I wanted to write my review from the Raw Ten-year Anniversary Show but I'm not too sure if I went. I mean I did go to the World in Time Square tonight, but it wasn't the show that I was supposed to see. I didn't see Ron Killings there. Actually, I hardly saw anybody there. But where should I start? I could begin with the fact that attending the seatless show was more akin to a visit to the Zoo than an awards show. Or maybe I can start things off with the sheer enjoyment of watching an awkward McMahon family and roster sit idly by as the Great One's pretaped promo was booed out of the building. Actually, strictly for the sake of order – let's start at the beginning.

Right off the bat I knew that we were going to have a hostile crowd. Once my girlfriend and I picked up our tickets at the Will Call Window, we were instructed to wait on a line along the side of the building. Now some of these ornery New Yawkers had been waiting on this soup line for damn near two hours by the time I showed up. Couple that with the fact that the weather topped out about 26 degrees and we were being harassed by a guy "Collecting money for the poor" and you had a pretty unhappy group. I spent about an hour and a half on this line of death before we spotted a friend of ours that works for WWE. This person brought us past the frozen fans and into the Merchandise Area of the World.

As we thawed, my girlfriend was quickly introduced to the world of "Oh my God – that's really them". Since the area was mostly empty of all fans, some wrestlers walked by freely. We saw Terri's dress up close and it's really a different experience in person. We made our way down the stairs and sat at the bar for drinks before the show. At this point, I thought the whole damn world was at the…uh…World. Every two minutes you would look up and see Shane McMahon walk by – then Vince – then Hunter…it just filled you with a feeling of importance. I mean, I've seen Hunter in person before – but when you see Linda, you know it's on.

This is where the story takes a bit of a down turn.

One good note to having the friend on the "inside" was that we got to pick the best spot in the house to see the show. We walked over to the barricade gate and stood there. Apparently there were no seats for the fans. Instead we – get this – stood over the main area of the World like one of those surgery observatories and watched the Raw superstars sit at tables eating cheese and grapes. Don't get me wrong, we had a great spot (JG Note: We were roughly about three feet away from Tazz's table). But it was almost insulting to both the fans and the performers to have us leering like vultures above them while they played "awards".

You ready – when you start watching – I start watching.

Opening montage showcases the history of Raw. Suddenly my once empty area is now crowded with about 30 people pushing against me nearly sending me flying into Lance Storm's water glass.

The first award of the evening was "Diva of the Decade" presented by Marty Janetty's favorite Diva, Shawn Michaels. HBK gives us that Texas charm while tearing down Bertha Faye and Bull Nakano before introducing the nominees:

Raw Diva of the Decade

Nominees: Sable, Sunny, Trish Stratus, Lita, Chyna

Winner: Trish Stratus

If you thought anyone else would win this then you're braindead. Trish was definitely one of the most over ones in the joint as half my section was apparently "in love" with her. The best part of being there live? Seeing Triple H lean over to Ric Flair during Chyna's video, snickering and laughing. I loved this part about being squeezed into Time Square. When something on screen would happen – you can look at the ones you knew would feel awkward and act weird (JG Note: …and they never disappointed.) I felt for Lita. She just seems like she really lost any chance she had a few years ago of being the next breakout Diva. Trish had big sparkly boots. What's that all aboot?

Stacy Kiebler (JG Note: Who's legs are really long – I mean seriously long!) and the Coach are hosting from the "Schiavone/Missy" position and introduce us to the eventual countdown of the Raw Retro moments.

Raw Retro #10 – Rock, this is your life. Rock, this is NYC – BOOOOOO!!!!!!

What you see: Commercial Break. Trojan commercials during wrestling? "The next time you rail a dead body on film to provoke a burnt maniac – wear a condom."

What I see: Terri interviews Victoria and Moolah. These commercial interviews were really bad and involved a good deal of ad-libbing on the wrestler's parts. Some were good. Some were horrible. I don't remember much from these two – which means it was good. The horrible ones I remember.

We're back and the Coachman and Kiebs welcome us. Stacy ponders that ten years ago she was still in seventh grade. Since I'm bored I decide to play a game for my girlfriend's amusement called "Try to get Lance Storm to throw me a piece of cheese". The game goes like this: The table in front of us has a cheese platter. I yell out "Lance, throw me some cheese!" Lance Storm chuckles and whispers to Tazz. Tazz turns and says "You want me to throw cheese at you?" I respond with "Yes Tazz! Throw me some cheese. Come on, Lance – you too!" They both shake their heads and Tazz pretends to throw cheese at me. My girlfriend, who has never seen a wrestler up close before loves this game. I genuinely wished that friggin Canadian had thrown me some cheese though – I hadn't eaten.

Cue Vince's kid – no not that one – the one without the plastic upper body.

Shane McMahon comes out to present the next award. He has a genuine quality about him that makes him … likable. It's weird, I guess you could say that just as Stephanie has that evil mystique about her like Vince, Shane has Linda's "good guy" aura.

Don't Try This At Home Award

Nominees: Big Show chokeslam, Jeff Hardy TLC, The Dudley Boys/Mae Young Attack, Angle Moonsault

Winner: Kurt Angle Moonsault

Show got up early to receive the award but was left looking silly when your Olympic Hero was announced as the winner. Angle has a presence that is second to none. He lit up the hostile crowd and held their attention. On the way up to the podium he stopped to hug the Big Show and stood in front of the outstretched Stars and Stripes by Team Angle. (JG Note: Charlie Haas looks just like Billy Gunn). Good stuff. One thing to mention so far is that there is no one here tonight. I guess they're all being saved as surprises (JG Note: Surprise – no! See, I had to wait two hours to learn that).

Stacy Kiebler is here to introduce a montage of booking mistakes. We all chant for Katie Vick. They don't show Katie Vick. Apparently those wounds are still too fresh.

Raw Retro #9 – Rock gives Stone Cold a funeral. Stone Cold runs over his Lincoln in a Monster Truck. No one could solve a problem like Steve Austin.

What you see: Commercial Break. AOL commercials sure focus on friends and family. What happens if you have no friends or family? Isn't it bad enough that these people are already shunned in society – they need AOL to shun them too?

What I see: Josh Matthews interviews Chris Benoit and the Big Show. Benoit's piece was uneventful. While interviewing Show, Heyman went off on Matthews for no reason. The NY crowd cheered him for it. I don't know why New Yorkers love Paul Heyman. Then again – we love Andrew Dice Clay and Billy Joel too.

Five Times (JG Note: Repeat that five times) WCW Champion…Sucka!!!

Booker T comes out to present the next award and makes mention of Chris Jericho's shiny suit. Jericho plays it up with him before T replies with "You Go Girl!"

Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Award

Nominees: Three Faces of Foley, Bischoff and McMahon fall in love, Brawl For All, Kane lights stagehand on fire, Zambonie 3:16

Winner: Mick Foley

Goldust joins Book on stage as we announce the winner to be "Mick Foley". The crowd holds its breath for Mick. Booker says that Mick isn't here tonight. We boo and still expect him. B Tizzy replies that if Mick were here he'd say "Thank you and have a nice day…Sucka!!!" We all hold our breath again assuming that the Sucka is meant to say "just kidding". Nope – he was just saying "Sucka". Booker leaves. No Foley. No reason. Know what?

Eric Bischoff is a pretty angry looking little man.

He just sat there at his strangely laid out table (JG Note: The table was – Bischoff, Victoria, Chief Morley, Scott Steiner, and Shawn Michaels – who thought of that list?). The Coach interviews Puff the Magic Bischoff and asks his feelings about once again losing – only this time for a Raw award. Eric only cares about making the next thirty days of Raw exciting. I'm guessing tonight doesn't count. Eric will be ignored for the rest of the night.

What you see: Commercial Break. Taco Bell – Think Outside the Bun. Why? Because "Drive Hard" was taken.

What I see: Terri interviews Kane who explains that he no longer sets people on fire because he entered a "30 step program". Terri inquires as to why it's more than 12 steps. Kane laughs. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. This was an example of a bad ad-lib. Jeff Hardy was up next and aside from the fact that he didn't have any make-up on today – he was just Jeff.

Whooooo!

Ric Flair comes out for the next presentation. Naitch looks healthier in person than on TV (JG Note: This is not a shot – I mean it. He seems older on television, just my opinion). He introduces a montage showcasing men in the business that have passed in the last decade. Shown are: Andre the Giant, Joey Marella, Brian Pillman, Rick Rude, Owen Hart, Gorilla Monsoon, Yokozuna, and the British Bulldog. It was a good piece and added some needed reverence to the show.

What you see: Commercial Break. IO Digital Cable offers 50 movie channels. God how I wish I didn't have a job.

What I see: Matt Hardy and Shane McMahon get put through the interview process. Matt says his favorite moment on Raw was getting with Lita. Shane says…I don't know – something. Nothing of substance. He kept looking around like he was so happy to be in public.

Shiny Pajama Man – NOW!

Chris Jericho comes out is prepared to present the award for the performer who's best at promos. Y2J3 bypasses the trivial nominees and tears it open. You see, Chris is the winner of the trophy. But no – the envelope says Rock. According to Fozzy Bear, he's taking the award since the People's Champ is AWOL. We now hold our breaths and prepare for the entrance of Rocky.

No entrance. Rock has prepared a pre-taped video package that Jericho plays along with as if it were live. I bet WWE wishes it was live since Rock took many moments to acknowledge all his cheering fans – but the problem was that we booed that man out of the building he was taping this from. With the exception of one small line on Stephanie (JG Note: "Make a wish and blow out the candles. I said 'blow the candles' not the pool boy") the Rock got rolled by the crowd. We hit him with "Rocky Sucks" and "Die Rocky Die" – even a spontaneous "boring". At the time I thought "Oh they'll filter the sound for TV". I got home and found out that – nope, no they didn't. New York hates the Rock. By the end of the People's promo, Rocky was stopping to listen to his fans who were booing. It was all surreal and I'm so glad I was there to see Linda look around confused. It was a strange strange sight. You should have been there live, Maivia.

What you see: Commercial Break. Burger King has a commercial for a 99 cent Whopper with a disclaimer that "Price and participation may vary". Isn't the whole point that it's 99 cents? You want to buy this book – only 50 cents. OK? That'll be $750. You should have read the disclaimer.

What I see: Kurt Angle interview followed by a Chris Jericho interview. Y2J was great tonight. He claimed that fellow attendee, Freddie Blassie, picked his shiny suit. He then claimed to have spent $29.95 on his new shoes. When a rowdy fan yelled out "Payless!", Jericho responded that the audience was full of "homos that shop in the East Village". Pat Patterson asks for that guy's number.

Smackdown announcers Michael Cole and Tazz present the award for best couple. They debate whether or not they are a couple and make everyone uncomfortable before running down the nominees.

Shut Up and Kiss Me Award

Nominees: Mark Henry & Mae Young, Eddie Guerrero & Chyna, Lita & Matt Hardy, Vince McMahon's Butt & William Regal, Stephanie & Hunter

Winners: Steph & Hunter

First of all, Eddie Guerrero wasn't even here. He's on the payroll and up for an award and they don't have him there? That makes a whole lot of sense. Hunter and Steph berate each other openly in public for their own perverse private pleasures. Trips asks the McMahonette if he can have a kiss for old times sake. When she agrees, the Game once again pulls down his pants and exposes his ass for the world to witness. Not only was Triple H wearing the same underwear he wore last night on Raw, he also has a thong tan line. These two make such a great couple. Oh and by "great" I mean "scary".

Raw Retro #7 – Mr. McMahon meets Mr. Socko and Dr. Austin. When this segment originally aired, Eric Bischoff still had hopes and dreams.

What you see: Commercial Break. Crest Toothpaste has a three stage process for making your teeth cleaner. That's too involved for me. I use White-Out.

What I see: Terri questions William Regal on his puckering of Vinnie Mac's tookis. Willie claims that everyone in the arena would make the same choice to be in his position. Bubba Ray Dudley walks over from his table and interrupts Mr. Bentley, telling him to prepare for the Royal Rumble.

Johhny Coach and Miss Hancock intro Mean Gene and Pat Patterson.

Girlfriend asked me if they use the song "Tootie Fruity" as the intro music for Patterson as a joke. I told her that Mean Gene actually sang it on the first album. Although her rationale made sense too. Oakerlund gives a brainteaser and intros the nominees for this one…

Network Difficulties – Moments that Gave the Censors Problems

Nominees: Mae Young gives birth, Austin beats up Santa, 3 Minute Warning crush H.L.A., Pillman Gun Incident

Winner: Mae Young

Mae and Moolah's gig will never get old. It's Young jumping up and down while Miss Lil begs her to keep dressed. Mae molests Mean Gene and Tootie Fruity before thanking her fans. Gene escorts her to the bar as the outgoing music cuts her short.

Raw Retro #6 – D.X. imitates the Nation of Domination. I watched Stephanie laugh when they showed Road Dogg's part. I wonder if she's laughing with him or at him. Hmmmm

What you see: Commercial Break. Trojan is America's most trusted condom. America's least trusted condom? You guessed it – a piece of tissue paper and a rubber band.

What I see: This was nuts. Josh Matthews came over to Tazz and asked him what his most shocking moment on Raw was. Tazz told him to ask Michael Cole. So Josh asks Cole what was the last thing he ever expected to see on Raw. Cole said "Tazz". So Matthews said "No, what the most shocking thing you've seen on Raw?" Cole again said "Tazz." Then M.C. turned the tables and asked Matthews what his most shocking Raw moment was. Matthews replied "Tazz." This whole thing was bad. As Josh walked off, I saw Hunter call to him and say "Hey kid, great interview – solid stuff" and give him a sarcastic thumbs up. Nothing like crushing the new guys's spirit.

Here's a little something strange that I want to share with you. In every corner of the room was a monitor to watch the show from. My girlfriend and I were positioned right along the barricade above the tables (JG Note: Semi-leaning over). Rob Van Dam and Spike Dudley were seated immediately to our right. But the two of them watched the monitor right above our heads so every time I looked up it was as if RVD was glaring at me. At first it's like "Huhuh – hey look, honey – RVD is staring at me". But, it gets really weird after a while. By the end of the night, neither one of us could look in that direction because it was just so strange.

Brock Lesnar comes out to present the "Next Big" Award.

Raw Superstar of the Decade

Nominees: Mick Foley, The Rock, Bret Hart, Triple H, Steve Austin, Undertaker

Winner: Steve Austin

Oh man, this is it! I guess Vinnie couldn't sink Bret but he got Stone Cold! Oh but that's not Austin coming out here. It's Vince! I only have a bout eight pictures left. I better just take one of Vince and save the rest from when Stone Cold comes out and stuns him. Mr. Mackey says that Steve isn't here. Why? Because he "wasn't invited." I guess he'll come out at the end of the show. Mr. McMahon leaves and that's another segment down with no big surprises. This show is almost over…

Maybe that's why Hunter and Flair leave at this point. Seriously.

Raw Retro #5 – Mike Tyson is the baddest man on planet and Austin flips him the bird. I guess Tyson's not showing up either. I thought there were supposed to be like 1000 people at this thing tonight.

What you see: Commercial Break. Play "The Sims" and watch "Blind Date". You never have to live your own life again.

What I see: Shawn Michaels and Bubba Ray Dudley do some chat chat with Terri. Nothing big.

Up next – no presenters…

Greatest Match of Raw

Nominees: TLC 2002, Triple H/Cactus Jack 1997, Undertaker/Jeff Hardy – Ladder Match, Austin/Kane 1998

Winner: TLC 2002

Chris Jericho, Christian, Kane, Spike, Bubba Ray, Jeff Hardy, and Rob Van Dam all came up. Before leaving the table, D-Von gave Spike a pretty sincere looking hug that seemed to show he was genuinely happy for him. Moongoose and Tian argue over who deserves the trophy before Kane steps in and calls them "assclowns". He then teaches the World to sing in perfect harmony by praising all the men involved in the match. Bubba Ray then pays homage to those that competed in TLC matches outside this one. As the other five leave the stage, RVD stays behind and congratulates himself. Is RVD finally going to flip sides? About time they did something with him. Maybe as a heel he'll get to the level he deserves to be.

Raw Retro #4 – D.X. invades W.C.W. All those initials are obsolete now.

What you see: Commercial Break. They show a commercial for Alka Seltzer right before one for Sonic's Popcorn Chicken. That seems out of order, no?

What I see: Matt Hardy does another Q and A during the break. He's followed by an interview with Scott Steiner. I forgot Scott was here. Isn't he in a pay-per-view main event Sunday? That's a bad sign.

Raw Retro #3 – Rock Challenges Hogan for WrestleMania 18. Maybe Hogan will show up and surprise…oh who am I kidding?

Raw Retro #2 – Owen Hart's memorial Raw. I think that for the most part the crowd was respectful of this one as it was quite an emotional montage. Although the argument can be made that it's a bit much to ask these people who have been forced to stand in sub freezing temperatures for two hours and then forced to stand for another three to be attentive, don't you? It's just common sense.

What you see: Commercial Break. Papa John's now has a "Cinnapie". It's a pizza only cinnamon. Wash it down with a big glass of Corn Syrup and I'll see you after you wake up from the sugar coma.

What I see: Booker T and Spike Dudley discuss their favorite Raw moments. Spike wonders why he's answering when no one cares (JG Note: He said that – not me).

You think you know him….

Edge comes out to present the Raw Retro #1 moment. He thanks the fans and reminds us that he is one of us. Bring on the montage….

Raw Retro #1 Moment of All Time – Austin drives the beer truck to the ring and sprays down the McMahons and the Rock. Oh man, he's got to be back after this video montage ends.

We're back and Edge invites all of his fellow grapplers on stage to share this moment. We all snap photos as the show ends. I'm still convinced that Austin will show up (JG Note: Something – anything.) But just to make sure I don't have any false hope, the Coach gets on the house mic and informs us that there has been an emergency next door and we need to evacuate the building immediately. No joke. I leave the World and walk onto the city street lined with fire trucks. I never did find out what happened – with the fire or Austin. I jut hightailed it back to Long Island. No Bret, No Austin, No Foley – I'm surprised that I even showed up.

All in all… Empty. You know this was the type of thing that made me madder the more I thought about it. I would have been happy with a regular awards show if it was hyped as a regular awards show. This wasn't. If anything, we were promised a program with special guests and surprise names from the past. There was none of that. False advertising? Maybe. False promises? Definitely. I suppose there was something to be said about seeing it live, but as I mentioned earlier the way in which we loomed over the wrestlers eating as if they were a menagerie on display was just macabre. Oh – and for those of you who like to hear about strange things, Booker T eats kiwis by sticking a knife into them and eating the fruit off the knife. I had no idea what he was doing for about five minutes. My girlfriend figured it out. I've never seen that before. To each his own. Maybe I slept through the Bret Hart segment…