Hey guys, lots of fast paced C-List action here that's ready to go so I won't waste too much time on introductions. See, I have nothing moderately clever or important to say as we delve into another edition pitting WWE Superstars vs. Ohio Valley Wrestling...so let's get to the action!
It's time once again for
Superstars! Cue that Adelita's Way and here we go!
R-Truth def. Willam Regal
Here comes the Truth hip hopping his way to the ring. I hope he remembers where he is this time. Oh, he knew he was in Buffalo. Sweet, it's a Regal sighting! Truth starts this match off with a headscissors. Both competitors exchange headlocks. Truth gets thrown to the ropes, does his little splits duck and Regal stops. This prompts Truth to dance like a jackass and cues the Immortal Scott Sanford to say this "Truth is getting Jiggy with it!". Remember when getting Jiggy with anything was cool? I don't. Regal hits a leg lariat for a two. Regal takes over with some elbows and knees to the head. Regal is really trying to rearrange Truths' face. Maybe he wants him to look more like Jermaine Jackson. Regal locks in the sleeper and Truth is channeling the generic sleeper counter! Truth fails as he gets thrown to the corner to get hit by a modified exploder suplex/throw variation. Regal only gets a two. Truth gets up and hits a dropkick and a scoop slam. Truth pumped up now! Truth wants to connect Regal to the Lie Detector and he... Fails. Regal moved. Regal goes for a double underhook something but Truth channels his inner Shelton Benjamin and hits Paydirt for the three! Now it's time for Truth to dance like a moron some more. Good match here.
Wrestlemania.com is your home for everything Wrestlemania. Really, I thought it was the website to buy stuffed toys shaped as cans of mayonnaise. How did I screw that one up?
Santino and Vladimir Kozlov w/Tamina def. Zack Ryder and Primo
It's the Italian Russian Connection with the she-Snuka. We have a Primo sighting and he teams with the Woo Woo Woo guy. Primo and Santino start things off. A good little transition game starts the match off. Santino tried the Cobra but Primo bails. Ryder gets tagged in. Tag to Ryder. Sanford then calls Primo "Primo Colata". Personally, I would not want an alcoholic beverage made out of tomato paste but that's just me. Ryder gets in some quick offense here. Ryder does his Long Island hand gesture only for Santino to hit him with a STO. Tag to Kozlov. Shoulder thrusts in the corner to Ryder. Santino gets tagged in and Kozlov throws Santino shoulder first into Ryder for a two. Kozlov comes back in. Kozlov hits a couple of headbutts and boots Ryder out of the ring. Primo charges Kozlov, misses while Santino threatens the Cobra again, Primo turns around and gets tossed out of the ring by Kozlov. Commercialless break and Primo is magically in control with a headlock on Kozlov. Kozlov powers out of it and hits a fallaway slam. Primo gets thrown into the corner and evades a running...umm...Kozlov. Tag to Ryder. Ryder goes up top, dropkick to Kozlov. Two count. Quick neckbreaker by Ryder and another two count. Tag to Primo and Primo hits a running...umm...Primo? Second time in this match where someone has tried to charge directly at someone with no real move being attached. Primo is in the generic rest hold position until he gets back body dropped and there's the HOT TAG to Santino!!! Oh yeah, Ryder got tagged in to but it sure wasn't a HOT TAG!!! Santino gets a flurry of his usual offense in followed by his saluting diving headbutt. Pin attempt gets broken up by the alcoholic tomato paste beverage known as Primo Colata. Kozlov pulls a me and chucks the spaghetti sauced drink man away. Ryder then throws Kozlov out of the ring. Ryder attempts a Rough Ryder but gets evaded by Santino. Enter: The Cobra and this one is over. Santino and Kozlov win and they group hug with the she-Snuka.
Still to come, the Rock responds to John Cena!
Announcer switch as Korpela and Striker are at the booth. Where do they send us? To Shawn Micheals talking. I'm going to save everyone a lot of time here and just say that Shawn thinks Taker is unstoppable at Wrestlemania but if anyone can beat him, it's his bosom buddy Triple H. That's what politicians do, they don't make a real prediction or statement.
Did you know that over 25,000 autographs will be signed during Wrestlemania Fan Axxess in Atlanta? Two questions here. First, how do they know that? What if everyone in the surrounding area has violent diarrhea for those four days and can't make it out there? Think people would rather be on their toilets instead of crapping their way to a line so they can crap in line for a crappy autograph. Crap. (Okay, I've reached my fecal related quota for this column, moving on...) Second, why would I care about this? Is this ever going to be a question on Jeopardy or something? No, Trebek cares about wrestling as much as I care about how many people get autographs.
Last Friday, WWE had a press conference to sign the Artist formerly known as Mistico, Sin Cara. He's a luchador from Mexico so that must mean that WWE has to whip out their metaphoric junk once again to say that "WWE is truly a Global Company". If you were truly Global, where is a competitor from Antartica? Yeah, put someone in a penguin suit and throw 'em on Smackdown then you could say a Superstar from every continent has wrestled for WWE at some point in history. Now that's Global. Antartica gets no respect these days.
Chris Masters def. Curt Hawkins
Curt Hawkins is getting the jobber treatment but looking pretty smug in his vest hoodie. His opponent is the guy that got the jobber treatment last week, Chris Masters. Korpela quote- "Chris Masters is one of the hottest Superstars in the WWE right now". This is why you're a C-List announcer Korpela because of saying things like that. Masters hits some chops followed by a back elbow. Two interesting Korpela quotes follow. "Has the Undertaker's streak ever been in this much Jeopardy?" and "Speaking of Shawn Micheals, he is the star that Chris Masters models himself after". Ummm...no. Why don't you just come out and say that Chewbacca is going to fight John Morrison at Wrestlemania in an "Ewok Challenge" match? At least be over the top with your bullshit. Anyways, jawbreaker by Hawkins. Hawkins then manages to trip up a running Masters while sliding to the outside. Hawkins getting some kicks in and hits a back body drop for a two count. Hawkins locks in a leg scissors to the abdomen. Masters powers out. Hawkins goes for a front dropkick but misses so he gets launched into the turnbuckle for his troubles. Masters hits some clotheslines and a scoop slam. Masters hits a second rope shoulder block only for a two. Hawkins goes for a clothesline buts gets powered into the Masterlock for the victory. After the match, Tyler Reks ambushes Masters and hits his modified reverse Death Valley Driver deal.
Up next, something that happened on RAW! But what was it? Let's find out.
Recap of two weeks ago with Cena's freestyle on the Rock. Now it's a recap of The Rocks promo from Monday. Long story short, The Rock is pissed at Cena for calling him out, saying he doesn't love the business in his own little way. I can do it no justice, so if you haven't seen it on the bottom of our page (in the always updated World Wrestling Insanity Youtube Player), then check it out now...
That's how Superstars ends, with a promo from three days previous. Welcome to the C-List boys and girls!
Welcome back to another enthralling episode of
Ohio Valley Wrestling! We start things off immediately with a recap of the Switchblade/Revolver match from last week. Long story short, Revolvers manager McNaler trips up his own guy Revolver and Switchblade gets the three count and a shot at the OVW TV title, possibly today!
LET THE BODIES HIT THE...
If you guessed Strawberry Flapjacks, you are wrong.
OVW TV Title Match
Rudy Switchblade def. Mohamed Ali Vaez w/Mr.B
Vaez makes his way to the ring and gets heckled by one fan. It's amazing. Now the crowd catches on to the Vaez Sucks chant. Both men exchange wristlocks to start things off. Now it's an armdrag contest. Back elbow by Switchblade for a two. Switchblade gets sent to the ropes, Vaez charges and Switchblade does some variation of a dropsault and swings himself to the outside of the apron. Impressive Mister Switchblade. Switchblade goes for the plancha but Vaez moves to the outside. Switchblade then goes to the outside apron and tries to hit Vaez with a running forearm but instead hits Mr.B. Whoops! Back to the ring the action goes. Switchblade to the top rope and... misses a crossbody block but somehow rolls through. Switchblade tries to go after Vaez but Vaez, being the evil Persian that he is, uses the ref as a shield. Vaez hits a clothesline on Switchblade. Now who says heel tactics don't work? Vaez sends Switchblade to the ropes but WHOOP!!! Switchblade channels his inner Christian and slips in between the ropes to the outside of the apron and kicks Vaez in the head.Switchblade goes to the top rope but Vaez pushes the ref into the ropes, crotching Switchblade on the top rope. Vaez just punches him to the outside. Crowd starts a Rudy chant and all of a sudden I have an urge to watch the Cosby Show. Vaez tries to suplex Switchblade to the inside but attempted to reverse it into a pin attempt. Vaez being the wise heel that he is grabs the ropes to prevent it. Switchblade gets up and screams in pain while the announcers say he injured his leg. Where's Gorilla Monsoon when you need him, he'd tell you the exact medical location of any injury! Punching war ensues followed by Switchblade hitting a pair of running elbows. Switchblade hits a combo followed by a seated dropkick for a two count. Switchblade then hits an innovative firemans carry into a knee to the face but misses a strange looking kick. Believe me, if you tried one of those kicks in a fight, you'd miss too. Vaez goes for a clothesline but it's countered into a crucifix pin for a two. Now I must have went back in time because this sequence just happened again. Vaez throws Switchblade to the ropes but WHOOP!!! Switchblade channels his inner Christian and slips in between the ropes to the outside of the apron and kicks Vaez in the head. Yessiree, you read that exact sentence twice in this paragraph, all because they did it twice. Switchblade goes to the top rope but no ref interference, Vaez just moves out of the way from a splash Val Venis would've been proud of (once he was done talking smack about Matt Hardy, of course). Vaez pins for a two. Vaez goes for a neckbreaker but it gets countered by Switchblade into a modified Rock Bottom. Pin attempt and very close two count. Mr. B goes up on the apron... Mr.B gets punched off the apron. Vaez goes for a high impact neckbreaker but Switchblade holds the ropes causing Vaez to fall hard. Switchblade goes for his finishing move, the school boy pin and gets the three!!! NEW TV CHAMP!!! Very impressive performance by Switchblade, good match! Kenny Bolin then complains that a foreigner is now TV champ. Yeah because the guy from Santa Cruz, California is more of a foreigner than the guy you were rooting for WHO IS FROM PERSIA!!! I hope you get life threatening hemmorhoids for being an idiot Bolin
OVW Commercial for something that has already happened.
Do you want to make money for your community? Well screw bake sales and go make money with an OVW Fundraiser! Because nothing smells like money more than OVW!
Cornette is hyping up the ladder match in the ring while Cliff Compton and friends make their way to the ring. Mo Green grabs the mic from Cornette and basically talks trash about Comptons future opponents. Compton then grabs the mic and essentially says the same thing. Mascagne then grabs the mic and reiterates the contract by saying that this is the last chance for Mondo and Barela. Cornette then says that big Rocco will be banned from ringside and both Mascagne and Mo Green will be handcuffed to some guy called Officer Yancey. Yancey doesn't look like an officer with the Micheal Bush Raiders jersey. Oh, apparently Micheal Bush will be at the event as well. Long live third string running backs!
OVW Saturday Night Special is March 5th! Are you as excited as I am?
Mike Mondo def. Chase Owens
Chase Owens is a new face to OVW. Here comes the converted cheerleader, Mike Mondo. I hope he does better this time around and actually entertains me. Apparently, Chase Owens was trained by Ricky Morton and can channel his abilities in the ring. Their words, not mine. Mondo gets hit by a few Japanese arm drags for a two count. Mondo counters with a running forearm to the back of Owens head for a two. Mondo hits a few punches and pins for a two. Mondo faked an injury to his shoulder then hits a clothesline for a two. Kenny Bolin apparently has trained John Cena, Mark Henry and the Miz. I don't think Bolin could train someone how to deep fry chicken at KFC, let alone the skills a wrestler would need. Chinlock applied by Mondo. Owens tries to get out but gets hit by a scoop slam. It then takes about 30 seconds (which felt like 15 days watching this) for Mike Mondo to get from the middle of the ring to the top rope. Mike Mondo matches must be the bane of my existence right now. Mondo missed the top rope stomp because Owens rolled out of the way. Owens then hits a flurry of moves capped off by a Daniel Bryanesque running dropkick for a two. Mondo gets thrown to the ropes, Owens charges but gets flipped to the outside of the apron. Mondo goes for a spear but misses and gets hung up by Owens. Owens goes up to the top rope and misses a splash giving the oppurtunity for Mondo to hit his Firemans Carry Gutbuster finish for the three. I hate Mike Mondo matches, he makes an eight minute match feel like two hours.
OVW TV Tapings every Wednesday
Screw these commercials, I'm making up my own. Do you like the nice, warm, juicy taste of chicken? Well screw that and go eat at Taco Bell! Taco Bell, spend eight dollars here and still wind up hungry 30 minutes later!
We're back and the announcers are sending us to a recap of last weeks main event. Long story short, Nemeth and Paradyse beat Terrez and Vaez. Fighting Spirit ran into the ring and started to beat down Nemeth and Paradyse with Terrez and Vaez. This all leads to Cornette getting ready to interview Nemeth and Paradyse. Paradyse is sporting a "Little Miss Naughty" shirt that is about four sizes too small. Nemeth is a rambling, partially slurring mess on the mic. I have no idea what he's talking about but I'm guessing it's along the lines of "I didn't think I could trust Paradyse but he's had my back and we're the champs! I didn't like the beatdown because of my multiple injuries blah blah blah...". Nemeth is now saying that they need to come up with a team name. How about Sucking and Swallowing? Paradyse has a list that has Legion of Doom, Best Friends and Love Muscles. Paradyse says he has a book of wrestling moves then pulls out the Kama Sutra. Pretty funny. Paradyse also has a scrapbook of their title run. Hmmm... this was interesting. Probably the most entertaining thing on the show so far.
Commercial Break- Go sign up to clubwwi.com and pleasure your ears with some great audios featuring Animal from the Legion of Doom, Paul Romas' weekly show and a trillion and a half more audios! clubwwi DOT com, its edutainment!
Raul Lamotta def. Shaun Shultz
Some guy that is speaking way too fast introduces Shultz. Lamotta can't afford music to get to the ring. This is Shultz debut. Some other guy shows up at the announce booth and insults the guys in the ring. Lamotta hits a shoulder block and taunts Shultz. They keep showing the announcing booth so it's hard to follow the actual match. Lamotta hits some clotheslines and armdrags. Shultz flips up but gets hit by a chop. Running elbow by Shultz for a two. This random guy on commentary is really annoying and keeps running down the guys in the ring. Think Micheal Cole calling a Daniel Bryan/DH Smith match just 20 times louder and worse. Both men hit some generic offensive moves which leads to an unprettier by Shultz for a two. Flapjack by Lamotta. Lamotta goes for a move that is like a curb stomp but just to his back. Shultz' Generic Manager gets on the apron and distracts Lamotta. Lamotta gets hooked by Generic Manager, Shultz charges but Lamotta gets out of the way causing a collision, school boy by Lamotta for the three count. Not a bad match however with random rambling jerkoff at the commentary booth going off about everything, it hurt the presentation of the match dramatically. Here comes a guy named Moose and he destroys everyone in the ring.
Commercial Break- Ain't no party like a worldwrestlinginsanity.com party cause a worldwrestlinginsanity party rocks the block!
Matt Barela def. Randy Terrez
The crowd is electric for this match. By electric, I mean sleeping. Terrez puts Barela into the corner and hits some chops. Barela hits some chops and hits a scoop slam. Follows it with a double ax handle for a two count. Barela hits a back elbow for a two. CHINLOCK! by Barela. Terrez gets out of hit and connects on a few punches but Barela counters with some shots of his own. Barela hits two scoops of scoop slams then back body drops Terrez. Terrez sneaks outside. Barela goes to the outside and gets met with a few Terrez punches. Once again, Barela connects on some shots of his own then throws Terrez into the ladder that has been outside of the ring all night. Barela goes for a double ax handle but Terrez moved and Barela hits the barracade. Terrez rolls Barela into the ring and goes for the pin but gets a two. It's time for a...
Commercial Break- More of the same OVW commercials that I've seen ten thousand times. And by ten thousand, I mean four.
We're back and Terrez hits Barelas head into the turnbuckle. Pin attempt is only a two. Terrez throws Barela into the turnbuckle and Barela does the Bret Hart memorial "run straight into the turnbuckle and fall" bump (Hey JG, I think Barela heard your audio!). Pin attempt by Terrez for a two count. Modified surfboard submission by Terrez. Terrez hits a non top rope Green Bay Plunge for a two. Terrez is going for a suplex attempt but it gets blocked and Barela hits his own suplex. Barela is heating up with a series of punches that knocks Terrez on his culo. Barela with a running forearm for a two. Terrez goes for a punch but it gets countered into a wicked spinebuster only for a two count. Barela throws Terrez into the corner and pummels him with some punches until the ref pulls him away from Terrez. Big Rocco comes down and hands Terrez a chain while the ref and Barela are arguing. Terrez hits Barela with the chain and there's the three count. Officer Yancey comes down and tells the ref what happened and the match restarts! Terrez gets in Yanceys face so Yancey pushes Terrez into a Barela neckbreaker for the three! Yancey raises Barelas' hand and thats the show!
Well, this one is harder to decide from last week. Superstars wasn't as good as last week's episode and OVW was leaps and bounds better than it was in my last report. I believe I'll pick OVW on this one for a few reasons. First, every OVW segment served a purpose whether it was showcasing talent for their March 5th show or building all the stories for that show. The Switchblade/Vaez match was the match of the C-List and the only downfalls were the commentating in the Lamotta/Scultz match as well and, once again, Mike Mondo was unimpressive for the second week in a row.
Superstars did what Superstars is supposed to do. Sell the main shows storylines during matches from the guys that weren't on the major shows. The matches were good however there really wasn't any purpose to them other than the continuation of the Masters/Reks feud.
The GLEAM!Performer of the Week
Yes, the OVW guy wins it! He easily carried the match with Vaez and showed flashes of potential in the ring tonight. That and the man won the OVW TV title! So Rudy, you become the first OVW performer to win the GLEAM! Performer of the Week award!