All Good With Aaron Wood: WWE Year In Review - January 2006
By Aaron Wood
(JG Note: Our resident Smackdown recapper from the U.K., Aaron Wood, will be taking a look back at the past year in WWE. We'll be presenting his retrospective month-by-month over the next few weeks. Be sure to check back in the next day or so for his look at February.)
Hi, I'm Aaron Wood. You may remember me from such Smackdown reviews as "Aaron Wood's Smackdown (10-20) - I Quit...Not Me...Rey vs. Chavo" and "Aaron Wood's Smackdown (11-24) - Batista Signs On The Scrolled Line", and I'm here to tell you all about how the WWE's 2006 has gone. It won't strictly be a month by month guide, as much as the build the each brand’s next PPV, should they have one in a particular month. If not then the whole month is covered. Simple, eh? You can read an totally unedited version of this at my MySpace blog, which only doesn't appear here for reasons of taste, decency, copyright and spelling...
THE WWE IN 2006: JANUARY
And you thought the line-up for the ECW Elimination Chamber was bad...This one had Chris Masters!
The year kicked off for RAW as they headed "home" for New Year’s Revolution, and the first Elimination Chamber of the year, featuring John Cena defending against Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels, Kane, Carlito and for no discernable reason, CHRIS FREAKING MASTERS!
In that final week, Angle took on Cena in a First Blood match, with the future TNA wrestler picking up the win. Also, Shawn Michaels took on Kane, while Vince messed with HBK, by declaring that the Sweet Chin Music couldn't be used. Then during the match, a ringside-sat McMahon told Michaels would be bumped out of the match. Kane won, and Vince declared that HBK would be the first man in the Chamber match.
HHH in danger? Never...
Meanwhile, a plan of HHH's seemed to have backfired, after announcing that he planned to break Big Show's hand after Show claimed he could beat Hunter with only his fists, Big Show came out and destroyed any weapon that HHH threw his way.
Never let it be said WWE isn’t based in reality…
Ric Flair was in the middle of legal troubles regarding a Road Rage incident, and in the week before the PPV, Edge claimed he had amateur video footage of the incident, but it was really Edge re-enacting the incident. Flair ran in, but Edge escaped, leaving Flair to slap the Figure Four on Lita.
Mickie James is a Single White Female…well, white, I think. Well at least, part white. Or Hispanic. You know, I think there’s possibly some Filipino in there, yeah, possibly some Filipino. I mean, if she’s white, then it’s definitely diluted...
A week after kissing Trish, Mickie James got Trish in another compromising situation when, while Trish was showering, Mickie took her towel, given how Trish didn't return her calls. It forced Trish to step out of the shower, in her birthday suit, to get her towel back, but not before Mickie gave Trish's breasts a positive review...
Somebody called his momma
The first RAW of 2006 also saw the debut of a brand new "Diva". After losing to Chris Masters, Shelton Benjamin returned to the locker room to find...his mother! She told him off for losing recently, and would be around until he got his mind right.
Someone needs a move to Smackdown...
Also, having issues were Jerry Lawler and the recently un-Hurricaned Gregory Helms. Helms hated Lawler for making fun of him and the Hurricane character.
The results of New Year's Revolution were:
Ric Flair defeated Edge by DQ to retain the Intercontinental Title, although by the end of the night, Edge wouldn't care...
Trish beat Mickie to retain the Women’s Title
Jerry Lawler defeated Gregory Helms, seemingly sending him to jobberville and soon out of the company.
HHH beat Big Show, proving once and for all that HHH is the man with the master plan.
Shelton finally got back to winning ways by beating Viscera. Not that it takes much to beat Viscera, but it was a start.
Ashley won a Bra & Panties Gauntlet match
John Cena retained the WWE Title by virtue of being victorious in the Elimination Chamber match.
However, Vince McMahon came out and announced to a battered and bloody Cena that some 10 months after winning the chance, Edge was cashing in his Money in The Bank privilege, which Edge took advantage of, winning the title from Cena.
Jeff, Matt, Bubba, D-Von and Christian who?
With his title robbed from him, and a brand new nemesis in his sights, John Cena started doing something he hadn't done in a while. He got cheered! Anyway, Edge decided the way he should celebrate his ascension to the top of the food chain was to have a LIVE SEX CELEBRATION, the night following his title win. And while there was no XXX-rated action on the show, the eagle eyed did spot themselves some Lita-boob, so it wasn't a complete bust of an evening. And who was the one to break up a good sex segment? Ol' Space Mountain himself, Ric Flair! This prompted Edge to challenge Flair to a TLC match for the title the following week, which many dubbed "LIVE DEATH!", but while Flair survived despite some wicked bumps, all in front of his rather gorgeous daughter, Edge retained the title and lived to fight another day. However, Edge didn't go into the Royal Rumble with momentum as he teamed up with Chris Masters, losing to Cena & Flair in Charlotte.
The Road to DX begins here...
And indeed, it did begin here, although very inadvertedly. After facing each other in the Elimination Chamber, Shawn Michaels teamed with Kurt Angle against Chris Masters and Carlito, where the two just didn't get along. Angle refused to tag in, eventually prompting HBK to superkick Angle in the chops, allowing Masters to lock in the Masterlock for the win. Vince told HBK soon after that that was the HBK he wanted to see. The one of 1997.
Angle & Michaels would face each other in the rubber match of their rivalry, with Angle coming back to RAW as Smackdown champion (I'll explain later...) , and with, thanks to McMahon, HBK's job on the line. After some bungling by Angle's lackey, Daivari, HBK picked up the final win, in what was Angle's last match on RAW. IN the week of the Rumble, HBK managed to defeat Shelton Benjamin to stay in the Rumble, again thanks to a stipulation by McMahon. Backstage, Vince pleaded with HBK to become the HBK of the sex, drugs and rock n' roll days. When HBK turned him down, Vince told Michaels his luck would run out at the Rumble...
Divide (her legs) and Conquer
Things continued to get freaky for Trish, as Mickie started going really nuts, although her violence was directed to those who Trish called friends. Or one friend in particular. Ashley. The night after NYR, Trish had a friendly, routine defence against Ashley, during which, when Ashley had Trish down for a pin, Mickie jumped in the ring and attacked Ashley. The following week, Trish's friends were tagging against "Vince Devil's", as were, when Mickie attacked Ashley again. The following week, Trish & Ashley took on Victoria and Candice. Angered by not being Trish's partner, Mickie again attacked Ashley, leading to The Rumble where Ashley & Mickie would go at it, with Trish refereeing...
And the last spot in the Rumble goes to...
With 14 of RAW's spots filled for the Rumble, the show before the PPV saw a match made for the final spot they had to offer. Who would it between? Cena & HHH? No. Carlito & Kane? No. Viscera & Val Venis??? No. It would be Jerry Lawler against the man who lasted 30 minutes in the previous year's Rumble...THE COACH~!
Lawler had things covered and looked to be heading to the 30 man dance, when all of a sudden, five young men came out. Oh yes, this night would see the debut of...The Spirit Squad!
The did their first ever cheer, distracting Lawler long enough for Coach to roll him up for the pin, allowing the Squad to give Coach a personal cheer in the ring afterwards!
Batista gets a boo-boo. Angle gets a title.
Smackdown's year began badly, as it was announced that Batista had badly hurt his shoulder and he needed to take time off. It led to an injury angle involving Mark Henry, who had been hired by Melina as protection, after boinking Batista in the locker room and claimed he seduced her afterwards, as if having two guys in Nitro & Mercury weren't enough. Anyway, the first Smackdown of the year saw Batista and Rey take on MNM in a cage match, which allowed Mark Henry to run out, rip the cage door off and use it on Batista to put him out of action.
The following week, Batista gave a tear filled speech relinquishing the belt. However, like a man addicted to hookers, Teddy Long announced a Battle Royal to decide a new champion later that very night. And when the time came, 19
It wouldn't be long before Mark Henry got another shot at the belt though, as he defeated Rey Mysterio the following week to become Number One Contender. Later in that show, Angle would take on Daivari, having fired him on RAW that past Monday, when Henry interfered, joining with Daivari.
And in the final show before the Rumble, Henry proved he would be no pushover by not staying down after an Angle Slam and kicking Angle off when the Olympian tried the Ankle Lock.
Benoit + (Booker x 5) + (Orton x 2) = Best Of 7
As seems usual, Booker T was embroiled in a Best Of Seven series against someone, this time, once again, with Chris Benoit, for the US Title. However, the future monarch was injured at the end of the year, and so a substitute was named, and he was Randy Orton. However, in match number six, Orton's first, an angered Orlando Jordan (angry that he was not named as Booker's replacement), helped Benoit win, tying things up at 3 each. The following week saw things draw to a close, as Orton won the final match, giving the US Title to Booker T.
Booker held a celebration the following week, but Jordan, still angered by not being Booker's replacement came out looking for a match against the man himself. Booker, unable to compete gave him the next best thing, a match against Orton. Orton won that, but Benoit ran in, looking for revenge. And he would get it the following week, in a No Holds Barred match, which Benoit won, sending him into the Rumble match with some momentum.
Meanwhile, Orton warned Booker T that the favour Booker owed him may be cashed in sooner rather than later...
Boogeyman & JBL or Papa Shango & IRS? You Decide...
The man formerly known as Marty Wright, The Boogeyman, was playing his own patented brand of mind games with JBL and his manager, Jillian Hall. First off, Boogeyman stuffed some worms down her skirt. Then the following week, the heels gatecrashed a Piper's Pit. However, this just gave Piper the perfect chance to introduce his actual guest, The Boogeyman. Once again, Jillian was thrown to the wolves, but this time was no simple "worms down the skirt" stuff. This time, Boogeyman licked and then proceeded to eat the growth that was on Jillian's face!
After a match was made for the Rumble, Boogeyman continued to get in JBL's head, when after a match with Scotty Taylor, Boogeyman made it rain worms on JBL...
The Irish come to fight, and get DQ'ed a lot...
In the middle of the month, Fit Finlay made his anticipated debut, facing Matt Hardy. While Finlay showed a lot of skill, he ended up getting disqualified. He didn't have much luck against Funaki the following week, when after defeating him cleanly, Finlay kept-on-a-beating, causing the referee to reverse his decision and give Funaki his yearly televised win.
And at The Rumble...
There was a surprise in the "Smackdown Cruiserweight Invitational" for the Cruiserweight Title, as it was Gregory Helms, of RAW, who invited himself into the match and won the thing, a title he holds right now.
Mickie James pinned Ashley, with Trish making a fair count, although her face told something of a different story.
The Boogeyman defeated JBL in under 2 minutes.
Rey Mysterio won the Royal Rumble match, which in a seemingly bizarre move, was the third last match instead of the main event. This was something of a pinnacle in Rey "remembering" Eddie, coming out in a low-rider, also celebrating with Benoit, Chavo and Dean Malenko in the back.
John Cena regained the WWWE Title by defeating Edge, although things were in no way over...
Kurt Angle beat Mark Henry to retain the World Title. After the match, and the reason why the Rumble was bumped from the main event slot, Undertaker came out on a black chariot (it's was Roman themed, remember?), did some spooky stuff and literally collapsed the ring!
Next Month: Someone gets disrespectful, someone looks to add an M to their collection, someone decides to shiver some timbers and someone decides they want a Title shot at Wrestlemania...
OR, you can find me along with the rest of the dribbling masses on MY OWN MYSPACE PAGE!
Well, I’ll be back soon enough, but for now, I believe I’ve fulfilled my contractual obligations. For reading this, And continuing to support World Wrestling Insanity, you’re cooler than the other side of the pillow…
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