12-22-06

“...and a beer in a tree.”

This week’s column is gonna be a little different than normal.  No, it won’t be as pathetic as last week’s column (I still gotta apologize for that).  No, rather it will focus on my Christmas wishes for others.  Sound lame?  YOU BET!!

Boo-yah, here we go!!

***

Christmas Wish # 1 – James Guttman

So what do you get the guy who’s got everything?  I dunno...but James doesn’t have much so he’d appreciate anything you can send him.  HA!!

Just kidding...kinda...but anyway, my wish is for James to have a spectacularly successful 2007 with both the website and the residuals from his book that inspired it all.  This is a guy who put it all on the line when he left a cushy job at the Torch (yeah..."cushy"...lol) in order to pursue the dream of writing a book that would prevent him from getting any current WWE superstars from doing a Radio Free Insanity.

At least I think that’s his rationale for all this.  I could be a bit off, though.  Don’t quote me.

Seriously...James is one hell of a stand-up guy and I’ve never once questioned my decision to come along for the Insanity ride.  This past year’s been very good for JG and I’m really hoping that things continue along and flourish as the year progresses.

You’re a hell of a guy, JG.  Happy holidays.

Christmas Wish # 2 – Matt Dawgs

I wish nothing but the birth of a healthy, happy baby for the Angry Young Man in the New Year.

Really...that’s it.  I want nothing else for the guy.   I mean, he’s already got a beautiful wife and a job that allows him to write page-upon-page of promos for the Insanity e-Fed while seemingly not doing anything else for a living.  He lives in the coolest city in the world, has appeared on television numerous times thanks to his proposal being filmed for some reality show, and the guy’s got inside contacts within the wrestling industry.  Why in the world would I want to have even MORE in the coming year happen to him?  Does he really need it?

Come to think of it...I think I’d also like to wish that Matt Dawgs could learn something, too...something called time management skills.  Jeez...Club WWI has been up and running for months and I’m still waiting for a Dawgs Audio, not to mention I have no idea when his columns are coming out.  C'mon, Dawgsie...I like your stuff...I want to read more of it. 

Christmas Wish # 3 – CM Punk

There’s nobody else in the world I want to have a title reign in WWE more than this man.  At this point I’m really thinking that he will be involved in an ECW title match at WrestleMania against a heel Bobby Lashley...but that’s purely speculation on my part.  I don’t care if it’s the ECW title, the Intercontinental title, the United States title, or the women's title...okay, maybe not the last one...but Punk deserves a reign of some kind at some point during the year.

From his ECW debut at the Hammerstein to his guest-starring role in the Halloween edition of Ghost Hunters to getting the massive rub from Triple H leading up to and including his Survivor Series appearance to the IWC outrage at his early ouster from the Elimination Chamber at the atrocity that was December to Dismember, Punk has been on a fast-track to superstardom in the WWE empire.  You all know my thoughts on the guy and where I believe he can go...I’m just praying that WWE feels the same way about him in 2007.

Christmas Wish # 4 – TNA

I wish this company some real success.  No, not a 1.3 rating and 40,000 pay-per-view buys...but REAL success. 

Contrary to popular Internet belief, TNA is NOT going through a super-awesome-successful time right now.  They are doing slightly better than they were before Kurt Angle joined the company.  Hell...they are doing slightly better than they were before Vince Russo joined the company.  The problem is that it’s still not very good.  The vast majority of casual wrestling fans don’t know what happened to Kurt Angle.  The vast majority of casual wrestling fans don’t know what the hell TNA even is.  Kent Jones can jaw-jack all he wants about how great TNA is, but if Panda pulls their financial plug then the company is as good as dead...it certainly couldn't be labelled a success at this point.

My fingers are crossed.  As much as I love Ring of Honor, I know that TNA currently has the best chance at being a legitimate #2 promotion and give WWE a run for its money.  At this point, though, it’s a distant #2...and I’m hoping they bridge that gap in 2007.

Christmas Wish # 5 – Bull Buchanan

I don’t really have much to wish Bull other than continued success while in Japan.  I gotta admit that I marked out a bit when I heard Bull enjoyed reading this very column...so I kinda feel obligated to ‘name drop’ just for the sake of it.  It’s not like I get to do that every day...cut me some slack, people.

May the Voodoo Murderers live long and prosper.  You’re living a dream right now working with the likes of Keiji Mutoh...may you and the rest of the Gaijin crew (i.e. D’Lo Brown & Ro-Z) continue to be successful and hopefully we'll all see the promotion grow back into a super-power on the Japanese wrestling scene.

Christmas Wish # 6 – Trish Stratus & Stacy Keibler

Much like TNA, I wish some real success upon both ladies in 2007.  Not just dancing around or posing for pictures, but some real success. 

Keibler is lined-up to have a recurring role on What About Brian, a new ABC "dramedy" and Stratus is going to be a celebrity police officer on some new reality show called Armed and Famous.  Well, here's hoping that they both break-out and get to become mega-celebrities from these outstanding roles.  They're both not only extremely beautiful but have the ability to entertain, as well...something lacking with a lot of these Hollywood toothpicks.

And if they don't become successful...may they both pose for Playboy.

Christmas Wish # 7 – Johnny Nitro & Alex Shelley

May 2007 bring both of you talented individuals the spoils of success.  You have both worked your asses off to enjoy some success in 2006...but there is much left to accomplish.  With each passing week you two get better and better.  The hard work has not gone unnoticed and I can only wish that you both become upper-tier players and household names by the time the year is through.

Christmas Wish # 8 – Mike “Papi” Nicolau

My zWo partner and graphic artist extraordinaire (not to mention the guy wearing a mask at the bottom of my column each and every week)...I wish you a year of happiness and good times.  You’re a great guy and talented as hell. 

Christmas Wish # 9 – Green Lantern Fan & Kent Jones

I wish for the both of you............a life. Not a wrestling-filled life, but a REAL life (I seem to be throwing that word around quite a bit...but it's certainly apt in this case).  Maybe throw in something called “realization”...that way the two of you can realize just how big of a f*cktard you both are.

Seriously, both of you...get a life and move out of your parents’ basements.  There’s no reason to cry about being banned from ROH events (and there’s a damn good reason for that) and there’s no reason to continue to use YouTube as a way to prove to the world just how stupid you can sound (and yet you continue to record yourself sounding ridiculously stupid without a care in the world).

Having said that, however, you both entertained me to know end.  I normally like laughing with people instead of laughing at them, but in both of your cases I’ll make an exception. Thanks for that, I guess.

Christmas Wish # 10 – Rob Conway, Austin Aries, Rene Dupree, & Jimmy Wang Yang

I wish for you...you lovable losers...some type of gimmick that actually works.  Let’s face it...you’re all jobbers in one way or another.  You might get a push here (i.e. Aries) and there (i.e. Yang), but your gimmicks are destined for failure.  Each of you are MUCH more talented than you’re being allowed to display.  I know it, you know it, and your fans know it.

Whether it be in the company you're in now or in a different company sometime during the year, I wish that you all get legitimate opportunities to show the world what you can really do.  You've each earned that much in my book. It's not like you're Snitsky or Heidenreich for Chrissakes.

Christmas Wish # 11 – AJ Styles & Shelton Benjamin

Please please please learn to talk this year.  Seriously...regardless of whether or not you’re a heel or babyface, your eventual success/failure depends on it.  Just take some acting lessons or something.  Learn to speak properly and give a decent promo.  Neither one of you are Umaga so you need to talk if you’re ever going to become the superstars that you each have the potential of becoming.

Christmas Wish # 12 – Britney Spears

F*ck you, Kevin Federline!  You almost ruined her...ALMOST.  My Christmas wish for Britney...nay, my Christmas prayer for Britney...is that she ends up being “hot Britney” again.  Not only that, but I pray that “hot Britney” then meets up with the current “skank Britney” to make a “super hot MILF-y skanky Britney” that we can all enjoy and love.  She'd be like a Fembot from Austin Powers...only more synthetic. 

Sigh...MILF, indeed...just think of the possibilities people!!!

WINNERS OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  Well, this week I wanted to go back and give thanks to each and every reader who has contributed to this column in my Pillar to Post section. I want to make sure that you know that your efforts have not gone un-noticed by me or by those who read the column every week.

Therefore, I’d like to congratulate the following on being Winners of the Week!

Ø      Papi

Ø      TheMaverickMJ

Ø      Tenchi

Ø      chazlo_753 

Ø      Xofdre

Ø      TheGreatWhiteDope

Ø      Johnny Craze

Ø      Wayne Yeager

Ø      Wolfchild

Ø      DarrylTheHitman

Ø      Dark Lord

Ø      KoolBlueCat

Ø      Peter Wilura

Ø      Cups

Ø      Green Teabagger

Ø      Alias Yoshi

Ø      BlackFrancisFan

Ø      Aaron Wood

Ø      gnu World order

Ø      Curse_7781

Ø      MC_U.S.TitleBelt

Ø      Quadruple Tree

Ø      TheNewBlack

Ø      Big O

Ø      Willsbigboy

Ø      Keevel

Ø      Legend Killer

Ø      Kwazi Mbutabe

Ø      the_nWo

Ø      DJ Lunchbox

Ø      liviya

Ø      traceman

Ø      Crabxcore

Ø      Bmartin121490

Ø      Cleatus Cahones

Ø      Sixgun Sloth

Ø      Betty

Ø      Kat_bb3

Ø      ‘Spliffy

Ø      The Aaron

Ø      jtpinhead

Ø      J Bastard

Ø      Cris Johnson

Ø      vinrob

Ø      Seion

Ø      Egge

Ø      kc law

If I’ve forgotten anybody, please let me know.  I think all contributors should be thanked.

Anyhoo, thanks gang.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of your input this year.  It’s nice to know that not only do people actually read my work, but they enjoy it enough to want to participate in it.  That means a lot.  Having said that, I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist next week and in the weeks to come! 

No problem.  Either e-mail me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hit me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and let me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week, let me leave you with a download link to the single greatest Canadian Christmas song in the history of history…

...The 12 Days of Christmas by Bob & Doug McKenzie!!  Trust me...there’s nothin’ like wanting a chainsaw for Christmas and having a beer in a tree.  Of course, there’s always Beer Nog...

Happy holidays, everybody!!

  Just try telling me that Papi doesn't rock...it's just not possible!