01-05-07

“...See chameleon lying there in the sun.”

Boo-yah, here we go!!

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Item #1 – Claudio Castagnoli done in WWE before even starting.

WWE has apparently told Castagnoli that they, for whatever reason, want to “back away” on signing him at this time.  Therefore, he is not reporting to Deep South any time soon and will remain with Ring of Honor full-time in a program with ex-partner Chris Hero and new foe Larry Sweeney.

There’s good news and bad news from this situation.  The bad news, obviously, is that not only will Castagnoli not receive a nice little WWE-backed pay-cheque, but WWE fans won’t be able to enjoy his numerous talents over the next little while.  The good news is that this may not be a permanent thing.

The rumor going around is that the “snag” is simply a Visa issue (Castagnoli is originally from Switzerland) that will be worked out sooner rather than later.  Of course, there are also rumors saying that this was a “pre-emptive measure” by WWE and that more firings are coming...suggesting that this wasn’t just a “snag” but was one of many firings to come.

So I guess this may end up as a bad news/bad news scenario, after all...unless you’re an ROH fan.  For Ring of Honor fans, having Castagnoli now working against his Kings of Wrestling tag team partner Chris Hero is going to be just what 2007 needs to kick things off in style.

Personally, I’m hoping that this is just a “snag” and nothing more because Castagnoli has got a lot of potential and I could see him get over with large crowds very easily.  On the other hand, there’s a lot that he needs to learn before becoming a WWE Superstar © so maybe another year or so no the independent circuit wouldn’t be so bad for him.

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Item #2 – Michael Cole in trouble...and I couldn’t be happier.

Okay...here’s the summarized story.  Y’know those “Mr. McMahon & His Ass” cartoons that were on WWE.com for a few weeks?  Well, apparently those are a blatant rip-off of some sitcom that airs during Adult Swim on the Comedy Network called Assy McGee, where the lead character is a police officer who is actually a walking ass that carries a gun. 

Umm...no...I haven’t heard of the show, either. 

Don’t see my joy yet?  Well, Michael Cole was recently made head of WWE.com and, with the help of his staff, came up with this new great idea that focused in on Vince McMahon’s ass.  What’s even better is that Cole actually hired a flash animator to do the cartoons (which McMahon loved, apparently) AND he was in the process of making t-shirts to sell on the website when the shit hit the fan.

What’s more is that the Comedy Network is owned by Turner Broadcasting (hehehe...the irony in that is tremendous) and at least one of the stories about Mr. McMahon's ass was actually blatantly stolen from an episode of Assy McGee so there’s no way WWE.com could deny knowing about the cartoon to begin with.

What this all boils down to is that Cole is reportedly now on Mr. McMahon’s shit list...BIG TIME. Yes, that’s right.  Mr. “I’ll Make Smart-Ass Comments About Canadians Because I’m A Big Wussy F*cktard” claimed that he knew nothing about Assy McGee and had just gotten the idea from one of his staffers.  It’s rumored that he may lose his new ‘Net job over this mess, too.

Yeah, it’s a shame, isn’t it??

Umm...I’ve got no real thoughts on this whole thing.  I just really hate that cocky prick and I wanted to glow in his misery a little bit.

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Item #3 – WWE considering re-hiring Marty Jannetty...again.     

As if the long-running joke couldn’t get any funnier.  There is talk, once more, of making Jannetty a teacher/trainer to help those in the developmental territories of OVW and Deep South.  This, of course, after hiring him back on September 15^th (again) to do that exact same thing only to fire him on September 29^th (again).

Is anybody keeping track of this nonsense?  My real question is what in the blue hell does Marty Jannetty have over Vince McMahon to cause him to be hired repeatedly after f*cking up repeatedly?

Seriously...the guy has been hired/fired at least eight times over the course of his WWF/E career.  Hell, he’s been hired/fired three times in the past 15 months!!  He must absolutely have some type of blackmail going on in order for WWE to come crawling back every single time.

If anybody can explain this to me, I’m all ears.  In the meantime, I think the over/under on Jannetty’s latest employment with WWE (if it happens at all) should be 2 months.  I’ll (obviously) take the under on this one.  Who’s with me??

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Item #4 – John Cena vs. K-Fed.

Ummm...okay.  Let’s just stand back and take a quick look here for a second.  This wasn’t a “match”.  Rather, it was an in-ring storyline involving a celebrity and a wrestler.  From that point of view, it was quite good.  The pace of the match was perfect...K-Fed was booed out of the building but acted in a way that was still entertaining.  Whoever booked the match deserves a raise because it delivered more entertainment than I ever would have imagined.

Many people have been yapping about how bad the match was, but I don't think they're really looking at it in the proper perspective.  Let’s take a brief look at some other high-profile celebrity wrestling moments:

Ø      Andy Kaufman vs. Jerry Lawler is the most famous and Cena/Federline even borrowed aspects of their classic match for their own.

Ø      Mr. T joined Hulk Hogan in battling the evil forces of Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff at WrestleMania I.

Ø      NFL football players like William “Refrigerator” Perry and Russ Francis took part in a battle royal at WrestleMania II.

Ø      NFL football great Lawrence Taylor faced, and defeated, Bam Bam Bigelow in the main event (!!) of WrestleMania XI.

Ø      NFL football players Steve McMichael and Kevin Greene debuted at WCW’s Great American Bash in 1996 to take on Ric Flair and Arn Anderson.

Ø      Mike Tyson was a “special enforcer” during a main event match between Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin at WrestleMania XIV.

Ø      Dennis Rodman wrestled alongside Hulk Hogan to take on Lex Luger and the Giant.

Ø      Pete Rose was decimated by Kane and given a stink-face by Rikishi on different occasions between 1998 and 2000.

Ø      Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins took a guitar and smashed it over the head of Lou E. Dangerously.

Ø      Rodman again wrestled alongside Hogan in 1998...this time to take on Dallas Page and fellow basketball player Karl Malone.

Ø      Drew Carey briefly appeared in 2001’s Royal Rumble.

Look...I could go on and on.  The bottom line is that when you look at the numerous appearances of celebrities in professional wrestling, Kevin Federline’s should be ranked somewhere in the middle.  It certainly wasn’t an in-ring effort like LT’s, but it wasn’t the stinkfest that was Pete Rose for three straight years.

While I’m somewhere near the front of the K-Fed hater line, I have to give credit where it’s due.  He’s certainly no wrestler, but he’s a sports entertainer now...and you’re going to have to get used to it.

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Item #5 – If only it were true...

True brilliance, Mike.  I’ll start smoking again just so I can quit again in the name of Ron Killings’ silence. 

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Item #6 – New Year’s Revolution Predictions

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Umaga~!

Ø      Y’know, in my heart I really want Cena to lose.  I think he’s a much better challenger than he is a champion.  However, he’s riding a wave of popularity I haven’t seen in quite some time.  The boos have subsided for the most part and people seem to be all about the marine wannabe.  The match itself will be all about pacing.  Umaga~! will carry the match and keep it at a slower pace so that he’ll come off as dominant and methodical and Cena can at least try to have a decent match with somebody other than Edge.

Ø      WINNER: Unfortunately, my head outweighs my heart on this one.  Cena takes it and hands Umaga~! his “first” loss.

Degeneration-X vs. World tag team champions Rated RKO

Ø      Even though DX completely bored a live audience to tears with their in-ring promos last week, I expect an extremely hot crowd reaction for this match.  I think this has the potential to be the best match of the night and, if given enough time, could be ****.  Although considering how these four guys see where the wrestling business should be these days, this could end up being a 20-minute snoozefest.

Ø      WINNER: Please...do you really think DX is going to lose on PPV?  They absolutely should, but they probably won’t.

Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro – Steel Cage Match

Ø      By default, this should be the match of the night.  By default, this should be **** easily.  By default, Nitro will carry Hardy to a very entertaining spotfest-filled cage match. 

Ø      WINNER: I am absolutely praying that Nitro take the title that he rightfully deserves.  Hardy needs to drift away to SmackDown to team with his brother and leave the IC title to talented wrestlers who can actually wrestle.  However...I fear Hardy’s getting the nod on this one.

Women’s Champion Mickie James vs. Victoria

Ø      I’m no huge fan of women’s wrestling, but I do enjoy a good match between two women who can actually wrestle.  Thankfully, this is one of those times and should entertain.

Ø      WINNER: Victoria’s push has been of monster-sized proportions.  She simply has to win to continue the momentum.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

Ø      Isn’t Flair dead yet?

Ø      WINNER: Dykstra continues his dominance over a very old man.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Ø      Mr. Bland Offense vs. Mr. Boring Offense.  What can these two possibly do to make their match even slightly interesting?  That’s right...don’t show up.

Ø      WINNER: I don’t even care, really.  Masters deserves a new push but Carlito’s got Torrie by his side so who the hell really knows what’s on WWE’s mind?  I’ll go with Carlito simply because he’s cool and all.

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Item # 7 – LOSER OF THE WEEK.

Each and every week, I pick somebody (not necessarily always from wrestling) who has either acted in a dumb way, said something stupid, or generally was an idiot in some way, shape, or form.  This week wasn’t tough at all.  Any chance during 2007 to call this guy a loser will be alright by me. I’ve disliked him for years and hated him for months.  Hell...I even challenged him to a fight a few months ago.  Well, with what happened to him over the holidays it was really quite an obvious decision that the first choice of 2007 for ZAH’s Loser of the Week should be...

Michael Cole!!!

There’s no reason other than the whole Assy McGee fall-out.  That, in and of itself, should be more than enough for this ditchpig to be called a loser.  I mean, it’s an ongoing thing...he’s a guy who thinks he’s better than what he really is and for once his arrogance came to bite him in the ass. 

Therefore, for simply being a cocky, whiny, frosty-topped little know-it-all bitch, congrats to Michael Cole on being my Loser of the Week!

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Pillar to Post 

Each and every week I’ll take three statements that you, the WorldWrestlingInsanity.com readers, have submitted on the hot topics du jour and then get two or three volunteers to give their thoughts and insight.  Ladies and gentlemen, this week (and I encourage every reader to throw me an e-mail and volunteer), I was able to find three great World Wrestling Insanity readers in Naeem920, Ben Stonewall, and Egge!

1. Agree or Disagree
Umaga~! should be the next WWE champion.

Naeem920: Disagree.

I would have said agree had it not been for the timing. Because WrestleMania is around the corner, the WWE is gonna push all the popular stars to the high positions so I’m sorry Umaga you got no chance in hell. I predict a loss for the Samoan Bulldozer at NYR but I personally don’t mind. As a business move it smart on McMahon’s behalf because simply put can you imagine Umaga on a PPV promotion poster? Who the hell’s gonna buy that? People wanna see the cool lookin’ dude in an awesome pose with a slick background not some ugly fat guy with face paint screaming gibberish at them. Especially not around ‘Mania time. Will Umaga be the next WWE Champion? No. Will he ever be the champ? You can bet your bottom dollar on it. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets to hold the strap by the end of the year.

Ben Stonewall: DISAGREE.

There are a few reasons. One, he's got no mike skill. Being able to scream random sentence fragments followed by "Samoa" is not mike skill. Granted Armando Alejandro Estrada does sort of take care of this, but Umaga is just not an interesting character. He's not the least bit marketable, and he really doesn't have a whole lot of in-ring ability. Umaga is nothing but a mid-card character. He can work a few main events here or there, but he's just not compelling enough of a character to be a World Champion. So there really is no reason to give him the WWE Championship. I don't like John Cena, but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt here, he is a much better champion than Umaga.

Egge: Undecided

I still don't like Umaga~!. I don't like his push, I don't like the way they push him. Without Estrada he would still be no one.

BUT he plays his gimmick very well. The way he is pushed leads to the title, no doubt about that and if WWE does not f*ck it up he can be a good champ with his manager. But I don't want to see it; a champ who cannot talk is worthless in my eyes.

2. Agree or Disagree
Kevin Federline is $$money$$ in WWE.

Naeem920: Agree.

K-Fed has shown me in his 3 or 4 appearances on Raw that he is something special. As sad as it may sound, the truth is that K-Fed is better than half the heels the WWE has to offer today. He gets genuine heat from the fans regardless of where they are and that can only be a good thing. Sure he has no chance in hell of being a wrestler but as an on air personality that makes occasional appearances he is money. He is an entertainer by profession and nowadays that’s the most important thing in the WWE. If you can talk the talk, people don’t care as much if you can’t walk the walk. His mic skills are excellent and there really is no need for character buildup because the whole world knows who he is so far. I am looking forward to seeing how the WWE-K-Fed relationship evolves.

Ben Stonewall: Sort of both.

He did what he was brought in to do. He brought some mainstream attention to WWE. He's not going to turn the fortunes of the company around or anything. I have to admit, it was fun seeing Cena kick him around. He also did I good job in helping build the Umaga vs. Cena feud. Maybe he could be a manager or something, I mean, he's good at getting heel heat.

Egge: Agree.

Absolutely yes. K-Fed is a more hated heel than half of the RAW roster, sells the moves, and it seems as if he wants to be part of WWE and wrestling itself. The crowd reacts the way they are expected to and he entertains.

I think they should try to hire him as a manager to some OVW talent for a limited time, because I could not stand K-Fed every week from now on the next years.

3. Agree or Disagree
Ring of Honor should not continue to keep titles on talent who are also under TNA contract.

Naeem920: Disagree.

If you deserve the title, then you should get it regardless of your race, religion, sex or what company you are signed with. Yea ROH fans might get ticked off when their champ gets treated like a chump in TNA but wouldn’t they get ticked if Homicide puts on damn great matches all the time in ROH but never gets to hold the title? Hell even Homicide would get ticked at ROH for not giving him the title after he busts his ass for it every time he goes in the ring. Now he doesn’t get ticked at TNA for not holding their title because TNA doesn’t treat him like championship material. But if in ROH he puts on spectacular matches worthy of a champion then he should be the champion.

Ben Stonewall: Agree.

Ring of Honor has to do what they feel is best for their company. I can understand it; I mean, TNA has had a habit of trying to get their wrestlers to cancel indy and ROH dates in favor of their television tapings and PPVs. What happens if you hype a title match then TNA strong-arms the wrestler at the last minute? That puts everyone involved in a very delicate position. I think they are smart to keep their titles on wrestlers they know they can put a long term investment in.

Egge: Agree.

The problem here is that those workers are talented and can help ROH. But if your champ works for another promotion and is not there for a title defense you've got a problem. On the other hand it brings viewers to your product if you have Samoa Joe or AJ Styles performing for you.

I think the problem is a TNA problem; they should start signing their workers to written contracts which binds them to TNA and ONLY to TNA.

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Great job everybody, thanks!!  I’m looking forward to seeing who gets to join me as a guest columnist next week. 

No problem.  Seriously...it’s not a problem at all.  It’s a whole new year and my waiting list is sitting at one so NOW is the time for you to participate.  Really...RIGHT NOW!!  You can let me know either by e-mailing me at Zah@worldwrestlinginsanity.com or hitting me up at ZAH Nation, found in the Insanity Message Board and letting me know that you’d like to participate.  Also, don’t forget to stop by my MySpace page and add me.

So until next week…

L8R