10-28-05

Jeez…here I thought that last week’s “Shakin’ My Head” column would be a one-off deal. I mean…I’ve gotta stay fresh, y’know? I can’t go repeating myself. I’ve gotta be unique…I’ve gotta stand out…

What’s a guy to do?

I’m not nearly as funny as JG. I’m not nearly as smooth as Mallory. I’m not nearly as “hooked up” with the indy scene as Dawgs. I’m not nearly as intelligent as Sandow & Rickard (although I could give Uncle Ralph a run for his money). I’m not nearly as creative as O’Brien. I’m not nearly as drunk as Crocker.

I’m not a creative writer. I’m not a lawyer. I don’t run my own website. I’m just a wrestling fan with bad taste.

Wait a second. I’ve got BAD TASTE??

That’s what I’ve been told. I’ll let you make your own conclusions after seeing what I’m shakin’ my head at this week…

Item # 1 – Mr. McMahon masturbates his ego on Raw yet again

I originally wrote a long, dragged-out explanation for why I didn’t hate this skit. I’ve decided against that. Why? Because it ain’t worth it.

I really don’t understand the furor over the skit, to be honest. If you’re going to attack the skit, attack it because it’s based on a storyline that nobody cares about. Attack it because it went on about two minutes too long. Attack it because J.R. is probably not coming back to Raw and this is just really a way to promote Austin as a face with a “purpose” (which is stupid; people will pay to watch Austin in a match for no reason whatsoever). Attack it because somebody told Vince McMahon that he’s over as a “mega-heel” and needs to be on television when, in actuality, he’s got X-Pac heat.

I mean, the skit was stupid, for sure…but it wasn’t terrible. It was probably not in the best of taste but it certainly wasn’t in the worst. Hell, making fun of J.R.’s colon issues was an obvious choice to make. Why?

It’s his ASS, people! That’s WWE fodder at its highest level! That’s the top of the frickin’ food chain for WWE creative!

Maybe I’ve gotten so turned off by WWE that something like this doesn’t bother me anymore. I know there are other viable alternatives out there that entertain me more than WWE does. Therefore, as long as Samoa Joe doesn’t start dry-humping a mannequin shaped like Jeff Jarrett while breaking a coconut over his head in an ROH/TNA simulcast on PPV…I’m pretty much unaffected by what WWE throws at me anymore.

Item # 2 – Rhino wins the NWA heavyweight title from Jeff Jarrett at Bound for Glory PPV

So let me get this straight…Kevin Nash, who wasn’t scripted to win the NWA title from Jarrett in the first place, has a serious heart problem the night before the PPV and the best finish TNA can come up with is to hot-shot the title to Rhino? Let’s face it folks…Nash vs. Jarrett was not bringing in as many PPV buys as TNA would have liked to have believed. Jarrett could have wrestled Shark Boy in the opening match and people would have been happy watching the Monster’s Ball match or the Styles/Daniels Iron Man match or the Ultimate X match (if the actually figured out how to tie-up that “X” properly) as the last match on the show.

If you were going to hot-shot the title to somebody on the roster, why do it with somebody that isn’t being pushed or has not really been shown as a legitimate title threat up to this point? Well, there are two individuals being built up to be the future of TNA but I don’t think they’re quite ready for the title yet. Don’t get me wrong, I think both Samoa Joe and Monty “I’m a cat…really…look at me…I’m cat-like…Serengeti dammit” Brown are future NWA champions, just not yet. So who else could they have thrown the title on?

Why even bother? Does it really matter? You know that Jarrett’s gonna win the belt back. Just like you knew that AMW was going to win the tag titles last weekend on Impact, it’s simply a given. The title change with Rhino wasn’t necessary…at all. If Rhino holds the belt for two or even ten months, the title change last Sunday wasn’t necessary.

TNA had 24 hours to come up with something to replace Jarrett vs. Nash. I wish they had actually used that time to come up with something to replace Jarrett vs. Nash.

Item # 3 – The dreaded red ‘X’

How f*ckin’ hard is it to tie up something in a bow?? Do you not wear shoes?? Do people in Orlando only wear sandals?? C’MON!! DAMMIT!!

Ahem.

Having said that, I’m curious at the reactions of both Chris Sabin and Matt Bentley after Petey Williams won the Ultimate X match. They both stormed off in a huff after the match concluded. Bentley’s reaction actually reminded me of his uncle. I thought the match was quite good on its own and that Petey acted the only way his character could possibly act given the situation. It may have been cut short, but it wasn’t disappointingly short. I’m definitely looking forward to the rematch on the TNA 2-hour special.

Item # 4 – Taboo Tuesday options

I’m not buying this PPV. I’m not voting for the options on this PPV. WWE is not going to insult my intelligence by getting me to care about stipulations that are ridiculous and practically pre-determined anyway.

Ric Flair wants me to put him in a cage with Hunter. Lawler thinks I should put Coach in a street fight with Austin. WWE wants me to vote for Shawn Michaels…that’s simply a given. And who in the holy f*ck really cares who Mick Foley dresses up as that night?

Y’know what? I think I might vote for TT afterall. Hmmmm…

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle vs. (Shawn Michaels, Big Show, or Kane)
F*ck WWE. It’s gonna suck with Cena anyway…might as well screw the whole thing up and vote for Show.

Triple H vs. Ric Flair (1 fall to a finish, Submission match, or steel cage)
What the hell is a “1 fall to a finish” match? Isn’t that a NORMAL FREAKIN’ MATCH!! WTF??

Stone Cold vs. Coach (verbal debate, arm wrestling contest, street fight)
I’m getting pissed off just reading these. Verbal debate? For f*ck sakes.

Carlito vs. Mick Foley (as either Mankind, Cactus Jack, or Dude Love)
The “King of Hardcore” is coming back for a match that could really put over Carlito and the only options I can vote on are what gimmick Foley’s going to be? You’re kidding, right?

Rob Conway vs. Eugene & (Kamala, Hacksaw Duggan, or Jimmy Snuka)
Okay, finally a match I’m genuinely interested in. I’m a sucker for Kamala…I’m actually going to vote for this one. Plus, it’d be nice to see somebody in the ring that’s actually dumber than Eugene for a change.

Edge & Chris Masters vs. (Rey Mysterio, Christian, JBL, Matt Hardy, or Hardcore Holly)
What? Hardcore Holly? WHAT??

Jesus...I don’t care anymore. I really don’t. I don’t even want to vote for the Diva match. I’m done. F*ck it.

I’m done. This whole WWE thing has me pissed off to no end. I’ve gotta get back into ZAH mode and find something good about this past week in wrestling. Hmmm……………

I was really impressed with Bound for Glory. Very good show.
Samoa Joe is a future NWA champion…but will he win the X title first?
I’m very happy to see that Impact was up again in the ratings.
I’m really looking forward to ROH’s “Kobashi Weekend” being released soon on DVD.
I’m really happy that Kamala has a shot at a PPV payoff again.
I’m really happy that Stephanie McMahon wore a hot little top this past week on Raw.
I’m really happy that Gail Kim enjoys wearing miniskirts and thongs.

Sigh.

I’m good again.

***

Pillar to Post

Each and every week I’ll ask two posters from the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com message board three questions on the hot topics du jour and ask for their thoughts and insight. Ladies and gentlemen, this week I give you two great posters…sandyhooksamurai and the masked marvel himself, Papi Loco (a.k.a. our very own AM Raw reviewer Mike Nicolau)!!

1. Agree or Disagree: TNA made a good business decision by putting the NWA title on Rhino.

Sandyhooksamurai: Agree. I've always thought Rhino was wasted talent, and I'm glad to see that he's getting the push he deserves. I just watched Bound for Glory, and I loved how Rhino won Monster's Ball 2, the 10-man battle royal(e) to qualify for the NWA-TNA World Title, and then finally the World Title! The challenges seemed insurmountable, but Rhino met them all and sold it very well--at least to me.

Mike Nicolau: Disagree. While I know they were under the gun with Nash’s absence, and I appreciate the unpredictability of the whole situation, I think Rhino was a poor choice.

I initially thought Rhino was a poor choice to win the Monster’s Ball because he seemed to by trying the least in the match. When he was supposed to be selling, he’d just lay there with his eyes open, looking around. I was even more disappointed when he won the gauntlet match for the same reasons stated above. And for the first time in history, I was actually pulling for Jarrett to retain.

So, while I don’t think it was necessarily a bad business decision, I don’t think it was a “good business decision” as your question proposes. Again, I liked the unpredictable nature of it, so I’m not complaining too loudly. Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen Monty win it, but not if he had to lose it two days later.

2. Agree or Disagree: Taboo Tuesday is going to be a very good PPV.

Sandyhooksamurai: Disagree. The buildup to Taboo Tuesday just hasn't made me interested in watching it. The jokes (if you can call them that) in the WWE haven't made me laugh lately, they just sort of make me feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to get a buddy of mine who hadn't watched Raw since Stone Cold's heyday to watch it ever since school started back in August. He finally gave in, and what did we see? McMahon pulling things out of JR's rear end. The channel was promptly changed and I was informed that I was an idiot for liking stuff like that. It seems like I'm digressing but I'm getting to a point, and it's this: if WWE's shows alienate long-time fans, and give newcomers the creeps, how can their over-hyped PPV be worth watching? But, the "vote for the match you want to see" concept seems neat, and I think Taboo Tuesday COULD be a very good PPV if implemented in a different way. So maybe a future Taboo Tuesday will be very good.

Mike Nicolau: Strongly disagree. Even with Austin’s return “match,” Foley’s return match, and Triple H vs. Flair, I still think this is going to be a very poor PPV.

Austin’s match will be another version of the Redneck Triathlon from a couple of years ago, and I hated that like poison. Foley, while one of my all-time favorites, hasn’t done anything for me since he’s been back. And Carlito, one of my current favorites, hasn’t done anything to show me he can actually wrestle an exciting match. Flair vs. Triple H might be decent, but I’m sure there will be plenty of rematches down the line.

The main reason I feel this show will be horrible is because of the buildup going into it. WWE has been putting on some of the worst TV ever in recent weeks, and the ridiculous “interactive fan voting” concept is totally contrived and uninspired. With business being down right now, you’d think they’d do this legit and just let the fans go nuts. Let us really vote for who we want in the title match. It’d probably still end up being Shawn Michaels, but at least I’d feel like I had a voice. Besides that, WWE could gauge who the fans want to see pushed to the next level – *cough* Shelton Benjamin *cough* – by seeing who finishes highest in the polls.

The main event will be a good match if HBK gets the nod (which he will), but it’s not exactly a match I’m clamoring to see. I’m going out of my way to avoid this one.

3. Agree or Disagree: The Vince McMahon skit about JR wasn't as bad as the Katie Vick skit.

Sandyhooksamurai: Disagree. The Katie Vick skit was ridiculous and over the top, but it made me laugh. Not the necrophilia, but the part where Triple H said "Hey, is anybody here? It's me, Kane." After that it degraded, but it was just silly and I remember looking at my roommate at the time and saying "That was awful." After watching the JR skit, well--you know what happened, see above. Don't get me wrong--neither skit was that good, and both were sort of inappropriate.

Mike Nicolau: Agree. Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty damn close to being as bad, but not worse.

The McMahon skit, while reprehensible because of the reality of the situation with JR, had its funny moments. I admit it, I chuckled a couple of times. It had a sort of Naked Gun/Airplane feel to it, which is good. The bit with the goldfish and the owl were kind of funny, and McMahon’s over-the-top performance was somewhat comical in itself. I didn’t like it, but I’ll admit to a couple of very weak chuckles.

Katie Vick, while used to further a storyline heading into a PPV main event, had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It was morbid, tasteless, crass, and very unfunny. I had to watch Triple H simulate sex with a corpse before scooping up a big chunk of her brains, throwing them at my TV, and proclaiming, “I screwed her brains out.” That was the big punch line. This was my least favorite moment in wrestling history, and that’s saying something considering I’ve been a hardcore fan for the last 19 years and I’ve seen a lot of crap during that period.