(Note: Uncle Ralph will
not be here this week. He's in jail. Seriously, he's
in jail. Seems he decided to go trick or treating on
Saturday. What's the big deal? Well, for starters Saturday
wasn't Halloween. Secondly, he's not a kid, he's a middle
aged man. Third, he was drunk. Finally, fourth - instead
of wearing a costume, he was naked - completely naked.
Despite writing alongside two established attorneys,
Ralph can't seem to find representation to get him out
in time for the column. Both Eugene and Mike were asked
to help and declined. From the lock-up, Ralph has asked
us to pass along the following message to his readers,
"Happy Halloween, now shut the f**k up!")
***
1. TNA Bound For Glory. Success
or failure?
Eugene Sandow: Whether
Bound for Glory was a success or failure depends completely
on one’s perspective. To fans unfamiliar with
the product, like Mike Rickard, the ppv was entertaining
and an enormous success. The complaint from longer-term
TNA fans is that the ppv was not as good as it could
have been, and in that respect it was something of a
disappointment.
From a new fan’s perspective, at the very least,
you had just seen an excellent Iron Man match (but you
didn’t have first-hand knowledge that the preceding
pay-per-view had a five-star three way, widely considered
to be the best TNA match in its history, and that kind
of praise actually covers some significant ground);
one hell of a garbage match in Monsters’ Ball,
with clinically insane Jeff Hardy taking a bump as dangerous
as both Elix Skipper’s hurracanrana off the top
of a cage and Mick Foley’s death-defying bumps
against Undertaker (Foley made Hell in a Cell Famous,
as opposed to Taker making Foley famous); and a great
four-way spotfest to begin the show. As someone who
has seen all of TNA’s monthly pay-per-views, however,
I saw it a little bit differently. I wouldn’t
call it a failure, as it was a solid thumbs up, but
I agree wholeheartedly with those who were disappointed
with Bound for Glory, which had been billed as TNA’s
Wrestlemania.
Going in, TNA was concerned about natural disasters,
but a man-made disaster struck one of the ppv’s
strongest selling points. The Ultimate X match
was essentially ruined by the hanging red X falling
not once, but twice. The first time, the X hit
the mat, and the ref, to Petey Williams’s consternation,
refused to permit Williams to pick it up for the win,
instead ruling that the match had to continue.
Several minutes later, the X fell again, with Williams
catching it in the air before it hit the mat, and this
time inexplicably was ruled the winner (well, the explanation
would be that the belt didn’t hit the mat the
second time it fell). At Final Resolution back in January,
A.J. Styles actually won an Ultimate X match (one of
my match of the year candidates, so it’s discussed
in question three below) after the belt had accidentally
hit the mat, but this was a split second call on live
television, so I can't come down too hard on TNA for
its decisions here. The botched finish certainly hurt,
though, and the Ultimate X ended up being just three
stars. It was building into maybe a four star match,
which still would have been much less spectacular than
previous Ultimate X’s. The spots, as they always
are in this kind of match, appeared way too choreographed,
but that comes with the territory.
I didn't think it was possible, but Styles vs. Daniels,
at four stars, was something of a disappointment.
It was excellent, especially the second half, but not
as good as their previous ppv Iron Man match in February.
On the other hand, the Monsters' Ball exceeded expectations
and was an awesome spectacle. The opening four-way was
really good, too, with Sonjay Dutt shining most of all.
Alex Shelley was also memorable, wickedly slapping Roderick
Strong at one point, and at another point spitting directly
into Strong's face. It was a great start to the
show, which then really slowed down until the Monsters'
Ball brought new life to the ppv.
The one thing the Gauntlet proved besides a lack
of judgment by those in charge of booking TNA is that
Samoa Joe vs. Abyss is someday going to be a strong
feud. The crowd was extremely hot during their
brief lock up. Overall, though, it was an off night
for Joe, who just didn't click with Liger in their way
too short match (a match that was supposed to go
about another ten minutes, but they had to make time
for the Gauntlet...). I also think something is
seriously lost when Joe doesn't get to chop bare
flesh –- the chops don’t seem nearly as
strong or as stiff. Obviously, politics prevented
either Joe or Monty Brown from getting the title tonight,
although the Observer reports that both were eliminated
from consideration because they’re viewed as possible
long-term champions. With Nash out of the main
event, it made old school sense to give fans the "surprise"
title change. Considering that it's going to be
short term, I'm not sure Rhino is the worst choice for
the role, although the stench of WWE failure permeates
this black hole of charisma. A champion – even
a temporary one – who’s viewed as an ex-WWE
jobber can make the promotion appear bush league, which
is something TNA has avoided since its Spike debut,
and must continue to avoid if the promotion is to have
any chance of long-term success.
Mike Rickard: Ultimately,
the real success will be when the buy rates come out
for Bound for Glory (BFG) and to a certain extent Genesis.
Watching a free show (Impact) on Spike TV is one thing
(and judging by the ratings so far, TNA is doing well)
but is your product good enough to get people to pay
to see it. As I said in last week’s column, TNA
needs to start making some money. Right now, pay-per-view
(PPV) is their main revenue source.
I first started watching TNA when it
was a Wednesday night PPV. I watched the first few shows
sporadically and wasn’t overly impressed. There
were some good matches but nothing to justify paying
$9.95 a week for a poor man’s RAW (actually more
like a poor man’s Thunder). Over the next two
years I sampled TNA sparingly given the lackluster word
of mouth. When TNA ran their one cent “Best of
“ PPV, I checked it out and was impressed with
the quality of matches and how much the product seemed
to have improved. I was ready to order some TNA PPV’s
again but the subsequent shows were disappointments
and TNA went on the back burner. When the company went
to Fox Sports, I decided to check it out but there was
nothing that stood out and Fox Sports seemed to bounce
the show all over their schedule which added to my frustration.
Whether it’s Panda Energy bailing the promotion
out of its financial mess or the show finding a home
on television, TNA seems to be a promotion with nine
lives. The promotion has shot itself in the foot several
times but continues to keep on plugging. Given the current
state of the WWE, fans such as myself are looking for
an alternative. Everytime I think TNA might be that
alternative, they screw things up. However things have
really seemed to be going their way. Since going to
a monthly PPV format and abandoning weekly PPV’s,
I have heard nothing but good things about TNA’s
product. After watching the debut of Impact on Spike
TV, I was impressed enough to give the promotion another
try.
Reluctant but hopeful, I ordered the
show, not realizing that Bound for Glory is TNA’s
flagship PPV (their “Wrestlemania”). This
was also TNA’s first PPV since Impact began airing
on Spike TV so it is a tremendous opportunity for TNA
to keep its existing fans and equally important, draw
in other fans.
After watching the PPV and taking time
to analyze it, I’d say that the show was a limited
success from the standpoint of was I impressed enough
to order another show. The matches were all entertaining
(some more than others, some less than others), the
production values very good, and the commentary surprisingly
good. Mike Tenay still reminds me of a serial killer
but as long as the guy calls matches like he does, what
he does in his spare time is no concern of mine. Don
West does a decent to good job on color (his “Awww,
right in the nuts” comment put the color in color
commentary). Shane Douglas kind of reminds me of Jesse
“The Body” Ventura when he used to do the
backstage segments for the WWF back in the 1980’s.
Overall, the show had a nice feel to it and best of
all, at no time did it seem like TNA was trying to emulate
the WWE. They established and maintained their own identity.
There were a good mix of wrestlers and it didn’t
come across as a wasteland of WWE castaways.
Match-wise, I thought the show blew away
anything I’ve seen in the WWE since Wrestlemania.
There wasn’t a match on the show that disappointed
and all of the wrestlers involved seemed to put in a
100% effort. I’m not a big fan of hardcore matches
but the Monster’s Ball was amazing. Despite having
only watched TNA for a few weeks, I had a good idea
what the story was behind most of the matches and TNA
didn’t waste my time with drawn out video packages
like the WWE does on every PPV.
There was something missing though from
the show that made it a homerun rather than the grand
slam you’d expect from a promotion’s equivalent
of the Super Bowl. It’s hard to put my finger
on it but BFG didn’t have the big league feel
that WWE shows do. Part of it I think is due to the
fact that I’ve just started watching TNA and I
need to get the feel for who their stars are and who
I like. Familiarity may breed contempt but it also brings
a certain comfort level when it comes to watching wrestling,
a feeling I don’t quite have with TNA.
There were a few negatives worth mentioning:
1. Iron Man Match length of 30 minutes. Anything
less than sixty minutes isn't an Iron Man match .in
my book. Styles and Daniels are always a treat to watch
in the ring but TNA shouldn’t have made this an
Iron Man Match. Personally, I would never air an Iron
Man match on a PPV unless the show has 4 hours. An Iron
Man match really can screw up the pace of a show and
it has to be used carefully.
2. Too many blown spots. Say
what you want about the WWE tuning down the cruiserweights
but I can't recall seeing as many blown spots as I did
at BFG (with the exception of any Lita or Gail Kim match).
The X Division is amazing but TNA’s agents really
need to work on eliminating the missed spots in their
X Division.
3. The X in the Ultimate X match.
Not only did it keep falling down but the damned
thing looks so cheap. Anything that makes TNA look amateurish
needs to be eliminated because they are in a constant
fight to avoid being labeled as a minor league to the
major league WWE.
4. Gauntlet for the Gold. My
beef isn’t with the Gauntlet for the Gold match
itself. I like the Gauntlet concept (as I should considering
the Royal Rumble match is one of my all-time favorites).
With the exception of tonight's Bound for Glory, I never
want to see a situation where there is only 15 minutes
left for a World Title defense. I also don't like the
concept of a wrestler fighting in a tournament and then
facing the champion the same night, especially when
the wrestler has already wrestled matches before the
tournament. It makes the world champion look weak if
he loses to a guy who has wrestled twice already and
the whole bit has been overplayed in the last few years.
With those exceptions, Bound for Glory
was a very enjoyable PPV. Unlike just about every WWE
PPV in the last year (except WMXXI), I felt like I got
my money's worth. There was hardly any break in the
action and a lot of solid wrestling. I am definitely
looking to get TNA Genesis next month. The WWE has had
ample opportunities to prove me wrong when it comes
to the notion that their PPV's are worth $35. I’ve
been burned enough by the WWE and now that there’s
an alternative, TNA looks to be getting some of my PPV
dollars.
***
2) Was Dr. Hiney's proctological
encounter with Jim Ross as bad as anything (e.g., Katie
Vick necrophilia skit) that has ever aired on a wrestling
show?
Sandow: I found parts of the Dr. Hiney
segment to be hilarious, and therefore would say that
it’s not even close to the worst wrestling segment
ever, an ignominious label that still belongs to Katie
Vick. It’s questionable whether the Dr. Hiney
skit has any place in wrestling, but I didn’t
find it as horrible as it seems just about the entire
Internet Wrestling Community thought it to be. I laughed
when the Oklahoma fight song played from Ross’s
ass through Vince’s stethoscope. I laughed quite
hard at the Jim Ross commentary that played throughout
the procedure, and must admit that I also laughed when
Vince pulled the bottle of bbq sauce and Mae Young’s
other hand out of Ross’s ass. The skit went on
too long and was undeniably tasteless, but – for
better or worse – I found redeeming qualities
in it. I can’t say the same for the Katie Vick
segment.
Rickard: The thing that
really pisses me off about the skit is that for decades,
Vince McMahon has boasted of how he took wrestling out
of smoke filled rooms and made it mainstream. Nothing
could be further from the truth. While questionable
skits and angles are not a McMahon monopoly, I can’t
think of anything as tasteless as the stuff McMahon
has thrust on WWE audiences over the last twenty years.
Where do I start? Katie Vick immediately
comes to mind as one of those times when you’re
not only embarrassed to be a wrestling fan but ashamed
to be one. The WWE has had more than its fair share
of truly tasteless angles and it’s hard to pin
down just a few. Let’s take a trip to Vince McMahon’s
Hall of Shame (which unlike the WWE Hall of Fame will
have a basis for its inductees being there other than
“because I said so”) where we acknowledge
disgusting, tasteless angles in wrestling history.
Mark Henry gets head from a transsexual-I still can’t
believe they aired this and I still can’t figure
out what the point of it was.
Mae Young gives birth to a hand- Mae
has had some funny skits done but this one was just
awful. No point to it and just another example of how
Vince will air something that isn’t remotely funny
in anyone’s mind but his.
Lita gets raped by Kane. The angle of
a valet or wrestler forced to be with someone they hate
only to end up joining them willfully has been done
before (Baby Doll leaves Tully Blanchard for Dusty Rhodes
after being forced to serve as Dusty’s valet for
30 days) but never like this. Not since General Hospital’s
Luke and Laura storyline has rape been seen as the path
to true love. When Kane showed up on RAW and started
sniffing Lita, I knew we as fans were in for a bumpy
ride. Little did I imagine that Lita would be raped
by Kane, forced to marry him, carry Kane’s baby
unsuccessfully, and then act as if they shared some
magical bond when they lost their child together.
Katie Vick angle- Vince McMahon found
out the hard way that necrophilia (contrary to popular
belief) isn’t a good way to promote World Title
matches. What can I say about this angle that hasn’t
been said? Thank God the angle didn’t garner any
publicity from the mainstream press or I would be writing
this column under a pseudonym.
There’s no doubt in my mind that
Vince thinks the Dr. Heiny skit was pure comedy gold.
That and the fact that Vince has surrounded himself
with an elite core of yes-men is where the problem lies.
Vince McMahon really believes he has his finger on the
pulse of the public. After all, didn’t he take
the WWF from a regional promotion into the billion dollar
WWE? How could he be wrong? In my opinion, Vince sincerely
believes he is funny and also believes the downturn
in wrestling has nothing to do with the WWE product
(basically that it is only a matter of time before the
next wrestling boom arrives to bring fans back home
to the WWE). Reality may show him different (in the
form of a shareholder suit or a new Monday Night War)
but until it does, I cringe at the thought of what skits
to expect next. Vince McMahon has never backed down
from what he thinks is right or entertaining in the
past and he isn’t going to now.
***
3) Heading into November,
it's time to start discussing match of the year candidates.
Which matches are your top candidates?
Sandow: There are several candidates
(I should state from the outset that I have yet to see
Samoa Joe vs. Kobashi), but my match of the year is
Austin Aries vs. C.M. Punk from Morristown, N.J., on
June 18, 2005. This match was (falsely) billed as Punk’s
last Ring of Honor appearance, and it was as emotional
an experience as I’ve had at a wrestling event,
and that includes being present for Chris Benoit’s
title win at Wrestlemania 20. There were better technical
matches this year, but none carried quite the emotional
wallop of this one. What follows is what I wrote the
night of the show:
In my opinion, and it might only be my opinion, Aries
vs. Punk and its aftermath blew the top off the five
star scale. It's not often you can leave a smart
crowd with its collective jaw on the floor, but that's
what happened at the Mennan Sports Arena tonight. With
all the talk of Punk's difficulty with New Jersey crowds,
the one here tonight was putty in his hands, as Punk
deviously noted during his unbelievable heel turn on
the crowd after defeating Aries.
Punk during his entrance had tears in his eyes, and
as soon as his music finished, the crowd chanted "CM
Punk," followed by "Please don't go,"
and finally "Thank you, Punk." Punk
was over every bit as much as he was in Chicago for
Joe vs. Punk II. Aries came out to enormous boos,
and as Punk's name was introduced as challenger, streams
came pouring on him from dozens of fans. Aries
was booed from the get go, and, with one person in Section
A cheering him on, Aries let out a derisive "thank
you." Aries played phenomenal heel, and every
offensive move he made was greeted with vociferous booing,
whereas all of Punk's offense met a round of cheers.
It was unbelievable. The one guy cheering Aries
in section A was drowned out by a "Shut the f**k
up" chant. Although we all *knew* what the
outcome demanded (i.e., an Aries win followed by tearful
goodbye from Punk) we still played along, cheering for
Punk with hope against hope. Then the amazing
happened. The impossible. Punk hit the Pepsi
Plunge and got the 1-2-3, finally capturing the ROH
world title. We were floored and there was an
orgasmic explosion that can only be compared to Benoit
making HHH tap at Wrestlemania 20.
After soaking in the crowd's cheers, Punk began his
goodbye speech, which, even from the beginning, was
strangely bordering on heelish. Then Punk relayed
a version of the parable of the snake that always retains
its treacherous character, and, after finishing the
story, Punk—foreshadowing Christopher Daniels’s
return -- claimed to be Satan himself. Punk reveled
in the fact that the "ROHbots" got behind
him ever since Ricky Steamboat turned him babyface several
months earlier, and Punk said that all of it was part
of a Machiavellian plan to capture the ROH title. One
jaw-dropping swerve followed another. Punk said
nobody could take the title from him. Suddenly, Christopher
Daniels, the Fallen Angel, appeared in the ring, immediately
the ultimate babyface, and soon Daniels and Punk appeared
to start a match. Ahh, this was how they'd get
out of this mess -- Daniels would defeat Punk for the
belt tonight. We yelled "Ring the bell"
but it was for naught. Punk took the title and
exited the arena, and Daniels invoked the line about
Elvis having left the building. Daniels then cut
a promo saying that he'd go through everyone in the
locker room if necessary to take the ROH title. We
still pretty much expected for Punk to be forced back
into the arena somehow, and to lose to Daniels. But,
in the simple but befuddling final swerve of the night,
the card was over and Punk was champion.
Four months later, and after viewing the match three
more times on tape and dvd, I stand by my immediate
reaction: Punk vs. Aries is match of the year.
In the second slot, I’d place A.J. Styles vs.
Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels from Unbreakable,
TNA’s September ppv. As I said in the first roundtable,
this match was beautiful – a work of performing
art in the ring that has rarely been equaled and perhaps
has never been surpassed. I found this to be just about
perfect, and considerably better than any other match
of the year candidates. Technically, it was better than
Punk vs. Aries, but – although A.J. Styles won
the X Division title here – it lacked the genuine
emotion that took Punk vs. Aries to another level entirely.
From a technical perspective, however, it might be match
of the decade.
One forgotten gem lands in spot number three: A.J. Styles
vs. Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin in an Ultimate X
match at the January Final Resolution ppv. The match
had some incredible spots – including a double
flip in mid-air by A.J. Styles as he fell from the Ultimate
X ropes – but it had psychology to it, too. When
it comes voting time, this match will suffer because
it occurred so early in the year, and that’s unfortunate.
The match likely to actually be voted match of the year
is Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels from Wrestlemania.
It benefits from having been on the largest stage possible
– Wrestlemania -- and having a dream match aura
to it. And it paid off, big time. Bobby Heenan even
said it was the best match he’s ever seen. I thought
it was a great match, but there were two things that
I believe kept it from reaching the level of Styles
vs. Joe vs. Daniels. First, though the final ten minutes
might have been the finest ten minutes of wrestling
I’ve ever seen, the first ten minutes had some
slow spots. A match needs time to build, true, but some
of the first half of the match struck me as a little
bit too slow. Second, minutes before the finish, Michaels
scored a near fall on Angle, and Angle kicked out a
little late, and the referee had to awkwardly stop counting
before three even though Angle’s shoulders were
still on the mat. Angle seems to do that an awful lot,
and whenever it happens, it takes me out of the match.
Still, the match was fantastic and will rightfully be
remembered as a Wrestlemania classic. Their first rematch
is also a match of the year candidate, and was almost
as good as the original. I can’t say the same
for the Iron Man contest at Homecoming, which was very
good (at least the 75% of it we were able to see on
USA television – a full eight minutes were lost
to commercials), but didn’t come close to their
previous accomplishments.
Finally, I’d like to put in a word for a match
that often gets overlooked because it, too, took place
at Wrestlemania, but lacked some of the special aura
of Angle vs. Michaels. Wrestlemania’s ladder match
was in my opinion every bit the equal of Angle vs. Michaels,
and Shelton Benjamin was the performer of the show (can
anyone forget Benjamin’s run up the ladder?) who
I thought was on the verge of becoming a breakout star
based on his performance here. Well, things didn’t
turn out quite as I had hoped or expected, with Shelton
today stuck in a go nowhere feud with the blandest of
WWE wrestlers, Kerwin White, the erstwhile Chavo Guerrero.
Like Styles vs. Williams vs. Sabin in January, Money
in the Bank was a gimmick match with plenty of spots,
but -- led by a compelling “injured arm”
in ring story told by Chris Benoit -- it still contained
solid psychology that made it much more than a mere
spotfest, and turned it into a bona fide match of the
year candidate.
Rickard: I’ve never
been really big on selecting a match of the year and
don’t feel qualified to select Match of the Year
candidates, let alone the winner. First off, I have
the attention span of a three year old child. I can’t
remember the main event at this year’s SummerSlam
let alone which matches really shined throughout the
year. Second, there are just way too many indie promotions
to follow to say that I’ve seen a variety of matches
(even if I limit things to North America).
One of my biggest complaints about match
of the year polls is that inevitably it ends up being
a question of what good match was seen by the most people.
As anyone who follows ROH (or indie wrestling in general)
regularly can attest, there are a lot of phenomenal
matches held around the country on a fairly regular
basis. Unfortunately the number of fans who see this
matches are usually a small percentage of the people
who vote for match of the year. During an interview
discussing his highly acclaimed series with Ricky Steamboat
in WCW circa 1989, Flair pointed out that the best matches
he had with Steamboat weren’t the ones seen on
PPV but the ones he had with Steamboat at house shows,
oftentimes in front of small audiences.
With those disclaimers in place, here
are my candidates for 2005 match of the year:
Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan- very nicely
built up and Michaels carried Hogan to a very good match
(and hats off to Hogan for putting in a great effort
for a guy who could be a card-carrying member of the
AARP). The promos leading up to the match were money
and the match itself delivered in terms of psychology
and workrate.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Shawn Michaels (Monday Night RAW)-this
match stuck out. At the time, I questioned why Michaels
got the pinfall win over Benjamin (who the WWE just
doesn’t know how to use. I don’t buy the
argument that he can’t talk. The guy isn’t
Flair or Foley on the microphone but he’s no marble
mouth either) but looking back, it’s obvious they
were setting things up for the main event with Hogan.
A great face vs. face match and Michaels superkick leading
to the win was executed beautifully. Not much hype to
the match but the in-ring quality was amazing.
Abyss, Jimmy Rave, and Alex Shelley versus
Roderick Strong, Jack Evans, and Austin Aries in a no
disqualification match (Ring of Honor Williamsville,
NY 10-15-05). I’m not a big fan of hardcore wrestling
but the athletic skills of all men fused with the wild
anything goes nature of no-disqualification matches
to create one of the best hardcore matches I have ever
seen.
Colt Cabana vs. Low-Ki (Ring of Honor,
Williamsville, NY 10-15-05)-the match was billed as
a grapple match and it really delivered. A very methodical
match that reminded me of the old Mid-Atlantic matches
where guys battled with holds for sixty minutes except
this match was shorter and featured a lot more remarkable
submission holds. The match’s downfall was that
it ended in a screwjob finish when Homicide came to
ringside and distracted Cabana long enough for Low-Ki
to kick him and pin him.
One match that should have made it was
Triple H vs. Batista at Wrestlemania XXI. I can’t
recall a match being so expertly promoted as this one.
The build-up to Batista leaving Evolution was fantastic,
one of the best bits of promotion in WWE history. Unfortunately
the match itself was nothing spectacular and while it
wasn’t bad, it didn’t live up to expectations.
***
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Up Beavis and Butthead Volume 1 on DVD
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