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Breaking News: Superfly Jimmy Snuka Publishes Controversial New Book

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Fiji Islands) - World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Famer "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka has penned a controversial new book that details how he may have killed his girlfriend in 1983, provided he was the one who committed the crime.

Snuka's book, "If I did it, Brudda", describes in explicit detail how Snuka would have caused the skull fracture that eventually killed girlfriend Nancy Argentino in an Allentown, Pennsylvania, hotel room. He also discusses a fictitious phone call he would have placed to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, asking him to show up at the hotel room and help clean up the blood.

"Lemme tell you something right now, brudda, everyone thinks they can catch up to the Superfly," Snuka wrote. "Well, there's no gettin' up when I dive through the sky, brudda! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!"

It must be pointed out that Snuka was never tried for the death of Argentino, and that her death was ruled "accidental." There were several reasons for this, including Snuka's then-lawyer Johnnie Cochrane presenting police with the famed "If he does not wear shoes, he must not lose" defense.

Snuka also told police during that he blamed the death of his girlfriend on The Magnificent Muraco, whom he was feuding with at the time. The police believed the story, because most people who watched wrestling in the early 1980's were total idiots.

But the biggest plus in Snuka's case was that no one could understand what the hell he was talking about.

"Brudda, tonight, I'm comin' at you from the Fiji Islands," Snuka said during his sworn statement to police. "We're talkin' about The Superfly, brudda! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!"

Unlike the recently scrapped O.J. Simpson book, WWE has decided to go ahead and publish Snuka's story, regardless of the controversy it may raise.

Snuka will also discuss his book at length during a two-part interview on WWE 24/7, which will be augmented for some reason by a 1989 match he had against Boris Zhukov.

"Quite frankly, we see this as a freedom of speech issue," McMahon said, when contacted by World Wrestling Insanity News. "As an American -- or wherever the fuck he's from -- Mr. Snuka has the first amendment right to describe in excruciating detail how he smashed his girlfriend in the head repeatedly with a steel folding chair."

McMahon then added that the experience has prompted him to think about writing a book of his own, one that details how he would have screwed Bret Hart at the 1997 Survivor Series. If he had done it, of course.

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com