JG Note: The long awaited return of the C-Show Showdown is here. The Insanity column that pits WWE's C-Show, Superstars, against various other programs online. With your new host Victor Bast, the all new showdown debuts with Superstars taking on...Ohio Valley Wrestling's 600th episode. Let the battle begin!
Hey boys and girls (mostly boys), welcome to the re-tooled version of the C-List showdown! I am your new host, Victor Bast. If the name doesn't sound familiar, well that's because I'm not famous and if you do know me by that name, you're either family, a friend, the 45 year old woman that works at the liquor store, a bookee that wants to break my legs, an old acquaintance or that jerk from Boston Pizza that I call "Fresh" for no particular reason. Besides, people around the insanity probably know me more for my antics on the Insanity message boards under the name Squirrelz. You'll get to know me well the more you read this column. There are only two changes from the old format. One will be a surprise as you read. The second one is that I've now sponsored the MVP of the showdown. For those of you who are unaware, the MVP goes to the best worker on either show. This will now be the
Most Valuable Performer award. Basically,
is what either extraordinary people have or people who show flashes of extraordinary talents. If you still don't get it, your loss. With all that being said, here is the Showdown!
Cue some Rev Theory and here's
Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel vs JTG/Trent Baretta
The Corre's team is on the way to the ring and maybe it's just me but Slater and Gabriel act like they're a little more than "Just Friends". That's just my humble opinion. Here comes Trent Baretta and...JTG?!?! What do these guys have in common? According to Professor Striker, people are forming alliances to take their oppurtunities. I thought it was because they're original tag partners got future endeavored but whatever. JTG and Gabriel start this off with some transition holds. Baretta tags and hits a springboard elbow. Baretta hitting some high offensive moves here. Baretta gets distracted by the Wendy's girl. Tag to Slater. Running dropkick by Baretta... Is it hot tag time, YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSS!!! He's on fire! Gabriel kicks JTG from the outside and Slater hits some version of an inverted DDT that Striker called "Sweetness" for the three count. Somewhere, Walter Payton is rolling in his grave.
2 21 11 is going to be revealed tonight apparently...
Chris Masters vs Tyler Reks
WOW, Masters is the one getting the jobber treatment with no entrance in this one. Don't think this match is going to scream "Technical Masterpiece". Lots of back and forth punches and kicks. These are apparently two of Strikers sisters favourite Superstars. Looks like Striker inherited all of the intelligence from his parents. More punching and kicking... Oh a front suplex by Reks for a two count. A half assed single leg Boston Crab by Reks and Masters gets to the ropes. Small Package by Masters, insert your own joke, for a two. Masters channels his inner Samoan and hits a Samoan drop. Masters hits a Spinebuster for a two. Masters and Reks on the top rope, Reks gets pushed off and a second rope flying shoulder block by Masters. Is it Master Lock time? Yes and the Masterpiece defeats Reks. Who needs an entrance when you have the Master lock? Korpela asks "Is Masters on his way to Wrestlemania?". No, he isn't.
Did you know... More people have attended WWE live events than the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, Stanley Cup, World Series and X Games combined? Well, when you do shows virtually every day of the year, you'll probably get more people attending them than about a combined guess of 50 events. 340 is a bigger number than 50. Nothing to be proud of here, let's move it along.
Santino vs Tyson Kidd
It's Santino with the She-Snuka! Now we're joined by Josh Matthews and Scott Stanford. Here comes the evil Canuckian Tyson Kidd with his generic music. Santino pretends to do a martial arts deal. Huge Santino chant. Santino talks smack after a shoulder block. Santino throws Kidd to the ropes, ducks down then pushes up to trip Kidd. Actually, that was clever. Kudos to Santino on that one. Kidd does some beating and choking to Santino. Santino misses two punches and Kidd knocks him down. Kidd paintbruses Santino until Santinomania starts to run wild!!! Santino tries the Santino arm drag but Kidd flips out of it and hits Santino with a running dropkick. Very nice sequence here. Kidd misses a springboard elbow Santino kips up and BAM! COBRA! Good match for what it was.
2 21 11 is going to be revealed next!!! Oh gee golly gosh, I really hope it's Sting! Or maybe even Undertaker! It could even be Batman! Look to the next paragraph to see just who it could be...
Oh Snap, It's the Undertaker for his yearly return!!! I was really hoping for Batman too. But wait, here comes an equally returning Triple H!!! Triple H regurgitates some water on himself then walks to the ring. That was kind of gross. Steph should teach him how to drink liquids again like regular people do. Taker looks confused over why Trips is in the ring. This is MY return promo jerkoff! I really feel like I'm watching the entrances on Smackdown vs Raw 2011 (Available at your local Wal-Mart!). Staredown ensues. You could cut the tension with a plastic straw Brain! Trips looks at the Wrestlemania logo. Taker looks at what Trips is looking at, probably thinking it's a mosquito. Taker then does the "*expletive deleted*
please" look that a certain Aaron Wood has made famous in the Insanity Forum Board (If you haven't joined, do it fool!), puts his hat back on and is ready to leave. Suddenly, Taker pulls a 180 back to Trips and signals the throat slash. How would any sane man react to these events you ask? By giving Taker a crotch chop, of course! More staring and that's it.
Daniel Bryan vsTed DiBiase
Cue the Wagner and here comes the former American Dragon! Cue the horrible hip hop song and here comes Junior with Maryse. Apparently, Maryse kissed Yoshi two weeks ago. No, not the green dinosaur Mario rides around like a horse, Yoshi Tatsu. You know the happy Asian guy with the Hello Kitty theme song. See, you would know this stuff if you watched Superstars. Maryse chant ensues during the test of strength while throwing arm shivers at each other. Bryan wins it then hits a running dropkick. DiBiase gains control and beats Bryan in the corner. Stanford then compares Bryans dating to Charlie Sheens. Until Bryan is the WWE's "Connaiseur of Porn", do not refer an internally strong vegan to a drugged out sex maniac. Another running dropkick by Bryan. Bryan then decides to ride the waves and puts DiBiase in the surfboard. DiBiase gets out then hits his "swerve" clothesline. Bryan tries to fight out but gets hit by a modified backbreaker. Bryan flips out of a whip to the corner then hits a flying clothesline. Bryan hits a running dropkick in the corner to DiBiase while Maryse looks annoyed and bored. Dream Street countered into a pin for only two. DiBiase gets dropped outside and hits a cross body on the outside. DiBiase hits a wicked back suplex! Enter Yoshi. He's in a suit giving Maryse flowers. Yoshi wants a smooch but Maryse shows him the hand. DiBiase is wondering what the hell is going on and for that, Maryse hits him with the daisies (or whatever kind of flower they are, who cares you get the idea) and DiBiase looks like he just got hit by a right hook and spins right into the LaBell Lock. DiBiase taps, Bryan wins. Maryse walks away. Yoshi walks away with a "I didn't do it" look and the show is over!
So normally you guys and girls are used to seeing this showdown happen between Superstars and TNA's Reaction or Xplosion. However, due to my outburst during the last Impact and my so-called insane actions of punting baby kittens while swearing incoherently at TNA management, I now have a restraining order against me. Therefore no TNA competition this time around. Good news is that TNA sucks anyways so it's time for some new competition, straight outta the Ohio Valley! Let's see how well the OVW crew compares to Superstars. I've never watched an OVW related anything since WWE's minor leagues went to Florida so this should be interesting for everyone!
Let the bodies hit the... FLOOOOOOOOR!!! Here's the 600th episode of
Rudy Switchblade vs Adam Revolver w/ Ted McNaler
Adam Revolver is apparently from the Upper Crust. I wish I came from a deep dish pie, raspberry pie would be sweet. Switchblade hits an elbow to the head. The crowd is ecstatic! Switchblade hits a jawbreaker/neckbreaker combo, actually was impressive. Rudy channels his inner Eddie Guerrero and hit a frog splash for a two. McNaler just got tossed. That was fast. Revolver hits Switchblade from behind during the McNaler kerfuffle. Rudy went for a cross body and hit nothing. Revolver tries a russian leg sweep but gets countered into a pin attempt which gets countered into another pin attempt. Suplex by Revolver for a two count. Revolver goes for a clothesline in the corner but WHOOP! Switchblade moves out of the way to the outside then hits an arm ringer. Switchblade seriously botches a TKO and hits a kick. Switchblade goes to the top but here comes the ejected McNaler to push him off the top rope! That dastardly heel! Revolver then goes for the russian leg sweep but once again it gets countered as he gets an elbow to the face. Give up on the leg sweeps Revolver, you suck at executing them. Revolver signals something to a hiding McNaler, goes for the irish whip on Switchblade. It gets reversed and McNaler trips up his own guy! Small package on Revolver and that's the three count! Switchblade apparently gets a TV title shot someday. Good for him.
Jimmy Cornette is the voiceover for a promo for something called Homecoming 3. Get to see your favorite stars from the past like Rob Conway and Nick Dinsmore! It happened already so you can't go see the epic Rob Conway performance, sorry.
Kenny Bolin is on commentary. He looks like he's melting and says bitch for some reason. I love ADD announcers. We get a recap of last weeks encounter between Mike Mondo and Low Rider (I think). Some guy named Mo Green (He looks like a giant Hornswoggle if he was a pimp, no lying.) pulls the ref out of the ring and Slow Rider baseball slides into Rider. Low Rider hits a neckbreaker on Mondo for the three. I guess Rider's name is Mike Marella. So there was Hornswoggle's thugnificent uncle and Santino's brother in this match... Interesting. Meanwhile, there's a brawl between a bunch of people while random wrestlers that nobody explains who they are run into the ring and clear things up while the champ smirks and holds his title in the air. Unfortunately he doesn't wave his arms like he just don't care.
Kenny Bolin wants to announce something but can't find his notes so we get a OVW TV tapings commercial. They tape every Wednesday so if you're in the Louisville area, go check it out! It's action without having to listen to a partially confused Kenny Bolin! It's win freaking win!
Homecoming 3 commercial...again.
Cue the former cheerleader Mike Mondo and he's brought out the ladder. Time to be interviewed by Cornette. Cornettes making ladder jokes. Mondo is on a ladder saying he's the big man in town and says shenanigans! Matt Marella is a dirty Mexican according to the book of Mondo. Compton is also a prick apparently. Mondo proposes a three way ladder match for the OVW Heavyweight belt. He is explaining how a ladder match works. Never thought I'd say this but I'd kill for a cheer right about now. Marella comes out and they play ring around the ladder for a bit until Cornette chills them out. Marella is trying to talk like Eddie Guerrero and accepts that challenge. Make the match Jimmy! Too bad Compton (aka- Domino) is the champ. Compton decides to join the party. His attorney whose name I didn't even try to type advises Compton not to fight in this match. Compton is actually entertaining here. Marella tries to call out Compton by saying his attorney is his boyfriend. Cornette rants on the attorney for some reason and calls him a rabbi. The attorney then accepts the match as long as himself and Mo Green can be at ringside. Done and done!
Saturday March 5th you can see OVW's Saturday Night Special at the Davis arena 7:30pm. Tickets are only $10!!!
OVW fundraiser (wtf?!?!) commercial.
Mike Mondo vs. Alex Silva
It's time for Mike Mondo vs Alex Silva. Silva is apparently Portuguese. No yellow jock strap on his head. Transitioning holds start the first minute of this match. Make that two minutes. Mondo takes control for a bit then Silva goes to Chris Jerichos 3rd, 34th, 158th and 702nd known hold, the ARMBAR. Mondo goes to the outside of the ring. Mondo trips up Silva off the apron. Bolin thinks Mondo is the freanking man. Back in the ring for a one count. More rest holds... Mondo then goes for an inverted hug. Yes, an inverted hug. I've seen burritos that microwaved more exciting than this. Scoop slam by Mondo. Mondo misses an elbow drop from the top rope. Silva is gaining control with some forearms then hits a backbreaker/codebreaker combo for a two. Silva springboards right into a spear. Gutcheck (Firemans carry into a gutbuster) by Mondo and that's all for Silva. Mondo attacks after the bell and sets up the ladder. Mondo channels his inner Bonesaw McGraw and hits a diving elbow from the 6th rung of the ladder!
More commercials... Well since these commercials are on repeat, I'll make one up. Make sure to sign up to clubwwi.com to get the greatest wrestling interviews this side of the internet as well as other audios from the great contributors at worldwrestlinginsanity.com. Clubwwi.com, give your ears the orgasm they truly deserve!
Big Rocko Bellagio w/ Christian Mascagne vs. Benjamin Bray
The attorney from the other segment, name is Christian Mascagne, is here with Big Rocco Bellagio and he has a mic. While berating the fans for being hicks, he is putting over Rocco. "Shut up you stupid hicks!" Line of the night so far. Cue some Linkin Park and here comes Benjamin Bray to challenge Big Rocco. Bray falls for the handshake ploy and gets powerbombed. Match starts and the match ends. Big Rocco wins.
To the back with Brittney Something or other and she's with Randy Terrez, Mohamed Ali Vaez and Mr.B. Vaez starts talking and if you guys thought Matt Hardy was out of shape, check this guy out. Long story short, Vaez picked Terrez as his partner because he's crazy.
More of the same commercials. This is brought to you by Fishy Joe's and the new Walrus Smoothie. Fishy Joe's, ride the Walrus.
Randy Terrez and Mohamad Ali Vaez w/ Mr. B vs. Ryan Nemeth & Paredyse
Here comes the Vaez/Terrez connection. This match is for the SOUTHERN tag team championships. Vaez is the TV champ. Cue Paralyzer by Finger Eleven and Ryan Nemeth. Cue some Pussycat Dolls Dont'cha for Paradyse. Yes, Paradyse is in fact Rico Vista Edition. His hometown is "Anywhere but Louisville". Stay classy, Paradyse. Nemeth and Terrez start this shindig off. After the hold exchange, Paradyse gets the tag and they hit the double back elbows to Terrez. Paradyse starts to dance. Tag to Nemeth. Yet another quick tag to Paradyse. It's rest holds and tags so far. Paradyse hits the butt bump and in a weird botched move, Nemeth runs to the ropes while Paradyse goes for the pin, realizes his mistake and runs out of the ring. C Show baby, catch the fever! For those who are wondering, it was only a two count. Tag to Nemeth. Terrez takes control and tags in Vaez. They throw Nemeth to the ropes and he hits a shoulder block on both men. Pins Vaez only for a two count. Yet another tag to Paradyse. Double hip toss only for a two. Nemeth geets the tag. Paradyse taps Vaez on the bottom. This match degenerates into chaos highlighted by a Paradyse dive to the outside onto Vaez. Vaez gets rolled inside then in yet another botch, Nemeth goes to the ropes, Terrez goes to kick him but misses so Nemeth just runs into Vaez in an awkward looking sequence of events. The collision only goes for a two count.
Commercial Break... I saw this one!
Vaez is in control now against Nemeth. Double scoop slam on Nemeth. Terrez pins Nemeth for a two. Tag to Vaez. Not much going on, rest holds and scoop slams for about two minutes. Tag to Vaez. Tag to Terrez. Vaez holds Nemeth but it gets countered into an Angle Slam while Terrez his climbing the ropes. Terrez misses the dropkick. Hot tag to the flaming one. Paradyse hits a bronco buster on Vaez. Mic Check on Terrez. Paradyse goes for the pin but it's broken up by Vaez. Nemeth and Vaez go brawling to the outside. Terrez starts to wail on Paradyse. Ref gets in Terrez' face and that opens the door for Paradyse to hit a low blow for the three. No time to celebrate as some people named Fighting Spirit attack the champs. Vaez/Terrez join in on the beatdown. A herd of other wrestlers are trying to break this up but failing miserably.
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Well, this one was actually pretty easy to decide.
Superstars wins, hands down. Almost every match on Superstars was good, nicely paced and entertaining to watch. OVW is clearly a few notches below the leaders in Sports Entertainment but the production value, venue, crowd size/reaction and crappy commercials aside, they still have work to do. Kenny Bolin should lose his job, he is not entertaining or productive in any part of being a "broadcast journalist". I swear they just grabbed a moderately recognizable name and handed him a job. Most of the guys weren't that polished and that's understandable considering this is an indies show. Compton was great on the mic as was Mascagne and Cornette.
Most Valuable Performer Award Goes To...
Yes, I'm just as shocked as you are. Personally, I saw some great things from him on Superstars and clearly set the pace for the entire match. So kudos to you Trent, you are the inaugural GLEAM! Most Valuable Performer of the week.