C-Show Showdown
WWE SuperStars SuperReview: To The Masters Goes The Gallows, William Regal Can't Handle The Truth, and You Know It's Superstars When JTG Wins
By Mike Johns
Jun 27, 2010 - 7:21 PM

I was planning to forgo the usual Superstars Intro Video this week and replace it with an Epic Pwnage Video I recently made on TNA President, Dixie Carter. Unfortunately, YouTube is currently blocking that video world wide, due to a copyright claim filed by the Universal Music Group. Now, while I’d like to think that the use of Lady GaGa’s image and music as a metaphor for Dixie Carter’s current mentality as the head of TNA Wrestling would be, legally speaking, covered under the Fair Use Laws here in the United States, UMG clearly disagrees, and YouTube, being the Free Speech Crusaders they are (sarcasm), don’t generally care one way or the other what’s Fair Use and what isn’t, nor really take the time to look into these claims before blocking videos such as mine. So, for now, the video is not available. I sent a copy along to James, Aaron Wood, Canadian Bulldog, and a few others here on the site, and the feedback I’ve gotten on it so far has been overwhelming positive. Unfortunately, barring another source that will either take a stronger stand for Free Speech, or just plain not give a crap about any possibility of an alleged copyright infringement of Lady GaGa’s music and/or image, you’re more than likely not going to see this video any time soon, which is a shame on several levels.

I could take a little time as well to go into how I’ve been borrowing various media clips and posting videos featuring them, both within and outside the barriers of what is considered Fair Use in the US, and how many of them still remain up to this day. I could even go into how horribly out of date the current definition of Fair Use is, how its been abused by copyright holders in order to attain rights above and beyond what is fair of them to have over their creations, and how all of this is seriously inhibiting their ability to grow as New Media has, placing them even further behind the curve of technology and worldwide communications, and only quickening their decline into extinction, but this is supposed to be a wrestling column, and I’ve already wasted enough of your time.

So, with that, we move on to the review…

Hello and welcome once again to your Superstars SuperReview. Bringing you the blow by blow is the Lord of the Insanity Universe, Mike Johns, who, like most of the known WWE Universe, doesn’t get WGN, and now has a choice whether to watch Superstars on Hulu or on YouTube. This week, I chose Hulu. Their pop-out player is more reliable, and using that (rather than watching the show via my web browser) makes it easier to watch the show and type at the same time.

What You Missed Last Week: Kofi Kingston gets an easy win over Trent Baretta, Primo sneaks a win over Yoshi Tatsu, and the Uso Brothers went over Goldust and Mark Henry as the announcers were busy talking about the Nexus guys.

Nexus = The New Official Name for the NXT Season 1 guys, by the way. Wade debuted the name in his promo this past Monday, but apparently people missed it, because it’s yet to catch on, which is sad. It’s actually a pretty good name for them. It explains their connection and their unity, as well as the fact that Nexus kind of sounds like NXT. It’s a better rename than, say, Trevor Murdoch to Jethro Holiday…

And we start off this week with JTG vs. Caylen Croft.

What’s with WWE booking the Dudes in singles matches lately? Last week, it’s Trent, this week, Croft. It’s almost ROH-style booking, except in WWE, the tag guy in the singles match doesn’t generally get the win over a guy who primarily works as a single. In other words, unless they got a partner for JTG in the works, don’t expect Croft to go over here.

The match starts off all right. JTG gains the advantage by outsmarting Croft and nailing a knee clip, followed by his leapfrog rocker dropper, and a flapjack. This crowd, though, doesn’t seem to give a sh*t. JTG goes to the middle rope, starts jacking jaw with Trent on the outside, and Croft pushes JTG off the buckle and to the floor. And, apparently, that doesn’t count as an outside dive, because we don’t go to commercial as Trent kicks JTG while he’s down. Croft rolls out after JTG, throws him back into the ring and goes for a cover for 1. Croft slows the pace, wearing JTG down with a cravat as what sounds like 6 people in a crowd of about 10,000 chant ‘This is Awesome’. Normally, you wouldn’t hear stuff like that, but this crowd is so DEAD right now that I could probably hear a ringtone go off from the nosebleed seats right about now. Any bets on the likelihood that said ringtone is Lady GaGa’s “Telephone”?

Back to the match, and JTG nails his double spin neckbreaker, which actually looked pretty good this time. Usually, it just looks like he forgot to fall after the first spin, so he just takes a second one, but this time, it actually looked, well… right. JTG gets fired up and nails a mug shot on Croft, then baseball slides Trent at ringside, taking him out, too. JTG rolls the dice and hits a Shout Out on Croft for the win. At least, that’s what the Grish called it. It’s that weird spinning Hart Attack-like move he does.

Winner: JTG

JTG then pulls some kids out of the crowd and celebrates his win as we go to commercial. You know, that Knight and Day movie with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz actually looks kinda cool. Not worth the $10 to see in a theater, but definitely worth a rental on DVD.

We come back to the show with Lucky Cannon’s NXT “Get To Know Me” video. Every time I see this, it reminds me of these people with the sob stories on America’s Got Talent who only pass on to the next round because the judges feel sorry for them. That’s not a good way to endear yourself to the WWE Universe, Lucky. Then again, you got stuck with Mark Henry as your pro. You’re clearly not expected to win this thing, anyway.

Up next, we get to know Husky Harris, better known to anyone with a brain cell as Mike “IRS” Rotundo’s kid, Duke. Definitely has a different look to him, at least for WWE. He looks like he could beat you up, legit, and he’s not roided to death or ‘pretty boy’ muscular like most of the WWE roster. That’s unique here, and it’s a shame he’s been saddled with such a stupid name, because the guy seems to have all the tools and is just different enough to be something special in WWE. The downside is, he’s probably going to end up like Trevor Murdoch in the end, working NWA shows because… why the hell did WWE fire Trevor, anyway? Weren’t they practically in love with him, once?

So, anyway, we finally get back to the show, already in progress, as Serena Deeb/Mancini/Hottest Bald Woman in the Universe comes out looking awesome, as usual. Yeah, we could stand to see more skin, but she’s a heel with morals, dammit! She’s got to get me to not like her somehow, and after watching her work her way from curtain jerker to title contender in SHIMMER in the single most-inspirational rise to stardom ever booked in that promotion (no, seriously. The way Dave Prazak booked Serena as the underdog babyface was near phenomenal, and should be studied by creative teams everywhere), that’s not an easy task. Although, saddling her with Luke Gallows certainly does help…

Luke Gallows vs. Chris Masters

Is it me, or is Luke coming out to Viscera’s old music? Meanwhile, Chris Masters…

So, they tie up, and Gallows takes the advantage with a slap, followed by a series of strikes. As Masters gets an arm wrench of Luke, Matt Striker calls Serena his ex-girlfriend, and follows it up with, and I quote, “She doesn’t know it yet, but it’s true.” Huh?

Masters jerks on Luke’s arm a bit, and I could make a really crude joke here, but I don’t think James would appreciate me telling it here. But, in the interest of having something to say about this match other than ‘it sucks’ - basically, it has something to do with a man, um… ‘jerking’.

So, back to the suckfest. Luke hits a bodyslam, but misses with the follow-up elbow. Masters nails a hanging suplex as Matt Striker says, and again, I quote, “I love these kind of matches. A lot of high-impact, hanging and banging…” Yes, Matt. All TWO high-impact moves, so far. WOW! (sarcasm)

I’m seriously only seconds away from calling the MVP Rule here, but, fortunately, Luke rolls to the outside, which apparently counts as a dive, because we’re going to commercial!

Back from commercial, and the first thing we see is Chris Masters screaming “MASTERLOCK!!!” loud enough to be heard from outside the building. So, obviously, the dumbsh*t can’t lock the hold, because he only ANNOUNCED TO HIS OPPONENT that he was going for it, and Luke ends up knocking Masters to the floor. Oh, if only someone really, really hot, was out there to kick Pec-Dance Boy while he was down… Speaking of which, seriously, check Serena. I swear, she’s smuggling watermelons the like of which Shelly Martinez isn’t even carrying around these days!

But, of course, we can’t have HER kick Masters. No, Luke has to go out and drag Pec Boy back into the ring. Big running splash by Luke for 2, then he goes into the chinlock to wear Chris down. You ever notice how EVERYONE in this company does a chinlock? I mean EVERYONE. Someone seriously needs to get these guys some wrestling tapes and let them know there’s other holds out there, seriously!

So Masters fights back up, goes for a slam, but can’t go through with it, as he falls with Luke on top of him. Vertical suplex by Luke for 2, then into the surfboard stretch on Masters, which is nice to see. Given, the surfboard stretch may be the second most overused hold in all of wrestling, but at least it’s not a f*cking chinlock! Luke misses a boot, and Masters nails the recent banned chops on Luke, bringing us the first, true spark of life in this crowd so far tonight, as the fans “Woo” with each respective chop. Diving shoulder block off the middle rope by Masters for 2. Luke nails a big boot for 2. Luke going for the Gallows Poll, but Chris fights out, looking to set up the Masterlock. Luke rams Chris into the turnbuckle to break the hold, charges at Masters, but Chris kicks Luke in the face and goes to the middle rope again. Serena jumps to the apron to distract Masters long enough for Luke to catch Chris with the Gallows Poll for the win.

Winner: Luke Gallows

We now come to our weekly NXT recap – Cody Rhodes trounces Lucky Cannon, and the rookies beg the fans not to vote them off next week. Well, all but Alex Riley, who acts like a dick, and Husky Harris, who attacks Matt Striker from behind as NO ONE comes to his aid. Keep in mind, here were 7 other guys in the ring, just standing there, watching Duke kick the crap out of Matt, and no one does anything. Not even Kaval.
We then go to a cleavage shot of one of the Bellas. We pull away to see the Bellas walking down the hall towards Gorilla, which means, we’re going to commercial. Unfortunately, this also means they’re about to wrestle, which means I’m going to end up making even more SHIMMER references tonight, aren’t I?

Back from commercial, and we get to know Kaval. Born in Brooklyn, raised on an Army Base, and wrestling all over the world; just a fantastic video, all around, plugging all of Low-Ki’s positives, as well as his background and his experience. WWE has one of the best all-around production teams in all of entertainment, and packages like this continue to prove that, time and time again.

Jillian Hall vs. Brie Bella

Jillian cracks me up. Seriously. All I need on a bad day is a fun Jillian Hall segment, and this is yet another example of the comedy wrestler done well. Jill comes out, right, and because the world is currently down with World Cup Fever, Jillian decides to sing El Generico’s theme song in tribute. Now, how this is supposed to get her heat, I’m not sure, because the show’s taking place in America (the only country in the world that doesn’t call Soccer ‘Football’), and she’s singing ‘Ole’. So, basically, two strikes for the domestic audience, but Superstars does seem to have the bigger international audience, so… whatever. I can’t see AW getting too upset about Jillian mentioning Football and singing in Spanish, you know?

And because there’s only one Bella in the ring, I can actually tell which one is which. Brie (the one in the ring) starts off with an arm wrench into a hammer lock. Jill drop toe holds Brie down, then slaps her on the ass to bring about the second sign of life in the crowd so far tonight. Brie doesn’t like being spanked, though, as Brie pounces on Jill and they catfight around a bit. So, right here, you just saw the extend of the Bellas’ in-ring acumen, which means Jill should be taking over right about… now. Brie goes for a headscissors, but Jill pushes her off. Jill chokes Brie on the ropes (Oh, wait! No! Stop! Children might be watching!), then nails a snapmare/kick combo for 2. Jill with the bodyslam, followed by a cartwheel splash attempt, but Brie puts up the knees to regain the momentum. Brie pulls off the only other moves she seems to know, a dropkick, and follows up with one of the weakest looking bulldogs I’ve ever seen for 2. Brie sets Jill up for the Victory Roll, but Jill stops her in mid-roll and pins her for a 2 count.

Any takers on whether or not we’ll see “The Switch” (where twins switch places with one another during the match to allow the fresher competitor to cheat a win over their opponent) tonight? Also, a side bet on whether or not it actually works this time…

Brie goes for a monkey flip (who knew? The Bellas know FOUR moves now!), but Jill tosses her to the outside, which is not considered a dive, because we’re not going to commercial. But it does allow for “The Switch”, as Nikki Bella goes to the floor, trying to look like she just took the fall as Brie gets back up, and the ref is distracted by Jill. Way to go, numbnuts! You just missed “The Switch”! Now we’re stuck with the Bella that only knows FIVE moves in this match!

Oh, wait! It’s NOT WORKING!!! Jill saw it, and it looks like the ref just figured it out, too! F*cking A, Jillian! Pwn these cheating babyfaces! Seriously, we’re supposed to be cheering for these cheating douche-canoes [Copyright 2010, Allison Danger]?! WTF?!

So, we just met the smartest referee in the history of wrestling, as he not only catches “The Switch”, but even manages to tell which Bella is which by noticing that Brie is sweating. F*cking A! Someone’s FINALLY GETTING IT!!! They’re breaking the clichés!

So Jill throws Brie in and… F*CK!!! They pulled “The Switch” again! As the ref pulls Jill off of Brie in the corner, Nikki switches places with her as the ref has his back turned. Jill charges back at Nikki, and Nikki rolls Jill up for the win.

Winner: Brie Bella

Props to WWE for breaking the cliché, here. Sure, they eventually went for “The Switch” anyway, but at least they found a different way to pull it off that was far more believable, and entertaining.

We then go to a replay of the last moments of Raw, when the Nexus beat the hell out of Vince McMahon. I have to say, for what it is, this may be the best angle WWE has run in a while. It’s also the only truly interesting angle they’re running right now, and, if they’re not careful, we’re going to burn out on it a lot faster than anyone could expect. The New World Order worked, in part, because there was other stuff going on during Nitro to keep your interest outside of the nWo, and you didn’t have to rely on their angle to carry the entire show. WWE, though, is a one-lane highway. Everything takes a back seat to the Main Event Angle, and, in a world where only one story matters, it’s very easy to get burnt out on even a good story very quickly. But, then again, I’ve only been trying to explain the need of building a stronger midcard in WWE to support the Main Events for years now…

I mean, really – if WWE spent HALF of the time they spend on these Superstar hype videos on building their midcard talents in a meaningful way, we’d be living in a far different world today.

MAIN EVENT TIME!!!
R-Truth vs. William Regal

You know what’s funny? They’re still announcing Regal as the 2008 King of the Ring. And guess what the commentators are talking about instead of the wrestlers in this match. No, go ahead. Guess. Did you guess, “The NXT Guys?” Well, obviously! What else is Cole going to talk about? The match? Why the hell Regal is still being announced as the KOTR winner from TWO YEARS AGO?! Of course not! It’s all about the Nexus, baby!

Regal takes the early advantage, working Truth’s arm. Truth wrestles out, nails a flying head scissors and a couple dropkicks to get the crowd going (the third sign of life tonight). Unfortunately, after a bad landing, Truth is clutching his knee, and rolls to the corner. The ref checks on him, and Regal strikes, going for the injured knee. As Regal tries to wrench the knee, Truth tries to wrench Regal’s neck. Regal overpowers, landing a knee drop to Truth’s injured joint, and goes for a half-crab variant. Truth manages to get to the ropes, breaking the hold. Truth gets up, and but Regal rushes him into the corner. Truth tries fighting back, eventually nailing a monkey flip as Regal tried to regain control of Truth’s injured leg. Regal hangs Truth’s knee on the middle rope, using Truth’s body weight dangling on the outside to cause more damage to the knee. Regal drags Truth back into the ring, and continues attacking the knee. Truth makes a comeback, nailing a DDT for 2. Exploder suplex by Regal, setting up for the running knee, but Truth nails him with the Lie Detector forearm shot for the win.

Winner: R-Truth

Final Thoughts:
There’s not much to say here that I haven’t already said in the review, or even in last week’s Final Thoughts. The Nexus is interesting, but already in danger of over-exposure. There’s nothing else seemingly going on to take your attention OFF of the Nexus long enough for them to get a break.

WWE actually tried something different tonight with the Bellas. Sure, they still went for “The Switch” anyway, but it is nice to see this company recognize that clichés get tired, and you have to find new ways to do things. As much as I don’t like the Bellas in-ring, and completely fail to see their appeal (seriously, there’s prettier girls out there on the Internetz willing to show you EVERYTHING), I do have to applaud WWE’s effort here tonight with a truly entertaining finish.

I also have to give props to Truth tonight, as he did have me thinking he was legitimately hurt for the first half of the match. It’s not always easy to fool a jaded fan, such as myself, and get them to think a worked injury could be real, but Truth did that with me tonight. Also, the excellent in-ring work of William Regal continues to shine through despite the fact that most men his age are usually in the midst of their physical decline in the ring. For all I know, Regal could be winding down, physically, as well. The difference between him and, say, an Undertaker, though, is that it’s not as obvious. Given, ‘Taker is older, with far worse injuries to deal with than Regal, but the same could be said of Triple H compared to Regal. I understand that people tend to have longer active careers in pro wrestling than in actual sports, but when it’s all said and done, your body can’t do at 40 what it did at 20, and a lot of the guys at the top in this business – H, Taker, Kurt Angle, RVD, Sting, Hulk Hogan – are either at or beyond the point where any sensible athlete would have called it a career. Shawn Michaels retired earlier this year, at 44, in great part because he recognized that his body could no longer work at the rate necessary to maintain his spot in the business. And, honestly, that’s what a lot of the guys currently holding Main Event-Level spots in this business need to do now – recognize they’re no long physically capable of performing at a Main Event Level, and move out of the way, so younger, more viable talents can take those spots and run with them. Once again, the premise of the Pro Wrestling Show is that Wrestling is a Sport. In real sports, when the body declines, and a guy can no longer perform at his peak, he retires. And he STAYS retired!

But hey… we can always just continue on the same path of destruction taken by Verne Gagne in the 1980’s, and continue to push yourselves and your buddies in the Main Event 20 years past their prime until you’re so desperate for money that you’re out and out robbing guys like Jerry Lawler and Jerry Jarrett because you can’t manage to pay your debts!