11-10-06

“The night is calling I have to go.”

Boo-yah, here we go!!

***

Item # 1 –Can life be this grand??  Not if you’re anybody else in ECW.

Well...the impossible is now possible.  I admit that the stars can, in fact, align properly when people actually start using their thinking caps.  I never thought it would happen this soon.

CM Punk is going to main-event a PPV!!

Not only that, but he’s going to probably main event TWO PPV’s (but I’ll get to that one later).

What?  Wait a second.  You haven’t heard yet?  Oh well then...allow me to present to you the good news.  Let’s see...where to begin?  Okay, how ‘bout the main event first?

Yes, kids...Punk’s main-eventing December to Dismember; ECW's next pay per view, in the "Extreme" Elimination Chamber alongside ECW champion Big Show, Rob Van Dam, and Sabu!!  (oh yeah...and Test, too)  This is absolutely fantastic news for Punk fans.  Why?  Well, this is proof that he’s just about ready to run with the ECW ball.  I’ve been saying for months that Punk will wrestle for the ECW title at WrestleMania and this is just another piece of the puzzle in how they plan on building him up for it. 

Let’s face it; ECW’s prospects are pretty slim at this point.  The initial idea of ECW has already worn thin with WWE management.  In fact, don’t be surprised if ECW has a name change or is completely gone by this time next year.  Vince doesn’t like the extreme style (he hates it, actually) and attributes the lower-than-acceptable ratings to the notion that Sci-Fi watchers don’t know that ECW is actually a part of WWE (no...I’m not joking).  As crazy as that may sound to logical-thinkers, the fact is that ECW isn’t sky-rocketing to the top like Vince originally thought it would.

Having said all that, the prospects for break-out stars in ECW have also been extremely slim.  After burying 95% of the “ECW Originals” in squash matches, the only ECW stars that have been pushed or promoted have been CM Punk, Kevin Thorne, and Mike Knox (and we all know just how wonderful Thorne and Knox have been portrayed).  Are there any other “stars”?  Well sure...but every single person pushed with vignettes and promos has been buried in matches and made to look 2^nd-rate in comparison (i.e. Balls Mahoney, Matt Striker, Rene Dupree, Shannon “I’m Not Here To Impress The Internet” Moore, etc.). 

I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it ‘til I’m blue in the face...how in the f*ck does WWE expect people to get over when they do NOTHING to push these people as legitimate stars?  How do you know for sure that Rene Dupree’s new character won’t take off if given a legitimate chance if you don’t actually give it a legitimate chance to succeed??? 

WWE management have actually given up to the point that they’ve just brought over Daivari and the Great Khali (which is actually a good idea, as both styles fit in perfectly with the “we suck”-ness of most of the ECW roster), and also Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke (also a good idea but because Burke vs. Punk would rock) just to increase the show’s “star power”. 

Anyway, my original rant about how great Punk is has been lost on my rant about how ECW seems to be shooting themselves in the foot by not creating any new stars.  Think about it...can Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, or Sabu really be drawing champions?  Will Test, Hardcore Holly, or either of Paul Heyman’s “Extreme Security” ever carry the ECW brand on their back? 

The answer, kids, is no. 

CM Punk has been the only wrestler pushed to be a break-out star that can actually end up being a decent champion.  I mean, I guess you could say Rob Van Dam, but RVD’s on Vince’s shit list so he’s pretty much useless unless Big Show refuses to renew his contract before his February deadline and Vince has to make him interim champ until ‘Mania.  Therefore, with an entire company of jobbers and losers why should we, the ECW fans, actually watch the program or give a rat’s ass about any of the performers?? 

Did I need to see Kevin Thorne’s win streak ended by Tommy Dreamer?  Did I need to see Mike Knox not really wrestle anybody while trying to build interest in my mini-feud with CM Punk?  Did I need to see Test or Hardcore Holly get pushes on my television?

Okay...I’m done.  Sorry, gang...I just really wanted to go off on how great it is to see Punk get this opportunity and then something snapped.  My bad.  In all my rantings I totally forgot to mention this beautiful ditty...

Item # 2 – Are you shitting me?

Now, I don’t really care about anyone’s thoughts on Orton or Edge or Trips or HBK or anybody else in this match.  The fact that CM Punk is in this match speaks volumes for how he’s currently being perceived by WWE management.  This is huge.  This is amazing.  This is going to potentially be the coolest match of the year.

Punk vs. Helms.  Nitro vs. Matt Hardy.  Punk vs. Edge.  Helms vs. Shawn Michaels.  Triple H tagging in Punk.

Just the thought of the possibilities bring a smile to my face.  I’m stoked for this match and this match alone will make me want to buy the PPV (given the hope that my colicky son is quietly sleeping during that time). 

I think the fact that both Hardy’s, Punk, and Helms all being in this match really says a lot.  It reminds me of Joey Styles’ anti-WWE rant on RAW. 

Why?  It tells me that WWE knows exactly what wrestling fans would like to see and who they want to really see pushed.  Instead, though, they would rather give us just small tastes of what we really want just to keep us slightly satisfied and then shove John Cena vs. Umaga~! down our throats for a couple of months. 

I think most wrestling fans realize that Matt Hardy, Gregory Helms, CM Punk, and Johnny Nitro all have the ability to be big-time players if given legitimate opportunities.  I’m hoping that they’re not buried in this match and are actually given the in-ring time to show what they can do on a big-time stage like Survivor Series.

Item # 3 – I called it.

Weeks ago I said that the heel quotient on RAW was scary-thin.  I said that there was nobody left for Cena to face.  I joked that his next opponents could possibly be Rob Conway, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, or even Umaga~!. 

It’s a joke no more.

The new main-event program for RAW over the next couple of months will, indeed, be John Cena vs. Umaga~!.  It’s gotten so bad that now DX is hogging the only two decent heels on the roster and now Cena has to battle Umaga~! for awhile.  It’s not that I don’t mind the match-up itself, but I’m gonna hate to see Umaga~!’s winning streak ended by Cena at this point.  Once he’s buried (and trust me...Cena will get a clean pinfall victory reminiscent of Hogan/Bundy), where does he go next?

What’s worse...where does Cena go from here?  Val Venis?  Gene Snitsky?  Eugene?  Y’know, the scary thing is that talented guys like Conway, Haas, or Benjamin could be just as legitimate a contender as Umaga~! if only given the opportunity.

Why am I the only one that realizes this?

Item # 4 – Yeah...they listen to me.  I called this, too.

In my WWI.com audio a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I thought it would be the perfect time to turn Eugene heel.  Well, while it’s not the brilliant plan that I suggested, this past week on RAW saw Eugene go ape-shit and kick the crap out of Hacksaw Duggan.

Nick Dinsmore was brilliant in his role.  So good, in fact, that I saw a young woman in the front row openly cringing as if she couldn’t believe her eyes.  The crazier Dinsmore got, the more she legit reacted surprised and shocked.  It was hilarious.

Okay...the downfall.  Does anybody really want to see Eugene screaming and becoming George “the Animal” Steele part 2?  Maybe...maybe not.  Personally, I’d rather see him get hit on his head, get sent to the hospital, and then wake up as one bad-ass mofo heel...preferably with a shaved face and a decent haircut.

Still...it’s good to know that at least SOMEBODY listens to me. 

Item # 5 – Abyss vs. Sting? 

I’ve heard of worse match-ups, I guess. 

Ask yourself this question...Do you really want to pay money to see this match on PPV when you know there are no hardcore stips and that there’s no way in hell Abyss is going to win the title?  For me the answer is a simple ‘Hell, no’. 

Thanks for trying, TNA.  Welcome to the wonderful world of stagnant. 

Item # 6 – Heeeyyyyy!!!

Congrats to indy wrestler Claudio Castagnoli for signing a developmental deal with WWE this past week.  The guy has been bustin’ his ass for years on the indy scene but has only recently really gotten noticed due to his work in ROH.  Then, he formed the Kings of Wrestling tag team with Chris Hero and really began to get noticed by winning tag team titles all over the country.

He’ll probably start off in Deep South and there’s no guarantee he’ll do anything in WWE, but he’s been given an opportunity and he’s got all the tools necessary to succeed.  He’s tall, has a decent physique, has charisma, and has in-ring ability in droves.

Good luck, Claudio.  Hope to see you on the big stage soon.

Item # 7 – Oh.  My.  God.

Listen...I know that Lita has her fair share of detractors, but I swear to God that I’ve never seen her look hotter than this past Monday night:

Don’t worry...Maria Kanellis and Michelle McCool are still my angels of desire.  Lita is just a fling that’ll end once her contract expires within the next month.

Item # 8 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Yes folks...my new weekly regular feature for the column is back for round deux.  Each and every week, I’ll pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week was tough, but in the end I’ve decided that the choice for ZAH’s Loser of the Week will be...

Kevin Federline!!

Please...that wasn't a hard decision at all.  Pfft.  As if there was any doubt this week.  Do you really need me to explain why?  Well, in case you thought you knew it all (and you might...y'know, I’m not accusing or anything), I heard a little rumor that I’m going to share with you all right now.......

She told him via text message.

Yep.  What...don’t believe me?  CHECK IT FOR YOURSELF!

Therefore, K-Fed...because Britney FINALLY came to her senses and realized that you were one of the biggest jack-off’s walking the face of God’s green earth, congratulations on being my Loser of the Week!!

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Pillar to Post 

Each and every week I’ll take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week I give you three great World Wrestling Insanity) readers: J Bastard, Insanity’s very own SmackDown reviewer Aaron Wood, and Green Teabagger!

1. Agree or Disagree
WWE should cut their losses with Kevin Federline right now while they still can.

J Bastard:  Agree. 

K-Fed seems to have proven this past Monday that while he can speak convincingly off the cuff, when it comes to the heavily scripted promos WWE supplies its talent, K-Fed doesn’t have it.  And really what else is he there for other than to verbally spar with John Cena?  He’s a non-wrestling pseudo-celebrity whose stock is about to plummet now that his famous wife kicked him to the curb.  WWE should be focusing on their complete inability to create wrestling stars, not trying to pop a cheap rating by pushing marginally famous people.

Aaron Wood: I gotta disagree, to an extent.

It all depends on how long the divorce takes. If it's a fairly strung out process, then Kevin Federline is going to be all over the entertainment shows and magazines, which could see the WWE possibly get some sort of rub. However, if it's a fairly short process, then his star power will rapidly diminish, and by the time January comes around. People may well be thinking, "Kevin who?"

Green Teabagger: Agree, but then I don't think they should have ever used the douchebag in the first place, and I don't think WWE will cut him now. Vince doesn’t like to admit he's wrong about an idea, and likes to prove he can do something despite evidence that he can't (see XFL).

I can't figure this out, they could use Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, or any number of Superstars for this angle and Vince McMahon decides to use K-Fed Fed-Ex. I cannot figure it out. Even worse, we have to wait for New Year's Day for the Cena-Federline match. TWO MONTHS OF HYPE, and they didn't announce whether or not it’s for the WWE Title. I wouldn't put it past Vince to put the WWE Title on Federline if he thought it would help sell the impending Cena-UMAGA~! feud via interference by the Samoan Bulldozer and Armando Alejandro Estrada

Scary thought of the century: The main event for New Year's Revolution--WWE Champion Kevin Federline v. John Cena v. UMAGA~! (That way, Cena can win the match and the title without having to pin UMAGA~!) and there is a plausible scenario where it could legitimately happen.

I threw up immediately after typing that.

2. Agree or Disagree
The X-Division belt is losing its value due to the multiple title changes.

J Bastard: Agree. 

Vince Russo is most definitely back.  Let’s see, who do I feel like putting the belt on this week?  The X-Division belt has been steadily losing its value since Samoa Joe dropped it, not because of the X-Division wrestlers themselves, but due to a combination of Kevin Nash’s burial of the division and TNA’s de-emphasizing it in favor of the various heavyweight feuds.  Bringing AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels back to the division at first seemed like a nice shot in the arm but swapping the belt around like a joint is not the way to go.  There needs to be a dominant X-Division Champion who keeps the belt for months at a time, a la Samoa Joe’s title reigns.  If Styles and Daniels need to have another blistering X-Title feud to get things going again, so be it.  But for God’s sake, quit passing the belt around!

Aaron Wood: When your main booker is a man who sees titles as mere props, then you already have to agree that the X Title will lose value. But yeah, the recent title changes have hurt the belt. I mean, if they wanted the belt to end up on Chris Daniels, why in the hell did it visit Sabin and Styles first? Hopefully, this is the end of the changes for now, but with Russo, I'm not holding my breath.

Green Teabagger:  Disagree.

Not every champion can hold a title for months at a time. If anything, it hurts Chris Sabin's credibility more than anything because it makes him look like he was just lucky to beat Low-Ki Senshi in the first place. Great matches with several title changes don't devalue a title. It makes it look that much more prestigious and difficult to obtain/keep. [NOTE: I said GREAT matches, not how WCW handed off its World Title twice a week in its waning days] For example, if A.J. Styles, Alex Shelley, and Petey Williams were feuding over the title over a period of nine months, and they each end up holding the title three times each while all the time having great matches with each other, then all three wrestlers are elevated as well as the title. As long as they don't decide to put the X-Divison title on a chumpstain like Sonny Siaki again or spend six months on one feud over the title burying someone, the X-Division will be fine.

Then again, we still haven't seen how the Kevin Nash/X-Division storyline will end up.

3. Agree or Disagree
Due to a lack of break-out superstars (other than CM Punk, of course), ECW’s future looks bleak.

J Bastard: Somewhat agree. 

CM Punk is really the only thing I look forward to in ECW (or all of WWE for that matter) right now.  He’s the only rising star they’re booking correctly.  Kevin Thorne has some potential and I’m interested to see how Burke and Terkay are presented in ECW, but other than that there’s no real midcard.  As for main event stars you have RVD, Sabu, and Test, all of whom are pretty damaged goods at this point.  Van Dam could’ve easily carried the company on his back for a year or two but ruined it all when he got arrested.  I don’t know if Vince will ever trust him enough to put him in that position again.  The Big Show is on his last legs as a wrestler.  He looks more and more exhausted every week and should retire or take a long hiatus as soon as he can.  Without a secondary title, there’s nothing for the young rising stars to shoot for – much like on RAW, circa 2003.  ECW has some potential as a brand since it’s presented in a pretty no-nonsense, bare-bones kind of way (compared to RAW & SD! at least), but without more stars who can carry the brand into the next decade it won’t last very long as a viable brand.

Aaron Wood: I gotta disagree with this one.

First of all, the brand is less than six months old. How many breakout stars did you expect? Plus, on a national stage, there are far more people who have become actual stars, to a level where they weren't before. People such as Sandman and Sabu, for instance. If anything is going to put an end to ECW, then it's the creative direction and the fiscal business decisions that they are said to be currently taking and making (although I think the merging of house shows is a good idea, at least over the winter months).

Green Teabagger:  EXTREMELY undecided---mainly because WWECDub has moments where it looks like its getting its act together, but then they crap all over it with something like Extreme Strip High Card or they do EXTREMELY predictable (read Bob Holly's supposed heel turn...which was odd considering he never really went face). From week to week, my opinion on WWECDub changes. The ups and downs of the show keep me from getting exicted or getting worried.

The additions to the roster of Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay could be a big plus. I was impressed with both Terkay and Burke during their brief Smackdown run and am sure if given the chance that they will be amazing in WWECDub (Punk-Burke sounds like a lot of fun). They also added Daivari and the Great Khali which doesn't look so good, but as long as they keep Khali out of the ring in the "Big Sal" role to Daivari's "Little Guido" then it should be fine.

Tag Team Titles and a secondary title wouldn't hurt either (I don't think they will bringing back the TV Title, since its WWECDub...ECW European Title).

***

Great job everybody...thanks!!  I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist next week. 

No problem.  Seriously, gang...I would love to hear from you.  I've got a one week waiting list at this point and I love having new readers participate. 

So if you never thought about participating in my column before but think it'd be fun to try...NOW IS THE TIME!!  If you have done it before and haven't done it in awhile, let me know!  I'd like to start that waiting list all over again.  It's fun to give others an opportunity to be creative.

Either e-mail me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hit me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and let me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week…

L8R