John Cena is in the ring with his Survivor Series team.  He calls out Big Show when Team Rated RKO interrupt things.  They brag about hospitalizing a Hall of Famer (Roddy Piper) and brag that after Johnny Nitro beats Jeff Hardy for the I-C strap....

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  "Slick Ric" "Nature Boy" Ric Flair makes his way to address the situation.  He's brought his Survivor Series team with them.  "Slick Ric" mocks Team RKO for winning the tag team belts in a glorified handicap match and tells them they're not champions, they're pathetic.

The Spirit Squad continue the interruptions and mock Flair's Legends tem, calling them a museum of natural history rejects.

DX' music plays and out comes Team DX (what a surprise!)  HBK wants to start things right now.  Let's start the Royal Rumble right now!  Triple H whispers in HBK's ear to remind him that it's Survivor Series which is coming next.  Triple H tells Flair that there's no need to beat the Spirit Squad tonight because they've shown they can be beat anytime.  He tells Cena there's little chance of seeing the Big Show out here tonight because he came across a case of Twinkies in the back.  He challenges Team RKO to take on his team (putting over CM Punk and the newly reformed Team Extreme).  He's got two words for Team RKO...

Edge is none too happy and he tells DX to shut up.  Everyone is sick of their "two words".  Cena says if Big Show is too scared to show up, he'd love to see Team DX and Team RKO go at it. 

Keeping with tonight's theme of interrupted promos, Big Show and his team show up.  Show says he's not gutless and it's obvious since he's captaining the most dominant team in the Survivor Series.  Cena challenges Show and everybody else to get in the ring.  Before they can, Vince McMahon shows up to put the brakes on an all out war.  Tonight he's going to have an unprecedented match featuring all eight teams' captains squaring off in eight-man action.  He promises the fans that they'll see something they'll never forget.

1.  Umaga vs. Sabu- this wild brawl should be an excellent match but unfortunately it's nothing more than Umaga squashing Sabu.  Sabu gets in just enough offense to not look like a total jobber.  Umaga wins with the Spike.

WINNER:  Umaga

J.R. & King hype the main event.

Inside the ring, Tori Wilson is shooting out t-shirts to the fans when Chris Masters steps into the ring.  Masters admires the t-shirt gun and comments that while it's big; it's nothing compared to his guns (arms).   Masters tells Tori that it's obvious that she's not here to participate in the Masterlock Challenge.  Fortunately, he's got a position for her.  Even more fortunate is the arrival of Carlito who tells Masters he's got big guns but underneath, he's got a little pistol.  Carlito then lays out Masters as he goes to walk Tori out of the ring.  An enraged Masters sneak attacks Carlito and puts him in the Masterlock before Jerry "The King" Lawler makes the save.

Backstage, Todd Grisham is interviewing Johnny Nitro and Melina.  Melina dedicates the match to her friend K-Fed.  Nitro promises to break Jeff Hardy tonight.

The Spirit Squad is backstage, arguing over who gets to face Dusty Rhodes in the ring tonight.  Johnny wants to fight Rhodes but Kenny reminds him that he's the captain of the Spirit Squad and he'll be picking Rhodes' opponent.  Kenny says Nickey will be that opponent.  Kenny spots Ric Flair and interrupts the Nature Boy setting up a hook-up with Candace Michelle.  Flair gives Kenny a WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! as Ron Simmons shows up to say DAMN! 

Jeff Hardy makes his way towards the ring as a WWE referee tells him he has to surrender the I-C belt to him since his ladder match is up next.  Since when has that happened? (EDITOR'S NOTE:  The referee has to put the belt on the hook for the ladder match D'oh!)

2.  Intercontinental Championship Title Match Ladder Match Johnny Nitro (w. Melina) vs. IC Champion Jeff Hardy

Hardy wastes no time in taking things to Nitro.  J.R. and the King point out how Hardy isn't afraid to sacrifice his body to win a match, a strategy that could backfire and lead to him self-destructing.  Hardy lands a Whisper in the Wind early on but Nitro quickly comes back.  Nitro goes for the ladder early in the match but Hardy knocks the ladder into Nitro and then dives outside the ring where both men are laid out.  King and JR wonder if either man wil survive tonight's match.

After the commercial, both athletes are fighting on the ladder.  Nitro is knocked off followed by Jeff.  Nitro catapults Jeff into the ladder but the move backfires as Jeff regains his balance and climbs towards the top.  Nitro soon realizes his mistake and quickly follows Jeff up.  In order to stop Hardy, Nitro delivers a standing dropkick at the top of the ladder, knocking Hardy and himself off.  The move gives Nitro some much needed momentum as he grabs the ladder and strikes Hardy with it.  JR is impressed with Nitro as this is his first outing in a ldder match.  Hardy comes back to bodyslam Nitro on the ladder.  Hardy goes high risk as he tries a swanton onto Nitro.  Nitro slips away though and Hardy crashes into the ladder.  Nitro takes the ladder and blasts Jeff with it.  Hardy is dropkicked (ladder and all) by Nitro as the tide shifts towards Nitro.  Nitro continues to punish Hardy until Hardy is dazed.  Nitro grabs a second, taller ladder from beneath the ring but Jeff has recovered.  Hardy throws Nitro into the ladder and goes to get the first ladder.  Both men climb the shorter ladder, reaching for the I-C belt.  Jeff delivers a sunset flip on Nitro as they're atop the ladder, turning it into a powerbomb. He then delivers a legdrop off of the ladder.  Sensing victory, Hardy traps Nitro underneath the ladder as he climbs it to grab the belt and retain his championship.

WINNER:  Jeff Hardy

3.  "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes vs. Nicky- Nicky's strategy is pretty simple-take the big man off of his feet.  While he's successful, he's not successful enough as Stardust makes his comeback and delivers a Bionic Elbow for the ring.

WINNER: Dusty Rhodes by pinfall.

Backstage, Edge is enjoying a quiet moment with Lita when RKO interrupts with the lovely Maria.  Some kind of commotion is going on so Edge, RKO, and Maria investigate.  Apparently Cryme Tyme is watching See No Evil (are they that bored?).  RKO astutely notes that as long as Cryme Tyme are in the tag division, they'll have a long title reign.  When Cryme Tyme call Edge and RKO crackers, Edge tells Cryme Tyme he's down with the brothers after spending lots of time watching Whitney Houston videos (Maria gets excited at that comment).  Cryme Tyme invite/coerce Maria into watching the DVD.  She looks as comfortable as Michael Richards at an NAACP meeting.

4.  Mickie James vs. Lita (Blindfold Match)  Lita tells James that tonight she has to compete blind-folded.  Coachman's music plays and Coach comes out to put a hood over James.  JR & the King wonder how Lita has managed to get so many stipulation matches against James.  With James unable to see, Lita dominates the match.  Lita PLANTS James with a devastating looking DDT.  Lita moonsaults James and easily pins her.

WINNER: Lita by pinfall.

Lita grabs the microphone and tells the fans that she's the most dominant superstar in the WWE.  She accuses the fans of having a short memory and forgetting what she's done in the WWE.  She revolutionized women's roles in the WWE and reminds the fans of all the sacrifices she made including a broken neck.   She says she inspired a generation of women.  Without her, there would be no Micki James or Trish Stratus.  She says she's going to do Stratus one better by walking into Survivor Series with the belt and walking out with the belt.  She announces that Survivor Series will be her last match and then she's retiring.  King and JR are shocked at Lita's announcement.

Backstage, Edge is watching Lita's announcement on a monitor when RKO asks him if he's ready for their big match.

5.  Survivor Series Captain's Match:  Randy Orton, Edge, Kenny, and Big Show vs. "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, John Cena, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H

Cena and Flair come in the ring before DX so their opponents waste no time in taking advantage of the numbers game.  Fortunately DX show up quickly and even the odds.  Edge's teammates bail out and Edge finds himself outnumbered 4-to-1.  Edge's opponents have some fun slapping him around until the Big Show has the presence of mind to pull him out of the ring to safety.  The Big Show tries to get his team regrouped and launches an offensive but he soon finds himself tossed out of the ring.

After the commercial break, HBK is in control until Big Show lends a helping hand.  Before long he finds himself getting beat down by all the members of the opposition as they tag in and out.  Big Show tries for the pin but Triple H is taking no chances and breaks things up. 

With HBK fading, Randy Orton starts to showboat, doing pushiups in front of HBK, waiting to land the RKO.  His cockiness backfires though and Michaels slips out of the RKO attempt.  HBK makes the tag and makes the hot tag to Cena.  Cena cleans house and goes for an FU on Kenny but the Big Show is there to break things up.  Big Show goes for a chokeslam but Cena stops him.  Flair chops Big Show and gets a superkick for his trouble. Cena finally lands the FU on Kenny and gets the pin.

WINNERS: HHH, HBK, John Cena, and Ric Flair.

After the match, all the Survivor Series teams' members run into the ring for an all out brawl.