12-01-06

“Hot summer night.  Storm lies in the air.”

Boo-yah, here we go!!

***

Item # 1 – December to Dismember predictions.

Ø      This looks to be a solid main event.  For guys like Show, Lashley, Test, and Sabu...a brawl is what they're best at.  Using a weapons-filled cage to help hide the wrestling inability of the majority of this group will help make this match not only watchable, but probably downright exciting.  It's been awhile since I've seen a legit ECW bloodfest and this pretty much will fill that void for me.  I see Punk and Lashley shining in the match with Lashley and Show as the final two.

Ø      WINNER: ...and new ECW champion, Bobby Lashley. 

Ø      If this was to be on any PPV from any promotion, it would have the ability to steal the show.  As it stands, this pretty much IS the show.  I cannot wait to see these four men get 20+ minutes to go all-out and show the world what they're capable of.  Three of the participants have known each other since they broke into the business so I expect some flow to the match that wouldn't be there otherwise.  You add Nitro to the mix (and his tremendous in-ring improvement over the past year) and you've got all the ingredients for a **** match. 

Ø      WINNER: Team Extreme.  MNM's only together for one night so I can't see them winning.

Umm...that’s it. 

Item # 2 – That’s it?

So...how in the blue hell is ECW planning on getting 300,000+ PPV buys when there are only two matches announced with two days to go?  I know that it’s a busy time in WWE, what...with three PPV’s in four weeks and all.  However, the last time I checked ECW had their own weekly television program to promote the PPV on!!!!!!!  Sweet merciful crap...the Observer is reporting that less than 2,000 tickets have even been sold for the live event!!  WHAT THE F*CK???  Who the hell is asleep at THIS wheel?? 

So when the PPV is a resounding failure (and by all accounts, it should be one of the lowest-rated PPV’s of the year), will this prove to Vince that ECW is, indeed, a failure or will there then be proof that ECW needs to become more “WWE-esque” in order to garner higher ratings and better PPV buys?

I dunno.  What I do know is that there is zero reason for this bullshit.  I, for one, am going to buy the ECW PPV regardless of who’s on it because I have yet to see a Heyman-influenced PPV suck ass.  ECW is 2-for-2 in providing me my money’s worth and I’ll be damned if I miss out on CM Punk kicking ass in the Elimination Chamber.

But I’m still puzzled as to how WWE plans to interpret the outcome.  What if they actually get 250,000 buys and the PPV doesn’t bomb?  Will they then start paying attention to the ECW program?  Will they then decide to try to create some newer stars other than Punk to help carry the brand?  Will they actually try to promote the next One Night Stand PPV with three matches instead of two?

WHY AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON AROUND HERE??  Am I not making sense?  Why does WWE feel the need to sit back on their laurels when they could really be doing so much more???  Am I crazy for thinking that WWE could actually make MORE MONEY if they actually used their f*cking brains a little bit more???

Sigh...I’m spent.  Let’s move on.

Item # 3 – VKM?  How ‘bout STUPID?  Maybe LAME?  IDIOTIC, perhaps?

Listen...if the Voodoo Kin Mafia skits end up turning into parodies instead of “biting attacks” on WWE, then I’m fine with the whole thing.  Why?  Because quite frankly, I’ve been laughing AT these two dumb-asses since the first vignette aired...not laughing with them.

Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I wish that DX would simply go away.  Their time has come and gone and now it’s just two old guys pretending to be young again.  The problem with my wish is that they are super-over with the crowds...hence they are all over my TV.  I may hate it, the IWC may remain up in arms over how much they hate seeing it on a weekly basis, and now VKM may hate it...but at the end of the day it’s all about getting over with the crowds.  Well kids...DX is still over with the crowds.

Now BG James can bitch and moan like a school-girl all he wants about “Michael Hickenbottom and Paul Levesque” until he’s blue in the face...the bottom line is that he was never going to be a superstar in the first place.  Everything he got with DX was the highest he was ever going to go.  Same with “Kip James”.  Both guys were midcard acts who hitched a ride to the main event.  Once that train left, their midcard status shone through like a beacon in the night. 

So what they’re doing now is coming off like sour grapes.  They’re coming off like two fired ex-WWE guys who are now desperate comedy acts in TNA.  Grow up, boys.  You can cry about DX and Vince McMahon all you like and then pretend to throw out challenges in a WORKED PROFESSION for a company that you don’t work for...but people know otherwise.  People know the truth.  People realize that your responses to “open” challenges are silly because it’s never going to happen as long as you’re signed with TNA.

And don’t think for one second that if WWE threw a big-money 2^nd chance contract their way that their tune wouldn’t change.  It’s not helping them and it’s not helping TNA.

As I stated earlier, if it ends up being parody...that’s fine.  Parodies can be funny...pretending to be “bad asses” and attack a competitor that you have NO CHANCE IN HELL of coming close to any time soon is petty.  Stick with parody, guys.  You can actually laugh at yourselves while laughing at the competition and bring the fans along for a giggle or two.  With turning what you’re doing into a parody, at least you won’t end up looking like a newer version of a bitter Ole Anderson (minus the sodomy, of course).

The good news that comes from the ashes of the VKM backlash?  You’ve got Kent Jones on your side.

Item # 4 – Roddy Piper diagnosed with lymphoma cancer.

I speak for all here at World Wrestling Insanity in wishing a speedy recovery to the Hot Rod.  There were fewer heels who entertained me more growing up a huge wrestling teenage fan in the 80’s.  Piper...Savage...Roberts...those were the heels that re-defined how heels should be.  I couldn’t imagine a world without that crazy, drunken Scot (technically he's Canadian but who's counting?).

Get well soon.

Item # 4 – 50% of WWE Women’s Division injured.

Okay...I exaggerate a bit.

Michelle McCool (sigh) was recently diagnosed with suffering from an enlarged kidney and an electrolyte imbalance.  If untreated, the end result could have been deadly.  Thank God she’s going to be okay.

Candice Michelle was recently injured on RAW in the Diva Battle Royal.  Apparently, Victoria accidentally broke her nose (ironically, in the same building that Victoria dislocated Beth Phoenix’s jaw) during the match and now Candice will be sidelined for a few weeks...not that anybody will notice anyway.

Item # 5 – Loser of the Week runner-up.

Just when you thought that coming to the ring acting like a Bee Gee on crack was bad enough, Ron “the Truth” Killings just decided to make himself lamer than he ever was before.

He decided to sit in his car (HIS F*CKING CAR, people!!!) and provide an online web commentary.  That in and of itself isn’t so bad.  What is the problem is that he decided to rap his displeasure for WWE and his hard-on for TNA’s debut in prime time on Spike TV.

Yeah...he’s a rapper, remember?  “What’s up” indeed.

Now wait a second...wasn’t it only weeks ago that Killings was reaching out to WWE because he was extremely unhappy with his push (or lack thereof) in TNA?  Weren’t there some big-time rumors about both he and Monty Brown looking to move on?  Wasn’t it reported that Killings drew heat with TNA management because he refused to job to A-1 (something he had already done previously)?  Didn’t it just get reported that he was refused his release because TNA didn’t want him to go to WWE???

Well...guess who’s sucking TNA’s proverbial dick right now?  Yeah...that’s what I thought.

So Ron, for helping give some street cred to Vanilla Ice and in the process remove all respect that intelligent fans had for you and your integrity...congrats on being a complete tool and this week’s Loser of the Week runner-up.

Item # 6 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week wasn’t tough at all.  Once I read the story I laughed out loud and pushed all other thoughts to the back.  It was really quite the obvious decision to make the choice for ZAH’s Loser of the Week to be...

Green Lantern Fan!!

Image courtesy of Derek Burgan

Wow...where to begin on this one?

Long story short, this is a guy (if you didn’t already know) who has shown up for practically every ROH show in the history of the promotion.  He’s always in the front row and he always does whatever he can in order to get involved with the show and “get himself over” with the boys.  He also lives on different wrestling message boards and reports on the shows as if he was a part of them.

Well...all good things must come to an end.  From an online posting, here are the edited ramblings of Green Lantern Fan:

I don't want to ramble and rave but I just wanted to get a few things off my chest and I know from talking to the ROH guys personally that they are on this message board all the time. I know if I post this on the ROH board , gabe will come along and delete the post in nanoseconds since he is always home on message boards. I did try talking to RoH representatives this weekend and on email but I was shunned everytime.

Everyone knows who I am. Some people do not like me. Some people do. I'm a tad obessisve. I've met many friends through wrestling and I've met many people in wrestling that I'm proud to call friends. Teddy Hart is one of them and after seeing how ROH treated him then maybe I should've woken up.

I saw posts here and on other forums that I got banned at ROH. What happened was after the show I bought some DVDs and hung out to talk to some of the wrestlers. I do this EVERY show. For some reason one of the ROH students try throwing me out. I wanted to have a conversation with a wrestler and I get kicked out. I can't believe it.

So I tried going back in and I get kicked out by a rent-a-cop. I couldn't believe it. I tried talking to Cary and I was told to stay away like I was some stalker. Cary knows me.

The next day I try to go to ROH by my home in Edison that I wasn't allowed in. Imagine this. A loyal customer who loves the product being told their money is no good here. How do you ban fans?

I tried emailing ROH sevral times since Saturday and got blown off every single time.

Let me say right now f*ck ROH! If this is how you treat your fans I don't want to be a fan no more.

In the past I was ejected from a JAPW show.

I just wanna say ROH isn't true to their fans. They are all about money and nothing else.

I hope other fans dont make the some mistake I have, and suport ROH.

The Green Lantern Fan
Paul S.

First of all, I hope other fans don’t make the same spelling mistakes he did.  Sweet f*ck...I absolutely hate the fact that people today not only don’t know how to spell but the actually flaunt their stupidity.  You can’t take the time to re-read your message and realize that “sevral” isn’t a word??  Christ on a cracker!  I mean, it’s “probly” just me being anal retentive about it...but not coming off like a “tird” grader “certnly” doesn’t help your case at all.

Secondly, you obviously got kicked out for a reason.  Nobody gets kicked out of a venue for nothing.  Mistaken identity can happen once...but then once you get your sorry ass BANNED from an entire promotion, you know that you’ve done something wrong.  Sweet Jesus...why in the hell would an entire promotion ban you from ever seeing a live event again if you didn’t do anything???  Get your green head out of your green ass and grab some common f*ckin’ sense, moron.

Finally...nobody is responding to your silly little e-mail campaign because you’re a F*CKING SMARK!!!  You’re just a fan...get over yourself!  Just because you spent a shitload of money, doesn’t mean ROH owes you anything.  They owe you nothing but providing some damned-fine in-ring competition so you know that your money was spent wisely.  Other than that, you’re just a “suporter” of theirs and nothing more.  You’re not one of the boys...you’re not a close personal friend of Gabe...you’re not anything other than a fan.  Period.

Therefore, for being not only being an annoying piss-ant that nobody will miss seeing on their ROH DVD’s anymore, but for also having one of the most over-blown egos I’ve seen on a relatively untalented hack in quite some time (at least since Fergie last week), congrats on being this my Loser of the Week!

F*cktard.

***

Pillar to Post 

Each and every week I’ll take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week (and I encourage every reader to throw me an e-mail and volunteer), I was able to find two outspoken World Wrestling Insanity readers in Aaron Wood and Green Teabagger!

1. Agree or Disagree
TNA’s recent attacks on WWE are a good promotional strategy.

Aaron Wood:  I don't think it's possible for me to disagree more.

First of all, when TNA has done this in the past, has it worked? The answer to that is a big, fat NO.

Then look at the people in the "war". BG and Kip James. Frankly, these two should be thankful to the WWE and DX in particular, for ever getting over in the first place, isn't that right, Rock-A-Billy and "The Real Double J"?

And then who are they catering this war to? WWE fans? Nope. Casual fans? Doesn't look as though TNA has any to speak of. So basically, this "war" caters only to the fans who watch TNA already, and thus quite probably don't like WWE anyway. I mean, if Kurt (Freaking) Angle can't do jack to bump TNA's viewership, what in the lord's name made them think this will?

I mean, on a personal note, I have something of a reputation, which personally, I find somewhat unfair, of not liking TNA. And to be frank, while I love the product "bell-to-bell", it's stuff like this that really stops me from getting behind the product.

Indeed, their dumb angle is probably only going to get people WATCHING WWE! Take this "acceptance" of the Hardy Boyz open challenge. All that that's going to do is get some fans of the group (and those deluded souls are out there) to buy the ECW PPV in the hope/expectation that they show up. And to be frank, if they did, it would only be proving this point right. I mean, including last week, there are 4 PPV events on in 4 weeks. 3 from WWE and 1 from TNA. Surely, TNA should be doing everything it can to be securing buys for its own show rather than planting the idea of one or two of their lot showing up at a WWE one.

And as a side note, if they had any balls whatsoever to do their "war" properly, why not nut up and quit using the real names of the people you have a beef with, because the casual fans, if there are any, that tune into TNA will have no idea who in the hell they are on about?

Oh and by the way, they really shouldn't be saying that anything about WWE's product being "Dumb to the Xtreme" , when everything I've seen and read say that that's what their own skits are. Maybe "Operation Cease and Desist" should turn in on itself...

Green Teabagger: Somewhat agree

TNA shouldn't ignore the fact that WWE exists. WWE has flaws (OH BOY, do they have flaws) that TNA can take advantage of by presenting a better product. On the other hand, I don't know what precisely they are hoping to gain attacking the WWE using the Voodoo Kin Mafia. I can't figure out where the payoff is for this. I like the little subtle jabs they take at WWE but it’s the more outlandish stuff that bothers me. "Attacking Titan Tower"--give me a break. Making jokes about Paul Levesque-McMahon (Triple H) and Michael Hickenbottom (Shawn Michaels) doesn’t bother me that much.

2. Agree or Disagree
ECW’s December to Dismember will be, ultimately, a less than stellar PPV.

Aaron Wood: I'm gonna have to agree on that one. By all counts, actually. Because let's face it, they could throw out a PPV that has the greatness of the Great Canadian Stampede and WrestleMania 17 combined, and online fans will still send feedback to various websites scoring it with a 5 at most, wondering why WWE can serve up such garbage, and just like the guff with "WWE had TNA's show cancelled", the idea is more accepted than the truth.

HOWEVER, in this case, while it may be a decent show (and I think the main event and Hardyz/MNM matches should be really good), the thinness of the roster (only exacerbated by the 6-man main) means there aren't many good matches left between people I want to see.

I like the idea of Bob Holly vs. Sandman, despite the natural storyline match being Sandman vs. Striker, but then, where after that? Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn? Balls vs. Mike Knox?

So yeah, as I said, it may well be decent (and why not when the TV is fine enough most of the time), but it's going to be a gangbuster of a show.

Green Teabagger: Agree. How in the bloody hell can't it be?

December to Dismember has two matches announced. TWO. Dos. Deux. II. One of them does not involve any ECW talent. It's a tag match between a Smackdown wrestler and the RAW Intercontinental Champion (Matt and Jeff Hardy respectively) against the former RAW Intercontinental Champion and a Smackdown wrestler (Johnny Nitro and Joey Mercury respectively--though Mercury is in a state of flux as far as what show he is on, until we know for sure, I still consider him Smackdown). The other is the Extreme Elimination Chamber with six wrestlers and one of them (Bobby Lashley) was just imported from Smackdown to fill the sixth slot.

WWE cannot honestly expect this PPV to be a success when they book it and market it like this. Who in the hell are they kidding? If the PPV is a failure, they won't blame the craptastic booking/marketing. They will blame the letters ECW. Either that, or the WWE figures the sheep will buy anything with the letters ECW on it. TNA has one hour of programming a week and they still find a way to book 7-9 matches per PPV and STILL finds some time on their show to attempt to market that match/PPV. WWECDub has one hour as well, and WWE has crapped all over it. This is an indictment of WWE's lack of intelligence, lack of creativity, and most important lack of effort when it comes to any non-RAW, non-DX, non-McMahon obsessed event, particularly what they are calling ECW.

3. Agree or Disagree
DX is absolutely destroying the credibility of all RAW heels and, in effect, slowly destroying RAW.

Aaron Wood: I'm half and half, although, given the verbiage of the statement, I have to ultimately disagree.

I would agree with that statement in terms of those down the midcard, but in terms of the top two heels, a.k.a. Rated RKO, and other top heels that they haven't crossed paths with, such as Umaga, I would disagree.

With heels such as The Spirit Squad, then yes, DX have constantly gone over them, and harmed them. Indeed, the Squad were broken up because of how their SNME match went with DX, despite being the ones booked to be jobbers. And yes, I was disappointed that the more generic and potentially compelling angle between Kenny and Johnny didn't go ahead, if that was ever a plan, instead cutting it off like they did on Monday (and personally, I think people have been far too deep into their reading of the OVW thing, as if it meant that they were going to have to start again as if they were their first day in the business. They are just there to get retooled with new personas and wait until something ew is come up for them). I would just state one thing however; Cade & Murdoch got a higher profile working with DX, even though they got beat like the rest.

However, when it comes to Rated RKO, I would have to disagree. I don't think, to this point, DX has done those two much harm at all. Yes, people have screamed "Squash!" with regards to Survivor Series, but I would have to strongly disagree with that. First of all, by the time it got down to Rated RKO vs. the five of them, they had to lose. It would only have done Rated RKO damage if the roles have been reversed. And what people have to remember is that in most of their meetings this far, it's been the heels who have gotten the upper hand. Indeed, if you, the reader of this fine column, go to the forums, you will see someone actually complain about DX not making the save for the Hardys on Monday. And that would have been craziness, since Monday saw Rated RKO not only get whatever heat back they lost at Survivor Series, but probably get even more, thanks to the brutal nature of the "attack" on Ric Flair.

Green Teabagger: Agree.

Who's left at this point? Me-Generation-X has squashed every single heel on RAW except for UMAGA~!. Their obsession with getting themselves over instead of *gasp* letting someone else have the spotlight for even ten seconds has taken away from the entire WWE product (not just RAW). The whole Spirit Squad in a OVW box bit was absurd. There was no reason for Me-X to humiliate those five talents (well, four talents and Mitch--he sucks) that way other than to get themselves over because God knows they needed the rub *ugh* of destroying the cheerleaders and their own personal enjoyment. There are any number of directions the Squad's dissolution could have gone that would have been better...Johnny turning face because he had enough of Kenny's crap would have been much better, the Squad losing to Eugene and Hacksaw in that "losing team can't team anymore" match would have been better, even another draft lottery where one or more of them were sent off to Smackdown/WWECDub would have been better. Instead, Hunter and HBK decide to get themselves over again.

More Me-Generation-X garbage....

Frankly, as funny as the "Who's Mike Knox?" bit was at the Survivor Series, that killed any credibility he might ever have been able to garner. Mike Knox didn't deserve to be humiliated like that, and Knox is a uncharismatic no-talent hack to begin with. I hate Randy Orton with a passion, and even HE didn't deserve that.

The Survivor Series....that five-on-five was a glorified squash match. Some of the commentary from the show and on RAW attempted to make it seem as if Hunter and Shawn did all the work while C.M. Punk and the Hardys stood there picking their noses. Edge has been the best heel on RAW for at least the last two years and got ripped apart. Randy Orton gets ripped apart, and WWE has booked him to be borderline unbeatable. Gregory Helms is the longest reigning champion on either show (and they announce that for his matches) and he got owned. Johnny Nitro could very well be the next big star on RAW, assuming that MeX actually lets someone in their spotlight for more than 1/2 a second...oh wait, never mind. Mike Knox...well, let's face it, he wasn't going to win anyway.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f381/The_American_Nightmare_123/Random/butternutsquash.jpg

Dusty Wolfe and Riki Attaki were on the couch watching this match and saying, "Damn. They got their asses kicked worse than we did."

***

Wow...great job guys, thanks!!  I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist next week. 

No problem.  Either e-mail me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hit me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and let me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week…

L8R