   Marky Mark thanks the Bionic Redneck for the opportunity to wrestle on Raw.  Then suddenly, N.W.O. Nick Patrick catches up to his former Alliance Leader.  We have an issue that needs your attention, Steve-o.  This way, let's go!  Andiamo!  They take off and we take in some advertisements.

Commercial Break.  The kids from American Pie are getting married in a new movie.  Good to see them squeeze any shred of revenue from this premise until there's nothing left. 

What's from Yonkers and Extreme and red all over?  Tommy Dreamer.  The Innovator of Violence has been seriously destroyed.  He lays in a bloody heap while The Dudley Boys freak out around him.  Stone Cold sends them back to Dudleyville and consults with the doctor.  Who could have done this?  Joey Abs, perhaps?  Probably not.  But who?

Jim Ross brings up the Survivor Series of 1997.  We watch some footage of Bret's Screwing.  Then the bombshell:  Shawn Michaels live in Montreal, at the site of the infamous screw job, will be Chris Jericho's guest on the Highlight Reel to discuss that event.  Wow. 

Let me holla at ya, Playa!

Theodore Long hits the scene and he's not only with Rodney Mack, but his new Heat Buddy Rosy too!  Apparently "the man" has been screwing Peanuthead's crew worse than the Hitman.  First Jazz is robbed of the women's strap and then Chris Nowinski hits the skids with a head injury.  So, here's the best minute and half man in the biz today - Rosy.  Rosy, if you want to be a top player around here you need to…

Just to make sure that people remember to not care about Rosy, they switch to the Bloody Dreamer being stretchered away.  The Coach asks Bubba Ray who could have done this.  Bubba has a "pretty good idea."  Jim Ross wonders as well as we go to the Commercial.  I can't believe they just cut Teddy Long mid-sentence and never went back.  What does Rosy need to do?  What?!  What!?  What?!

Commercial Break.  I love how I bought a Gamecube over a year ago and now they offer a free game with it when you buy.  I can still get free games though.  I have a big jacket and I can run.

You know what Teddy Long told Rosy?  Nope, ya don't.  We never find out.  The Long Bunch are hopping up and down as Rosy prepares to meet…

Cue that "Stand Back" song.

You mean that fruity song that Vince sang in the '80s when everybody was getting wrecked every night?

No, the Hurricane song.

(2) Rosy pinned Hurricane after a Samoan Drop   I'm a main eventer, I'm a jobber.  I'm a main eventer, I'm a jobber.  I beat the Rock, I got squashed by Rosy.  That pretty much sums up Helms right about now.. Rosy squashed him like Joe Thurmond and scored the win.  Very little sense to this one. 

Following the decision, Teddy hit the ring to celebrate, but Rosy O'Donnell flipped out and beat him down.  He flattened Theodore in the corner with an Avalanche and turned to be jumped by Rodney.  I have no idea what the hell is going on.  Rodney kicks away on Rosie and chases him to the outside.  JR hypes Mr. Macky's near-perfect record as Rosy is slammed into the stairs..  This is the type of angle that they can pretend never happened two weeks from now and most of us would have already forgotten it.  Beliedat.

Bubba Ray Dudley is doing an interrogation of sorts backstage on Randy Orton and Ric Flair.  He shows them his fist and asks if they know what is on it.  He tells them that it's his best friend's blood on his hand.  So dramatic.  Firstly, Bubba Ray should wash his hand.  Secondly, considering that he and Tommy came from ECW where they bled all over each other like it was a parlor game, a bloody fist isn't much to cry over.  Austin steps in and tells Duds to chill.  Orton offers his alibi by claiming to have been drinking a protein drink at the time (JG Note: When he says "drinking a protein drink," he means "banging ringrats.")  Slick Ric says he was on the Slick Phone.  Stone Cold settles everything down by telling Bubs that he has a tag match and should "russle up a partner."  I wonder who he's gonna pick, Steve?  Jean Pierre LaFitte?  Bubba leaves and Jackie Gayda shows up.  It seems that something's happened to Rico!  Oh no!  Not Rico!  Steve takes off with the Tough Enough winner by his side.  I think we've figured out who's jumping everyone by now, haven't we?  No?  Ok, then.  But, you know.  You know you know.  Watch a commercial.

Commercial Break.   The Second Tomb Raider movie is hitting theaters, just to give love-struck video game addicts a second chance to pretend that Lara Croft is real.

Sensational Queen Rico has been bent over a box and his a bloody mess.  Steve Austin asks him who did this.  (JG Note: Considering he's a grown man in glitter and eye shadow in a men's locker room area, I'd say the cast of suspects is pretty big.)  Rico says it's Kane.  Yup.  See, you knew.

All the things we said, all the things we said, running through our head, running through our head…

Intergender time as Victoria and her man servant Steven Richards, complete with Perry Saturn fuzz-hat, hit the ring.

Recap of Gail Kim pulling a David Arquette.

Secrets Revealed: Gail Kim is actually Kim Gail.  No one figured out that she just filled out the WWE application wrong.

Cue Val Venis.

Are you sure?  It's Raw.  Heat ended about an hour ago.

Yes, I'm sure.  I was right about the Stand Back thing, wasn't I?

(3) Gail Kim & Val Venis defeated Victoria & Steven Richards when Gail pinned Victoria   Gail did a big spectacular de-robing of Chief Val to start the match.  The one thing I've noticed about WWE is that while they protect the men's straps with a bloody vengeance, they give the women's title away like candy.  I like Gail Kim, from what I've seen.  But she's been given very little in the way of characterization and is interchangeable with any other name on the roster.  I was hoping that this week we'd get to see her do a singles defense at worst and a promo at best.  This came off as a bit of throw away.  I also can't fathom how Venis was given such a high profile spot on the show as Eric Bischoff's co-hort.  Then following a high level break-up, he was pushed back down to mid card hell.  If there was ever a time to give him some sort of push, it was when he split with Bisch.  Now he's the random guy who does intergender tags.  Not a bad match for what it was, but what it was wasn't much.  Basic intergender tag with Gail pinning Vicki after a hurricanrana and then hugging Chief Morley. 

Trish Stratus is stretching in front of the camera.  But as she prepares, she's approached by Test.  The Testicular Leader is once again wearing new trunks (JG Note: Between Billy Kidman and Test, I'd say they have about 3000 different pairs of trunks)  Well, guess what, fellow Canadian.  Andrew is once again riding the bachelor train.  He's been making a list and checking it twice of all the available bootay in the vicinity.  Your name came up.  You can join Stephanie McMahon and Stacy Kiebler on Teste's list of women.  Well, thanks Toothy, but no thanks.  As Trish rejects Andy like Rob Campos on NBC, he loses it and grabs her by the arm.  He doesn't take no for an answer.  Oh no?  Well, Kevin Nash steps in to take care of this.  (JG Note:  Test should be like, "I used to look like you before I cut my hair.")  Kev delivers a speech reminiscent of Gino at the start of Out for Justice by asking if he likes to beat on women.  Why not beat on Diesel?  Bring it on, punk.  It's official.  Test is the guy who feuds with the people that couldn't get over against Hunter. 

Next - HBK talks about Bret Hart. 

Commercial Break.  CSI is now on Fridays.  I've never seen CSI, but if you add up all the commercial time I've watched for them, I think it's longer than if I watched every episode twice.

Shouldn't Chris Jericho have Fozzy do his theme song?  In the least, he should have Howard Stern's band do it.

Well Canadians love Chris Jericho and they show it tonight as Y2J hits the ring for the Highlight Reel.  He talks of how 1997 brought with it the Survivor Series and the screw job on Bret Hart.  The crows roars.  This whole thing came out of left field.  I had no clue they were going to do anything like this tonight.  Just to remind us of it, we watch the footage of HBK and Bret on the Geritol 5000.

Survivor Series 1997: I've watched this footage so many times that I can call each moment before it happens.  Earl jumps up and down ringing bell.  Bret turns his head.  Close-up of face.  He holds Shawn's leg.  Stands up.  Grabs the ropes.  Spit.  Michaels paces.  Small victory hop. 

H ey Bret, Kidding!

Shawn hits the ring and the crowd rips right into him with "asshole" chants.  Pretty surreal as Jericho gives Shawn the floor and allows him to speak his mind.  Heartbreak talks of how he's apologized to Bret publicly, yet never apologized to the people of Montreal for what he did.  But what troubles him the most about the situation in Montreal is this:

"You people have never managed to get on with your lives.  In America. back at home, heck, all over the world…nobody cares about what happened in 1997.  No.  Montreal, Canada sits there all by itself as the only people that are stuck in November 1997."

  -Shawn Michaels, 10:00pm

Damn.  The Montrealians chant at Michaels and he asks what their point is.  He had a job to do and he did it!  He reiterates that they should all get on with their lives.  At this point, the Canadian Patriot Chris Jericho steps in and calls him a "sanctimonious son of a bitch."  You expect us to get on with our lives, Shawny?  How can we?  The Midnight Rocker goes deeper into the heel forest by offering Canada the memory of something else in his career, his WrestleMania win over Chris prompting a "Y2J" chant.  Chris rips into him.  You screwed Bret, Shawn!  We will never forget that!  The Boy Toy asks Jericho what he means by "we?"  What are you, Chrissie?  Mr. Canada?  The crowd pops.  Apparently he is Mr. Canada. (JG Note: We lose a Mr. America and we gain a Mr. Canada.  Isn't it funny how life works sometimes?)  But no, he's not Mr. Canada.  He's a big phony!  He lives in Florida!  You know who lives here?  A big phony!  But if Mr. Phony Baloney wants to avenge his country's honor, bring it on.  Let's do it right now!

Jericho takes off the top of his shiny pajama set and looks like he's prepared for battle.  Suddenly he refuses.  He wants to face Shawn, but not in Montreal.  You know why?  Because Montreal is in terrible economic condition and Fozzy digs the bling bling.  The crowd goes silent.  This was a stupid move.  Jericho was over pretty good for a second there.  CJ gives the proposition that they meet in Hollywood two weeks from now.  The Rockerbreak Kid gives him one more chance to face him his homeland.  No!  No!  No!  Listen, HBK, the match is two weeks from now.  In fact, 1997 Shawn screwed Bret and in 2003 Chris Jericho says "screw Montreal." (JG Note: Hey, screw you buddy.  Release Terrance and Phillip immediately.)  Segment airs and I feel like it was so damn close to being a great piece that it's almost frustrating.  The whole angle was fresh and offered Shawn doing what he does best and a rekindling of some Canada versus United States face/heel border switches, then it sort of fell flat.  It gives you a reason to watch in two weeks though.  That's always good. 

Stone Cold is running amuck backstage when Johnny Coach stops him.  He reminds Steve that he's the lone man in charge tonight.  Can you stop this rampage?  The Rattlesnake assures the safety of all and enters his "office" or whatever you want to call it.  But as he enters, his chair is turned towards the wall and an ominous figure sits like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget.  The chair turns to reveal Kane with a towel draped over his head ala Tazz  (JG Note: Bald Kane with a black towel draped on his head looks like someone took a thick black marker and drew hair on a picture of Mr. Clean.)  Man-E-Faces tells Stone Cold that they need to talk.  Oh, you boys go ahead and talk.  I'll just watch the commercials.  I don't want to intrude.

Commercial Break.  They are advertising Vince McMahon on Piper's Pit for Nassau Coliseum on August 31^st.  I swear.  Instead of these changing cards and revolving performers, wouldn't it be easier for Vince to just mug the fans? 

Stunning Steve is in disbelief as we return.  Seems that the Kaneman wants to quit.  Why would you wanna quit, UniBomb?  You think the people are laughing at you?  You thought Rico and Tommy Dreamer were laughing at you, so you beat them up? (JG Note: When Rico laughs at you, jump out a window.)  Now listen, here Kiznane.  You're heading to that ring with the Bionic Redneck.  After what you did to Eric Bischoff last week, this ornery Canada crowd is liable to cheer ya!  Yet, while speaking Stone Cold had a tough time looking the creature in the face.  I feel bad for Glenn Jacobs.  It's not like he's wearing face paint anymore.  The repulsive face is actually his face.  Imagine someone shaved your head and told you were the most hideous looking thing they've seen.  Sucks, right?  Anyway, K-Dawg's going to the ring with the Rattlesnake.  As Dr. Yankum leaves the office, he leaves a bloody hand trail on the wall.  Redrum.  Redrum.

Now, Test versus Kevin Nash - Attack of the Clones.

(4) Test pinned Kevin Nash after a Big Boot   Look, say what you want about Kevin Nash but in small doses with a mid-level program, he could do some good while he's on the payroll.  After doing a program with Test, Scott Steiner found his niche.  Hopefully this can give Diesel something to overshadow his previous direction.  Wonder why they always pick Andrew to do it.  This match was pretty much what you would expect for these two.  Brief scuffle ends with Test removing the turnbuckle which prompts Trish Stratus to charge the ring.  Testes tosses her into Diesel and lays him out with a boot for the victory. 

Following the win, Andy grabbed Trish by the leg and yanked her out to the floor on her face.  He returns as she gets to her feet and slams her into the barricade.  Yeah, those of you in attendance in Montreal better be thankful.  That won't be airing unedited on your TV screens.

Recap of the One Time Intercontinental Champion.

Terri is backstage and she's wearing some sort of smock from art class.  Her objective is to interview Booker T, the new Intercontinental Champion.  T-Man is thrilled to have the gold and invites Terri and the entire city of Montreal out to party with him.  If you're buying, I'm going.  Make it quick though, T.  I have to be back before the end of the…

Commercial Break.  If you buy a pack of Skittles that turn into little fireworks when you toss them in the air, I'd say someone laced your Skittles.

I am a real Canadian.  Fight for the rights of Glam Rock Bands.  I am real Canadian.  I like shiny pants - shiny pants!

How much Drak would Mark Jindrak if Mark Jindrak could Jindrak?

(5) Chris Jericho defeated Mark Jindrak via submission   I have to tell you that I've been a fan of Jindrak since his Natural Born Thrilla days.  I think that the WCW Natural Born Thrilla group had so much potential in it that most of the guys just needed a few years to develop.  Here we are, a few years later and many of them are coming into their own.  I think that Mark could have been given a bit more build-up prior to his debut as the crowd was pretty apathetic to this one.  Also you had to factor in that Jericho had been flopped back and forth between heel and face tonight and it left the partisan crowd to question their loyalties. Pretty pointless as Y2J slapped on a sudden Walls of Jericho and got a quick tap-out.  Following the bell, Jericho talked smack to Shawn Michaels.  Well, that was fun. 

Commercial Break.  This Sunday on Heat, Maven meets Triple H.  Hey, speaking of Triple H, we haven't seen… uh, I better not jinks it.

Jerry and Jimmy are at ringside and they're telling us about the new WWE Magazine with Freddie Blassie on the cover that goes on sale tomorrow.  JR then switches gears to the ring where Molly Holly is standing there in all her generic-ness .  Seems that the winner of this showdown gets a shot at Kimberly Gail for the Women's Strap. 

Recap of Test abusing Trish, thus showing the world how far we've come since Honky Tonk Man shoved Elizabeth.

(6) Molly Holly upset Trish Stratus via submission. Does Molly choose the outfits that make her look the worst?  Regardless, the Hollette rolled over Miss Trish in this one.  I suppose that they'll explain how Test's tough love earlier set the foundation for her injuries, but Holly did a number on her.  The finish saw the only Holly still on TV roll up Stratus for a submission win.   Pretty big upset.

Steve Austin is watching the boob tube when he turns and finds himself face to towel with Kane.  What's it gonna be, Towelface?  You coming to the ring with Austin or are you gonna quit?  Kane-o replies "I'll do it."  Do what?  Quit or show your face?  He took his mask off two weeks ago and WWE is still milking the "see Kane's face" segment. 

Commercial Break.  OK, I'm not making this up.  Starburst has a new commercial that shows a guy keeping a pack of Starburst in his back pocket.  The slogan is "Starburst keeps your butt company."  Nobody in this huge company thought that there was something wrong with this?  Why not just say "Starburst - stick our candy up your ass?"

Ric Flair and Randy Orton are heading to the ring as we return.  Both are ready for action and it looks like we have the big tag match against Drama Queen Dudley and his mystery partner.  The Dudley whistle and explosion hit and Tommy Dreamer's best friend comes up the ramp.  Before he gets to the ring though, he announces his partner.

One of a kind!

(7) Rob Van Dam & Bubba Ray Dudley defeated Randy Orton & Ric Flair when RVD pinned Flair Jerry Lawler takes a stab at questioning the obvious when he wonders as to D-Von's whereabouts.  It's explained that Robby V and Bubba were buddies back in the Philly running days.  At this point the crowd seems to have lost all steam.  This match didn't do too many favors in such a late slot.  Pretty hum-drum and considering that we learned how Kane had attacked Dreamer rather than Flair and Randy, it seemed unneeded.   Nothing too great, but the crowd did come alive towards the end as Mr. Monday Night went for a Frog Splash but was pulled down by Orton.  Spike Dudley came rushing out and took down Randall, thus allowing a Van Dam Splash.  Three seconds later and Flair is toast.  (JG Note: Spike's interference begs the question, why didn't Bubba choose Spike as his partner?  They're brothers.  They have experience as a team.  Eh.) 

Meanwhile in the hallway backstage, Kane is walking.  He takes his aggression out on the camera man, pushing him to the ground.  Do we get to see Kane's face tonight?  Dy-no-mite!

Commercial Break.  The Striperella Cartoon is disturbing.  I knew a guy in college that made a point of mentioning that Marge Simpson looked "hot" in the episode where she played a cop and had her hair down.  Needless to say, we all made sure to not touch anything in his room.

It's the Rattlesnake and this is the final segment of the night.  He's fixing to bring out Kane.  You see, Stone Cold has been shooting the shizzle with Kizzle all night and even though he would consider Kane-o a gutsy guy if he shows his face tonight, the choice to cheer or boo is up to the fans.  (JG Note: It's called the "Billy Gunn Effect.") 

Cue Bull from Night Court.

The Big Red Cue ball hits the ring and is still draped in his towel.  The crowd roars as Stone Cold smiles.  He told you they'd react like this, no?  You see Kane, this ain't no Beauty Contest.  The fans don't care what you look like.  Seriously, have you ever taken a good hard look at Dusty Rhodes?  This is about winning.  All we wanted to do was motivate you.  That's why Rob Van Dam got on your case.  He was doing the whole Tony Robbins thing, trying' to get ya motivated.  But you didn't get it.  Even Steve himself tried to motivate you last month.  But from the way things look, you're motivated.  Check out this footage.

Footage of Bald Bull chokeslamming Eric Bischoff straight to hell, by God.

The Ringmaster tells Kane that that wasn't hysterical, it was straight up funny.  Which is sort of a strange thing to say since hysterical is a higher degree of funny.  Anyway, it seems as though the Hollywood Blonde has angered the Machine by using the term "funny."  He questions Steve and says that he was under the impression that he was not going to make fun of him.  Uh oh. 

The (Un)Masked Superstar pummels Austin and beats him in the corner.  But just as he has the Rattlesnake down, Stone Cold regains control.  Steve beats him about the face and head with punches sending him over the top rope to the floor.  With Kane reeling, the GM takes a chair and slams it across his unburnt head, busting the monster open.  He tosses Undertaker's brother into the ring and hits him with a Stunner.  Kane is out and Steve calls for a cold one.

But wait, there's more.  Much like he and his brother before him, Curly sits up unfazed by the Stunner.  He grabs Stone Cold from behind and choke slams him down.  Kane stands over him and bleeds as we fade to black.

All in all… lacking.  While I didn't hate tonight's show by any stretch, it seemed to lack any sense of urgency.  Booker T's title victory was a good call and will add some life to his program with Christian and the belt as a whole.  Yet, everything else seemed forced and filler.  Even Shawn Michaels's appearance left us with a sense of confusion.  That's not to say this was a bad show.  I'll take a confused angle over a bad one any day.  On a good note, we should be done with the "See Kane's face" teases now.  Eh, cest la vie.  See ya'll during the week.  Hey!  What about Triple H?  What am I saying?  Never mind.