C-Show Showdown WWE SuperStars SuperReview: Lay-Cool vs. The Blondetourage (seriously), Ryder vs. Dust, and The Bellas Ref a Mixed Tag For Some Reason
By Mike Johns
Jul 11, 2010 - 9:06 AM
Well, here we are, another week, another C-Show. Will the Nexus actually show up and justify the amount of time dedicated to them on this show? Probably not. So let’s find out who WWE thinks the Nexus is more important than this week, shall we?
Okay, so you know who I am by now. Mike Johns, Lord of the Insanity Universe, Angry Reviewer, yadda, yadda, yadda. This week, I’m watching this show on YouTube despite the fact their pop-out player isn’t an available option on the Superstars upload… Funny thing about YouTube. Only about half the videos feature all the options you can use to play them with, including the different window sizes and whatnot. Even the style of player changes from one video to another. And what’s even weirder is that the age or original upload date of the video has nothing to do with it. New videos can end up with either the older version of the YT flash player, or the newer, almost at random. And because WWE is now a YouTube Partner, they’re supposed to get all the super-posh functions reserved for partners (such as uploading videos longer than 10 minutes, more HD options, and so on), and yet… no pop-out player option. Oh well, I don’t want to have to wait another day for Hulu to put the show up, so I guess I’m going to have to soldier on with a half-sized browser window instead.
What You Missed Last Week: The Primo Ryders beat YoshiDust in the exact same match with the exact same finish they had a month ago, Christian (Cage) beat Curt Hawkins in a “Dude, Seriously! You Expect Hawkins to WIN?!” match, and the Bellas pull the Switch on Jillian Hall, AGAIN.
In the crotch bar of the video, its hyping Lay-Cool vs. Tiffany & Kelly Kelly as tonight’s Main Event, which, once again, goes to prove many things. It’s a Main Event, but it’s on a C-Show, and look who’s in it – Michelle McCool. Yeah, she’s over enough (especially on this show) to actually deserve the spot, but, then again, so is JTG. I just think it coincidental that it’s Michelle McCool whose headlining here against girls who, even on their best day, would NEVER headline this show, EVER. Beth? Sure, I can buy that. Mickie? Yep. Tiffany and Kelly Kelly? Did you even know who these girls were before I told you? Honestly, if you rounded up 10 random fans and showed them a picture of Tiffany, at least 6 of them would have no clue who she even was. Heck, I bet you at least two of them thinks she’s Torrie Wilson!
And we start off the show with, in Cole’s words, the “stars” of Monday Night Raw. Primo Colon & Jillian Hall vs. Yoshi Tatsu & Gail Kim
Special Guest Referees – The Bella Twins
Okay, let me just call the finish right now - Jillian gets in an argument with the Bellas, Gail rolls her up, and the Bellas fast-count Jill for the pin.
So, the actual match starts with Jill and Gail, and Jill throws Gail by the hair a bit. Gail gets a comeback, but Jill tags in Primo, which forces in Yoshi. Jill distracts Yoshi as Gail nails the very diving huracanrana that got Lita over with audiences in 2000. Yes, Lita’s death-defying athleticism is what initially got her over and kept her over when her body started crapping out on her in the end. Meanwhile WWE keeps Gail on Superstars working mix tags with Yoshi Tatsu (who’s also too good for this BS) and Primo (who’s pretty much as high as his talent dictates he’ll ever go).
Primo nails a dropkick, then mounts some punches before going for the chinlock. Tatsu fights out of the stupid hold, but Primo regains control, and the blah-ness continues. Body slam for 2 by Primo. Primo goes for a fistdrop, but Tatsu puts up the boots to block. Jill tags in, and Gail nails a top rope crossbody. Jill sets Gail up for a superplex, but Gail fights out, going for a sunset flip bomb, but Jill fights out and tosses Gail off. Gail clotheslines Jill, and the Bella in the ring seems to be proving that she’s as bad a referee as Chelsea is an actress (which, by the way, is really, REALLY BAD) Yoshi nails Primo with a heel kick to knock him out of the ring, and… *sigh* Jill gets in an argument with the Bellas, Gail rolls her up, and the Bellas fast-count Jill to give Gail the win.
Winners: Yoshi Tatsu & Gail Kim
Something tells me I’m really going to hate this show this week. I mean, besides the fact that Michelle McCool is in the Main Event.
Zack Ryder vs. Goldust
You do realize that this qualifies as a feud, right? Just letting you know.
Goldust starts off by armdragging Z almost out of the ring. Dust works the arm a bit, but Z fights out. Dust butt bumps Z out of the ring, which counts as an outside dive, because off to commercial we go!
Back from commercial, and Dust slingshots Z into the ropes. Dust goes to the top, but Z hotshots him, taking over. Z takes over in the corner with some kicks. A 2 count and a chinlock later, Dust fights up and nails a series of clotheslines. Manhattan drop/Bulldog combo for 2 by Dust. Powerslam by Dust for 2. Z slips out of a suplex, pulls Dust into a turnbuckle, then nails the Rough Ryder in a decent, sudden finish.
Winner: Zack Ryder
Up next, the NXT Recap – This week, we got the Talk the Talk Challenge, and the winner gets his own Piper’s Pit next week on NXT. You remember when Wade Barrett won this challenge last season, and was supposed to get his own theme song for doing so, but then never did? Yeah. Oh, and by the way, because we just loved it SO MUCH last season, guess who’s playing the role of Michael Tarver this season? Could it be the guy I totally put over last week as having a unique look? Oh yeah, it’s our boy Husky Harris, playing everybody’s favorite role as “Bitchy McDumbass” for season 2. The winner of this week’s challenge – Percy Watson.
You remember that bad feeling I had that I would hate this week’s show? Yeah, totally warranted. Why? There’s a MASTERLOCK CHALLENGE coming up. But first, we hear from that Alberto Del Rio guy again, talking about inspiration.
So, here we go with this Masterlock Challenge BS, and who do we have trying to break the Masterlock? Why it’s Caylen Croft, of course, as Trent comes down to ringside with him. Caylen does everything he can to prolong the segment and avoid actually being put in the hold. Once in the hold, it’s about 5 seconds before Croft go beddy-bye. Now Trent Baretta wants some, and steps up to the Masterlock Challenge. As Chris is about to lock in the hold, Croft blindsides Masters, and the Dudes take Masters out. MCMG Wanna-Be’s – 1; Chris Masters – 0.
Up next, the Raw Recap – John Cena and the Raw Locker Room finally gets one up on the Nexus, just for the Raw GM to schedule John for a 7-on-1 Handicap Match against the Nexus this coming Monday. Smooth move, Ex-Lax!
MAIN EVENT TIME!!!
Team Lay-Cool (Michelle McCool & Layla) vs. The Blondetourage (Kelly Kelly and Tiffany)
Yes, they’re seriously calling Kelly and Tiffany the ‘Blondetourage’. You know, like the ‘Kongtourage’ TNA had last year about this time.
We start with Michelle and Tiffany, and they trade arm-wringers a bit. Tiff with a Manhattan drop on McCool, followed by a monkey flip for 2. Kelly tags in for a sunset flip for 2. Layla tags in, and Kelly Thez presses her. Tag to Tiff, who nails a hair biel and a dropkick on Layla. Layla kicks Tiffy off the top rope to regain control. Tag to Michelle. Knees to the gut by Skelletor. Layla tags, and Lay-Cool works Tiff in their corner. Lay-Cool remains in control with some quick tags, as Tiff occasionally tries to dive back to her corner for a tag. Eventually, Kelly gets the hot tag. Sunset flip on Layla for 2. X-Factor by Kelly for 2. Kelly gets tripped up by McCool, and Layla goes for the rollup. Kelly rolls it through for the pin, but as Tiff tries to stop Michelle from interfering, the ref stops Tiff, giving Skelletor time to kick Kelly in the chest and allowing Lay-Cool to pick up the win.
Winners: Lay-Cool
Final Thoughts:
Another big bottle of ‘meh’ for this week. People we don’t care about doing things that don’t matter, and Team Lay-Cool getting an inconsequential win over people they’ve already beaten a hundred times on another show. It really begs the question – “What is the purpose of this show, exactly?”
And really, that’s all I got. Sorry. The anger level just isn’t there for a decent rant, and there wasn’t enough to this week’s show to even find something to comment on. Honestly, I have more to say about NXT right now, and I pretty much covered that – Husky Harris is playing the role of Michael Tarver for season 2 despite the fact that, outside of Kaval, he’s the best wrestler of the pack, and outside of Percy Watson, has the most going for him as far as WWE’s style is concerned. I’m dead serious, too. Lucky Cannon has nothing. Michael McGuillicutty’s brought nothing to the table so far that says he’s ready for TV. Eli Cottonwood is a stumbling, uncoordinated big man whose worth to the business died with the territorial system. Alex Riley is more hype than substance, and Titus O’Neil should never have been given a developmental deal in the first place. Honestly speaking, this is a three-man show – Kaval, Riley, and Harris. Kaval was ready 8 years ago, Harris is ready now, and Riley really just needs to lay off the gimmick and be himself more. This is, after all, WWE. No one’s expecting Alex to be Lou Thez…
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Mike Johns, imbued with special, shameless self-promotional powers the likes of which haven't been seen since the height of DX's self-fellatious babyface run in 2006, is a contributor to WorldWrestlingInsanity.com, as well as ClubWWI.com. He also produces and records original music under the name 'SaviorSelf.07.05.98' as well as remixes and mash-ups of far more popular songs under the name 'TMJ'.
You can contact Mike via e-mail at TheMaverickMJ@yahoo.com