I spent an hour yesterday just sitting here staring at my computer screen. I would then type something and about five minutes after I typed it, I erased it. That is called writers block. Only thing is, I wasn’t really at a loss as to what I wanted to say. I had tons to say. I had tons of stories, anecdotes, memories and even a few jokes to try and brighten the mood. But to no avail. Everything I wrote just looked wrong to me. No matter how eloquently I put something, it was wrong. So I just decided to take a day and sleep on it. I did and this is what I am coming up with. I am not thinking before I type. I am not trying to think of something witty to write to lighten the mood and brighten up your spirits. I am just expressing how I feel. So to all you handful of fans of my writing, I apologize. I am sorry if this brief column doesn’t feel coherent or entertaining. I am sorry if it doesn’t even make much sense to you. I am just putting into words what is coming to me as it comes. Bear with me.

Eddie Guerrero is DEAD and I am ANGRY, UPSET, MAD, SAD, DISAPPOINTED, HEARTBROKEN, CONFUSED about it. Why does another talented performer who I enjoyed gone? Why is another young man who lived in the spotlight and overcame his demons, dead? For those of you people reading this who are new to me and my writings, I can tell you that this sucks. I knew Chris Candido personally. He was a mentor to not only me, but tons of independent wrestling hopefuls in the New York/New Jersey area. I knew how hard he worked to get his life back and get back to being one of the best and brightest wrestlers around. So I was miserable when I found out he passed away. Especially because I had seen him two weeks before at a show. He was upbeat and excited about life. What made it all the more difficult is that if you had told me about five years ago that Chris had passed away, I wouldn’t have been surprised. You all knew about his lifestyle at the time. You all heard and read the stories about him. Chris dying back then was expected. Chris dying recently is a shock to all.

The same thing can be definitely said for Eddie Guerrero. Unfortunately for me, I have never met Eddie. But from all the stories I have read over the past few days and all of the articles I have seen, I can definitely tell that Eddie was a special man. By all accounts, he had found GOD and was a GOD fearing person. He knew when the time came for him to leave us, that he had made peace with himself for his past and peace with God.

We as wrestling fans lost a great performer. We lost someone we all loved to watch. Someone who made us smile and laugh. But after last night’s RAW, I realize that we are all selfish. Each and everyone person who is a wrestling fan. Why you ask? Because people like Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, Vicki Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Dean Malenko, Batista, JBL and others lost so much more. They not only lost a co worker, they lost a friend, a father, a brother, an uncle, a confidant. Someone they confided in. Someone who helped guide them. Someone who they knew intimately. A man they respected and loved. So while I admit I shed a tear for someone who I enjoyed watching, the shed tears for a man they knew inside and out. It reminds me of a scene from the movie “The Punisher” (not the Dolph Lundreth or however you spell his name version, the Thomas Jane one). When Frank Castle is talking with Joan she tells him, “I’m sorry about your family” and Castle’s response is, “Why? Did you know them?”

That is how I feel right now. I am so sorry for the loss but the truth is, we didn’t know Eddie Guerrero. We knew who he was as a character. We knew a bit about his past and how he was around his family and friends via WWE Home Video. But we don’t know WHO he was. We don’t know how he reacted when his oldest daughter failed a math test. We don’t know how he helped Batista through his personal struggles other than the fact that he read him a bible scripture. So again, I apologize. I am sorry. Not that we and WWE lost a great, entertaining performer. On the contrary, I am sorry that we, as people, lost a great human being.