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Canadian Bulldog's Breaking News: Breaking News: K-Fed Involved in Bonus Survivor Series Match
By Canadian Bulldog
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(IMPORTANT NOTE: We are still running a contest where you can WIN a copy of World Wrestling Insanity: The Decline and Fall of a Family Empire, a classic collection of children's stories. Head on over here to find out how to enter, and then keep going to my "Complete and Utter Bulldog" audio show on Club WWI for some additional clues. GOOD LUCK!!! And now, back to your regularly scheduled "Breaking News".)
By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News (with additional reporting by The Big Rybowski) (Philadelphia, PA) – A new match has been added to the card for next weekend's Survivor Series pay-per-view, featuring WWE superstar Kevin Federline and his "Hollywood A-Listers" against five of the company's top journeymen. You won't find the match listed on wwe.com, but that's why we're called "Breaking News" and they aren't. "My crew is ready for Survivor Series, yo," said Federline, whose new CD "Playing With Fire" made an impressive debut at number 457 on the Billboard 500. "We gonna kick their asses, yo. YO!" Joining K-Fed on his squad will be the following household names: Dustin Diamond, best known for playing the "Screech Powers" character on "Saved By The Bell", "Saved By The Bell: The College Years", "Saved By The Bell: The New Class" and "Saved By The Bell: Band Camp". He was last seen attempting to save his house from repossession and starring in (ugh) an adult video. Emanuel Lewis, best known as playing the 43 year-old pre-teen "Webster" on a sitcom of the same name in the 1980's. He's been keeping busy since then touring North America as a comedian along with "Skippy" from "Family Ties". Lewis may or may not be accompanied to the ring by "George" and "Ma'am". Jamie Kennedy, best known for his television show "The Jamie Kennedy Experiment" and smash films such as "Malibu's Most Wanted" and "Son Of The Mask". Most recently, he has been starring with close personal friend of Canadian Bulldog Stu Stone on the MTV series "Blowin' Up". Danny Bonaduce, best known for… I don't know, infomercials, perhaps? He's just kind of… there, I suppose. He's currently starring in the VH1 reality series "Breaking Bonaduce", playing a lovable alcoholic. And possibly an infomercial guy (not sure). This impressive fivesome will be facing team captain Scotty Too Hotty, fellow SmackDown! alumnae Funaki, Raw superstars Rory and Robbie McAllister, The Highlanders and ECW extremist Stevie Richards, who have a combined four wins under the belt this year on WWE programming. "K-Fed, you talk tough, and I'll probably end up jobbing to you," said Too Hotty (real name: Scott Toohotterwitz) but let's see if you can withstand the W-O-R-M!" "In-deed!" echoed Funaki. "I'm Rory, and this here's my cousin Robbie." "I'M ROBBIE!" "I'll show you; you'll see!" said Richards. "These punks don't scare me," scoffed Federline, when contacted at my house (where he's crashing for a little while). "These guys are always the ones to lose. I remember when Mr. Perfect used to wrestle back in the day, and he'd always be against some shit like Reno Riggins. On November 26th, your ass is Reno Riggins!" Federline then proceeded to cry for 20 minutes about wanting Britney Spears to take him back. -30- Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com
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