Breaking News: Love Feels "Just Like A Piledriver", University Study Finds

Above: Statistics don't lie.

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Union City, TN) - Feelings of romance are most often equated to being dropped backwards on one's head while nestled in an opponent's crotch, a new university study concluded.

An overwhelming majority of respondents in the survey - which contains a 2.5 percent margin of error - said that sometimes, love "feels just like a piledriver." That topped the other pre-determined choices in the survey, including love feeling "like a slow dance", "a fight" and "an ar-goo-ment".

However, many remain unclear on how feelings of desire and emotional attachment are similar to the neck-jarring wrestling move which, when performed incorrectly, can lead to paralysis.

"I could understand love maybe feeling a bit like a bear hug," said Paul Jackson, a political science major at Union City University (UCU). "There's that close, intimate contact between two people, lots of pressure applied, and to release it, you usually have to clap your hands over the other person's head.

"Hell, I'd even think of a reverse chinlock representing love better than a piledriver," Jackson continued. "Or a stinkface…"

Nonetheless, the study has already had remarkable effects on society. When Tony McLeod recently proposed to high-school sweetheart Lisa Coull, instead of bending down on one knee and offering her a ring, he turned her upside down and drove her to the floor.

"I do!" Dobberson cried. "Also, you were supposed to protect my head by keeping it between your knees, no?"

And while renewing their vows during their 25^th anniversary celebrate next week, Tampa couple Hal and Shelley Schwartz plan to perform the sequence in which Hal lifts his wife up for a tombstone piledriver, which is then reversed by Shelley.

"We try to do some sort of highspot every year," Hal said. "The first anniversary was a test of strength, the fifth was a whole leapfrog/sunset flip sequence, the tenth was Hulking Up, and for our twentieth anniversary, we both dove off a ladder through a flaming table."

According to the professor who commissioned the study, the findings will help many couples better understand their feelings for each other, gaining deeper, closer relationships.

"You're right beside her," explained Professor K. Ware, who has received doctorates for his work in the fields of both Birdmanology and (Basic) Thuganomics. "Your heart's on fire. She's got you hotwired. Higher, higher - piledriver!"

Professor then added an "Mmmm-yeahhhhh!" to emphasize his point.

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com