With WWE in talks with Japan’s celebrated MMA organization, PRIDE, it wasn’t too surprising to learn that Mister McMahon had tried to suck up to impress PRIDE’s Powers That Be by staging a demonstration of a typically Japanese form of entertainment—an Iron Chef competition.  Of course, it had a special WWE twist--this Iron Chef competition involved the Divas.  And where you have Divas and food, you know the food won’t necessarily end up on a plate.

Taking a break from their meetings, Mister McMahon escorted his honored guests from Japan to the Executive Dining Room at Titan Towers, which had been transformed to look like Kitchen Stadium for the occasion. 

So far, so good. 

The premise was simple enough--two Iron Chef Divas, one secret ingredient, and one hour to prepare dishes featuring the mystery meat...err...secret ingredient. 

Serving in the role of The Chairman was Mister McMahon, who introduced the Iron Chef Divas who would do battle:  Diva Sharmell vs. Diva Candice Michelle.

There was a problem right off the bat, though, when Sharmell brought along a personal chef who would be doing the cooking for her.  In a rather snotty tone of voice, she reminded Mister McMahon that is married to a king.

The Chairman did not appreciate this display of attitude in front of his guests and told Sharmell to “pack her knives and go.”  Whoops, wrong cooking show.  But the outcome was the same.  Sharmell was out and Diva Torrie was in.

Anxious to get on with the show, The Chairman led Torrie and Candice to a large covered platter and pulled the lid off to reveal the secret ingredient--turkey.  It was Thanksgiving, after all, so why not kill two birds with one stone.  Literally.

The baffled Divas stared at the freshly plucked turkeys, not quite sure what to do next.  Nonetheless, each picked up a turkey and took it back to her respective work station.   

“Let Battle Turkey begin,” announced McMahon with a flourish as he took a seat with his guests.

The time clock began to tick, and the Divas looked worried. 

Fortunately, each had a sous chef to help with the preparation.  Candice conferred with sous chef Victoria, while Torrie consulted Diva Chloe, who was licking her fluffy white chops and the sight of the plump bird.

The judges for the competition were announced.  Noted WWE foodie, Good Old J.R., and Mr. Yamamoto, one of the Japanese dignitaries, would be tasting the finished dishes, but both began to wonder if there would be anything to judge since no cooking was going on.

In point of fact, the Divas didn’t have a clue how to cook a turkey.  Or anything else.  No one had told them they’d have to be able to cook to win this "match." 

Candice finally had an idea.  She did her GoDaddy.com dance, which had nothing to do with cooking, but she figured the men in the audience would like it.  She was right, of course. 

But Victoria was growing frustrated with Miss GoDaddy and wanted to do something with the turkey.  She picked it up, but Candice tried to grab it away.  The two stood there pulling on the turkey in a culinary tug of war.  Suddenly, it slipped out of their hands and sailed across the floor, landing at the feet of Mr. Yamamoto.  He looked annoyed at first, then quite pleased when Candice leaned over to clean up the mess.  Nothing like a face full of cleavage to turn a frown upside down.

Candice and Victoria returned to their work station with the turkey and wiped it off.  Time was getting short and they had to do something with the stupid thing.

Then Candice had another idea.  She picked up a bottle of J.R.’s Barbeque Sauce and slathered if all over the turkey.  With a nice parsley garnish, it looked presentable, if not edible. 

Torrie hadn’t had any more luck trying to figure out what to do with her turkey and had finally put a big red bow on it.   

The time for cooking was up and it was time for the judging. 

Torrie’s entry was presented first, but when she removed the lid, sous chef Chloe was sitting there on the platter with the turkey, looking guilty at having taken a big bite out of the main course.  The judges looked aghast.  No points for Torrie.

Candice presented her barbeque sauce smothered turkey next, which was a big hit with J.R. as you might imagine.  Mr. Yamamoto also gave her his vote, although for reasons unrelated to cooking.

Your Iron Chef Diva winner:  Candice Michelle.

“Not so fast,” said Torrie, as she reached over and grabbed a handful of Candice’s hair.  Before long, Torrie, Candice, Victoria, and even Chloe, were rolling around on the floor in a cat (and dog) fight.  It just wouldn’t be a Diva match if it didn’t end in a cat fight, after all.

So, in the end, PRIDE got an up-close and personal look at World Wrestling Entertainment, Mister McMahon got to puff out his chest with pride at the way the competition had gone…and everyone learned that Divas can’t cook.

The foregoing was merely fanciful.  WWE would never resort to such a cheesy stunt.  *wink, wink*

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Speaking of turkeys and holidays . . .

K-Fed is something of a turkey, too, and it looks like he'll be with us through the holdays.  He'd better not party too hearty on New Year's Eve, though, if he wants to look credible in the ring with John Cena on New Year's Day.  Personally, I'm waiting for him to fall flat on his tail feathers in that match.

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Thanks for reading and see ya next week.