Oh the weather outside is frightful, eh? Well, actually not really. It was like summer out here today…in December. Damn you, Al Gore and your global heat death-ray machine!

Anyway, the weather doesn’t change the time of year. That’s right. It’s Holiday time. That means it’s time to send presents to the people you love, cards to the people you like a lot, and free e-cards to all the others who are, you know, alright.

So allow us to make your free holiday shopping easier with…

WorldWrestlingInsanity.com Holiday E-Cards

Simply click the above link and send whichever card you wish. For quicker access (you’re so impatient), you can just choose one of the three below:

Vince McMahon Holiday Card

Kane‘s Big Red Hanukkah Card

DeGeneration X Christmas Card

What better gift this season than a free e-card, right? Well, besides World Wrestling Insanity - The Book or membership to ClubWWI.com, of course.

So send away and be merry. The holiday season only comes one time a year. Thank God. If it didn’t, we’d all be mad poor.

Ah. The Holidays. Charlie Brown and his tree. Rudolph and his nose. The Drummonds with the burglarizing Santa. It’s a time for celebration. Don’t tell that to Triple H, though. After seeing his friend brutalized by Edge and Randy Orton, the Game has revenge on his mind as he squares off against the R Rated Superstar. Will the King of Kings do his Nature Buddy proud? What about the trials and tribulations of WWE Champion John Cena? With the gigantic K-Fed challenge mere weeks away, the Marine steps into the ring with Umaga‘s manager, Armando Alejandro Estrada. Can the Doctor of Thuganomics pull out a victory or will Tonga Kid with a growth disorder’s agent pull out a miracle? Want to find out? You do? Good. Spike the egg nog, deck your halls, and jingle all the way. It’s Monday. It’s 9pm. And it’s snowing Raw.

Raw Theme Plays.

Go to hell, ladies and gentlemen. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler have been banging it in the Mohegan Sun Casino since dawn and now they’re here for a rip roarin’ edition of Raw. We have Edge against Triple H in a match that will not only advance a deep-rooted grudge but also determine who’s hair has more bounce. That’s later, though. You might not even be watching by then. Hell, chances are you’ll fall asleep sometime around 10:15. That’s why you get John Cena vs. Armando Alejandro Estrada….right friggin’ now!

Lillian Garcia must love getting to introduce Armando. She can do the tongue rolls. Little did she know she’d be introducing a promo rather than a match. Once both Mando and Cena were in the ring, Estrada took the microphone.

Yo. Johnny-boy. Armandon’t wanna fight you, kid. Nah. He wants to give you a gift. Here. Take these illegal Cuban cigars…on live television. If you commit this crime on TV, then the match will be - how you say - done. Sound good?

John breaks the cigars. Uh oh. What does that mean?

AAE figures it means he doesn’t smoke. Tell you what, Champ. Take this watch. It has diamonds. You can have it. (JG Note: I hope this isn’t a segment that goes over and over again. He’s wearing lots of stuff. They can make this last forever if they want.)

OK, Marine. How’s this. You don’t like smoke or nice watches? Fine. Take money. You like money. Here. You can buy a soda or something. Take it.

Cena takes it….and hands it out to ringside fans. He throws it into the crowd. Man. If giving away money to fans doesn’t get him over, nothing will.

After bribing the audience, John returned to the ring. He throws his T-Shirt into the crowd (JG Note: More bribery) and goes after the big talking manager.

1. WWE Champion John Cena pinned Armando Alejandro Estrada after an F-U

Armando went down early but came back with a pair of brass knux. The Champion saw it, stopped it and proceeded to hammer the hell out of him. Umaga wasn’t at ringside because of the No-Touching until New Year’s rule that he and Cena have. (JG Note: It’s good to see young people waiting until the time is right.) In the end, this match was a jobber match. It was like when Johnny Valiant would fight Greg Valentine’s enemies on WWF Superstars. Bam. The Champion wins. Just like that.

Bam! Also, just like that, Johnny Nitro oozes his way into the ring and right upside John Cena’s head. The Champ hits the canvas and Melina emerges with a microphone. Nitro reminds Dr. Thuggy that Kevin Federline is undergoing some sort of imaginary training in preparation for his Monday Night Raw match on New Year’s. He laughs at the fallen rapper and backs up the ramp.  Jerry Lawler says that Johnny’s actions put him up there with K-Fed as “one of the most despised men in America.” Uh…sure. I’ll go with that. Why not?

Commercial Break. USA Network loves airing those movies three days in a row.  I can't imagine the job of a programming director at USA Network.  Between the three-nights in a row movies and the 100 episodes a week of Monk, it must be torture.

Backstage, Todd Grisham is the guy who runs up to John Cena for a comment. Why not? They get along so well. Grish asks Cena for a comment and he gets one. Yo, John E. Nitro. Pack your cup and grab your gear, son. The Prototype is challenging you tonight. Take that one back to K-Fed! Wordles For Life!

“A large man in pajamas and a jacked up guy who never had his Masterlock broken.”
- Jim Ross, 9:18pm

2. Jerry Lawler and Carlito defeated Viscera and Chris Masters when Carlito pinned Viscera

Jerry Lawler just wrestles now, I suppose. I guess he figured he’s there already and he has his outfit with him. Why not? People like the good old days. J.R. mentions that the King is a former AWA Champion with a spot waiting in the Hall of Fame…which is actually a good point. I never really thought about it. As for the match, it lacked something. I think a major problem has been Viscera’s character. At times, I forget that he’s a heel. They need to put him back in leather or something. That was some scary stuff. This pajama thing is lame. In fact, it might have even been the reason he got pinned. Actually, it wasn’t. He got pinned by Carlito with a roll-up. It had nothing to do with his outfit. He should still change it, though.

Commercial Break. On Smackdown, Kane’s going to set Ted Kennedy on fire or something. I’m not sure. I wasn’t really paying attention.

Earlier today, the cameras were in the locker room area and caught up with Cryme Tyme…gambling! With three cards spread out on a cardboard box, the tag team hustle the Highlanders out of some cheddar. After losing their money to JTG and Shad Gaspar, the Landers leave in shame. However, this brings in Charlie Haas and he’s mad. He tells C.T. that they’ve been perpetuating racial stereotypes. This brings mockery from the belligerent criminals. Ha ha ha.  Charlie's dumb! This showing of disrespect brings the other half of “The World’s Greatest Tag Team,” Shelton Benjamin into the fray. Benji reprimands the duo and challenges the evil baby faces to an upcoming match against him and his new old partner. Showing his approval, Charlie screams out “Dy-no-mite! Fo shizzle.”

“I had no idea Charlie Haas was black.”
                           - Rory McAllister, 9:31pm

Back in the Rated R Locker Room, Edge and Randy Orton are gossipin’, swappin’ stories, and braiding each other’s hair. Of course, Kenny Doane has to run in with his headband and interrupt. He tells Adam and Randy that he came through for them last week. Remember that? Rah rah sis boom ba - remember that? Kenny hooked you boys up! When Copeland hears the Spirit Squadder take credit for the win, he grows angry. Even though Ken clearly deserves credit, he gets none. The R Rated Superstar tells Doane to kick back and watch the monitor tonight. Edgy is gonna give a clinic in how to beat the Game!

Commercial Break. Next Monday…Raw is three hours. Yeah. Three hours.

When we get back from the break, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler give me hope. For starters, next week’s Raw will have a battle royal with the winner facing John Cena later in the night. So the three hours have a theme, at least. The other thing is that Jerry Lawler has super powers because he’s in his 50s, just fought a bodybuilder and a 500 pound man, but is now all dressed in nice clothes with his hair slicked back 15 minutes later.  Uncle Jerry, you look Kayfabulous!

3. The World’s Greatest Tag Team defeated The Highlanders when Charlie Haas pinned Rory McAllister

This reunion has no oomph. It seemed weird to have Shelton and Charlie defend the Highlanders two segments ago and then face them now. I was under the impression that they’d be fighting Cryme Tyme. Weren’t you? I don’t know. It just seemed strange to put these two teams in there. I think the reunion of Benjamin and Haas is good, if WWE can really settle in on their gimmick. There’s a raw feel to the two of them right now. They have history as a team. They have chemistry. They just have no real look or firmly established team gimmick. If they get one, they could go really far. Charlie has to lose the headband too. He looks like Paul Birchill at times. In the end, it was The World’s Greatest Tag Team taking down the Sheepherders. Team Angle is back, baby. It’s true. It’s totally nonstop true.

Commercial Break. John Cena faces Umaga…on December 28^th in Jersey. What happened to that no-touchies rule? I call shenanigans!

WWE 24/7’s This Week In History: AWA Superclash 3 took place. Champion Jerry Lawler faced one-footed Kerry Von Erich. The Modern Day Tornado came back and locked his Iron Claw on the King, but before the champ could give up, the referee stopped the match due to Kerry’s bleeding. I feel like I never thought about Lawler going into the Hall of Fame until this episode of Raw and now I’m really thinking it'll happen next year.

4. Triple H and Edge fought to a No-Contest

Triple H wore his old school DX jersey to the ring. It’s so weird that all that stuff is back again. I feel like it’s so out of place now. Ten years ago, I loved it. I laughed at all the shtick and shocking gestures. Now I’ve had ten years to digest it and it’s like, “Uh. That’s great. What else ya got?” I felt that way about this match too. It lasted for only a few minutes before Hunter and Edge ended up in the ramp. That’s when Randy Orton attacked and all hell broke loose. Loose like a fox.

Edge and Hunter fought and Orton came out to attack. Orton cued Shawn Michaels. Shawn Michaels cued Ken Doane. Ken Doane cued Ric Flair. Finally, Ric Flair cued John Coachman. Seeing the six men in the ring fighting, Coach decides that we’re going to have ourselves a six man tag match. It’s the team of DX and Ric Flair against Rated RKO and Tito Santana! Actually, on second though, it makes more sense for it to be Ken Doane. Scratch the Tito thing. It’s DX and Flair against RKO and Kenny. Oh, and it’s happening now!

5. DeGeneration X and Ric Flair defeated Rated RKO and Ken Doane when Flair pinned Kenny

I guess everyone’s doing double duty tonight. Not only are Edge and Gameboy going at it one more time, but Cena’s going to hook it up again later tonight with Johnny Nitro. This match seemed to get the fans going for the first time of the night. As I mentioned last week, anytime Jim Ross calls a “Ronnie Garvin Stomp,” the match gets points from me. Well, it happened again. Randy Orton used it and J.R. called it. That’s when The Future Hall of Famer, Jerry Lawler, told him that Orton requested that he rename the move “The Randy Orton Stomp.” Ross brushes it off. (JG Note: Watch yourself, Legend Killer. Ronnie is liable to come over here, tape his fists, drape a towel on his shoulder, and punch you square in the kisser. Then he’d stomp on you. Ronnie Garvin was awesome. He reminded me of Popeye.) Ric Flair looked pretty bad in this one. At one point, he seemed to completely run out of gas. When he hit the canvas, you could hear his drenched skin slapping it. It was nasty. Thud. Wap! Luckily, Slick Ric has partners. He tagged in the Heartbreak Kid and sent him after the R-Rated Vampire Killer. Shawn did so. He super kicked him in the mush and looked ready to sew things up. Little did he know that Orton was sizing him up for Diamond Dallas Page’s patented RKO. When The Boy Toy turned around, he got nailed with it and all Helmsley and Flair could do is complain. Copeland didn't get the pin, though. The match continued and the Cerebral Assassin eventually did his invincible Big Van Vader act. He cleared the ring and tagged in Naitch. After a brief exchange, the 987 time World Champion found himself on the business end of a Kenny figure four, but rolled him up. Ken found himself tied in a small package and all he could do was listen in agony as the official counted three.

Following the bell, Edge was having none of that fruity celebration crap. He Speared Triple H and joined his buddies in preparing Shawn Michaels for a Con-Chair-To. They weren’t prepared for Hunter’s trusty branding iron    bullrope     Russian chain    cane     bucket of salt    shock stick    tennis racket    ventriloquist dummy     magic wand     mortar board      USA IS NOT OK sign on a stick sledgehammer. The Game brings out the weapon and the bad guys duck and cover.

Back in the leather couch room, John Nitro and Melina are on the speaker phone with Kevin Federline. K-Fed is calling in live from the downward spiral his life is taking him in. It must be fun in there. Like the tornado in Wizard of Oz. When Coach comes into the room, he fanboys out over Federline and gives a hardy “what’s up.” Sadly, Britney's ex doesn’t know who Coachman is though.  No biggie.  Life goes on.  Oh wait, here's a little news for you, Nitro.  You get Jeff Hardy…New Year's Revolution…in a steel cage! Yeah! It sounds good.  All members agree and Melina walks off with her two Johns. Uh…well, that didn’t come out quite right. I…uh. Whatever. So they all leave and guess who’s still on the phone? That’s right. K-Fed! The jilted hubby calls out, “Hello?” But gets no response…until Ron Simmons comes into the room. What did he say? Come on. You know what he said.

“F*CK!”

Nah. I’m kidding. He said, “Damn” loudly into the speaker phone. It was actually a funny segment that used Kevin Federline the way they should. The worse his situation gets, the more apt he’s going to be to look like total fool on TV in order to get some publicity. Nice.

Commercial Break.

Torrie Wilson is biting her cuticles and holding her dog when Carlito walks over. Hey, babe. You ready for your cool match against Victoria? You cool? Torrie isn’t cool. In fact, she’s scared. Carly tells her not to be and even gives her an extended closed-mouth kiss for good luck. (JG Note: He would open it, but he has little bits of apple chunks in there because he forgot his toothbrush. Apple-saliva. That’s not cool.)

6. Victoria pinned Torrie Wilson after the Widow’s Peak

You know what’s killing me about Victoria? Aside from the cheesy checklist, this was her gimmick when she debuted years ago! She was licking Stacy Kiebler and going full scale nutballs. That’s what she’s doing now. Despite her pre-match magical closed-mouth kiss, Torrie couldn’t stop the Pizza Making Psychopath from going ballistic. Vicki pummeled the dog-lover from pillar to post. She slingshot her on the bottom rope. She kicked her in the face. She slammed her to the mat. Then, when she could do no more, she bit off her fingernail and spit it into the crowd. Victoria rules. This sent Wilson into a rage, but it did her no good. She was Widow’s Peaked and pinned for her troubles.

After checking the box next to Torrie’s name on the checklist, Victoria left the ring. That brought out Chris Masters, though. The jacked-up American Original slapped on Billy Jack Haynes’ patented Full Nelson and sent Wilson flailing like a rag doll. This didn’t sit well with her apple lovin’ boyfriend. Carlito sprang from the back and chased the mean old Masterpiece away.

Commercial Break. Tony Hawk‘s Project 8 - Now With More Glitches! 

Hey. We’re wrestling each other next.

OK. OK. Just, you know, holla. We can paint each other up.

7. Umaga defeated Jeff Hardy via referee stoppage

Umaga pounded Jeff Hardy relentlessly. However that didn’t stop the braided boy wonder. Jeffery managed to take the Samoan Bulldozer down a number of times. This one actually lasted a while and saw the Monster take things to another level. The storyline here was that without the guidance of Kimchee…er, uh, Armando Alejandro Estrada, Maga is an uncontrollable monster. I guess the cigar is like his urn or something. This one got so brutal that the Intercontinental Champion found himself horribly destroyed. When Jamala wouldn’t stop pounding the Hardy Boy’s head into the bottom turnbuckle with his running butt-bump, the referee had no choice but to call for the bell and declare the IC Champion unable to continue.  Wow.

This did nothing to hold off the berserk Samoan. He continued to ram his ass into the Charismatic Enigma. When the referee tried to step in, Umaga stabbed in the throat with his thumb. J.R. wondered how much that would cost him. Hmmm. Does he even use money? I always thought Umaga used like dead people as currency or something. I’m sure that the WWE board of directors will take the fine right out of Umaga’s bank account. You know…at the bank where you don’t need a last name.

Up next: John-John.

Commercial Break. I’m dying to know what that high guy did to his friend’s sister in that anti-drug ad. I bet he hurled Twinkies at her and made her watch Cartoon Network. That cad.

7. WWE Champion John Cena pinned Johnny Nitro after an F-U

Ross calls Johnny Nitro “a disrespectful punk just like K-Fed.” When Lawler tells him to mind his Ps and Qs, Jim says he’s been beat up before. Bam. I would pay to see J.R. vs. Kevin Federline in a big gloves boxing match. You would too. Yes you would. When talking about Cena, the announcers change their tune. They say that the Marine is a lifelong fan who grew up watching Captain Lou Albano and others. (WWE Note: Come on, guys. You like Captain Lou. Like John! Like him!) After pounding on N’s face, John tosses him outside and follows. He smashes away on the arrogant youngster while Melina, from behind her gigantic boobies, screams for her man. That was about it in the scream department. The crowd sat pretty silent for most of this one, only perking up for an F-U tease and a Nitro illegal pin attempt. It got pretty tiring actually. They brawled around ringside. They brawled in the ring. They brawled all over, but still it just seemed blah. Keep in mind that this is the guy who handed out money earlier we’re talking about here. Things got cool at one point when Nitro hit the Champ with a corkscrew moonsault right on his knee and looked like he killed him. Not sure how much of it was just John selling, but it looked pretty rough. That didn’t stop Federline’s foe. He came back and nailed the Z-list celebrity with his DVD F-U and scored a pinfall.

After the bell, the announcers shill next week’s show from their broadcast position. They show us a replay of the match finale that just happened and we take one last look at John Cena as we…well, kill more time. It becomes apparent that they ended that match a minute or two early. We get one more hype job for next week’s three hour thing and focus on the WWE Champion as we fade to black.

All in all…I don’t know. It wasn’t a terrible show, but it seemed to lack something.

It felt like they were killing time until next week’s show…where they’ll then kill time until the K-Fed show two weeks later. It just comes off like nothing happening on a show where everything used to be happening.

That’s the problem with promoting shows so often. The “anything can happen” feel is gone. I know what’s going to happen. There’s a big three hour show next week. There’s Cena-Federline on 1/1. There’s Umaga-Cena at New Year’s Revolution. I know all this. It sort of kills any spontaneity for the next few weeks.

The crowd seemed dead tonight and the matches had a weird feel to them. With Cena, Hunter, and Edge wrestling twice, it seemed like they were running short on people or something. It just lacked structure and came off like the program was being booked as we went along.

I don’t get why they put The World’s Greatest Tag Team in the ring with a team, The Highlanders, who just took part in a skit that makes the match illogical. How often does someone stand up for his upcoming opponents? Even weirder - Cryme Tyme, the guys who just conned The Highguys out of their money, are on the same side as the guys they conned. It makes no sense. I get the shades of grey gimmicks. I just think the match might have meant more if it didn’t have the skit happen before it.

I can sit here and say that less is more with DX, but whatever. Tonight proved it, but it makes no difference. I used to say it when Triple H was doing his hour and a half promos in the suit. He would talk endlessly for weeks, then go a show without saying a word and get a huge reaction. I’d say, “See? Less is more.” Then he’d talk for the next four months straight. So, what’s the point? Yes. Less is more with DX. There. I said it. Now I jinxed it.

Victoria is awesome. That fingernail thing is highlight material. I’m glad she’s back to the psycho gimmick she had coming in.

John Cena has too much going on. That’s it. He’s doing two feuds that shouldn’t happen at the same time. He should do his K-Fed thing and work a throw-away feud with….uh, hmmmm. Hold on. Let me check the WWE site….

Yeah. Uh. There’s no one. I was going to say that they should hold off on Umaga until after the Federline thing runs its course, but there’s, uh, no one they could plug in there.  Wow. Sorry. Ouch. Wasn’t expecting that.

So. It is what it is. Raw was Raw. You know the story by now.

Don’t forget to check out the Raw Insanity extra on ClubWWI.com. Once you sign up, you can check out the unedited version of my interview with Slick from this past week. We talked for 40 minutes about racism in WWF, creating Akeem, the wrestler that thought Slick would steal his heat, Power and Glory and more.

That’s not it for unedited interviews. While you’re there, be sure to give a listen to the uncut shoots from all of our guests. Ted DiBiase talks for 25 minutes about his past in the business including his famous Million Dollar Man gimmick in the WWE. We have Jacques Rougeau talking about Bret Hart, why Hogan put him over clean, Mountie memories, and more. Also, Kamala gives the lowdown on why he refused to job for ROH Champion Bryan Danielson. Along with that, we have Orlando Jordan, discussing his release from WWE, Chris Kanyon, TNA, and more. Also, I have a 51 minute discussion with Kevin Kelly about all things TNA. You can also hear the 37 minute talk with Corporal Kirschner. The undead soldier talks about WWE.com’s big mistake, drugs in wrestling, and much more. Plus, you get the full interview conducted with Nidia about her pregnancy, false stories that she had her implants removed, the real reason Linda Miles left WWE and more. Plus, you have the 56 minute discussion with Lisa "Ivory" Moretti, the 63 minute interview with Bull Buchanan, the shoot that I conducted with Disco Inferno and the entire interview that Tom with Bobby Eaton, but there's much more. Not only that, but you can access the complete, unedited exclusive interview with Orlando Jordan and the one hour interview with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, but you can hear all the archives from JG’s Radio Free Insanity. Going back to October 5, 2005, we’ve featured some of wrestling’s biggest names including Samoa Joe, Christian Cage, AJ Styles, Scott Steiner, Rhino, Charlie Haas, Christy Hemme, Molly Holly, Demolition, Jimmy Hart, Ivory, Christopher Daniels, and many more!

Also, if you haven’t heard this week’s edition of Radio Free Insanity, you can check it out by clicking the link:

The JG‘s Radio Free Insanity featuring Slick

Plus, don’t forget that we’ll have Dr. Tom Prichard’s weekly audio show “Tuesdays With Tom” available tomorrow at ClubWWI.com.

Want to see what you’re missing? We’ve added a link for latest Club headlines to the top of the page.

That’s it for me guys. Be well and thanks for sharing the Insanity.