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Aaron Wood's Smackdown: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Finlay
By Aaron Wood
 ...
LAST WEEK ON SMACKDOWN: Someone brought a big-ass remote control car to work, Cena cared more than Batista, The worms collided and Kane made a sharpish exit...
THE SHOW When there's Michael Cole, and gay jokes to make...who ya gonna call? John Cena! This week's show is in Boston, and John Cena is appearing on the Smackdown PPV this weekend. So guess how this show opened? Yep, that's right, KC James beat Scotty Taylor in a squash and then everyone went home. ... Well, that worked so much better in my head...in reality, it was indeed the Doctor of Poopanomics himself who came out to address his hometown crowd, getting a pretty big pop in doing so. Cena said he was here for 3 reasons. First off he lives in Boston, pointing out his father (if you remember got bitchslapped by Edge). Secondly, he revealed that he scored Michael Cole in the company "Secret Santa" program, and so he took the opportunity to give Shoelace his presents. First out is a big-ass "hard" salami. It's either because Cole likes Mediterranean meats, or it's a phallic-reference, I'm not sure... Next up was a picture of David Hasselhoff. That's it! I've had it with Cena. HE can give me poop (not literally, of course), he can give me STD jokes, but HE CANNOT HASSLE THE HOFF! I so want K-Fed to kick his ass now... Finally, Cena gives Cole a bag of salty nuts. I was hoping for a "DEEZ NUTS~!" call-back, but they didn't do one, so during the first commercial break, I'll just have a little cry. Either way, Cole was loving it, desperate to laugh his ass off. Cena then got around to the PPV, where he hyped up his match. And as if by magic, or as if someone cued them, King Booker, with THE NOSE~!, along with his partner Finlay came out. Booker had the microphone. Booker said that history would be made at Armageddon when they beat both the WWE and World Champions. They aired what Booker called "Batista's humbling" from last week to give Cena the scares. Well, at least it was an Iron Sheik-esque humbling... When we come back, the heels decide to do much the same to Cena, but Batista's music then kicks in, and he runs in, as Cole says "full of spunk", before a finger is laid on anyone. Teddy Long comes out and books Cena vs. Finlay for our main event. All in all, a pretty predictable segment, but it wasn't allowed to drag and kept things bubbling nicely for the PPV match. I'm sure people will complain about Cena being there, but it made perfect sense to me. Paul London, Brian Kendrick & Jimmy Wang Yang def. William Regal, Dave Taylor & Gregory Helms when Yang pinned Helms in a "He doesn't let women troubles get him down..." match Hoo boy, am I looking forward to this one, even if it's only getting 6 minutes... Michael Cole points out that Helms is now the longest reigning champion in Smackdown history, surpassing JBL, a factoid that JBL wasn't exactly pleased to hear. The heels gain control quickly, as Regal hits a cool sneaky punch on Spanky, before tagging out to Taylor who dumps him on the top turnbuckle before tossing him over his head. Regal comes back in for some submission offence. Helms comes in, but soon tags out to Taylor again. But he eats an enziguri, and tags out to helms, but this also allows Jimmy Yang to get the tag in too. London finally gets in and after kicking off the heel challengers, Regal and Taylor head for the hills, leaving Gregory all on his lonesome, and soon enough, a Moonsault later, Helms was staring at the lights. Thoughts - 5/10 - Too short to mean anything, but it was pretty good stuff while it lasted. And the tag challengers got heat for leaving while Helms wasn't harmed taking the loss, because it was all Yang's work. What? Finlay pie-facing Matthews doesn't make TV? We got the standard recap of the PPV press conference. The main matches got a fair shout each, although it was hilarious seeing Kane in a dress suit... Matt Hardy def. Joey Mercury in a "Better get used to this pairing for the next few months, then" match As Hardy comes out, they show the highlights of the only really good match of December To Dismember, which JBL ends with "If that was their swansong, they put on a helluva show". Joey Mercury is out next, with full paparazzi intro. You know what might be a neat idea? Having Melina accompany him to the ring too... This one starts off with some standard work, as Cole & JBL discuss the Iraq trip and an award JBL received. Joey Mercury takes over on offence, but all of sudden, Matt hardy came back, hit his usual spots before a Twist Of Fate for the win. Couldn't have been much more than 3 minutes bell-to-bell. Thoughts - 4/10 - This was OK stuff, but FAR, FAR, FAR too short. My Deja Vu...My Deja Vu... We see MVP in his "Power Ranger" attire on the phone to his agent. Ken Kennedy makes an appearance, shouting the odds about their match being next, before they go ahead and remind each other of what their matches are on Sunday. They just about start off on who could have it worse, before once again, they make an uneasy peace. WHERE ARE THE PUPILS?!?!?! We then get a quick shot of Undertaker and Kane facing each other, before they turn to camera, where Undertaker rolls his eyes back and Kane just stands there, but his such a protruding brow, that it looks as though he's doing the same. A little bit freaky since it's not a shot we see every week. Undertaker & Kane vs. Mr. Kennedy & MVP went to a No Contest in a "Taker's new gimmick is that of a hitchhiker, apparently..." match MVP came out first to find the magic self-driving hearse was back again. Kennedy is next and he gives the vehicle a good once over, opening up the boot and such, with the camera confirming that it was currently empty. Undertaker is last out and he also looks the hearse over, but with love in his eyes, as he stroked it, rather than Kennedy's trepidation. The match was as much as you'd expect, i.e. the heels took a beating, for about 5 minutes until things went to pot. After a Double chokeslam on Kennedy, Undertaker was ready to give him a tombstone, when MVP pulled Kenneth out of the ring. This drew out Undertaker, who chased MVP up the ramp. Meanwhile, Kennedy threw Kane into the steps, at which point, the bell rang for the Double Count Out. Kennedy hit Kane with a DDT on the ramp. With Montel & Taker nowhere to be seen, Kennedy decided it would be a good idea to run over Kane with the hearse. MVP came back out to gee him on. Then the lights went out and came back on again, but Kennedy now had a passenger in Undertaker! Kennedy got the hell out of there, but he and Porter saw Kane sit up, sending them sprinting off. Thoughts - 4/10 - There wasn't much to this at all. First off, it was all Kane & Taker, and then a fairly hokey, while still cool bit of trickery. It did the job of helping the PPV build though, I guess. Chavo Guerrero def. Funaki in a "Funaki needs to be more assertive..." match Funaki's already present when Chavo comes out as we come back from break. Well, it's not like he had a chance anyway. Don't ask me why, but I think the neck brace works for Vicki... After a recap of Benoit's vicious "woman beating" at Survivor Series, Chavo gets on the stick demanding Benoit publicly apologise. Benoit comes out, but refuses to apologise, saying that he didn't do anything. Referee, Chris Kay gets Benoit to leave (well, remember, there is supposed to be a match here), but Benoit watches from beside the announce table. Chavo decimates Funaki, as you'd expect, but looks pretty good in doing it, ending things with a Frog Splash. After the match, Benoit took off his jacket and got in the ring, taking Chavo down and locking in the Sharpshooter. Chavo tapped, as Vicki got in the ring, and slapped Benoit in the chops. Benoit started smiling, as Vicki acted petrified of him. Rather odd actually, seeing Benoit grinning like a Cheshire cat while Vicki was quivering and screaming in the corner... Thoughts - 3/10 - Chavo looked pretty good here, and the angle was interesting, although I'm not entirely convinced that it wasn't just bad acting on Benoit's part, as he seemed to take enjoyment out of Vicki being scared, which given the storyline so far doesn't make sense. If they are going to do some sort of double-turn, then this would probably be the trigger for it, but I can't see it happening, so... Vito def. Sylvan Grenier in a "JBL's Xmas present from the writers" match Grenier tries the same trick as Funaki, and gets in the ring before the bit starts, as JBL kvetched and bitched all over this match, given how both his least favourite guys are in this match. However, while Vito was still in a dress (an Aqua number, by the way), he wore a standard pair of trunks underneath, instead of the usual banana-hammock... This was a decent match, that was fast paced and energetic. Grenier hit a very cool inverse Samoan Drop, where Vito was dropped face-first instead of on his back. However, Cole and JBL completely ignored the thing, basically talking about various aspects of homosexuality that may or may not include Cole and Vito's private lives, while they worked in the ring. Not good form there. Thoughts - 4.5/10 - It was OK, but nothing special. I'm not sure why the match was here, when it would have been given over to someone who is on the PPV, and the announcers totally ignored it anyway. I'm watching a segment with The Miz...Get me out of here!!! You guys in the US had a season of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" right? Suffice to say, it still airs here, and does big ratings, damn us all to hell. Anyway, much akin to the show's vaunted "Bushtucker Trials", The Miz, along with Kristal, are out for a "Face your Fears" challenge, in which they will prove that Miz isn't scared of the Boogeyman. And how will Miz prove he's not scared of a guy who can't wrestle? BY eating some weird stuff that we would normally baulk at, of course! First up, he has to chow down on a pig's tongue. Miz eats it, and Kristal is sickened. She looks as though she is going to chunder when the second plate of Monkey Brain is revealed. He quite happily eats some though. Finally, the last platter is full of worms (and with the quite obvious hole in the plate, guess where this is going...), but Miz can't go through with it. He puts the lid back on, but it pops right off with Boogeyman's head now amongst the worms, causing the heels to bail, as half the crowd don't care and the rest are puking up in the rest rooms... John Cena def. Finlay in a "Well, I hope you had Cena on your fantasy team..." match This one started out quick with Cena getting some moves in, although Finlay countered a charge into the corner, bringing Cena to the mat, with a nerve pinch. Cena came back and after a couple of 2 counts, he went for the STFU, but Finlay quickly went for the ropes. While on the outside, the got out Little Bastard fix for the night, as he came out from under the ring, allowing himself to be thrown into Cena. However, Cena caught him and tried throwing him back at Finlay. However, the Irishman ducked, and the little guy ended up in JBL's lap. A mini scuffle broke out as JBL tried swatting the leprachaun with his hat, and the small guy was flailing away with punches. Finlay eventually decided enough was enough and ushered him back under the ring, with a kick in the ass, as we took the final ad break. We came back with Finlay in control, as they recap JBL's encounter with the Little Bastard, before showing Cena getting thrown into the steps. Finlay started working on Cena's left arm, as the meat of the match saw Finlay target the arm, and when Cena looked as he was able to get out of it, Finlay hit him once, and went straight back on the arm. Cena managed to tease the FU a couple of times, but Finlay was able to wriggle out, due to the weakened arm. Cena looked to take control with the Protoplex and the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Finlay moved out of a corner charge, Cena's bad shoulder smacking the ring post. Finlay hit his finisher, but it was only a close 2 count. The Little Bastard slid in a chair, but Cena kicked it away, managed to hit the FU finally and get the three count. After the match, Booker came in through the crowd and started beating on Cena, but Batista ran in, fended them off, leaving Batista hopping mad, and Cena selling the sore arm as the show went off the air. Thoughts - 6/10 - This was pretty good stuff, but it seems as though once they established the story of Finlay working over Cena's arm, and started to pick up the pace of the match, they zoomed right through it and Cena's win felt as if it came out of nowhere. If the ending sequence was a third longer, the match would have been better for it. Maybe they should have bumped Vito & Sylvan... OVERALL - 6/10 (- 0.5 on last week) - It was an OK show this week, but nothing particularly special. It certainly falls down on 2 counts where the PPV is concerned. First off all, there was a bit too much, for me, that had nothing to do with the show. I mean, I can understand them wanting to put Hardy & Mercury out there to show they’re still alive, but why were Vito & Sylvan on the show? Not that they had a bad match, but given that they’re not part of the PPV and that the announcers totally ignored it, it was very bumpable. Secondly, to be frank with you, if you weren’t already sure one way or another about getting the PPV, then this show won’t have done much to sway anyone. If anything, I think that most of this week’s show should have been last week’s show and vice versa. But that said, it was OK. Just not unmissable. Now, since it’s my show, I may as well throw in some predictions for Armageddon, eh? John Cena & Batista vs. King Booker & Finlay I’m actually gonna take the heels here, as a face win does nothing for either guy, and really does damage Booker & Finlay as challengers, especially after jobbing recently. Just to make things interesting, I think we could be Finlay pinning Batista. Undertaker vs. Ken Kennedy – Last Ride match Another match where Undertaker can lose, but not get pinned? What fun. However, this time, I think it will be Undertaker getting the duke, before we see the start of a Kennedy face turn. MVP vs. Kane – Inferno Match It’s an interesting one, since neither man has much to be burned. Unlike 7 years ago when they last did this match, Kane had the full body suit, so he was able to have flame-retardant materials or whatever available. But now? Not so much. And it’ll be clear if MVP is hiding something.. I would say it’s a toss up, but by process of elimination, I’d have to say since, he’s got less ability to burn than the other guy, Kane will end that losing streak and go 1 & 3 in Inferno matches. London & Kendrick vs. William Regal & Dave Taylor – WWE Tag Titles I’m gonna go with a heel winner here, as it’ll be done in a way that advances the break up of the current champs over Ashley. Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Gregory Helms – Cruiserweight Title This one is a pure toss up, but you know something, I fancy some egregious cheating by Helms will see him retain the title, probably so he can lose it at the Rumble, a full year after winning it there. Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero – US Title It’s frankly now or never for Chavo and his push, so I’ll go with “now”, with him taking the title, and then the Guerreros revealing that it was all a ruse. The Miz vs. The Boogeyman Well, someone’s streak has to go. Whose it is, I couldn’t care less. The match will suck. As far as I can tell, it’s a crap shoot, but I’ll say Miz since he has more potential. That’s all I got for now, but if you have something to say about this week’s Smackdown, you can e-mail me at dedicated e-mail address, or come hunt me down on the WWI Forums! OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE! Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow… I’m out.
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