The C-Show Showdown: Zack Ryder and The Great Khali vs. Yoshi Tatsu and Lucky Cannon
By Victor Bast Apr 21, 2011 - 5:16 PM
Welcome back to the greatest report of the greatest C-Shows in the history of the internet! I am your host Victor Bast. So thanks to Superstars leaving cable television, C-Show now means internet wrestling show. That makes a lot of other wrestling/entertainment companies a lot more credible apparently. It also evens the playing field as we embark on another battle between WWE NXT and Superstars. Also next week I'll have a bonus review in store for everyone! So tune in (...or click on the next week's link) for a very special C-Show Showdown. Fear not kids, this week's C-Show is also pretty great and filled with that blend of insanity that will make your brain bleed... in a good way of course! So without any more adieu, here's NXT!
Before we even get the lame video package intro we get a quick recap promo of the trials and tribulations of Maryse and her Three Stooge love affair with Lucky Cannon, Yoshi Tatsu and her man, Ted DiBiase. Tonight Maryse has to pick NXT or DiBiase... Who's she going to pick? Well, keep reading to find out!
We are wild and... Only Available on the internet!
We're introduced to Matt Striker on the entrance way and he introduces Maryse, who gets an intro! Strikes asks Maryse what's the dealio? Who are you going to pick? Maryse tells Matt to look at her and that she doesn't take orders from anybody (Except Vince McMahon, of course... He has powers). Also Maryse has been boinking millionaires before and will boink some more millionaires after DiBiase so she chooses NXT. That's a weak way to kill the relationship. So after that we get introduced to the NXT six. Once again we get the rules and standings. Titus has nine, Darren has seven and Saxton has four REDEMPTION POINTS!!! So today's challenge is the "Power of the Punch" Challenge. Great, now I get to review people punching an electronically scored punching bag. Okay, let's get this over with…
Byron Saxton, with his spiffy Saxout shirt goes first. He scores a 649 from his punch. Can we get a breakdown on how this scoring system works?
Jacob Novak is next and Maryse manages to insult Saxton's punch by telling Novak to "Please be a man". That or she wants Novak to grow a penis. Not sure which one but anyways... Novak gets 456. Maryse looks disgusted. Looks like Novak will keep his apparent lady parts for another day.
Darren Young goes up and hits 467. Regal isn't impressed and Grisham thinks he can do better. I think everyone should apologize to Saxton since he's still in the lead.
Connor O'Brien is next while Regal says "Let the dwarf hit it!" and even Maryse thinks she could be in the lead. Well, let's see what Connor does. Well Connor obliterates Saxton's lady like score with 770. New leader in this game of punching.
Titus O'Neil, apparently a former Florida Gator hits 801. (Insert dog noises here)
Lucky Cannon once again berates the competition and refuses to do it.
So Titus wins the punching challenge. Striker actually goes for a post punch speech with the punch king Titus but Mr. Cannon steals the mic and says this show is about him. So in typical Cannon fashion he goes to talk to Maryse. He basically said the generic heel hitting on Maryse promo #31 mixed in with his lame catch phrases. You missed nothing special but want to know what is special? The awesome music of Yoshi Tatsu! Yes, last week's GLEAM! Performer is coming out here to do something. Probably also hit on Maryse but who knows? He could juggle chainsaws with his feet. Cannon doesn't rikey one bit and challenges Yoshi to a match later on. Yoshi accepts. Cannon invites Maryse ringside for their match.
Preview for another WWE movie, That's What I Am featuring Randy Orton. So basically it's about a bunch of 13 year olds in 1965 being awkward 1965 13 year olds. They laugh, they fall in love, they get picked on, and they get unsuspecting boners at unsuspecting times blah blah blah. Meanwhile, the teacher (Ed Harris) looks to have had the sexual relations with one of his students... and Randy Orton knows about it! Do you know what's really screwed up? Seeing Randy Orton cast in a movie set in the 1960's suburban movie revolving around 1965 13 year olds. If he was in a Vietnam movie, sure that would make sense. He could punt all those Vietcong in the head like he did to the Nexus. For him to be in this movie, it's just weird. He better RKO the awkward looking kid.
WWE Did You Know? The same crap from last week... So yes, I already knew that.
Titus O'Neil vs. Darren Young
They both get entrances and the viewing public gets the privilege of hearing a Darren Young promo. Basically he says he's an NXT athlete while Hornswoggle is a midget and a joke. That is height discrimination according to the gospel of Grisham. Young takes control on Titus early with some strikes that lead to a two count. Young continues with his generic offense and it all leads to a chinlock. Titus powers Young into the corner then hits strikes of his own followed up by a clothesline. He then does that retarded dog noise of his. Hate that noise. Young then takes control with *sigh* some more strikes in the corner. Hornswoggle is being a good little distraction, so much so that Young goes after the 'Swoggle. Titus takes the opportunity for a school boy roll up for the three. It was what it was, a very basic match that continued a feud between Swoggle and Titus against Chavito and Young. Post match, Young blindsides a celebrating Titus and hits him with the Fireman's Carry Gutbuster. Chavo is actually playing face here and is asking what Young is doing. Uh oh, Young spotted Hornswoggle. Young grabs himself a collar full of Hornswoggle and Chavo is actually in the ring trying to talk sense into Young. I thought he also hated 'Swoggle? This could be like when Scratchy finally kills Itchy! Well no Swoggle killing today as the great mentoring of Chavo works after all.
Tough Enough commercial. M-Dogg got eliminated and the internet wrestling fans are going bananas... in a bad way. "He's the most talented one, he's paid his dues, and the others have no business being better than him" blah blah blah... Look, it happened. Get over it. He'll get a developmental contract and we can see what happens to him. Just keep watching the show or else Vince McMahon will use his superhuman powers and eliminate submissions from the world of entertainment as well!
Brooklyn, Brooklyn!!! JTGeezy is coming to the Ringizzle while the recap of last week's wager between himself and Kozlov is shown. JTG introduces Jacob Novak in his own unique way that reminds me of In Living Color for some reason. Remember that show? The Wayans Bros, Jim Carrey, Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, J-Lo was on that show! You don't remember her? Well she was the head dancer of that show and looked more like the Geico Caveman than Jenny from the Block. I'll even show you evidence of this...
Well Known J-Lo pic
J-Lo circa In Living Color Days
See, told ya! Moving on, Novak is on his way to the ring dressed as JTG. Novak doesn't look impressed. Novak grabs the mic and says there are more pros in the WWE that could make him successful other than JTG. Well, yeah probably but they'd all fail. Novak then goes on to say dressing him up won't work and he hates the Yankees. Me too! He then says he knows what the fans think of him then says he knows what Regal thinks of him. He says that Regal should step into the ring and he'll show him what a Superstar is. Once Novak stops talking, Regal says from the commentary booth the best line of the night so far "That's the last thing he'd want me to do is get in that ring and turn him into a bloody vegetable". Personally I want to see Regal turn Novak into a bloody Zucchini, which would be one hell of a trick!
Jacob Novak def. Byron Saxton
Well, starting this thing off and the new look Novak gets beaten and clotheslined out of the ring by Saxton. Saxton goes to the outside but gets tripped up on the apron by Novak and falls to the floor. Back in the ring they go and Novak goes for the pin but gets two. Novak continues his beatdown with some kicks to the gut and gets a two count again. Novak hits a few kitchen sink knees to Saxton's gut and goes for another pin, another two. Novak locks his legs around the midsection of Saxton but as usual, Saxton gets out of the submission. Saxton hits a modified jawbreaker then unleashes a flurry of offense capped off by a bulldog (Not the British or Canadian variety, more the in ring variety) but only gets a two count. Saxton goes for the punches to the head in the corner... you know the one where the fans used to count to 10. Well Saxton got two then got pushed onto the top rope gut first. Novak then hits a couple of kicks and boots Saxton to the face. Novak then collects the three count!
Later tonight we get to see the epic battle between Lucky Cannon and Yoshi Tatsu! Also, Grisham informs us that their manhoods will be on the line! Wait, what?!?! If one of them loses they lose their lil' Cannon or lil' Tatsu? In that case, my money is on Yoshi Tatsu then. He might know Kaientai and they know how to choppee choppee someone's pee pee!
Recap of RAW where Edge retired. A very emotional and sad moment from one of this eras great performers. At least he has the intelligence to leave in good enough health where he can live a good life in little pain (hopefully) and on top of his game. Thank you Edge for everything you've done. You will be missed.
Yoshi Tatsu def. Lucky Cannon
Maryse is on commentary and she says Yoshi is like a five year old. Well with his music I can't argue with her. Lucky starts this thing off with a pie face to Yoshi...mmmm....pie face *drools*. Yoshi is having none of that so he gives a stiff chop to Cannon. Well, that sort of pissed off Cannon because he hits boots Yoshi down and hits back to back neckbreakers. Pin attempt is just a two count. I think Cannon locked in a submission hold but the camera is focused on Maryse talking about how she thinks mashed poutine (mashed potatoes with gravy and cheese on top) is "Da'lish". Screw wrestling, let's talk about poutines! I bet some bacon bits on there and maybe a cheeseburger with jalapenos on the side would go great Maryse! Meanwhile Cannon drops a leg on Yoshi then throws him to the outside. Oh now he wants to talk to Maryse as well. He just says it's all about him and that Maryse is his girl. Maryse just laughs and says it's all about her. Well I have to agree with her seeing how this match is about her, the commentary is mostly about her and the camera is on her more than the match so far. Anywho, Lucky goes to throw Yoshi head first into the steel post but Yoshi slips out and Lucky hits it! Yoshi throws Cannon back in the ring and hits a flurry of chops that all lead up to a spinwheel kick off the top rope. Uno, Dos, Tres - this thing is finito! Maryse then congratulates the winner by kissing him while Grisham says Cowabunga. No, really he said Cowabunga. Regal even questions him on it. Well this ends the show.
It's time for Superstars! Now only on the Internet!
Chris Masters def. Curt Hawkins
Neat, no Tyler Reks! Both men grapple up and Masters shoves Hawkins down into the corner. Hawkins didn't appreciate that one so he goes and gets some shots in then attempts a suplex. Yes, attempts one because Masters reverses it into a stalling suplex of his own. Pin only nets a two. Headlock by Masters lasts a little while but Hawkins eventually maneuvers into the corner. Hawkins gets a few shots in until the ref breaks it up. Masters goes for his second rope shoulder block but Hawkins counters with a forearm to the face. After a headlock by Hawkins he finally connects with that suplex. Only gets a two count. Hawkins locks in another headlock but Masters gets out of it. Masters goes to the ropes but he gets hit with Hawkins patented "slide out of the ring and trip you up" move. Hawkins poses as...
We get a commercial? Online? Actually it's just a generic Randy Orton hype video.
Back to the match and Hawkins charges to a cornered Masters but guess what? No seriously, guess what happens? Masters moves and Hawkins hits the corner head first. That leads to a flurry of chops and a clothesline by Masters. Uh oh, he's Mastering up! Masters his a couple of clotheslines and a spinebuster. Masters to the second rope! Masters hits the diving shoulder block. Pin attempt but only gets a near fall. Is it Masterlock time? Not if Hawkins has anything to say about it as he flips Masters before it's locked in and hits an aggressive clothesline. Masters gets thrown to the ropes, Hawkins charges but gets thrown outside to the apron and gets locked in the Masterlock. Then Masters picks up Hawkins and puts him back in the ring while still holding in the Masterlock and it's over.
Edge announcing retirement promo. It totally did not reek of awesomeness. It reeked of sadness. Thank You Edge yet again.
Awesome Kong hype video. She's sitting there petting a retarded looking Barbie doll looking thing. The doll has very bizarre eyes and a misshapen head. It's like if an alien tried to dress up like a human for Halloween on their home planet of Omicron Persei 8. Well Kong flicks the dolls head of and cackles like a maniac. Wait; do the eight people that read this actually know who Kong is? Shit, should've said random hype video. Well it's too late for me to delete it as I am too lazy to delete stuff so SURPRISE!!! Awesome Kong is coming to a ring near you!
Natalya and Gail Kim def. Maryse and Melina
Maryse goes to having the focus on her in NXT to actually having to compete. Maryse and Natalya start this off and Natalya steals a move she learned from Lucky Cannon on NXT. She does the pie face thing to Natalya. Psst... Maryse. Lucky Cannon lost, you might not want to use his strategy. Natalya then charges but Maryse goes to the ropes and does her little pose thing. Natalya goes to the outside and takes Maryse down. They both exchange altitudes as Natalya pulls Maryse inside the ring by the hair. Hope Maryse uses a good shampoo. Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter but Maryse runs to her corner. In comes Melina. Melina gets taken down immediately and is it Sharpshooter time for Melina? No, she slaps her way out of it. Melina then gets grabbed by the hair and scoop slammed. Tag to Gail Kimberly. They do a double team splash deal for a two count. Gail hits a clothesline in the corner then runs again but Melina moves. Don't worry though, Gail jumps on the ropes and still splashes on Melina. Just like milk on cereal, baby. Gail then hits a running front dropkick. Gail goes for the neckbreaker but sees an interfering Maryse so Gail boots her interfering nemesis. Gail for some reason gets confused and she's unsure who to go after. After a few seconds she decides Melina but Gail gets stungunned by Melina. Melina starts wailing both on Gail and out loud. Melina sends Gail into the corner and puts her horizontally on the second turnbuckle. She was about to go for something but Gail fought out of it. Gail tries to tag in her bosom buddy but Melina drags her away and throws her into her corner. Melina then channels her inner Kevin Nash by choking Gail with her foot in the corner. No, she didn't pull a quad, calm down marks. While the ref deals with Melina, Maryse pulls Gail's hair ferociously. Tag to Maryse. Gail gets put in the tree of woe and Melina then runs, leapfrogs Maryse and hits a splash (?) on Gail. Then Maryse made a noise that reminded me of Luigi in Mario Kart 64 when he passes somebody. Lets'a'go! Maryse goes for the pin but it's only a two count. Maryse chokes Gail on the second rope and once the ref breaks it off, Melina kicks Gail in the face. Tag to Melina. Melina beats on Gail briefly then locks in what Scott Stanford calls the California Dream. Gail kind of reverses it but Melina reverses it into a pin. Only a two count. Tag to Maryse. Gail is trying to get a tag but Maryse knocks Natalya off the apron. Natalya tries to drag Gail away but she hits a jawbreaker. Tag to Natalya! Natalya hits a flurry of offense followed up by a discus clothesline. Pin attempt but Melina breaks it up. Gail Kim ain't having any of that so she takes a page from her mans playbook and hits the flying clothesline on Melina. Maryse goes for her DDT but gets locked in the Sharpshooter instead. Whoops! Maryse taps and team workrate wins!
Recap of Taker vs. Triple H from Wrestlemania. Dude, that was a while ago. It's over with. People have moved on. Find better commercial/promos!
Great Khali def. Zack Ryder
It's the Woo Woo Woo kid... with an entrance! Zack Ryder gets promo time as well. He talks about not being at Wrestlemania and fist pumping Great Khali's face.
Gail Kim promo video. Well, didn't see that coming.
Back to Superstars and here comes Khali featuring his handler Ranjin Singh. I bet Harvey Wippleman would be a better handler. Match starts off with Ryder scurrying in between the ropes. Once his stalling is over, Ryder kicks Khali then goes "Woo Woo Woo". It's actually funnier than I make it sound. Ryder goes for another kick but Khali pushes him on his bottom. Ryder tries to beg Khali not to hurt him then chops his chest to no avail. So what do you do when you piss off a giant? Run out of the ring! Ryder goes to the apron and starts to talk smack to Singh. Khali takes advantage and throws Ryder back in the ring. Into the corner they both go and Khali steals the Big Shows gimmick and chops his chest something fierce. Khali does this again and tries for a third time but Ryder dropkicks his knees making the Punjabi giant fall. Ryder gets some shots in, but decides to instead lock in a headlock. Well, Khali fought out of it. Clothesline, Brain Chop, Punjabi Plunge and it's over.
Due to technical difficulties (Also known as being pretty busy this week), there will be no in-depth verdict. I'll just tell you that NXT was the better show this week simply based on the fact that they evolved multiple storylines and was more fun to watch. Superstars had better matches but still no real rhyme or reason on why the matches are taking place.
The GLEAM!Performer of the Week
That's right; the French sensation has won the award this week! Most of NXT was solely focused on her so that's a big plus. Sure, she lost on Superstars but she did talk about mashed poutine on NXT so that cancels out the loss for me! Just to make this award more special for you Maryse, Maryse Félicitations, vous êtes la GLEAM! interprète de la semaine!