Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, three legged sheep and mutated cows. Welcome to yet another installment of the greatest review of third rate wrestling programs, the C-List Showdown. You may be wondering what happened to last week's column. Well it's something that has happened to everyone at some point. I had the column all written and ready to be e-mailed to the Messiah of Insanity, Mr. James Guttman (Yes, that James Guttman. Not the insurance broker from Tempe). Problem is that before I went on my mini vacation I had to fire off many e-mails and sent it to someone else. I hope the 40 year old union worker liked the column since he was the only one to see it.
Moving along, I have revamped the Verdict scoring system and it's broken down in three basic categories. Presentation (Basically how well the show was put together, did everything make sense etc...), Match Quality (How good were the actual matches since these are wrestling shows) and Enjoyability (How much did I enjoy this show). So best two out of three wins. Now I'm tired of this useless rambling, it's time to get to the meat of this show!
We are Wild... and...Green!
Ladies and gentiles, welcome to another enthralling episode of NXT: Redemption! Featuring your least favorite stars from previous seasons of NXT! The Grish and Lord William Regal welcome us... then pawn us off like cheap prostitutes to Matt Striker and Maryse. They introduce the rooks who collectively walk to the ring. Regal speaks Leprechaunese. Hah! They show the REDEMPTION POINT! standings and Titus O'Neil has 5, Darren Young has 3 while everyone else is rocking a mighty squadoosh in the point standings (Squadoosh=zero). Maryse screwed up with the standings. This is the verbally insult your opponent which is worth four REDEMPTION POINTS! This should be cute and I'll break it down individually.
Novak goes first against Byron Saxton.
Novak tells Saxton that he needs to be better than average or Columbus. It sounds as lame as you think it does. Saxton's turn. Saxton just says that Novak's tights made him the spokesman for Huggies Diapers. It was delivered well and to beat Novak, he could've sneezed to win that one.
Winner- Byron Saxton
Connor O'Brien goes against Titus O'Neil.
Connor basically calls Titus a retarded giant doing a fee-fi-fo-fum joke. Meh.
Titus, your move. Titus tells Lucky to shut up for some reason then makes fun of Connor's nose. It is also meh.
Winner- Titus O'Neil
Lucky Cannon vs Darren Young
DY goes first. Young makes fun of Luck's robe saying the 80's wants it back then threatens to beat up Lucky. Not bad. Lucky, your move. Lucky says Young has as much of a chance to win NXT as the Buckeyes do of winning a National Title. Lucky then focuses on Maryse, who looks unimpressed.
Winner- Darren Young
Saxton goes first. Saxton offers Titus some Kibbles and Bits and Darren Young could join a group called the four flat tops. No reaction whatsoever.
Titus is up next. Titus just picked on Saxton having no hair and said he could be a spokesman for Gillette (Yes, the one bald guy said it to the other). Once again, No reaction. Young, all you need to do is sneeze and win...again. Young makes fun of Titus for his age (42 in a week apparently) and says he's better looking than Saxton. He should've sneezed because that would've been better. There is no winners here but just for fun, who did the audience pick?
Winner- Darren Young
...from very little crowd reaction... I think I'll get my laundry to clear my head from that mess.
WWE Programming is in 600 million homes worldwide. So are bathtubs, candles and humans. C-List, expanding your mind since a month ago.
Recap of Last Week's St. Patrick's Day keg carry. Who carries a keg? I'd just sit there, tap the keg and get to drinking instead of sprinting around a ring with a keg but I digress. Titus O'Neil won.
Titus O'Neil def. Darren Young
A bunch of grappling exchanges by both men lead to a shoulder block by Titus. Titus then hits a scoop slam while Horns woggle makes retarded noises. Pin attempt leads to a two count. Young takes control of the match by keeping the big man down with various strikes then hits a snap mare for a one count. I remember only one time when a snap mare was close to a pinning move and that was in a video game by a created player. I miss WWF No Mercy. Anyways, headlock by Young. Titus powers out of it by charging Young into the corner. Both men exchange strikes until Titus hits Young with an earth shattering back breaker. Only a two count. Young gets thrown into the corner, Titus charges but Chavo pulls his rookie away from the charge. Horns woggle isn't having any of that so he bites his long time rival who I think lost to Horns woggle eleventy billion times a couple years back. Titus throws Young into Chavo and hits the Sky High for the Trey. Decent little match here.
Promo for Taker/Triple H at Wrestlemania. Basically it's a bunch of Superstars like Big Show, Jerry Lawler, Arn Anderson and Cena talking about their opinions of this match. It's like a pimping of Takers streak. Shawn Michaels starts to talk again. It was a well put together promo, gives it a big match feel having everyone and anyone talk about how big this is.
Backstage, Lucky Cannons' mighty walking gets interrupted by Yoshi Tatsu, back in his suit. Yoshi says Lucky should be more respectful to his friend, Maryse. Cannon is having none of that. Maryse walks in and apologizes to Lucky for slapping him. Cannon is channeling his inner Rico Suave but then turns into a douche by making fun of the DiBiase beat down on RAW. Maryse then slaps the taste out of his mouth. Yoshi is laughing at this but Maryse thinks he's laughing at her so he gets some happy slap action courtesy of Maryse. Lucky laughs at Yoshi so Yoshi slaps Cannon. This is pretty funny.
Lucky Cannon promo. Cannon doesn't like how he lost that season and Kaval won. Yes, they showed the World Warrior for about two shots. He says that he has a new attitude, is Da-lish and him and Tyson Kidd will run away with this. He then says winning at the end.
Connor O'Brien/Vladimir Kozlov def. Jacob Novak/JTG
Before the match starts, Matt Striker pulls a Vickie Guerrero (minus the atomic heat...or any reaction) by walking out and interrupting the match before it starts. He says this match will now be a dance-off. Damn, I wish there was some Vodka in this PowerAde in drinking right about now. JTG and Novak starts this Dance Dance Revolution off. No commenting on the dancing since I don't care. Striker called them Chris Brown and Miley Cyrus afterwards. Up next, the other guys who haven't danced around like morons yet. Why aren't they using Alex Wrights old dance music? That stuff was awesome. I miss Das Wunderkid. O'Brien and Kozlov won apparently.
Recap of Monday Night Raw with the Miz revealing his upside down spinny belt where the W is now a M for Miz. C is for Cookie, M is for Miz. After the AWESOME!, there is one, one John Cena on the screen, muah ha ha ha! John Cena cuts a generic Cena mad promo and reveals he is not as home as advertised but in the arena. Cena comes out and attacks Miz and Riley and they go rolling around the ring brawling like a bad cartoon. Riley tries to attack but gets STF'd and Miz runs up the aisle.
Lucky Cannon def. Byron Saxton
I love Yoshi's Super Monkey Ball music, it's so catchy. Cannon takes control by pushing Saxton in the corner and stomping the proverbial mudhole in him until the ref pulls Cannon away. Saxton starts to turn the tides by trying to put a proverbial mudhole into Cannon but Cannon boots Saxton in the chest for a two count. Cannon hits a neckbreaker after locking in a chinlock for another two. Another chinlock by Cannon but Saxton fights out. Saxton hits a flurry of offense finishing with a clothesline from the second rope for a two. Both men exchange generic offense but Cannon gets the upper hand by throwing Saxton into the steel post. Cannon then hits a fireman's carry powerslam variation for the three. Yoshi goes in to check on his pro but Cannon ambushes him then hits the fireman's carry powerslam variation on Yoshi! Tyson Kidd is happy, Lucky Cannon is Happy, William Regal might be happy and the end of NXT is here.
Welcome to the freshly, soon to be cancelled on WGN Superstars! Hopefully it'll still be available on the Internet because I'm trying to avoid Kenny Bolin commentary.
Chris Masters def. Tyler Reks
Jesus, not again! Can I just copy and paste from a separate column? No? Damn. Oh well, get ready for striking attacks and rest holds. Both men exchange holds but that ends by a Masters shoulder block. Reks takes advantage with a headlock. I swear I've done this match before, are you sure I can't just cut and paste from a previous column? Damn it! Back to the match, Masters gains control and throws Reks to the outside and wouldn't you know it, Reks attacks the GLEAM Performer of the week from last week, The Steel Steps with a kick. Now I know I've done this before now. Back in the ring and Masters hits another shoulder block. Is it Masterlock time? No, Reks fights out of it and takes out the knee of Masters. Masters throws Reks to the outside again and through the magic of the internet not having commercials, Reks is magically in control in the middle of the ring working on the leg of Masters. Step over toe lock by Reks. Reks hits a clothesline for a two. Reks works back on the leg. Masters fights out of the leg work by Reks about an eternity later by pushing Reks into the corner. School boy by Masters for a two. Both men exchange strikes until Masters hits a quick Samoan Drop. Both men are down. Masters gains advantage with a flurry of offense capitalized by a spinebuster for a two. Flatliner by Reks for a two. Reks goes for a clothesline which...let me guess, gets countered into a Masterlock? Yep, it's over.
Recap of Last Fridays Smackdown of the Corres' Slater and Gabriel against Big Show and Kane. Basically Slater and Gabriel were getting destroyed, Show hit a chokeslam on Slater but Gabriel pulled the ref out of the ring which got them disqualified. Show and Kane weren't happy pandas about that so they decided to attack the Corre tag team until Big Zeke and Barrett interrupted the festivities by helping their little buddies. Show got a Wasteland by Barrett, it was impressive. Basically, Show and Kane get beat up in dramatic fashion.
Kofi Kingston vs Wade Barrett will be on Smackdown and you can check the review for that right on this site written by Aaron Wood and his unreal time review of the show. Go on, go check it out! He even has music videos in there so gather your friends and family for a good read! Once you're done that, feel free to put the kiddies to bed and read Matt Dawgs 100th column! It's probably the best opinion column about wrestling and other random stuff there is on the internet today so go check it out. In fact, everything on this site is awesome! Just make it your home page and get it over with.
Great Khali/Yoshi Tatsu def. The Usos
What a bizarre team. Khali is the C-List Mark Henry apparently. They will fight the offspring of Rikishi. I'm not sure which Uso is which so I'll just call the one whose starting this Uso 1 and the other Uso 2. Yeah, just like the Cat in the Hat book. Not the movie, that was horrible. So Uso 1 starts this off against Yoshi. Yoshi hits a series of chops, gets thrown to the corner, boots Uso 1 in the face then does a unique pin attempt for uno. Yoshi gets in a few arm drags but gets sent to the outside by Uso 1. Uso 2 charges and hits a clothesline on the outside on Yoshi. Those dastardly Uso Brothers! Back to the inside for another uno count. Tag to Uso 2. Uso 2 gets some shots in on Yoshi then tags back in Uso 1. One of the Uso Bros. hits some headbutts to the side of Yoshi. Uso 1 covers but only gets a two. Chinlock by Uso 1. Tag back in to Uso 2 and he hits a monstrous super kick to the gut. I think he was channeling Glacier on that one, it looked very cryonic. Scoop slam by Uso 2. Uso 2 goes for a leg drop but Yoshi moves out of the way. Tag back in to Uso 1. Uso 1 tries to stop the tag to Khali by Yoshi but gets a spinning wheel kick to the head for his efforts. Both men are down. Tag to the Great One... I mean Great Khali. Khali hits a brain chop on Uso 1. Uso 2 tries to attack Khali but he just gets thrown into the corner and kicked to the head by Yoshi. Punjabi Plunge on Uso 1 and this is over.
Same recap as the NXT show plays about Taker/Triple H at Wrestlemania.
Daniel Bryan/Gail Kim vs Tyson Kidd/Melina
Cue the Wagner and here comes the internet darling couple. Workrate totally rules man! Random fact- Before going to the WWE, Gail Kim was a model for beer.com. That might save your life someday. Anyways, here comes Kidd and Melina. Melina has blue hair. No joke. The ladies start this shindig off. Both women exchange grapples and strikes until Melina throws Kim into the corner. A shoulder charge by Melina gets avoided by Kim by slipping through the ropes. Melina tries to spear Kim (not like that!) but Kim channels her inner Mario by jumping in the air and landing on Melina's back. It was a nice spot. Sunset flip by Kim only gets two. Neckbreaker by Kim and the tag to Bryan. This is PG so I'm guessing Kidd is going to come in even though Bryan could lock on the LeBell Lock on Melina pretty easily right now. Well, instead of my commentary, Kim goes on Bryan's shoulders and splashes Melina. Kidd runs in but Bryan picks up Kim as she extends her legs (not like that either!) and Kim is used as a battering ram to Kidd. Bryan hits the running corner dropkick on Kidd and gets a two. Kidd hits a running dropkick to Bryan. Kidd hits a bunch of strikes for a two. Kidd locked on a chinlock and... THIS ONE'S OVER!!!
...pfft, are you kidding that never happens! Bryan got out of it and hit some massive European uppercuts on Kidd. Kidd gets snapmared then kicked in the back. Pin only leads to a two count. Kidd beats on Bryan in his tagging corner until the ref pulls him off. Melina then starts to choke Bryan. Kidd attacks Bryans face while he's on the ground. Kidd attempts the Sharpshooter which gets countered into a LeBell lock attempt but Kidd gets to the ropes. Melina gets in the ring and slaps Bryan for some reason so Kim decides to dropkick her. Running knee lift off the apron by Bryan to Kidd and Kim goes to the top rope and splashes Melina on the outside. Through the magic of no commercials, we are back in the ring watching Bryan bounce Kidd's head off a turnbuckle. Bryan hits some kicks and before he could hit a mean looking crescent kick, Kidd slips out of the way and tags in Melina. Melina wants Kim in the ring so the tag is made. That's followed up by a flurry of Kim offense and a Daniel Bryanesque clothesline for a two count. Gail Kim locks in a stretch muffler. Kim goes for a splash but Melina matrixes her way out of trouble and Kim hits nothing but canvas. Melina locks in an interesting choke in between the ropes on Kim then hits the Bossman like running leg splash in between the ropes. Not sure what that move is called. Pin attempt for a two. Melina went for her finisher but Kim got out only to get a boot to the face. Another two count. Melina locks in a Full Nelson on Kim... USING HER LEGS! Interesting move, go check it out. Kim counters with a pin attempt for a two. Both hit the female facebuster on each other. Both tag their respective man friends and Bryan hits a leg lariat. Bryan then hits a flying clothesline for a two count. Kidd tries to counter Bryan's offense but gets nailed with a crescent kick. Bryan heads to the top but Melina crotches him. Kim decides to beat Melina up for hurting her mans genitalia. Kidd tries to channel his inner Kurt Angle by running up the ropes to hit something but gets shoved off by Bryan. Bryan and Kim are both on the top rope and both hit front dropkicks. LeBell lock gets locked in and this match is over. No, literally, Kidd did tap. No foolies this time!
NXT showed a more fluent show this week following basic story structure and told the stories needed to make me want to see next week's show. They have done a good job building the Lucky Cannon/Yoshi Tatsu/Maryse love triangle and actually has me interested. The whole point of NXT is development to the culmination of the final episode to decide a winner so this show should always have a leg up on Superstars in this section. Superstars is usually just a mish mash of people fighting other people but the show was put together okay this week. They managed to keep going with the Masters/Reks feud, which I have no problem with. My problem is that it was almost a carbon copy of the same match from two weeks back. The other matches were the usual thrown together type but were still nicely produced, especially the main event. NXT still wins by a few points (there is no point system for you guys, just my imaginary one for myself).
Other than the repeat performance by Reks/Masters, the other matches were good. The main event was a great match, best one I've seen on Superstars so far. Melina and Gail Kim did such an amazing job that if anyone feels women can't wrestle, they should watch this match. So innovative and nicely paced. Tatsu/Khali vs the Usos was a good showing. Khali was in the ring for about 30 seconds while the Usos got good offense in on Tatsu. That's how a match like that should be presented. The dance off was just stupid. I understand the entertainment portion of any WWE show but to quote former Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Mora Sr, this match didn't do diddly-poo for me. The crowd wasn't too entertained with it either. O'Neil/Young was a good match for NXT but was pretty basic. Cannon/Saxton did nothing for me until the very end of the match where Cannon hit his finish on both Saxton and Tatsu.
NXT shot itself in the foot this week. The talk smack-off was horrid as was the dance off. The matches were serviceable as mentioned before. The only real entertainment I got from this show was the segment with Cannon, Tatsu and Maryse. Superstars provided good matches and the main event should've been on the A-Show.
The GLEAM! Performer of the Week
Yes, the first ever female Performer of the Week! Melina showed why she is one of the best in ring female performers in wrestling today with the innovative offense and counters she showed (Before anyone starts with SHIMMER and all the Indy promotions with female performers, I really don't care. I'm talking C-Show and up, not F-Show to No Show at all). Her interactions with Daniel Bryan were also good as well so kudos Melina, you have the GLEAM! for a week!