Canadian Bulldog's Breaking News: Virgil "A Lock" For 2007 WWE Hall of Fame, Virgil Says
By Canadian Bulldog
Above: Virgil, imagining how he would deliver his acceptance speech.
By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News
(Cleveland, OH) - Virgil, best known as the bodyguard to "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase during the 1980's in World Wrestling Entertainment, is "a lock" to be added to the company's Hall of Fame this year, according to Virgil.
"This is the year I become a genuine Hall of Famer," declared Virgil, sitting on a bar stool at Dougie's, a local watering hole he sometimes frequents, and on weekends, buses tables at. "I can just sense it!"
While Virgil's resume may not measure up to past inductees such as Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant and Harley Race, he nonetheless feels his credentials are solid.
When asked to compare his accomplishments with those of contemporaries such as Bret "Hitman" Hart and Rowdy Roddy Piper, Virgil scoffed. "None of those guys can call themselves a former Million Dollar Champion!" he said. "Well, technically, neither can I, but that's just because of WWE's stupid lawyers."
Still, Virgil says WWE "just has" to recognize him for his contributions to sports entertainment. These include his run as a second for DiBiase, in which he developed his patented sneer while standing menacingly in the corner; his faux "boxer" gimmick (later modified to be a faux boxer wearing a faceguard); a run in WCW with the original new World order as Vincent; a brief gimmick as Vince Russo crony Shane; and a stint with the West Texas Rednecks stable as Curly Bill.
"Don't forget my time in the XWF," Virgil added. "It's not like they were going to allow any primadonnas into that company. Because their motto was 'No Primadonnas Allowed!'. Remember?"
When asked for an autograph by a drunken patron at Dougie's that mistook him for ECW Champion Bobby Lashley, Virgil became belligerent and shouted at the fan "Don't you know who I am? I'm Virgil, damnit! Maybe you'll remember my name after (WWE Chairman) Vince McMahon puts me in the Hall of Fame this year!"
Virgil added that, despite McMahon not hiring him back after he purchased rival organization WCW in 2001 (where Virgil portrayed characters that mimicked Vince and his son), the two remain close friends, and the Chairman has been trying to persuade Virgil to return to WWE for several years now.
"I keep telling Mr. McMah… I mean, Vince, 'Look, it's time for the younger guys to shine – I've had enough time in the spotlight'," Virgil explained as he polished off another rum and Coke. "Am I still in peak physical condition? Absolutely. Could I wrestle circles around those other punks? Sure. Am I more talented than 90 percent of the guys who call themselves 'WWE superstars'? You know it."
"But the thing is that… uh… what was I talking about?"
Virgil's predictions for the 2007 WWE Hall of Fame (left to right): Chyna, Virgil, Outback Jack, The Bushwhackers. Not pictured: Tugboat, Frenchy Martin.
Once he came to, Virgil added that he would like DiBiase, his former traveling partner and one-time Radio Free Insanity guest, to induct him when -- not if -- he is inducted this year.
"For once, it will be DiBiase being nice to ME!" laughed Virgil to no one in particular. "Now, that will be sweet."
Virgil added he wasn't sure whether he would "stick around" for WrestleMania, traditionally held the day after the Hall of Fame induction ceremonies.
"Look - between commitments to wrestle overseas, endorsement opportunities and just taking time for Virgil, I'm quite a busy guy these days," Virgil said between shots of Jagermeister. "Not that I have a family, but if I did, I would barely have time for them because of my hectic schedule."
Virgil also said that his appearance at said Hall of Fame ceremony would help a new generation of fans become acquainted with Virgil.
"This is just the beginning – Virgil T-Shirts, Virgil action figures, Virgil DVD's, the whole nine yards," Virgil claimed. "Now excuse me for a second; I have to puke."
Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com
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