Plus, ClubWWI.com members can hear the entire uncut shoot (as well as over 80 others) with Shawn Stasiak...

All this, plus new audios from ZAH, Aaron Wood, and The Canadian Bulldog.

If you're wondering what Club all your favorite stars are hanging out at, wonder no more.  They're at ClubWWI. 

We are live in the home of the TNA Asylum - Nashville, Tennessee. Jim Ross is standing by with the pantsless Jerry Lawler for another night of rip-roaring uncooked mayhem. What will be on Mr. McMahon's mind following the announcement that 30 years ago he had sex with Dave Finlay and made Hornswoggle? Will Mr. McMidgetDaddy be upset? Speaking of upsets, will the mini-Rodman, Shelton Benjamin, capture the Intercontinental Title from the Rainbow Haired Warrior Jeff Hardy? How about the fallout from Unforgiven? Now that John Cenior kicked Randy Orton in the head as an act of revenge, will the Legend Killer have something to say about it? What about John Cena Jr.? What's on the Champ's mind? More importantly, where is the Champ? Oh. There he is.

The Champ is here! John Cena is getting another one of his "mixed reactions." Once again, he acknowledges it. Look, guys, Johnny knows that some of you haters are hating on the Doctor of Thuganomics. These last few weeks, he's been a bit different. For that, he's sorry. Tonight's a different story, though. Tonight…he feels "fabulous." As fruity as that may sound, Cena says it feels as though a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. You see:

"Last night I lost to Randy Orton. I know it sounds pretty good. It sort of rolls off the tongue. It's so great I had to come out here and say thank you. I had to say thank you to my dad for being brave enough to show up last night and then making me the proudest son on the face of the Earth. And I have a very important thank you for Randy Orton. Because in the past few weeks, Randy Orton ahs made me put perspective what's important in my life,. And Randy Orton has also been stupid enough to think my father last night was an intentional distraction. RO is stupid enough to think I got myself in intentionally disqualified. Randy Orton is stupid enough to want a rematch with John Cena!"
                       - John Cena

Know who's even dumber than that? John Coachman. Seems that the Coach has gone ahead and granted ol' Running Kick Orton a rematch at No Mercy. What's more…it's gonna be a Last Man Standing Match! Wha-wha-what? Is that boy insane in the membrane? That means that anything goes. That means that everything that Cena did last night will be legal. That means that at the next PPV, the WWE Champion can do whatever he wants without any worry. So once that match comes about, he'll go through the Legend Killer "like a knife through hot butter." The crowd boos most of this until someone they like even less decides to show up. That man is the Coach.

John Tolos? Nope. Coach Lubbock from Just the Ten of Us? Nope again. Craig T. Nelson? Wrong, wrong, wrong. He's bald. He's goofy. He's in charge. He's…

Jonathon Coachman. The Temporary GM is here and he's got some words for the WWE Champion. Hey there, Buzzcut. Let's do things the right way. Instead of waiting until No Mercy, let's do it up right here tonight. How about we book the Cena-Orton match right here on Raw?

Crowd cheers. Cena agrees. All is right in the world.

Oh, oh, oh…hold up. Not so fast, Marineface. Coachman ain't done yet. You see, earlier tonight, Jonathon met up with your dad, Mr. Cena. Seems that Big Daddy C sat down with the Head Baldie in Charge and heard what he had to say. Coach had an idea and he put it on the table. Instead of just letting you off Scott-free for last night's DQ loss, he wanted to strip you of your WWE Title! Yeah. But Papa Cena begged him not to. He said he'd do anything to let you keep your title. Anything. Oh yeah.

Get your minds out of the gutter. Coachman ain't like that. Pervs.

Instead, John Coachman came up with a better plan. Tonight…it's Orton versus Cena, alright. Only it's not Randy Orton versus the WWE Champion John Cena. No.

It's Randy Orton versus The Daddy - "Mister Cena."  (JG Note:  That's his name.  Mr.  Cena.  Um.  OK.)

Dr. Thuggy expresses his amazement by calling Coach a "son of a bitch." Whether or not the acting G.M.'s mom is a dog or not is immaterial. We have a match tonight and there's nothing the Champ can do about it. It's The Legend Killer against an old man.  You know, just like Summerslam 2006.

Commercial Break. Ain't no party like a Berzerker party 'cause a Berzerker party don't HUSS!

Ring.  Ring.

Hello?

This is like the battle for the most ridiculous hair in WWE. Shelton Benjamin seriously looks like a Chia-Head. It's not even hair. It's like moss or mold or something. These two guys are two very talented performers and would benefit from working against each other in a more high-profile feud rather than an opening Raw match. Early on, Jim Ross questioned whether or not the Hardy Boy might be off his game due to his beating at the hands of the Great Khali last week. He guessed that it might affect Jeff's equilibrium. (JG Note: I wonder if Khali kicked his ass right before his ROH appearance a few years back too.) The match as a whole was a really great way to begin the show and featured a lot of back and forth action. Shelly appeared to have the match all to himself at various points thanks to different offensive maneuvers, but in the end, it was one such move that was his downfall. The World's Greatest Tag Team Partner set the Charismatic Enigma up for a Superplex, but was pushed from the top turnbuckle. He fell and Jeffery came sailing down after him with a Swanton Bomb. Three seconds later and the IC Champion retains his title. Congrats, Champ. Go celebrate by drawing on your arm and writing songs about nail polish.

After this, we take a look at the latest contest between the WWE Diva Search contestants. During this prolonged video package, they make sure to mention that this year's Diva Contest is a WWE website exclusive. Uh…OK.  Then why the hell are they showing it on TV?

Aggravated, Vince McMahon is backstage stewing in his extra-special limousine - the one equipped with video cameras. You know what cheers Big Mac up when he's blue? John Coachman, of course! John shows up and tells VKM to cool his jets. No need to be upset, Vinnie Mac. The Coach has it all taken care of. "The plan" is in motion and after tonight you won't have to worry about this…

The camera pulls back to reveal a grunting and insane Hornswoggle munching away on a box of Lucky Charms. He's also taped into an infant's car seat. The boss seems happy with the Coach's promise to take care of this Little Problem.  When Mr. McMahon gives the word, Horny tears off the tape and hops into Coachman's arms. If all goes well, the chairman no longer has to worry about his embarrassing kid….oh wait. Sorry. I should be more specific. The most recent one.

Still to come: Triple H (by himself) vs. The World Tag Team Champions. I feel sorry for the World Tag Team Champions.

Commercial Break. Did Lex Luger really call CVS? I DON'T KNOOOOOW!

John Cena is chatting it up with his father backstage. Big Daddy C tells his son that he knows how his title means the world to him. It's for that reason that he won't let Coach strip him of it. To ensure that the title stays around his son's waist, John Sr. will be facing Randy Orton tonight…whether he likes it or not. (JG Note: Figures the one guy who wants to see Cena keep the title is the one who holds his fate in his hands. Anyone else in the arena would be like, "Yeah. Uh…strip him of the title. Please.")

Knocky, knocky, Maria. Are you there? Santino Marella is at the Diva dressing room door and he's trying to coax her out. She doesn't answer and instead Jillian Hall arrives.  Jilly listens to the Italian's tale of woe. Seems that Miss Mary won't join Santa for the evening because she wants to watch Steve Austin in the Condemned . (JG Note: No explanation is given as to why she bothers to go to work if she's just going to be watching DVDs, but whatever.) Showing that her taste in films is on the same level as her singing ability, Jillian exclaims that she loved Stone Cold in that movie. Marella mocks the Rattlesnake and compares his performance to Britney Spears at the VMAs. Hall responds by parodying the thing that I parodied during the Raw Intro and cries out, "Leave Britney alone!"  Ouch.  The reaction from the crowd was so bad that I almost went back and deleted it from the intro. The Miracle of Milan responds by looking off into the distance and thinking to himself out loud about the pop princess turned diva disaster:

We cut to Vince McMahon and John Coachman walking down the hallway. The duo discuss the night's events while Irish music plays out in the background. Vince questions what it could be and eventually finds out. He steps into his office to see it decorated in full-scale Ireland mode. There's green streamers, Lucky Charms boxes, and Hornswoggle merchandise all over the place. When the Little Bastard finally shows his face, Coach tries to tackle him, but is unsuccessful. They both scurry away, leaving Vinnie Mac alone in the room…where he comes face to face with a pony. The pony has a cone tied to his head to make him appear to be a unicorn. Bada-boom-ching.  Ah! I haven't laughed this hard since I watched that PBS documentary about the Dewey Decimal System.

Commercial Break. I'll take Skirt Boy and Rubberband Face for the block.

This one came out of left field. Seems pretty dumb to just have a flag match without any sort of early buildup. Would it have taken much to have Daivari attack Hacksaw last week or something? Instead it just feels like filler, which is weird for a flag match. These two don't have much of a conflict and it's not as if Khosrow goes out of his way to talk about his country of origin. I think many fans were actually surprised to hear he was from Iran. Sad to say, but most American fans just figured he was from Arabia (like Lawrence.) Don't blame them. It's that Miss South Carolina Teen USA mentality. In the end, you know who won. You don't need me to write it. If you've watched wrestling for more than nine seconds, you can figure it out on your own.

In the backstage hallway, Cody Rhodes is chatting with John Coachman. Someone must have reminded Codedust that his father was kicked in the head by Randy Orton too because he's all pissy about it. He asks to be involved in the Cena Sr.-Orton match but gets a big N.O. from the man in charge. Coachman walks away and runs right into…

The WWE Champion. Little John John demands that the GM calls off tonight's massacre. He too gets a big N.O., but with a P.S. on the end. You have an out, Champ. Coach is going to put you in a match tonight. If you win, the match is off. If you lose, the match is on. No word on what happens if he ties. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

After the break: Mr. McMahon's idiotic son…watches from home as Vince addresses Hornswoggle.

Commercial Break. Arrogance for men...until we meet again.

It's time for that moment you've all been waiting for. Vince McMahon is ready to discuss his ratty little bastard, Hornswoggle. The chairman marches to the ring with a folder in his hand and addresses the fans. He's sure that everyone found his new child to be a source of amusement. After all, Vince made a Leprechaun. Crazy, huh? Now, don't get the boss wrong. He's not ashamed. He's here to welcome the Little Swoggle to his family. Let's bring his puppety ass to the ring….Hornswoggle McMahon! Come on down!

Horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn Swoggle....Swoggle dances to the ring and his new dad immediately takes issue.

"Damnit! I said stop dancing!"
               - Vince McMahon

(JG Note: Mac has wanted to say that to his son for years.) VKM starts off things by dropping to one knee. He questions the Little Bastard about his happiness over becoming a McMahon. You know what that means. Right, grubby? When…er, if Vince dies, you get some money. The new McMahon seems to like that idea, but his dad wants to steer clear of that train of thought.  That's not what life is about. Life is about love. You want to see some love, little man? Do ya? OK. Well, let's show you some love. Let's show you how your birth dad will show you his love.

"I'm putting you up for adoption. I'M PUTTING YOU UP FOR ADOPTION!"
               - Vince McMahon

This made me laugh. Not sure why.

Vinnie then introduces the new mom and dad. It's WWE writer Ed Kosky and his wife, Alice....although he apparently isn't really the WWE writer and just an actor using his name.   They would have used a made up name instead of real one, but thinking up a new one would require a creative writing staff.

The adoptive parents get their own '70s games how-like theme song and are joined by a lawyer. VKM refuses to shake the attorney's hand, but seems overjoyed with Ed and Alice. The Little Swoggler doesn't seem as happy, though. Maybe because he's a grown man. Although the new mom and dad are all excited over their bouncing baby man, the deal isn't yet sealed. All we need is a signature. That's just a formality, though. What could possibly prevent this from happening?

Perhaps the Leprechaun pantsing his new dad and beating him up. That could stop it. Oh, and if that isn't enough, he also bites his prospective mother's ass. Wrestling midgets like that. Ass-biting. Guess what. He does both of those things. Mr. McDeadbeatDad tries to talk the Koskys into looking past the midget's insanity, but they choose to run away instead. Despite his bastard's joy, Big Mac is not happy with the turn of events at all.

"You stay the hell away from me. Don't shake your head at me. I don't want you in my family. No. You're a disgrace to my family. You're a disgrace to me. How do you think I feel knowing I've done this! Get out! You get the hell out of my ring and get the hell out of my life! Get! Get away! I don't want you around me anywhere. Matter of fact, you go back and hide underneath that rock you came out from under. Now get the hell out of here!"
                    - Vince McMahon

With his head hanging low, or well, lower than usual, Swogz leaves the ring.  Awww. How sad. Hornswoggle is so lovable. How could someone so sweet annoy Mr. McMahon? Why does everyone give him a hard time? Leave him alone. Come on, Dusty. Let him do whatever he wants in the damn garbage can. He's just having fun.

Anyway, McMahon turns to address the crowd once again, but they're having none of it. A small "Finlay" chant breaks out, but he doesn't show up. After all, that might make sense. No. You know who comes out. Come on. Think real hard.

Yup. The Incredible Shrinking Man, Triple H, is here and he's got a bone to pick with the evil boss. With the front of his t-shirt tucked into his trunks, Hunter Hearst Helmsley steps into the squared circle and looks Vince in the eye. Mac demands to know why he's here.

"I know. You seem a little mad that I'm out here. I don't know why. I went through a lot of trouble today decorating your office. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a unicorn in Nashville, Tennessee? It's not easy, Vince. But honestly I just came out here to congratulate you. I mean, I realize you slept with some trolls back in the day, but I didn't realize you also slept with elves, fairies, and hobgoblins."
                                         - Triple H

"I've never slept with fairies!"
                                    - Vince McMahon

"You've never slept with fairies, Vince? That's not what I read on the Internet."
             - Triple H

Great. Before I get sidetracked, why did Triple H decorate the office? That doesn't make much sense. Aside from that, I think we all know where this segment is going. Hunter has a microphone and it's time for another great segment devoted to his comedy act. I hope he does the bit about losing socks in the dryer or why you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.

VKM asks the Game to move along, which he does…slowly. We get some midget puns and jokes about being a Genetic Jackhammer who "jacks off," drinks "Jack Daniels," and is a "Jack Ass." He asks the boss if he did Swoggle's mom on the "yellow brick road or took her all the way to Smurf Village." He wonders if he used a condom or "wrapped a four leaf clover" around the end. He even wonders if Mama Horny was "magically delicious."  Tiring and painful.  Jerry Lawler thought it was funny though. Then again, during his ClubWWI.com interview, Jerry also said he liked the XFL. So take that for what you will. Personally, I haven't laughed this hard since the unicorn segment.

The crowd seemed to love a lot of this. Not sure why. I hated it. Is this his gimmick now? Hunter's the King of Standup? I hate to say it, but he's actually better as the intense "Game." When he's mad and dripping in bottled water, he has an intensity about him. When he's like Andre Dice Clay with a 70s hairdo and bad material, it doesn't do much for me. We should all call up Titan Tower and leave him a message saying, "Hey Triple H. You're funny. Much funnier than the Rock. You should be in a Disney movie instead of him. You're so handsome" Maybe then he'll stop.

Apparently Vince McMahon doesn't care for the comedy routine either. He tells Jackie the Jokeman that he can do all the one-liners in the world, but it doesn't change his fate. He has a match and it's next.  HHH's opponents should make their way to the ring in about two minutes. Coincidentally, that's the exact amount of time we've leased out to some sponsors. After the break, we're gonna see Sideburns McGameface against our Tag Team Champs.  Game on, Gallagher. Let's see you giggle your way through this one.

Commercial Break.

Carlito Cool came out to watch this one from the ramp. His apples taste better when he eats them while watching wrestling. Jim Ross claims that Carly "did not want to discuss his match with Triple H with yours truly today." Then immediately after that, J.R. explained how Cool said he was "cheated" and "robbed." Uh…I thought he didn't want to talk to you about it, Jim. Just as I started to figure that I might have misunderstood Ross, he repeated himself. I guess he did decide to talk to him after all. Either that or Good Ol' J.R. has multiple personality disorder. While Lance and Trevor spent a big of time in control, they ultimate suffered the same fate of anyone else that locks up with the American Blueblood. Helmsley came back and tossed the tag team champions all over the place before finishing off Lance with a Spinebuster. Wow. He beats the tag team champions all by himself and doesn't even use his finisher to do it. Splendid.  If you ain't down with that,  I got two words for ya - Stephanie's Husband.

After the bell, Carlito ran up the aisle and jumped into the ring. He joined up with Trevor and began beating down the King of Kings. This prompted Brian Kendrick and Paul London to rush out and save him from the three on one assault. The high-flying tag team took out the tag team champions and left the Cerebral Assassin alone with Cool. The Puerto Rican Cabana Boy ate a Spinebuster and this segment should have come to an end here…but it didn't.

Spanky and London ran back to the ring to join their new bestest friend in the ring. (JG Note: Hunter is nobody's friend. If he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.) Showing his appreciation for the duo, Trips did the only thing he felt was appropriate.

He Pedigreed them both.

The crowd, which had just been cheering like crazy in anticipation of six man tag match, now sat in confusion. Wonderful.

The bottom line here?  Hunter goes over five guys in one segment.

The sad thing? That isn't even a record for him.

Commercial Break.

It's 10:34pm. Must be time for a Diva throw-away. At least the addition of Beth Phoenix to ringside made this match a little less like filler. It still didn't change the overall meaningless nature of it all. Candice won and then Beth walked into the ring and placed the title on her shoulder. She then shoved the champion back with one arm. J.R. remarked about the "size differential" between both women…even though they look roughly about the same size.

Still to come: Randy Orton vs. William Shatner

Commercial Break.

Video Package For The Condemned. You missed it in theaters, now's your chance to miss it on DVD!

In the parking area, Vince McMahon and the Coach both seem happy about John Cena's problems tonight. However, none of that matters to the boss. As long as the Little Bastard is out of the picture, he's happy as hell. Coach tells the owner that the midget hasn't been seen since he left and that he he may have "scarred him for life." This seems to bring a smile to Big Mac's face as he trots off and enters his limo. It drives away, but as it does, the trunk pops open. Inside it?  Yup. You guessed it. Frank Stallone.

No…wait. That's Hornswoggle. Sorry about that. Horn-Swoggle. He smiles and waves as Coachman goes insane. He calls off to McMahon, but it does no good. The boss is gone and he has more than junk in his trunk. He has a bastard.

Still to come: John Cena vs. A big black guy with a white question mark on his chest.

Commercial Break. Solie/Windham - Uncut.

John Cena hit the ring and we all wondered who his opponent might be. You don't have to believe me, but before his music even hit, I said to myself, "Santino Marella." It just made sense. He had already been on the show during an earlier segment and seemed like the most logical choice here. I felt like Miss Cleo when the opera music played out. As for the match itself, that was moot. It was less than a few minutes long and only existed to allow Randy Orton to run in and beat up The Champion…which he did.

As Santino held The Marine in the corner, Orton took a page out of the TNA playbook and yanked out a set of handcuffs. (JG Note: Must be the fact that they’re in Nashville.) He cuffed John to the bottom rope and stood back. On a good note, it looks like Papa John's won't be fighting Cowboy Bob's kid tonight. After all, the WWE Champion won, right?

Wrong. John Coachman arrives with a microphone in hand and breaks the bad, but predictable, news. Sorry, Charlie. You may have won by disqualification, but DQs only count in horseshoes and hand grenades…or something like that. Long story short - the  Randy Orton vs. Cena Classic match is on. Oh…and it's next!

Commercial Break. Jerry Lawler likes wrestling with girls.

Orton begins the match by shoving John Sr. around in a collar and elbow tie up. After grinning at John Jr, he knees Mister C. in the gut and then begins stomping on each of the old man's body parts one by one. Randy looks over at the WWE Champion, who's still Big Bossmaned to the bottom rope, in between each kick. It seems like too much to take. Luckily, another wrestler on the roster who learned not to bring Daddy to work, Cody Rhodes, runs in to make the save.

Well, "save" might be the wrong word. "Embarrassing attempt" might be better. Rhodes attacks, but ends up being tossed into the ringside steps. Once Grody Cody gets his bell rung, The Legend Killer returns to the ring and hits the Daddy of Thuganomics with a crushing RKO.

From the "too little, too late department," John Cena disconnects the bottom rope and runs into the ring. Still handcuffed, he chases Randall from the scene and checks on his dad's condition. Ort slithers off, but stops halfway up the aisle. He breathes in the jeers of the crowd as we fade to black.

All in all…Uh. Not that good. Everything that you thought was supposed to matter didn't. With the exception of some good things here and there, the night was predictable and pitiful.

The whole Triple H segment was terrible. Really, really, really terrible. Why? Well.

First, it followed his drawn-out comedy act. Given how he was about to go over huge in the following match, it was meaningless to have him steal the spotlight from Hornswoggle in his first night as the McBastard. I mean, this is the first week of the Leprechaun's new spot and he's already being phased out for the Game.

Second, he went over the Tag Team Champions…by himself…without using his finisher.

Third, he took down Carlito. Considering he beat him last night, you'd think it might make more sense to have Carly come out on top. But, well, you know.

Fourth - and probably the most troubling part - was the arrogance of his beatdown on London and Kendrick. The crowd didn't respond and you can't blame them. It's amazing to imagine the conceit involved with planning this out. Triple H, and those around him, feel that no one on the roster has their own fanbase. Segments like this show how the writers feel that people like Hunter and other top stars are the only ones with their own followers. They assume that they can beat up any other wrestlers on the roster and still get a pop. After all, no one's here to see Paul and Brian. They're only here to see The Game, right? Of course.

It's the same stupid booking that helped to sour the live crowd on Stone Cold a few years back after a fairly good Raw segment.  Just as the crowd was cheering, they had him give Stacy Kiebler, a diva most guys would sell their ears for a chance to talk to, a Stunner. Then they sat back and scratched their heads when no one popped. It's just insanity, plain and simple. We'd normally say "Who booked this crap?" Sadly, though, we know. The King of Kings should take that sledgehammer and use it to break that bubble his family's living in.

You may have noticed that I talked about Hunter before Hornswoggle. That's not on accident. The Game took priority over the new McChild tonight. Even the decorated Irish McMahon office was credited to Helmsley. Sad. Considering the weeks of buildup that this whole thing got, many fans were hoping for more. I said all week that I was reserving judgment on the whole "Little Bastard" thing to see how it played out. We're still waiting. Never have I seen someone totally gank a storyline that wasn't even his. Triple H might as well have been the son of Vince. It basically played out that way anyway.

The John Cena thing was predictable. That being said, it still worked. I liked the finale. I enjoyed how they had him disconnect the bottom rope. I dug how his Daddy took the beating. The feud may be basic, but it's working. As a heel, Randy Orton is the best the company has right now. He genuinely seems crazy. Man. That guy must be a good actor, huh?

Hardy-Benjamin was filler. So was the flag thing. The divas did a tag team throwaway. That was it. Tonight's Raw was another autopilot episode that didn't really serve much of a purpose. Given that it was the week after the culmination of a major angle, I don't think it's too much for many of us to have expected more. I know I did. Silly me.

Of course, next week is another week. So. Yeah. Tune in.

Be sure to check back, guys. In the next few days (probably tomorrow night), I'll be unveiling this week's new uncut interview. If all goes as planned, this one will be one for the ages. Some guests are just destined to be on Radio Free Insanity. This person is definitely one of them. Sit tight. You wouldn't even be able to guess if you tried.

So check back see who it could be. Until then, be well and thanks for sharing my Insanity