Kermit the Frog: Hi ho. Kermit the Frog here for Sesame Street News. Today we're going to learn about sharing.

Elmo: Elmo like sharing.

Kermit: That's good, Elmo. I have some friends here today that are going to help us learn about sharing. From WWE…Evolution! Yay!

Triple H, Ric Flair, and Batista enter

Ric Flair: Ya know, Kermit, ya walk around this great street - whoooo - claiming to be the best! But the only thing that makes you the best is being the best and buddy….that's why, by God, we are the best thing going today. Evolution! Whoooo!

Elmo: Mr. Flair, Elmo is big fan.

Flair: It's good to meet you, Elmo. Ya know, for years - years - people have compared you to Kermit. It's ridiculous. Look at the merchandise you sold. Look at the ratings. Kermit is a glorified lilly pad jumper. It's no comparison. He's been playing politics all up and down this street. He used Mr. Hooper's death to further his own agenda. You don't get the respect you deserve.

Elmo: Hey, Elmo thinks you make good point.

Kermit: Gulp. Let's talk about sharing. Cookie Monster, come on in.

Cookie Monster walks in holding a handful of cookies

Cookie Monster: Cookie!

Kermit: Now, if Cookie Monster has three cookies and I share one with Elmo, how many will he have left?

Triple H: Give me all your cookies, Cookie Monster. I want 'em.

Cookie: No, Triple H. Cookie Monster's cookies are here to teach about sharing.

Triple H: I'm only going to ask you one more time. Give me the cookies.

Cookie: But they not even real cookies. They only pretend.

Triple H: Dave, do some damage.

Batista lifts Oscar the Grouch's trashcan above his head and slams Cookie Monster with it. Oscar flies out and lands on the pavement as Cookie Monster rolls around in agony. Evolution picks up the cookies.

Kermit: Oh my God! Oscar! Cookie Monster! Speak to me! Speak to me!

Triple H: You see, Kermit. We learned a lesson today about doing as your told.

Randy Orton struts in from off screen

Randy Orton: Sorry I'm late, guys. I was skrogging Miss Piggy in Big Bird's nest

Elmo: Kermit, Elmo sick and tired of taking backseat to you. Elmo knows you sit in on Sesame Street Writing meetings. Elmo sells more dolls than you! Kermit screwed Elmo!

Kermit: Damnit, Elmo, enough! Get some help! Oscar's not breathing!

Batista: (munching) Hey, Hunter, these cookies are made of Styrofoam or something.

Triple H: So don't eat them.

Batista: No, I like em.

Triple H: God, you're strange.

Big Bird walks in, clueless as to what has gone on

Big Bird: Hi everybody. Mr. Snuffleuppagus told me that there was some people in my nest before.

Kermit: That was Randy Orton, Big Bird.

Flair: Jim Herd!?

Kermit: No, not Jim Herd. I said Big Bird.

Flair: (irate and ignoring) Jim Herd?! Jim Herd?! The pizza man?! Get him, guys! Jim Herd's in the bird suit!

Evolution begins pummeling Big Bird

Big Bird: Ahhhh! No! No! Help!

Orton: Hey, Trips. Let me punch him in the face a bit, too.

Triple H: (smiling) Sure, Randy. That's called sharing.

Kermit: Ugh. Today's Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letters H, H, and H and by the number Syxx. Kermit the Frog signing off.

Sesame Street's terror alert was just raised to yellow. That's there and this is here. Here we have questions like what will Eugene have in store for Evolution now that he's thwarted Triple H's chances at regaining the Heavyweight Title? Does Randy Orton's Battle Royal victory last week make him on a collision course with his own faction, considering that his prize was Hunter's dreamed-about Summerslam Title match? Do Edge and Chris Jericho have something to discuss in their native language - Canadian? Will John Coachman continue to seem like a genius in comparison to the Divas he surrounds himself with? I tell ya, that's the scariest part of those segments. Forget Kamala, it's the Coach coming off like Einstein that freaks me out. Well, freak out, freak out. The Tower of Power, too sweet to be sour, funky like a monkey….it's Raw time.

August 2, 2004...San Antonio

Last week, Eric Bischoff's nephew beats up Shane McMahon's brother-in-law, allowing Woman's husband to go on to face Bob Orton's kid on pay-per-view. Grandmaster Sexay's Dad and Diana Ross's brother can't believe it.

Raw Theme Plays. Sounds like burning.

Welcome everyone we are live from….

Cut the music! Cut it!

Triple H is here and he cuts the opening theme song to his father-in-law's show. There is something too damn important to not be taken care of right off the bat. Last week, Hunter had a chance to do something that few people can say they've done - become a nine time World Champion. He went 60 minutes with Chris Benoit. That's something else that few people have done. While Trip gloats about all the great things he's done, something makes him upset. It's the fact that, according to Helmsley, his title chances last week were squashed by someone he calls a "moron," an "imbecile," an "idiot," a "dolt," and a "simpleton!" Eugene! (JG Note: Oh, I thought he was talking about Vince.) After running through all the bad names that the front office approved as appropriate to use, Trippy calls out Gene. Apparently, he doesn't realize the magnitude of his decision last week. To cost the H Man a title reign is akin to a self-inflected death sentence. Come out, Dinsmore, and allow the Cerebral Assassin to show you the extent of your interference. He then stands center ring and repeats the word "Eugene" until it doesn't sound like a word anymore. Instead of Gene, he gets his Lordship, William Regal.

Lord William is on the ramp and questions Hunter as to who he feels would be diabolical enough to allow Eugene into the building last week. Trips ponders the thought and Regal cues him in, saying "it was me, Sunshine." He then explains why:

You see, me and you know each other very well indeed. Let me give you people a little history lesson. Eleven years ago, me and you were a tag team in WCW. In fact, I was your mentor, wasn't I? Yes, indeed I was. What can I say, let's face facts, you and me, people like us are just born naughty. We are. That's why we gravitated towards each other. And if you would have used and abused anyone else except for that poor, dear boy, Eugene, I would have applauded your cunning. But for a clever man like yourself, it was very foolish to take advantage of a disadvantaged boy because now, you've made an enemy out of me! And if you want to fight, look no bloody further because I will quite gladly now go change into my ring attire, and I will join you back in that ring and I will battle you with every ounce of violent venom that runs through my veins!"

- William Regal, 9:08pm

Things that struck me strange during this speech:

1. Eleven years ago?! That was eleven years ago?! Hold on…1993. It's 2004. Oh man. It has been eleven years. Now I feel old. Splendid.

2. When he said WCW I immediately thought, "Wow, they just said WCW." Then I remembered that WWE bought WCW three years ago and it wasn't a big deal anymore.

3. What exactly is everyone's definition of boy? Isn't Eugene older than Randy Orton?

4. The whole "we're naughty" thing sounded weird. It was like "Oh yes, we're naughty, naughty, fancy lads. We deserve spanks on our bum." Very creepy in a creepy sort of way.

5. There is no number five, but four just seemed anti-climatic.

Commercial Break. Exorcist - the Beginning is coming to theaters. Apparently I've already seen the ending, so who cares?

Backstage Coach is with the Diva Search Groupies. He eliminates Camille. She's the blonde with the fake rack, in case that helps you narrow it down. Coachman then informs us that each remaining woman, in honor of the election year, will have 20 seconds to tell America why they should vote for them. It's the first time a TV show has ever told me in advance that they plan to waste 160 seconds of my life. All the girls then throw their arms in the air and cheer. When people who think wrestling is cheesy think of wrestling, they think of this exact segment.

Rhyno-san, I try call you for to practice for our tag team match, but you no in phone book.

Oh Tajiri, you have to look it up under my full name - Rhinoceros.

The Tajinos hit the ring and await their non-title opponents.

Yo, Sylvan, you like my beard? I painted it on with this spray that Hulk Hogan used to use. It looks real, right? The best part? It tastes like butterscotch! Yum!

(1) Rhyno & Tajiri defeated La Resistance in a non-title match when Tajiri pinned Sylvan Grenier This was a good match and did it's part to advance Rhyno and Tajiri from the mismatched tag team to a solid tandem. They seemed to have a goal and purpose, tearing into the Resisters throughout. You would have thought this was a tornado match as it seemed to be devoid of any tags. In fact, Grenier never had a chance to take off his sequined jacket before being Speared by the Man Beast and pinned by the Buzzsaw. Hey, that's an idea - the Buzzbeasts. Better yet - the Man Saws. Yeah, that's money.

It's official. Tonight the Blue Bloods Explode! Excited? Why not?

Commercial Break. 1-800-CALL-ATT, free for you and cheap for them. I don't know who "them" is, but if they can't afford to accept a regular price collect call, I shouldn't be calling them collect anyway.

Todd Pettingil Grisham is chilling with Randy Orton backstage. Ort asks Grishy if he believes in destiny. I expect Todd to say that he believes in Santa and Leprechauns, but he doesn't. Instead he tries to answer and Orton cuts him off, causing an awkward moment. Randy goes on and asks if he knows who the youngest WWE Champion was? Brock Lesnar. Really, he said Brock Lesnar. Randall retells the tale of Brock's victory over the Rock at Summerslam. Come this Summerslam, there will be a younger champion. Because while Lez took the title at the young age of 25, Randall will beat Chris Benoit while still in his 24th year. It's history in the making. (JG Note: The sad thing? If WCW were still alive and kept going with the ridiculousness it fell into towards the end, there would have been a nine year old World Champ at some point. I could just hear Tony Shiavone selling it. "Ladies and gentlemen, that young man is nine years old. Yes, you heard me right. He's nine and he just achieved his dream. This is the most momentous evening in the history of television. Diamond Dallas Page is on his feet, extending his hand to the new Champion. Skippy shakes it! He shakes it! Folks, see you on Thunder!")

Over on Smackdown, Teddy Long becomes the new General Manager. Beliedat, playa! President Peanuthead crowns a new US Champion via an eight man match and it's Booker T taking the gold.

In the lockeroom, Stacy and Lita are talking about girlie things when Matt Hardy appears. He asks Kiebs to take a hike so he can speak to Leets. Apparently the two haven't been speaking much and Hardy felt that the best time to do it would be when they are live on television. A few weeks ago, Miss Amy asked Version One to make a decision. Matt has made that decision. He wants her to know that he wants to be with her more than anything else in the world. (JG Note: "Come on, Lita. I can't act, you can't act. It's like we're meant to be together.") He wants a family. He wants a marriage. He doesn't care how or when it's done, as long as they do it. There's nothing he wants more than to be with her. Dumas agrees and the two make out. It's always heartwarming to see a man forgive his girlfriend after she finds herself possibly impregnated by a demon. That's an issue that most men don't let slide.

Commercial Break. Chris Benoit - Hard Knocks DVD . Buy it now and receive a free tooth.

(2) Tyson Tomko pinned Rosey after "a big boot right to the face." Hey, here's an idea. We have one superhero that we can't break out of undercard status. Why not make two? Rosey looks ridiculous. To put it in perspective for you, this weekend I watched Viva La Bam on MTV. It's the Jackass-type show where Bam Margera terrorizes his family. The episode I saw was an Arbor Day Special where he builds a tree-top casino and a wrestling ring. He hires two really out of shape masked wrestlers, to perform on opening day. They mock them and show a close-up of one of the wrestlers's pants falling down and revealing plumbers crack. Rosey, in his new outfit, looks like him. That can't be good, right? Poor Stacy is with him now and has to be longing for the days of "Testicles." At one point, she does a cartwheel and they show it on instant replay. The Super Hero Out of Training landed some good offense and appeared to have the run away victory, but fell short when Tyson lands a big boot and scores the win. I doubt that Superman would get beat up as much as WWE's superheroes do.

Commercial Break. On Joe Schmo 2, Bryce kills the falcon. The next week, Triple H humps it.

The Highlight Reel is up and running with Chris Jericho as your host. He wants to get right down to business. He wants to bring out a man that will team with him tonight. He's also the Intercontinental Champ. Put your ish together and welcome Edge!

You drink baloney…you drink baloney…

Edge is large and in charge on Jericho's Pit. Just in time, too, because Christopher has some news. Come Summerslam, Edgey will defend that title against Dave Batista and Chris Jericho in a Triple Threat Match! Aw, what's the matter, Smiley? You don't seem thrilled with Chris Jericho's news. Are you still mad aboot the Battle Royal last week? Well, the King of Bling Bling had to dump you out. It's all about survival. Edge concedes that he may have been a bit naïve last week. Perhaps teaming up to oust five guys meant nothing to you. Had it not been for your enormous ego, Randy Orton wouldn't be going for the World Title at Summerslam. It would be one of the Canadian Blondes heading to the pay-per-view. Instead the Edgeman went to the back and watched you get dumped out of the ring by Orton. In fact, according to the former Brood member, Jericho hasn't been dumped this badly since Trish Stratus. Them's storyline fighting words! Y2J+4 calls him an ass-clown and the two begin to brawl. Edge gains the momentum by Spearing his party host to the ground and then picking up a steel chair. After some self-inflection, Copeland drops the metal and helps his countryman to his feet. Chris meets this act of kindness with a shove and leaves the ring. What will happen later tonight when these two team up? Why do people who have a big conflict one week decide to team up together the next week? I really want to kick your ass right now. First, let's team up next week. OK? Hopefully, you won't accidentally hit me while trying to hit our opponent. That would be cra-zy!

Still to come: Chris Jericho, Edge, and Chris Benoit face Randy Orton, Ric Flair, and Batista. Also, vote for the divas and stay tuned for Hunter-Regal. Do as we say!

Commercial Break. The Slam of the Night is brought to me by a movie called "Anacondas - the Hunt for the Blood Orchard." Didn't Jennifer Lopez already do a movie called Anaconda in 1997 that sucked? Why another? Why, God, why?

It's all about the…OW!

(3) William Regal defeated Triple H via disqualification Before the bell, Regal attacks Helmsley on the ramp. He pounds the Game about the head and back, all the time wearing some very funny tights. It was that singlet he wears that sort of makes him look like an Easter Egg. After tossing H into the announce table, Reegs opts to return to the confines of the ring and uses the steps to score a hard head shot. He tosses his nemesis back into the ring and it's the biggest mistake he could make. The bell rings and Triple nails him with a right hand. Regal hits the canvas and the referee sees a pair of brass knuckles fall from his hand. He calls for the bell and disqualifies the Evolved One. Hunter stands above his fallen prey and admires the bloody scene he has created.

Triple H goes to the floor and retrieves a sledgehammer. He hits the ring with it to show off its strength and reenters. Before he can hit William, he's low blowed by the Brit and takes a fall. Willie jumps up, grabs the knux and prepares for a fight. Instead he gets a sledgehammer to the head. If that wasn't enough, he also gets a vicious lowblow, which he sells like a gunshot. Hey! William Regal has red blood! What a liar! Jim Ross cries, "Brass knux. A Sledgehammer. A low blow. What's next?" I would assume a steamroller or something in that vain. Apparently it's a bounce off the ropes and a sledgehammer drop upon Willie's gushing head. It's mass carnage and Lord William is all sorts of messed up. The real crime, according to those in the broadcast booth, is that Eugene has to watch this at home. (JG Note: What about the fact that he has to watch the Raw Diva Search at home? That's pretty awful too.) Paramedics tend to Regal while the Game points and laughs. I'm guessing that he's giggling at Williams wrestling tights. He makes it difficult to wheel the injured Regal back by stepping between the gurney and the exit. He runs to his prone Lordship and sends him a message. The message is to tell Eugene that this is waiting for him. He flips over the stretcher for good luck and then screams us into a commercial.

Commercial Break. McDonald's is open until Midnight or later. I guess it just depends on when they all feel like going home.

Hunter is washing his bloody face when Eric Bischoff's bloated face appears in the mirror. Bisch says that he enjoys the sight of the H-Man washing away blood. Come Summerslam, Eric wants you to do that again. Only at Summerslam, it'll be Eugene's blood you'll be washing. Helmsley smiles. Muwahahahahahaha!

The Coach is here to make good on his promise to bore us in 20 second spurts. It's Raw Diva Search time. This week they beg you for your vote. Here's a rundown in case you're keeping score:

Joy: Nothing like being in front of a crowd of screaming WWE fans. WWE fans are the best fans in the world. She's the anti-Brock.

Amy: Real deal. In for long haul. She wants to spank Evolution. Honestly.

Chandra: She promised her sister a car if she won. Again, honestly.

Carmella: Enjoying her experience. Kisses up to company, wrestlers, and fans. I feel like WWE wrote this one.

Tracie: Represents "the average single-woman in America, and half-naked I might say." Somehow I just never felt that demographic was fully represented in the media. Thank God for this Tracy chick. At least she didn't promise anyone a car.

Maria: Thinks WWE is such an amazing place to work. She also loves troops and WWE loves troops. How many people work for companies that don't love troops? A show of hands please.

Christy: Does a cheer and awkward spin. Basically, she convulsed.

Michelle: Is confident, charismatic, classy, and athletic. Usually, when people tell you they're charismatic, they're not.

Exciting stuff. Vote now or else you're UnAmerican.

Hey Lita! Wait up, skeezer! Kane wants to talk to you. You gonna scream about it? Go ahead. The Monster grabs her by the neck and vows to do some damage to her man Matt Hardy. If it's not tonight, it'll be soon. Eric Bischoff just made Summer slam a match between Kane and Hardy. Leets says it's no problem. Matt will win again because he's the better man. (JG Note: That old gag. OK, terrific. ) You sure, girl? How can you be? You not even sure who your baby daddy is. Oh no he di-in't. He di-in't. Put your ring finger where your mouth is, Amy. Come Summerslam, after the Hardy-Kane contest, you can marry the winner. When Dumas is hesitant, Kane-o basically calls her a chicken. So she agrees for some insanely insane, illogical, insane, insanely insane reason. He laughs and tells her that it's a pity she can't wear white at their wedding. Lita responds "you bastard," and slaps him. This is the stupidest thing I've seen in a while. I swear to God, standing next to Lita, you'd think that Kane should win an Oscar. I can't tell if they are making Lita act this hammy or if she's just acting this hammy naturally. Either way, this whole thing borderlines on comedy.

Commercial Break. Taco Bell's new ads promise to make me full. Isn't that what food is supposed to do? I don't see beer commercials making promises to get me drunk. It's just sort of understood.

(4) Kane pins Maven after a Chokeslam It was really weird seeing these two in the same ring. I felt like Kane was going to walk up to him and say "Maven, I am your father." He looked like a tan little Red Machine. I'll tell you this much. We may all cut down on Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler's announcing from time to time and sometimes it's warranted. However, any two men that can go on television and take on the task of selling us a match where a woman marries the winner deserve our respect. It's almost amazing to be whisked into their world where all this makes sense. In the end, Maven forces Kane to submit to the Boston Crab. Just kidding. Kane pins him after a choke slam.

The Big Red Baby's Daddy takes the microphone and informs Lita that Maven's fate will be echoed at the pay-per-view by Matt Hardy. He then names their match. It will be entitled "the Death Do Us Part Match." You can heap Kane onto the praise for Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler earlier. Sell me the insanity, Kane! Sell me the insanity!

Commercial Break. "Hey guys, how about if we do this rhyme for your commercial? Ready….Yo, I use YJStinger or else I go loopy, After that I go and make some poopy! Word Life! You like? You like?"

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler run down Summerslam and then all the women from earlier come out in bikinis. The wanna-Divas take turns spinning around so we can get a good look at them. I feel like a farmer buying a goat.

Hey Hunter, why does our theme song say "Evolution is a mystery?"

I failed science in high school.

(5) Evolution defeated Chris Benoit, Edge, & Chris Jericho when Randy Orton pinned Benoit Apparently Summerslam is WWE's version of the summer games. That's the slogan they're going with. What was wrong with being WWE's version of a wrestling pay-per-view. Why can't we say wrestling? Just say it - wrestling. Ah. This match was good, but got really good towards the end. They gave it a good amount of time for a television match, maybe anticipating genuine fans of wrestling that stuck around after last week's Iron Man. Either that or they just needed to fill 20 minutes. Whichever reason makes you feel better, go with. There's a good amount of back and forth, although things dragged on at times. Flair once again did his part and held up his end of the match. Forget comparing him to the Flair he was ten years ago. Let's just look at him as a 55 year old man. For a 55 year old man, this guy has amazing athletic ability. Everyone seemed to be on for this one and gave you a good closeout to the show, giving advancement to a number of angles at once. The finale saw Benoit hit Batista with a top rope head butt. He tries to cover and is pulled off by Ric. Edge negates the interference by Spearing the Nature Boy. Tista attempts to stop him, but Jericho gets there first. He tosses Dave into the ropes and ends up somehow hitting Edge. The Edgemeister falls to the floor, Tista turns, and Benoit nails him with a rolling German. Again he attempts a pin and his cut short by Flair. The Wolverine turns the tables and tries to lock Naitch in a Sharpshooter. As he attempts to turn, Chris is RKOed out of nowhere by Randy Orton. The 24 year old pins the Toothless Aggressor!

Randy stands tall and Evolution's music plays. It's the beginning of Randy Orton's time. Get in line early. Fade to black.

All in all… I liked tonight's Raw to an extent. It seemed to work towards Summerslam and give us a good build up to make us confident enough to buy it.

First the most insane thing they've done in a while - the Death Do Us Part Match. It's really nuts. To even begin to approach this match with any shred of logic immediately opens a hundred other gaps of believability. The only real way to watch this angle is to turn your head off and just float on through. At least the storyline is moving on and we've gotten past the backstory stage. Now we can make some progress. After all the time and effort that's been sunk into this one, I hope it has a great ending. It means the difference between paying off on a long buildup and wasting months of TV time.

William Regal and Triple H were particularly brutal tonight. It served its purpose and allowed the Game to make his violent point without busting open Eugene. As Willie painted the canvas red, Trips could be at his most enraged without confronting the object of his ire. It was a good segment, with Regal carrying himself very well as the baby face.

Randy Orton going over Chris Benoit was a logical step towards their match up that will raise some questions from fans trying to second guess it's meaning. Basically, with months of Intercontinental time, Randy needed a pinfall over the champion to solidify his legitimacy. It was a good way to end the show and the job they've done with keeping Hunter busy while letting Orton do his thing has been great. The Helmsley-Randy Explosion down the line will be all the better because of this.

I liked the show mostly. It wasn't the best I've ever seen, but I didn't have to pay to see it so I'm not really complaining. Well, I guess cable costs money, but with all the other channels it doesn't cost much when you break it down to what you're paying just for Spike TV. So I guess I'm paying like a few cents to see it. OK, it was worth the few cents. Good show.

See you guys next Monday. Until then, as a piece of advice to the female readers, try not to get knocked up by Satan and then agree to marry him if he beats up your boyfriend. It should go without saying, really, but just in case you come across that issue, remember the advice.

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