Folks, it's the man voted James Couture of The Year for 2006, me, James E. Couture. Now, since it's been a few weeks since I've done a "normal" Profile, I might seem rusty, but don't worry, I'll get myself lubricated fast enough (really, a terrible choice of words). For all you fans of WWE Presents ECW, you'll remember that last year The Big Show reigned as WWE Extreme Champion. But that was not the first time Biggie has gone "hardcore". No, indeed, long ago, The Big Show joined the illustrious ranks of hardcore legends like Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, and Pete Gas. That's right, it's The Big Show as the big Hardcore Champion!

In 2001, The Big Show dind't know if he was coming or going. After being vanquished to OVW (Kentucky: A Fate Worse Than Hell) in late 2000 because the former WWE Champion was too fat and sucky to even be on TV, Big Show somehow "got better" in a few short months and returned at the 2001 Royal Rumble.

"Yeah, man, we always had a good time in OVW. The Pancake Jamborees, the gravy chugging contests...we probably wrestled too."-Mark Henry, "Repeated Leg Injury Home Journal", 2002

In one of the more ridiculous claims I've ever heard, Jim Ross claimed Big Show didn't lose any weight, but rather "repositioned it", most likely from his ass to his gut. Either way, after he returned, he was no longer the top tier star he kind of was for a couple of months. Indeed, Big Show returned just in time to lose a #1 contenders match to The Rock. The WWE Title out of reach, Big Show decided to slum it and pursue the insecure, moderately attractive easy girl of titles, the Hardcore Championship.

"Yes, we loved to throw everyone into the Hardcore Title mix, be it Bob Holly, small Bob Holly, or my gardener's dietician. So feeding them to Big Show seemed like a good way to make those losers seem 'loserier'"-Vince McMahon, "Vince McMahon: The Vince McMahon Story (Foreword by Vince McMahon) WWE Books, 2006

So, at the 2001 No Way Out, Andre the Giant, Jr., took on reigning Hardcore Champion, the always quothabale Raven. What transpired were the three greatest Hardcore Title matches to take place at a No Way Out. During the scheduled matchup, Billy Gunn, along with Steve Blackman, and "Small Bob" Crash Holly, ran out. Billy pulled one out for his legions of fans (or "Mr. Assheads", as he called them), pinning Raven for the tattered gold. But, OH NO!, in the ensuing confusion, Raven reclaimed the belt he lost just moments ago (cue needless replay). It was all for naught, or moreso than the usual Hardcore Title win, as Big Show surprised Malcolm Jamal, er, Raven (wrong Cosby kid) with a massive chokeslam on the titanium (or steel, or possibly cast iron, definitely not that pussy metal aluminum) trash can and claimed the title he so richly settled for.

But The Big Show's reign was not to be compared to Bruno Sammartino, Demolition, or even Ahmed Johnson. No, the reign lasted a scant few weeks, during which he hit people with stuff, and...well, that's pretty much it. Raven regained the title, I believe with an assist from Kane, or not, leading to the classic Triple Threat Match at WrestleMania X-7. But, hey, I've inadvertantly Profiled 4 titles reigns already. Such is the nature of 24/7 rules. Anything can happen! Well, anything except a coherent match.

Well, until WWE launches "WWE: 1887", a full service package a complete with Telegraph updates and exclusive offers for wax figurines, I am, in fact, James E. Couture.

Sorry, no close today.