10-27-06

“Skydive naked from an aeroplane...”

Boo-yah, here we go!!

***

Item # 1 –  A lot less ZAH.

I know that I’ve alluded to this before, but I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll be seeing less of me around the Insanity Message Boards and smaller columns over the next few weeks.  Why? 

Well, it appears that Baby ZAH is colicky.  What is colic?  Glad you asked...

Colic usually begins when a baby is about three weeks of age and disappears around two to three months later. Its most apparent symptom is a period of intense crying that lasts for longer than three straight hours, most commonly in the late afternoon or evening. Sometimes a colicky baby will clench his fists, become red in the face, or pass gas while he cries. Although the child seems to be in pain, most experts say that colic is much more difficult for the parents than it is for the baby.

Yeah...good times.

The bottom line is that my son is now in the middle of his 3-month scream-fest (they can sometimes go as long as 6 months).  With me working 10+ hours a day that means that my wife is doing 90% of the work at home with our son.  I simply can’t let her do that alone anymore...especially now that my son is crying more and more.  Regardless of how tired I am, I’ve got to help her out more than I am now.  That means, unfortunately, that my “spare time” (i.e. time not at work) will be spent with my son so that my wife can get some much-needed sleep...not here online.

If the next month or so results in really short columns, please forgive me.  I mean, I’m not going anywhere...I’m not quitting or anything...I’m just going to focusing my attention elsewhere; where it belonged in the first place.

How can you help?  Well, you can all pray with me that he grows out of it soon.  I’m simply too much of a loud-mouth cranky-ass to sit idly by for too long.

Item # 2 – Damn.

I never thought I’d laugh at any bit that involved John Cena.  However, I’ve got to be 100% honest by saying that I was floored by the Cena/Booker/K-Fed/SIMMONS segment from this past Monday night.

Wait a second...Ron Simmons???

Exactly.

I mean, I wasn’t surprised at all that WWE decided to push K-Fed away from his mid-card spot with Johnny Nitro and into a main-event program with Booker T King Booker.  Booker proceeded to toss Federline’s salad more than Britney ever has.  It was pathetically amusing (if I’m looking for an apt description...I guess that would be it). 

At this point, Cena came out and told Booker that he had lost all of his rights to be called a black man.  Then it happened...

Ron Simmons, a man not seen on WWE television in about two years, walked out onto the stage.  The crowd could see where this was heading and you could sense their anticipation.  He simply walked out...looked at Booker in disgust...and said the one word that he made famous.

“Damn.”

I snickered.  I could see that coming from a mile away.  Who couldn’t?  At that point, Simmons then turned around and slowly walked to the back. 

And, umm...that was it.  WWE didn’t milk it.  In fact, they played it to perfection.  Simmons left, Cena watched him leave and laughed, and the crowd loved it. Unlike most things that work, WWE decided to hold back.  That was the one thing that surprised me more than anything else.  It’s not often that WWE doesn’t milk something for all it’s worth.

Having said that, don’t be surprised if Simmons pops up on all three WWE programs and starts saying “Damn” for no reason over and over.

Item # 3 – What the snap is up with TNA??

The “Fight for the Right” tournament from this past Thursday night was a clusterf*ck of significant proportions.  They had originally teased a Christian/Sting program earlier in the night (which would have been the smart idea) but for some reason there needed to be some type of gimmick nonsense to set up Sting’s next opponent at a PPV.

At a PPV???

Yeah...it’s not the most brilliant idea ever.  There is a program to be had with Christian but for some reason they’re going to milk the Rhino/Christian feud for one more match.  Is it the smartest idea? Not in my opinion, no.

But back to the match on Impact.  Just let me say that some gimmicks work and other gimmicks simply look cheap.  This gimmick (the 3 stages of nonsense) appeared to be the brainchild of Vince Russo...confusing and unnecessary.  It was a sad attempt to pop a rating for a gimmick that nobody thought was interesting to begin with.  The whole thing was hokey.

C’mon TNA...you can do better.

Item # 4 – Thanks for coming out, Dave.

Jeez...some people just have no luck at all. 

Last week, William Regal seemed destined to get a nifty little tag-team push as his old WCW partner Dave Taylor joined him on SmackDown to reform.  Well...that lasted all of one week. 

In a match earlier this week, Taylor suffered a torn meniscus in his left knee.  It’s been described by a WWE doctor “...as a severe bucket tear of the posterior lateral meniscus.”  What this means is that Taylor is out for three to four months.

Don’t worry William.  I’m sure you can continue to entertain by having your head continually shoved up Vito’s bare ass.  Best of luck with that.

Item # 5 – Who in WWE is smoking crack these days?

Psicosis. Ted DiBiase.  Jimmy Garvin.  Tim Horner.

What do these guys have in common?  If you guessed that all recently left WWE’s employ, then you would guess correctly. 

In the case of Psicosis, it was pretty much a given.  Hell, I was surprised to hear that he was even still employed with the company to begin with (much like the reaction I get every time I see Val Venis or Scotty 2 Hotty).  Apparently he tried to steal a car down in Mexico or something.  Whatever.  Nobody really cares.

In the case of Jimmy Garvin, he was recently hired at the request of Michael Hayes, his previous tag team partner in their own version of the Fabulous Freebirds.  Well...that apparently didn’t last a week as he quit, citing time away from the family.  Yeah, I know.  It was less than a week.  Did somebody forget to tell him that it was a f*ckin’ job???  Jeez.  Anyway, former 4 Horseman Tully Blanchard was hired in his stead.  Good luck with that, Tully.

DiBiase and Horner are the two latest casualties.  I guess WWE got all they needed from the Million Dollar Man and spit him back out to the “real world” again.  Horner?  Well, other than being a member of the Lightning Express...I thought the guy was dead or something.  The fact he was even hired by WWE was a shocker to me.  His dismissal should shock no-one.

All in all, it was a pretty good week for WWE management.  Although there is still one person employed by WWE that continues to shock and amaze me more than the likes of Bob Holly or even Funaki. 

John Laurenitis. 

Item # 6 –  Chavo Guerrero...future United States champion.

Ugh.  Now that the dust has settled on the grave of Eddie Guerrero, we get to start complaining all over again.

Chavo is now going to go into a program with Eddie’s best friend, Chris Benoit.  Why?  Well, I guess Eddie didn’t care for Chris as much as Chris thought that he did...at least according to WWE Super-Diva Vickie Guerrero.

Yeah...I’ve got some bile in my throat, too.

The only good thing that could come out of this is a series of intense wrestling matches between two guys who trust each other enough to go all-out against one another in an effort to put Chavo over. 

In the end, though, is it really worth it?  Meh...I’ve said my peace on Chavo before.  He’s a career mid-carder who is constantly given opportunity after opportunity, will never draw, and will continue to be slightly above-average at best. 

I guess one more chance to run with a title belt can’t hurt, right?

Item # 7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Yes folks...my new weekly regular feature for the column is back for round trois.  Each and every week, I’ll pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, had really bad luck, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week's decision was hard because the guy wasn't an idiot or anything...rather he just had some really bad luck.  REALLY bad luck.  The choice for ZAH’s Loser of the Week will be...

Corporal Kirschner!!

It’s nothing personal. 

This week’s great Radio Free Insanity guest was just living his life.  He was doing what he does and not bothering anybody.  He wasn’t clamoring for a job with WWE or bashing Vince McMahon on the Internet.  He wasn’t doing anything, actually.

And then he died.

But then he didn't.  For whatever, reason, WWE thought that Corporal Kirschner’s real name was Thomas Spear.  This guy passed away of natural causes and WWE announced on their website that he played the part of Cpl. Kirschner.  Heck...I can’t even find any proof that Spear was a wrestler, much less a guy that could be confused with somebody named Mike Kirschner.

How could WWE make this blunder?  Shouldn't "Loser of the Week" in fact be them?  Maybe.  But at the end of the day it was Mike himself who had to live through his own death...and that's gotta suck.

At the end of the day it’s all good because JG has got the perfect guest for this Hallowe’en weekend; a man who has returned from the dead.  How cool is that?  So even though he’s alive and well and gives a really great interview on our very own website...I’ve got to go with my gut on this one.

Therefore...for being dead but not really dead but possibly dead because JG could have been talking to a zombie on his cell, congratulations on being the lovable Loser of the Week!!

Item # 8 – Battle of Champions on next week’s SmackDown!!

Undertaker & Kane vs. Mr. Kennedy & MVP.  Let the five star ratings fly.

Christ on a cracker that match is gonna suck.

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Pillar to Post 

Each and every week I’ll take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week I give you three great World Wrestling Insanity) readers DJ Lunchbox (whom you can listen to at www.WrestlingMayhemShow.com), ‘Spliffy, and The Aaron!

1. Agree or Disagree
The next couple of months marks TNA’s last chance at becoming legitimate #2 contenders to WWE.

DJ Lunchbox: Disagree.

If anything the next few months would be the time for TNA to clean themselves up and gear up for a major war with WWE. They have Angle, Joe, and some of the best up and coming stars. All they have to do at this point is "trim their fat". By fat I mean Jarrett, most of the ex-WWE talent and for the love of Pete, Vince Russo. Drop him or they will NEVER be able to contend with WWE. There is too much potential for TNA to become WCW lite.

‘Spliffy: Sadly agree.

If a wrestler like Kurt Angle can't help TNA draw better then a 1.0 rating, then nothing will. There's no way that their ratings can get any higher despite having great talent like Samoa Joe, Christian Cage, Styles & Daniels, LAX. But unfortunately, wrestling seems to be completely off the radar for the vast majority of the US. I give TNA credit for having a more intimate look versus WWE's big arena style, but creating a larger audience is like drawing blood from a stone. There are too many alternatives nowadays for fans to go to. Plus the WWE has 5 hours of free programming as opposed to TNA's 1 hour. The only way they could gain significantly in the ratings to cannibalize WWE's audience by going head-to-head on Monday night.

The Aaron: Disagree.

I don't believe TNA's last chance will occur in the next few months. For one reason Kurt Angle just arrived in TNA. Samoa Joe and Angle will be put in a program together which I feel could translate into several storylines and feuds. TNA has just begun pushing newer talent. Alex Shelley and Austin Starr (Aries) are perfect examples of that. I feel that Bound for Glory was probably the best PPV of the year.(including WWE PPVs). I think TNA provides fans like me a different “SHUT UP AND WRESTLE” approach to sports entertainment (lol). I believe that they are growing bigger every month and the sky is the limit.

2. Agree or Disagree
K-Fed’s storyline with John Cena should end now.

DJ Lunchbox: Agree.

I can understand the appeal of mainstream media coverage, but it is being treated as a joke because K-Fed himself is a joke in Hollywood. You cannot place a joke in your business and expect it to be taken seriously.

‘Spliffy: Disagree.

Again, I hate to go back to this, but getting Mr. Spears involved can help to attract non-wrestling fans to watch, even if it's just for the Federline segment. He's got natural scumbag heelability (is that a word?), and he's a great counterpoint to squeaky-clean goody two shoes Cena. Can't really elaborate because I missed RAW, but I think there's money in a Nitro/Melina/Federline stable, even if it's just for a couple weeks.

The Aaron: Agree.

I’m not even sure why this storyline exists! I don't understand why people find enjoyment in one white wanna be rapper feuding with another white wanna be rapper. I mean can't the WWE think of anything better than that! Why are they wasting air-time on this garbage? Hell they could be showing more footage of their BLOCKBUSTER hit The Marine (sarcasm). If you’re gonna put the belt on Cena then use him properly!

3. Agree or Disagree
Monty Brown should not be hired by WWE.

DJ Lunchbox: Disagree.

With some time in OVW, Brown could finally find a niche in his in ring skills. With that he could take his place in the seemingly inevitable Nation of Domination reunion. Perhaps a replacement for Ahmed Johnson? He wouldn’t even have to improve his ring skills then.

‘Spliffy: Disagree.

I think he could make an impact (no pun intended) on Smackdown, where he'd have a plethora of similarly sized opponents from veterans like Finley to Chris Benoit, to some of the younger guys like Kennedy and MVP. Perhaps if he was paired up with MVP that would give MVP a little bit of rub. I haven’t seen a lot of Monty, and the big knock on him is that he has limited wrestling ability. But when did that ever stop someone from being a success in the WWE? His time seems to be up in TNA, and getting on Smackdown wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. After all, this is the same brand that's brought us blouse-wearing Paul Burchill, cross-dressing Vito, and ass-raping Hei-Den-Reich.

The Aaron: Agree.

Monty Brown was never a great fit in the TNA roster. He is less of a technical wrestler and more of an entertainer. That’s what the WWE (and most of the public) believes to be a great wrestler. That may never change (I hope it does). Monty Brown never seemed to be very happy in TNA either. He always wanted to be in the WWE, and now he can be. Maybe Vince will find something for Monty to do. I doubt it though.

***

Great job everybody...thanks!!  I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist next week. 

Seriously, gang...I would love to hear from you.  At one point I had a 4-month waiting list, but I've let it dwindle to one week now.  If you never thought about participating in my column before but think it'd be fun to try...contact me!  If you have done it before and haven't done it in awhile, let me know!  I'd like to start that waiting list all over again.  It's fun to give others an opportunity to be creative.

Either e-mail me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hit me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and let me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week…

L8R