C-Show Showdown
WWE SuperStars SuperReview: The Primo Ryders vs. Yoshidust, Alicia vs. Gail, and Kofi vs. Gallows
By Mike Johns
Jun 14, 2010 - 12:28 PM

This Week’s SuperStars SuperReview is brought to you by People Against Douchebags Aiming to Murder Entertainment (PADAME).



Hello and welcome once again to your Superstars SuperReview. Bringing you the blow by blow is the Lord of the Insanity Universe, Mike Johns, who, like most of the known WWE Universe, is really pissed off right now. Why? Bryan Danielson got fired from WWE this past weekend. But you already knew that, right? Okay. Moving on…

What You Missed Last Week: Bryan Danielson got fired because he choked a guy out with his own tie on a Cable Television Broadcast rated TV-PG (parental guidance suggested), being aired at around 11PM EDT in the United States of America. A broadcast, mind you, that features men in tights simulating violence for 2 hours. Apparently, this reminded some douchebag who didn’t even watch the show in full of CHRIS BENOIT murdering his wife and child before committing suicide in 2007, even though it seemed not to even register with 99.99999999% of the people who actually WATCHED the program and thought the tie-choking spot was, well… comical, in context. So I, in protest, have formed PADAME (People Against Douchebags Aiming to Murder Entertainment), with the expressed purpose of being really, really pissed off about this.

Yes, WWE, you’ve inspired me to form a bogus special interest group named after a Star Wars character. Congratulations. You’ve managed to do something even TNA couldn’t have imagined possible.

Oh, and there was some sh*tty show featuring Michelle McCool wrestling Tiffany…

So our show begins with Divas action. Is WWE going to try to appease me with some kick-ass women’s wrestling, or is WWE going to force Gail Kim to carry some bikini model to a passable match?

Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox

Of course…

Match starts off pretty well. Fox was held off of TV long enough to actually train a bit before being put on RAW, and it shows, as she takes the early advantage with a headlock takedown on Gail. Gail fights out, but Fox pulls some hair for 2. Gail with a jackknife pin for 2, followed by a flying forearm for 2. Flying rana by Gail, followed by a crossbody attempt. Fox catches Gail and drives her into the corner, then follows up with a decent northern lights suplex for 2. Hair pulling ensues as Fox takes the advantage. Fox nails a slam, then struts long enough for Gail to go for the Christo hold, just for Fox to awkwardly reverse it into a sidewalk slam for 2. Fox follows up with a chinlock. Tiltawhirl backbreaker by Fox for 2. Fox goes for a scissors kick but misses, allowing Gail a short comeback. Gail tries to make Fox eat defeat, but Fox fights it off. Powerslam by Gail for 2. Gail sets up for a high risk move, but Fox hangs her on the top rope and nails the scissors kick for the win.

Winner: Alicia Fox

Honestly, this was pretty good. Fox actually held up her end here. Sure, there was an awkward spot here and there, but Fox came off looking somewhat competent, if not believably on Gail’s level.

Zack Ryder & Primo Colon vs. Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu

So, we have the Diet Long Island Iced Carlitos facing off against a reunited YoshiDust. The match starts off with Z and Yoshi tying up. Yoshi takes the advantage with stiff chops, followed by armdrags. Dust tags in for the double team on Z’s arm. Ass to the face by Goldust. Primo tags in. Dust makes the tag to Yoshi for some unique double-teaming for 2. Yos takes over on Primo now with a cravat. Primo fights out, just to get tossed to ringside. Yoshi misses a dive on the outside as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, Z-Ryde is wearing down on Yoshi in the ring. Flapjack by Z for 2. Tag to Primo. Dropkick by Primo for 2. Tag to Z. Knee drop for 2. Z wears Yoshi down with a body scissors in the Diet Z-Ryde corner, then chokes him on the rope as Primo kicks Yoshi in the head. Tag to Primo. Diving headbutt for 2. Primo works the neck. Yoshi regains momentum with a spinning heel kick. HOT TAG to Goldust, who cleans house. Manhattan drop into a bulldog, but Dust misses the cover. Powerslam for 2. Yoshi gets suplexed to the floor by Primo. Primo gets knocked to the floor by Dust, and Dust gets hit with a Rough Ryder, giving Z-Ryde the win.

Winners: The Diet Long Island Iced Carlitos

Striker and The Grish give us the RAW Recap, replaying, in full, the NXT Invasion this past Monday night. Better hurry up and get the kids out of the room! Bryan Danielson’s going to choke a guy with a tie!

MAIN EVENT TIME!!!
Kofi Kingston w/ Michael McGillicutty (Hennig) vs. Luke Gallows w/ Serena

So, despite being beat down by Kofi and the other WWE Pros on Tuesday Night, Michael Hennig (screw it, I’m calling him by his family name) is still following Kofi to the ring anyway, as if nothing happened. Wow. That makes about as much sense as Chewbacca living on Endor…

Meanwhile, Serena’s just looking AWESOME tonight. Not quite SHIMMER hot, but she rocks the shaved head well. Plus, WWE’s wardrobe people are usually pretty good about dressing the Divas in a way that accentuates the positives, which they’ve done here. That, and hell, Serena’s just HOT. Seriously.

Kofi takes early advantage on Luke, but Gallows takes over with a shoulder block. Kofi fights back with kicks. Luke takes over as the match becomes a brawl, but Kofi responds with a dropkick. Luke rolls outside, and Kofi dives on Luke on the outside as we go to commercial.

I’m at the point that I now know that any time someone makes an outside dive in a WWE match, that’s the cue for them to go to commercial. Seriously, it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. Someone dives to the outside onto someone, we go to commercial.

Back to the match, and Kofi gets a 2 count off of… something. Back drop suplex by Luke for 2. Elbows followed by a cover for 2 by Luke, followed up with a stranglehold choke on Kofi. Fall away slam on Kofi for 2. Suplex for 2 by Luke, then back into the stranglehold. Kofi makes a comeback after Luke misses a clothesline in the corner. Boom drop, followed by punches on the turnbuckle. Luke regains momentum with a big boot. Kofi goes for Troble in Paradise but misses. Luke with a clothesline for 2. Luke goes for the Gallows Poll, but Kofi fights out, nailing the SOS for the win.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Final Thoughts:
So you know, I’m actually writing this on a Monday morning, coming off a Real-Time report of TNA’s Shamiversary. So, with that said, it would be safe to say that my tolerance for bullsh*t is at its wits end right about now. Fortunately, this week’s Superstars wasn’t too bad. Kofi and Luke had about as good a match as one would expect from the pairing. YoshiDust vs. the Diet Z-Rydes wasn’t half-bad, as Dust continues to show his worth in-ring, despite the annoyance he is as a character. Hell, even Alicia Fox looked good here this week, which wasn’t expected. Sure, she’s nowhere near where she needs to be to be a major player in-ring for the WWE. But she’s looking better than Rosa and the Bellas, which should mean something. Basically, this was a C-Show. It wasn’t bad, because there was nothing all that important on the show, anyway.

My only real problem – Michael Hennig being, like, totally cool with Kofi despite the fact that he and the other NXT2 guys got beat up for something the NXT1 guys did on Monday, all while Matt Striker was talking about how the Pros were teaching the rookies respect. Seriously - You want us, as fans, to buy the fact that WWE Superstars are allowed to treat Indy Guys (essentially what the NXT Rookies are portrayed as) like sh*t simply because you’re WWE guys, even if the Indy Guys have more experience and have been in the business longer than you (I’m looking at YOU, Michelle McCool!), and have more respect from their peers in the locker room than you (such as Bryan Danielson). Really? REALLY?! Man, f*ck that!

Seriously, don’t watch this show. Check out ROH on HDNet, and if you don’t get HDNet, watch it at YouTube.com/user/ROHBrazil . It’s official (and, therefore, legal), so go subscribe to the ROHBrazil channel and check out new episodes of ROH every Thursday (Mondays, if you actually have HDNet), because God knows it’s bad enough WWE acts like dicks and screws with people behind the scenes. It’s quite another to try and justify that on TV like it’s your RIGHT to treat people like sh*t.

This has been a message brought to you by PADAME – People Against Douchebags Aiming to Murder Entertainment.

Hello and welcome once again to your Superstars SuperReview. Bringing you the blow by blow is the Lord of the Insanity Universe, Mike Johns, who, like most of the known WWE Universe, is really pissed off right now. Why? Bryan Danielson got fired from WWE this past weekend. But you already knew that, right? Okay. Moving on…

What You Missed Last Week: Bryan Danielson got fired because he choked a guy out with his own tie on a Cable Television Broadcast rated TV-PG (parental guidance suggested), being aired at around 11PM EDT in the United States of America. A broadcast, mind you, that features men in tights simulating violence for 2 hours. Apparently, this may have reminded some douchebag who didn’t even watch the show in full of CHRIS BENOIT murdering his wife and child before committing suicide in 2007, even though it seemed not to even register with 99.99999999% of the people who actually WATCHED the program and thought the tie-choking spot was, well… comical, in context. So I, in protest, have formed PADAME (People Against Douchebags Aiming to Murder Entertainment), with the expressed purpose of being really, really pissed off about this.

Yes, WWE, you’ve inspired me to form a bogus special interest group named after a Star Wars character. Congratulations. You’ve managed to do something even TNA couldn’t have imagined possible.

Oh, and there was some sh*tty show featuring Michelle McCool wrestling Tiffany…

So our show begins with Divas action. Is WWE going to try to appease me with some kick-ass women’s wrestling, or is WWE going to force Gail Kim to carry some bikini model to a passable match?

Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox

Of course…

Match starts off pretty well. Fox was held off of TV long enough to actually train a bit before being put on RAW, and it shows, as she takes the early advantage with a headlock takedown on Gail. Gail fights out, but Fox pulls some hair for 2. Gail with a jackknife pin for 2, followed by a flying forearm for 2. Flying rana by Gail, followed by a crossbody attempt. Fox catches Gail and drives her into the corner, then follows up with a decent northern lights suplex for 2. Hair pulling ensues as Fox takes the advantage. Fox nails a slam, then struts long enough for Gail to go for the Christo hold, just for Fox to awkwardly reverse it into a sidewalk slam for 2. Fox follows up with a chinlock. Tiltawhirl backbreaker by Fox for 2. Fox goes for a scissors kick but misses, allowing Gail a short comeback. Gail tries to make Fox eat defeat, but Fox fights it off. Powerslam by Gail for 2. Gail sets up for a high risk move, but Fox hangs her on the top rope and nails the scissors kick for the win.

Winner: Alicia Fox

Honestly, this was pretty good. Fox actually held up her end here. Sure, there was an awkward spot here and there, but Fox came off looking somewhat competent, if not believably on Gail’s level.

Zack Ryder & Primo Colon vs. Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu

So, we have the Diet Long Island Iced Carlitos facing off against a reunited YoshiDust. The match starts off with Z and Yoshi tying up. Yoshi takes the advantage with stiff chops, followed by armdrags. Dust tags in for the double team on Z’s arm. Ass to the face by Goldust. Primo tags in. Dust makes the tag to Yoshi for some unique double-teaming for 2. Yos takes over on Primo now with a cravat. Primo fights out, just to get tossed to ringside. Yoshi misses a dive on the outside as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, Z-Ryde is wearing down on Yoshi in the ring. Flapjack by Z for 2. Tag to Primo. Dropkick by Primo for 2. Tag to Z. Knee drop for 2. Z wears Yoshi down with a body scissors in the Diet Z-Ryde corner, then chokes him on the rope as Primo kicks Yoshi in the head. Tag to Primo. Diving headbutt for 2. Primo works the neck. Yoshi regains momentum with a spinning heel kick. HOT TAG to Goldust, who cleans house. Manhattan drop into a bulldog, but Dust misses the cover. Powerslam for 2. Yoshi gets suplexed to the floor by Primo. Primo gets knocked to the floor by Dust, and Dust gets hit with a Rough Ryder, giving Z-Ryde the win.

Winners: The Diet Long Island Iced Carlitos

Striker and The Grish give us the RAW Recap, replaying, in full, the NXT Invasion this past Monday night. Better hurry up and get the kids out of the room! Bryan Danielson’s going to choke a guy with a tie!

MAIN EVENT TIME!!!
Kofi Kingston w/ Michael McGillicutty (Hennig) vs. Luke Gallows w/ Serena

So, despite being beat down by Kofi and the other WWE Pros on Tuesday Night, Michael Hennig (screw it, I’m calling him by his family name) is still following Kofi to the ring anyway, as if nothing happened. Wow. That makes about as much sense as Chewbacca living on Endor…

Meanwhile, Serena’s just looking AWESOME tonight. Not quite SHIMMER hot, but she rocks the shaved head well. Plus, WWE’s wardrobe people are usually pretty good about dressing the Divas in a way that accentuates the positives, which they’ve done here. That, and hell, Serena’s just HOT. Seriously.

Kofi takes early advantage on Luke, but Gallows takes over with a shoulder block. Kofi fights back with kicks. Luke takes over as the match becomes a brawl, but Kofi responds with a dropkick. Luke rolls outside, and Kofi dives on Luke on the outside as we go to commercial.

I’m at the point that I now know that any time someone makes an outside dive in a WWE match, that’s the cue for them to go to commercial. Seriously, it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. Someone dives to the outside onto someone, we go to commercial.

Back to the match, and Kofi gets a 2 count off of… something. Back drop suplex by Luke for 2. Elbows followed by a cover for 2 by Luke, followed up with a stranglehold choke on Kofi. Fall away slam on Kofi for 2. Suplex for 2 by Luke, then back into the stranglehold. Kofi makes a comeback after Luke misses a clothesline in the corner. Boom drop, followed by punches on the turnbuckle. Luke regains momentum with a big boot. Kofi goes for Troble in Paradise but misses. Luke with a clothesline for 2. Luke goes for the Gallows Poll, but Kofi fights out, nailing the SOS for the win.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

Final Thoughts:
So you know, I’m actually writing this on a Monday morning, coming off a Real-Time report of TNA’s Shamiversary. So, with that said, it would be safe to say that my tolerance for bullsh*t is at its wits end right about now. Fortunately, this week’s Superstars wasn’t too bad. Kofi and Luke had about as good a match as one would expect from the pairing. YoshiDust vs. the Diet Z-Rydes wasn’t half-bad, as Dust continues to show his worth in-ring, despite the annoyance he is as a character. Hell, even Alicia Fox looked good here this week, which wasn’t expected. Sure, she’s nowhere near where she needs to be to be a major player in-ring for the WWE. But she’s looking better than Rosa and the Bellas, which should mean something. Basically, this was a C-Show. It wasn’t bad, because there was nothing all that important on the show, anyway.

My only real problem – Michael Hennig being, like, totally cool with Kofi despite the fact that he and the other NXT2 guys got beat up for something the NXT1 guys did on Monday, all while Matt Striker was talking about how the Pros were teaching the rookies respect. Seriously - You want us, as fans, to buy the fact that WWE Superstars are allowed to treat Indy Guys (essentially what the NXT Rookies are portrayed as) like sh*t simply because you’re WWE guys, even if the Indy Guys have more experience and have been in the business longer than you (I’m looking at YOU, Michelle McCool!), and have more respect from their peers in the locker room than you (such as Bryan Danielson). Really? REALLY?! Man, f*ck that!

Seriously, don’t watch this show. Check out ROH on HDNet, and if you don’t get HDNet, watch it at YouTube.com/user/ROHBrazil . It’s official (and, therefore, legal), so go subscribe to the ROHBrazil channel and check out new episodes of ROH every Thursday (Mondays, if you actually have HDNet), because God knows it’s bad enough WWE acts like dicks and screws with people behind the scenes. It’s quite another to try and justify that on TV like it’s your RIGHT to treat people like sh*t.