Orlando, Florida-Spurred by sluggish ratings, Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (TNA) management recently commissioned a focus group of TNA fans in order to improve their weekly Impact program.  The results were astounding and according to a high level TNA official, completely unexpected.

While some of the results were expected such as fans’ wish to see Jeff Jarrett disemboweled and their desire to see Impact expand from one hour to two; TNA officials were shocked when fans pointed to the disturbing number of morbidly obese women at ringside as their biggest complaint about the show.  A veteran fan said “I haven’t seen so many sagging boobs since the days of Front Row Section D”.

With continuing pressure from Spike TV and Panda Energy to increase the ratings of its flagship show, TNA is taking the fans’ concerns seriously.  Given America’s obesity epidemic though, solutions are not easy to come by.  “It’s not something that’s going to change overnight” a TNA official stated on condition of anonymity “While the departure of Jeff Hardy from TNA has certainly helped, Kevin Nash’ recent push on the other hand, is not making things any easier.”

On the surface, it seems like an easy problem to fix-just move them out of the floor and into the bleachers.  Not the case though.  TNA officials tried just such a move six months ago and the results were disastrous.  After moving the big-boned fans to the bleachers, an engineer noticed structural damage caused by the move.

“I haven’t heard that much creaking since Terry Funk worked for TNA” Todd Silverman, a building inspector said.  “If that engineer hadn’t spotted the problem, the bleacher section would have collapsed causing who knows what kind of injuries and damage”

Things are reportedly so bad that TNA has considered ideas which on their face, are patently absurd.  According to one source, Vince Russo suggested signing Mike Awesome to a long-term contract wherein he would redo his “Fat Chick Thriller” gimmick.  When that idea was nixed, he reportedly suggested bringing in former WWF star Skinner to catch the chubby chicks and release them back into the general population. 

“The bottom line is that there are no quick-fix solutions.  We can’t afford to alienate a large (no pun intended) portion of our arena audience but the home viewers are much more important” another source in TNA commented.